Essence
by VyxenSkye
Summary: There are many words that encompass the relationship that they have, but only one constant; they will never leave each other. A word of the week series, warnings in chapters, but mostly K/S.
1. Dual, Lip, March

Essence

By: Hitokiri Musei

Rated: T

Summary: There are many words that encompass the relationship that they have, but only one constant; they will never leave each other. A word of the week series, warnings in chapters, but mostly K/S.

Alright, since I can't seem to write anything substantial, I've decided to start doing this because it's a good way to give myself a writing outlet and get you guys some stuff from me. I've been wanting to/working on write/writing Star Trek fics for a while now, but I can't seem to get them far enough for posting, and I don't want to leave you guys hanging for too long while I try to pull my muse out from under my bed (its where he likes to hide when he's run out of ideas…)

I got the title for this story from a random word generator, just the first one that popped up (quite good too, I like it!) and that's what I'll be doing. Just every week (most likely Saturday or Sunday) I'll load up a word generator and write something based on the first word I get, no matter how weird. Some may be related, most probably won't, and some will be longer, others shorter. I'll try to post some of the shorter ones together, but I might not be able to, I am a working college student after all.

Ginormous introduction is ginormous …. Onward!

K/S romance in these three, that's really it. A bit of artistic license in the first one.

I don't own Star Trek. I cry.

* * *

1

Dual

_of, pertaining to, or noting two; composed or consisting of two people, items, parts, etc., together; twofold; double_

It was a strange feeling, Jim thought absently.

Lying in the dark of his quarters he stared up at the ceiling, one hand absently moving over his chest and abdomen. His eyes were closed so he could focus all his attention on the feeling in his torso, his breathing quiet and even.

A moment later there was an extremely warm hand gliding across his hip and then up to his hand, fingers gliding over the back of his hand before slipping between his own and grasping tight. Jim allowed his eyes to open in the dark of the room, turning his head to meet bottomless brown eyes watching him silently.

A smile spread across his face, and Jim turned his hand over, intertwining their fingers. "Good morning."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not believe that statement is accurate, as it is 2300 hours at the current time."

Jim chuckled softly. "You and your accuracy. You can't expect me to remember what time it is after what we did. I can hardly remember how we got here at the moment."

Again another raised eyebrow, but this time Spock said nothing. He was quiet for a few moments, and then his fingers trailed absently over Jim's chest, tracing the lines of his ribs. "What is it that you find so strange, Jim? I cannot seem to discover this from your thoughts."

"This." Jim replied, slipping his hand from Spock's and shifting the Vulcan's hand to press his palm over his chest. He was quiet, not saying anything, and then he smiled slightly. "Can you feel it?"

Spock tilted his head slightly before levering himself up on one elbow so he could lean over Jim and meet his eyes. "I feel your heart beating, t'hy'la. I fail to see what is so strange about this."

Jim sighed and rolled his eyes. "I can feel my heart, and I can feel yours." He shifted Spock's hand down slightly, laying it where a Vulcan heart would be, pressed against his side.

Spock blinked and then a faint smile twitched at his lips. "We are bonded now, Jim, you will be able to feel my presence. This is quite normal."

"Oh." Jim murmured. "It's still kind of weird, having two heartbeats. It's not as… loud as my own, but I can still feel it. Will I be able to feel it all the time?"

"I do not believe so. Perhaps only in close proximity, but I truly do not know. I have never spoken to my parents about a bonding, nor have I ever encountered this phenomenon in my studies. I had not expected it to occur at all."

Jim laughed softly and leaned up to drop a kiss on Spock's nose. The Vulcan blinked at the action, but didn't withdraw. "I suppose I could get used to have dual heartbeats. Love you, Spock."

The Vulcan smiled slightly. "As I love thee, t'hy'la."

* * *

2

Lip

_Usually, __**lips.**__these parts as organs of speech_

Spock found that out of all of Jim's features, he had a particular attraction to his lips. Jim was very attractive all over, of course, but those lips were his favorite parts. He loved to watch Jim talk; eat, anything, if only to watch those beautiful lips move in whatever particular activity he happened to be a part of.

Full, pink, and delicious looking, Spock could look at Jim's lips all day if time would allow it. Some part of Jim had to have known it as well, because he took advantage of it all the time. Since they had become a pair Spock had never observed Jim lick his lips as often as he did now. The action left them moist and begging for his attention and had he been anything less than the Vulcan that he was, he may have been unable to resist.

It made his blood burn with arousal when they were alone in their quarters to watch those gorgeous lips, to taste them and tease them. Jim made the most interesting sounds when he sucked his bottom lip between his own, and those lips were so very talented when Jim put them to use.

Spock closed his eyes, and his mind easily conjured up the image of Jim, lying pliant beneath him, arching and moaning, those beautiful lips kiss-swollen, moist, and parted, shuddering in pleasure. Jim, blue eyes gleaming from underneath half-lowered lids, lips wrapped around him, his throat vibrating around his manhood while his fingers danced over his thighs.

There was a shiver somewhere in his thoughts, and he opened his eyes, turning slightly to see Jim slumped in the captain's chair, his eyes closed and gorgeous lips parted faintly, shuddering as Jim sucked in shaky breaths. Spock raised an eyebrow, and then he realized that Jim had been listening to his thoughts through their bond.

Jim's eyes were positively glowing when they slid open and met his, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. "Sulu."

The helmsman turned slightly, blinking when he saw their Captain. "Yes, sir?"

"Take the conn."

He needed to say no more; Sulu's eyes glimmered as he recognized the look on Jim's face. "Of course, Captain."

Uhura's voice followed them out of the bridge. "Have fun!"

In their quarters, Spock made sure to show Jim just how much he worshipped him, and how very… _fascinating _he found his lips…

* * *

_Oh, this one was fun… I like Chris Pine's __lips, can you tell? –shivers-_

* * *

3

March

_the third month of the year, containing 31 days_

Spock blinked in surprise as Jim came positively _bouncing_ into their quarters, a wide smile on his face and a glimmer in his bright blue eyes. The Vulcan raised an eyebrow as he looked up from his lute, his hands stilling on the instrument before he placed it to the side.

Jim came closed, dropping down on the sofa beside his bondmate and grinning at him. "Do you know what today is?"

The Vulcan blinked. "Today is the 12th of March, by the Terran calendar. I assume that is the date that you were requesting?"

A sigh escaped Jim's throat. "That's not what I meant. I know what the date is; I want to know what today means! You know, right?"

Spock didn't say anything for a moment, and then shook his head slightly. "I am afraid that I do not know to what you are referring, Jim."

"It's our anniversary!" Jim said exasperatedly, a pout on his full lips. "I thought you'd know that."

"It has only been a month since we established the bond according to Vulcan customs." Spock replied, his eyebrows twitching together for a moment before resuming their neutral position.

Jim nodded. "Yea, but it's been a year since we told each other how we felt." A snarky grin traveled across the man's face, and he shifted, getting on his knees on the sofa and slinging a leg over Spock's lap and wrapping his arms around Spock's neck. The Vulcan responded by winding an arm around Jim's slender waist, looking up into the blond's face as he grinned down at him. "Since the day we first kissed…"

Spock couldn't restrain the shiver as Jim's full lips glided across his own, and his fingers slipped beneath Jim's shirt, dancing across the cool skin of the small of his back. "I would assume by your actions that you take this day to be a special occasion."

Jim's smile was filled with seduction. "Oh yes, Mr. Spock, a very _special_ occasion indeed…"

"Perhaps I shall have to remember the significance of March from now on, Captain." Spock purred in response.

There was no response except for the cool, electrifying feel of Jim's body against his own.


	2. Flame, Aged, Bet

Okay, so it's been like... a day. I got excited. Let's say that I'll update this a minimum of once a week, perhaps more if I get more enthusiastic. That's a better promise! ;)

Alright, warnings for this bit... just more K/S, really. Hope you guys still like it! I'll try to make the next one a longer one, the word prompt is looking quite... fun. (look forward to some hurt!Jim!)

* * *

4

Flame

_burning gas or vapor, as from wood or coal, that is undergoing combustion; a portion of ignited gas or vapor._

If there was anything that Jim compared Spock to, it was flame. The Vulcan was hot like fire in temperature (and aesthetics, as far as Jim was concerned) and he smelled of heat and sand, like the desert planet that he came from. He thrived in the warmth, was at home there, and Jim loved to bask in that heat.

Not only that, but his personality was rather like fire as well. Spock could be fiery and dangerous, his dark eyes gleaming with power when he needed to be. Jim remembered back to that fight on the bridge, when Spock's eyes had been full of flame, burning down at him with a rage that he had never seen before. He supposed that was the first thing that attracted him to Spock; that unquenchable flame that burned within him.

But Spock wasn't just the powerful, dangerous type of fire; he could be warm and comforting. Being with Spock felt like being safe, protected and warm in the Vulcan's embrace. Jim had never felt more at ease than he did being cradled in Spock's heated arms, pressed against his lean body.

Spock was like a light in the darkness, keeping Jim on the right path, and making sure that he never strayed from it. The Vulcan kept him in line, both as a First Officer and as a bondmate.

And Jim loved his fiery Vulcan with all his heart.

* * *

5

Aged

_having lived or existed long; of advanced age, old; brought to maturity or mellowness,_

"Spock?"

"Yes, t'hy'la?"

Jim shifted slightly where he sat in his armchair, his blue eyes peering out from behind the thin-rimmed glasses that were perched on his nose. "Am I…" he paused, frowning as his eyebrows twitched together.

Spock couldn't help but smile softly, something that he had learned to allow himself in the many years that he and Jim had been together. "My Jim…" He pushed himself to his feet, bending his old knees onto the ottoman in front of his bondmate and taking his hands in his. "No matter how many years pass, you will always be beautiful to me."

A smile spread across Jim's aged face, and Spock had to pause and admire the visage of his bondmate.

They had been together for 45 years now, and yet Spock never found himself any less attracted to the man that he had chosen to be with. Jim's hair was more silver than gold now, his hands were stiff and wrinkled, and laugh lines gathered at the corners of his still brilliant eyes, but he had not lost any of the beauty and intelligence that had first brought Spock after him.

Their hands glided together, and their fingers touched in a Vulcan kiss, sending a familiar tremor through Jim's body. His smile was still like sunshine, and Spock reached to gently stroke his lined face. "I will always love you, my t'hy'la, and that will never change."

* * *

6

Bet

_to wager with (something or someone)_

The first time that Jim noticed something was up was the day after he and Spock had their first after-shift chess match. Their shifts had ended at the same time, and Jim had turned to Spock, asking him if he'd like to join him in his quarters. Spock had nodded, and, knowing what Jim was asking for, as they'd discussed it earlier that day, had replied by saying "That would be agreeable, Captain."

Neither of them had noticed the looks exchanged on the bridge as they had left, but the next morning… Jim sure noticed those looks.

There had been grins and looks traded, and what seemed to be something passing hands as the crew passed each other. Jim watched them all with interest from the Captain's chair, his blue eyes calculating as he watched the members of his crew. Spock didn't seem to be paying any attention to them, watching his station with a single-minded intensity that only a Vulcan could have.

Jim put it out of his mind after that first day, but the next week, when he again invited Spock to his quarters for a game of chess, the next morning brought the same reactions. This time Jim forcefully ignored it, though he was intensely curious as to what was going on.

However, when it happened for a third week in a row, Jim finally reached his limit. As Uhura eyed him with a smirk on his face and Sulu and Chekov swapped something in their hands, he finally cracked. "Alright, what's going on?"

Innocent eyes were directed toward him, and he folded his arms over his chest, staring down his crew with ominous blue eyes. "I'm serious, what is it that you've all been conspiring about for the last three weeks?"  
"Nothing, Captain." Sulu said, his voice only just within the realms of seriousness, though Jim could see the laughter in his eyes.

Jim raised an eyebrow. "Yea, like I believe that. You've all been giggling amongst each other and passing looks and something else around, and I want to know what's going on, since I appear to be the only one left out."

"Oh, ve haven't told Commander Spock either, sir!" Chekov piped up, and then smacked a hand over his mouth as soon as Sulu gave him a look. The young Ensign shrank under Jim's gaze, and then began stuttering. "It vas just a friendly bet…"

Again Jim raised an eyebrow. "A bet? About what?"

Uhura's voice cut them off. "Oh, I'll just tell him. We were betting about how long it would take for you two to start meeting up after shift. We just didn't expect it to be so regular."

Spock finally entered the conversation. "'Start meeting up after shift?' I am afraid that I am confused as to your meaning, Lieutenant."

"Oh come on, everyone knows you two hooked up!" she said in response. "Even I expected it, especially after we broke up!"

Jim suddenly realized, and his jaw dropped open. "Hook—you guys think that Spock and I are _sleeping together_?.! What gave you that idea?.!"

Silence on the bridge.

"You mean… that's not what you've been doing every week?" Sulu asked slowly, his eyes flickering away from Jim's as the blond looked at him.

"The Captain and I have been playing chess in his quarters every week after our shifts." Spock said stiffly, his eyes meeting Jim's briefly before traveling around the bridge.

Jim nodded sharply. "Chess, and nothing more! I don't even know where you guys got this idea!"

And yet, two weeks later on their weekly chess night, Jim had to admit that it hadn't been a bad idea, and one that he had to congratulate the crew on, especially when Spock pressed him harder against the wall, his mouth hot against Jim's neck.

Not a bad idea at all.


	3. Knife

Alright, I kept with my week! (barely...) My computer tried to die, so I had to beat him back into shape, you people should be glad that I did! This shot is much longer (obviously) and I hope to your liking.

Warnings: some OC action I suppose, stretched medical facts (-cough- FAKE -cough-) hurt!Jim, and cheesy ending. Hope you guys enjoy it!

* * *

7

Knife

"Any contact… from the ship?"

"Negative. Please refrain from speaking, Jim. Save your strength."

Spock's voice was tense and serious, more so than usual, and Jim turned his eyes up towards the Vulcan in the dim light, watching as he opened the communicator, trying once again to get a response from the ship.

"Spock to _Enterprise_."

Nothing but static answered him, and the Vulcan lowered the device, returning his hand to Jim's abdomen to press at the wadded cloths clustered there, careful not to disturb the knife still buried in Jim's stomach. Jim groaned softly as Spock added pressure, but didn't try to push him away.

The bloody hole in Jim's abdomen had been bleeding steadily for a half an hour, and Spock calculated he had maybe 15 minutes left before he bled out. He had managed to hold off serious shock for this long, but it was only a matter of time before Jim started to slip under. Already his face was deathly pale, lips blending with the paper white of his skin, his body wet with sweat that gleamed faintly in the thin strips of light.

It had seemed like a normal away mission, at first. There had been signs of life on the planet, rather primitive humanoids similar to the humans of Earth long ago, and it had been simple enough to beam down away from their populations in order to study the minerals that they had scanned from the _Enterprise. _There seemed to be no other significant troubles with the planet, just some seismic activity periodically, but nothing extensive enough to cause fear. The planet was also slightly cooler than most of them were used to; all of the team was wearing jackets to protect against the weather.

The away team had consisted of Jim, Spock, two ensigns from the Science department, and one security officer. Spock had initially questioned the need to have Jim on the surface, but the blond had insisted, saying that he needed a chance to stretch his legs. Jim always wanted to be on the away teams, so Spock should have expected it.

The weather on the planet had been wonderful, and the Science officers had begun their examinations with smiles on their faces and calm around them. Jim had wandered around the group, not wandering far away after Spock gave him a look when he'd started to get too far from the others.

A shout had alerted them all, and Spock had been slightly surprised to find that they had miscalculated; there was a population of humanoids here, hidden from sensors until they emerged from the caves in the rock of the planet, which must have been full of enough minerals to block their sensors' accuracy. One had leapt out at Jim, hitting him hard in the back and taking him down with a shout.

The security officer had drawn his phaser and run forward, but Jim had been struggling with the man, preventing anyone from taking a shot for fear of hitting him. At that moment a few other men had burst from the mountains, and a fight had ensued. The female science officer had managed to contact the _Enterprise _among the battle, and they had been just about ready for beam out when the unexpected happened.

Jim, who had been struggling with what appeared to be the leader, called out Spock's name. The Vulcan had turned after disabling his opponent with a well placed nerve pinch, ready to assist his captain so the _Enterprise _could get a lock on them for beam out. He had turned in time to see Jim's eyes fly wide, a choked gasp escaping his mouth as the man in front of him hit him hard in the abdomen.

The humanoid stepped backwards, and Spock felt a tinge of terror in his abdomen as he saw the knife that was embedded in Jim's abdomen. The blond's hand hovered over the hilt of the knife, as though he wanted to pull it out, and he stumbled back a step.

That step turned out to be what changed the entire situation into a life-threatening one. The ground beneath Jim's feet crumbled and Spock's last sight of him was of his wide blue eyes before he disappeared over the precipice.

"Jim!" Spock couldn't stop the shout coming from his lips and he ran forward, quickly disabling the primitive humanoid and looking over the edge to try and spot Jim. There was no sign of him, only a slim sort of chute just below the surface of the ground.

Snapping open his communicator, Spock spoke into it as he moved himself to follow Jim down into the rocks. "_Enterprise_, beam out Ensigns Roberts and Jude as well as Security Officer Grand. I must follow the Captain and locate him. I will contact you when I have found him."

"_Understood Mr. Spock."_

The chute appeared to be some kind of natural tunnel that the natives no doubt used to travel beneath the rock. Spock skidded through them with an awkward sort of roughness, landing heavily on his feet when he reached the end of the tube, looking around instantly for his captain.

He spotted Jim lying nearby, curled up on his side and completely still. The Vulcan moved forward quickly, carefully rolling Jim onto his back. The blond groaned heavily as he did so, and Spock was gratified to see that Jim was still conscious; this would help greatly in holding off shock and keeping him alive longer.

Not a moment after that the ground shook beneath them, and Spock threw himself over Jim as the rock above them rained down. The light nearly went out, leaving only slivers of enough to see by. Spock looked up from where he formed a solid, protective bridge over Jim's curled body, frowning as he saw that there was no way they would be able to get back up to the surface the way that they had come down. They would have to find another way out.

Sitting back, the Vulcan scanned the dimly lit cavern to try and find a way out of the rock. There appeared to be no obvious exit, and though Spock was loathe to leave Jim, he wanted to see if there was a way to get to the surface. He might be able to modify the communicator eventually, but he didn't want to wait that long, fearing Jim's injury becoming worse or his going into shock.

Spock moved away from Jim, careful not to jostle him before turning his eyes to the grisly wound in his abdomen. The knife had pierced his side, and it seemed to have avoided any major organs, but there was a still a lot of blood. Removing the light jacket that he was wearing he lay it on the ground beside Jim, then hastily ripping off his blue science tunic and folding it, pressing it around the knife to try and stop some of the bleeding.

Jim flinched as the Vulcan's slender hands put pressure on his abdomen, clenching his eyes shut and tensing. "Have to contact the ship…" he forced out, his eyes slitting open and focusing on Spock.

"I am afraid that may be impossible beneath the rock of this planet; if the ship's sensors could not penetrate it, I am unsure that the communicators will be able to." Spock murmured softly as he worked to stem the bleeding. "Please refrain from moving for the time being, I will return shortly."

"Where…?" Jim asked, his voice breathy and sounding slightly afraid.

Spock briefly passed the pads of his fingers across Jim's sweaty forehead, sending calming feelings through him. "I am merely going to attempt to locate an exit, Jim. I will not go far, nor be gone long."

The blond nodded faintly, but Spock could sense those blue eyes following him as he moved through the cavern, trying to find any sign of an exit. There were more chutes at the other end of the cave, but they seemed to travel deeper into the rock, not where Spock wanted to go. He found what seemed to be a way out near the chute that they had entered from, but the earlier tremor had buried it beneath the rocks. The Vulcan reached for the phaser that would be at his belt, but came up empty handed; he had lost it above ground. He knew without needing to look that Jim didn't have his either; he could recall seeing it knocked aside during the struggle with the native man.

Feeling a little useless, Spock moved back to Jim's side, meeting his captain's eyes before kneeling beside him.

"Anything?" Jim breathed, his skin already soaked with sweat.

Spock shook his head. "No." He pulled his communicator into his hands, beginning to tinker with it in an attempt to modify the circuits to pierce the rock above them. "It is logical to remain here; this is no doubt where they will look for us."

Jim nodded faintly, closing his eyes briefly before sighing. He had one hand pressing the cloth to his stomach, but Spock could already see the blue darkening from Jim's blood, and there was a pool spreading beneath him. Jim's bronze skin was paling rapidly, and his pupils were dilated already.

Time passed far too quickly for Spock's liking, and Jim's time dwindled to 10 minutes, in Spock's estimate. Spock had one hand pressed over Jim's, but both of their hands were soaked in blood, warm and sticky. Jim's skin was far too cool, clammy, and Spock could see a faint tinge of blue slipping into the color of his lips. He had been silent for the last five minutes, only the sound of his rapid, shallow breathing echoing in the cave.

"S-Spock?"

The Vulcan snapped out of his thoughts as he tried to alter the communicator, his eyes meeting Jim's, something clenching in his stomach when he saw that Jim had begun to shiver. "What is it, Jim?"

"I'm g-gonna die, aren't I?" Jim's voice was soft, and his eyes flickered across Spock's face, his hand tightening faintly on Spock's where they were pressed together against his wound.

"No, Jim." Spock said firmly. It was and wasn't a lie; Spock had convinced himself of this fact. "The crew is searching for us, you will not die."

Jim chuckled softly, his throat sounding dry. "And I thought V-Vulcans couldn't l-lie…" The blond smiled shakily, slipping his fingers into Spock's hand and squeezing. "Y-You'll take good c-care of my ship, right?"

Spock found that he couldn't speak, his breath was gone. He returned the pressure that Jim exerted on his hand, and reached out with his other, his hand gliding over Jim's golden hair before resting on the other's forehead. "Jim…"

"I guess that was s-stupid, huh?" he whispered quietly. "Should h-have been s-smarter…"

"It was not your fault, Jim." Spock insisted. "Our sensors did not detect the presence of natives, and you did not wish to hurt the man."

Jim shook his head slowly, closing his eyes. "Still should h-have been b-better…" His blue lips curved into a shaky smile. "B-Bones is gonna k-kill me if I survive t-this…"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not believe that would be logical, Jim."

There was no response. Jim's hand had gone limp in his own.

Spock felt a surge of what he knew was panic in his chest. He squeezed Jim's cold, blood-covered hand, patted his forehead softly. "Jim?"

Refusing to admit that his hands were shaking, Spock checked Jim's pulse. His heart was still beating, though the pulse was thready, rapid, and weak, barely beneath Jim's pale skin. He was still breathing too, albeit weakly. The fact that Jim had lost consciousness was not a good sign; he had only minutes left.

"Don't leave me…" Spock whispered faintly, pressing his fingers to Jim's forehead and trying to hold his mind there. "Hold on, t'hy'la…"

The word slipped from his lips without thought, and later he would look back and wonder faintly what had brought it to mind at that moment. All he knew at that time was that Jim meant more to him than anything in the world, and he would do anything to keep the blond with him.

Time slipped away as he held onto Jim's mind with his own, trying to keep him alive until help arrived. It was only two minutes after Jim slipped into unconsciousness that he heard movement at the entrance to the chamber, and three minutes after that when light streamed in and a rescue team moved into the cave. Spock kept his fingers against Jim's face even as they moved out from under the rock, and the transporter took them away, still chanting in his mind.

_Hold on, Jim… Hold on for me…_

* * *

Consciousness returned slowly, and Jim allowed his eyes to flutter open slowly in the dim light of what he knew to be sickbay by the smell. There was a warm hand holding his, and he turned his head to see Spock slumped in a chair beside the bed, his slender hand over Jim's on the blanket.

A smile spread warm across Jim's face, and he carefully threaded his fingers through the Vulcan's. Spock awoke as soon as their palms slid together, his eyes flying open and his back straightening. "Jim!"

Jim couldn't help but smile as he saw the relief spread over Spock's face before the Vulcan could hide it. "Good to see you too, Spock." he croaked out, his voice cracked and dry sounding. Spock immediately retrieved a glass nearby with water and held it to Jim's lips to help him drink. As soon as the glass left his lips he spoke softly, leaning back wearily against the pillows. "Nice to see that I survived."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "That is indeed an understatement, Jim."

"I could hear you, you know." Jim said softly after a moment of silence. "You kept telling me to hold on. I don't think I've ever heard my name from you so many times." The blond smiled as Spock looked away briefly before returning his gaze to Jim's bright blue eyes. "And you kept calling me something…"

"T'hy'la."

Again the word slipped from Spock's lips without thought, and he watched as Jim nodded before tilting his head in curiosity. "That's it. What does it mean?"

Spock didn't say anything for a long moment, and then he raised their entwined hands, resting his lips just against the back of Jim's hand. "Friend." His lips glided in a gentle caress. "Brother." This time a true kiss, soft against Jim's knuckles. "Lover."

Jim blinked, a faint blush across his cheekbones. "You would… use that word for me?"

"You mean a great deal to me, Jim. I am…" The Vulcan paused for a moment. "…quite pleased to call you the other half of my self."

The blush grew darker, and Jim looked away. Spock's fingers were gentle as he guided Jim's face back towards him, their fingertips brushing in a Vulcan kiss.

Spock petted his fingers across Jim's brow. "You must never frighten me like that again, t'hy'la."

"As long as you keep calling me that, I think I can handle that." Jim murmured. "But I'm not sure I can make any promises."

"I will make sure you are safe." Spock replied firmly.

Jim scoffed softly. "I don't need a protector."

Again the raised eyebrow. "The circumstances prove different."

"So, do I have to almost die every time to get you to admit something to m—"

It was at this time that Spock discovered the most effective way to silence Jim was with a kiss.


	4. Nuisance, Prediction

Alright, up next we have just a bit of light lime, I suppose you could call it, with Mischevious!Jim and a bit of Predatory!Spock. The second one has some Hurt!Jim and Protective!Spock (my favs!) Both are with established relationships. I hope you guys enjoy this week's update!

* * *

8

Nuisance

_an obnoxious or annoying person, thing, condition, or practice_

Lips met, tongues fought, and teeth clipped as Spock pressed Jim backwards, arms wrapped tightly around the blond's body. They were chest to chest, bodies meshed all along the lines of themselves, Spock's hands hot beneath Jim's black undershirt. The gold tunic was hiked up beneath Jim's arms, rolled and bunched by frantic hands.

Jim's head fell back, full lips shuddering open as Spock nipped and kissed his way across the bronzed throat, growling possessively as he found the bite mark he had left earlier this morning on Jim's collarbone and licking. He felt the cool body against his shiver violently, and Jim's arms rose, hesitating before going around Spock's back and clutching at his shoulders, fingers digging into the muscle.

The growl in Spock's throat grew louder as Jim's fingers clawed down his back, and he thrust his hips forward, driving Jim's body against the leather of his Captain's chair, trapping him there. Jim faltered at the pressure, nearly falling backwards because of the awkward position, legs draped up over the right arm and the hard edge of the left pressing against the middle of his shoulder blades. Spock held him closer even as he nearly fell backwards, his Vulcan strength holding their bodies together.

Spock's eyes fluttered open, meeting burning, electric blue across the bridge, and a knowing, lustful smirk spread on Jim's face. The Vulcan felt the heat in his stomach burn higher as he watched Jim's tongue dart out playfully, wetting those beautiful, moist lips before he breathed through parted lips.

_You know you want it…_

Jim's voice echoed across their bond, playful, heated, and full of desire. Spock growled faintly, his hand slowly unclenching from the fist that it had wrapped into sometime during Jim's little fantasy. He pressed himself to his feet, swiftly crossing the bridge and wrapping a powerful hand around Jim's wrist before yanking him up and towards the turbolift.

No one said a word as they left, and as soon as the door closed Spock pressed Jim hard against the wall of the turbolift, eliciting a gasp at the hard pressure on Jim's ribcage.

"Unfortunately for us both…" Spock growled darkly against Jim's jugular. "The bridge is currently… occupied."

Jim could only groan in response, his blood afire and his goal accomplished. His breath returned, and he managed to squeeze out a response. "There's… always my desk…"

Spock closed his mouth on Jim's throat in response.

_Sometimes, t'hy'la, your little impromptu fantasies are such a nuisance…_

* * *

9

Prediction

_an act of predicting, an instance of this; prophecy_

_Phaser fire sounded all around them, and Spock had to focus on pressing the sound out of his mind. What had started as a simple diplomatic mission had turned into a fight before long when Klingons had invaded, attempting to gain some sort of upper hand in the battle. They had all immediately dived for cover, and had so far succeeded in avoiding any casualties. _

_Spock shifted behind the pillar that was keeping him hidden, glancing around to see if he could locate his Captain. He could sense Jim nearby through their bond, but he didn't know exactly where; their link wasn't fully open, it hadn't been throughout the entire mission. Jim was transmitting only tight, restrained worry and a sort of panic, a feeling that Spock had come to recognize as Jim when he was planning in the middle of a crisis. He kept his cool, but there was a restrained sort of panic that only Spock could sense. _

_There was an explosion to their right, and Spock heard his bondmate's voice amid the sound. Immediately the Vulcan focused in that direction, watching for an opening before diving to the side towards Jim's voice. _

_"Jim!" Spock said sharply, a single note of sound in the din around him. He felt an answering tinge from the bond, and then Jim finally opened his end of the link, calling out to him. _

I'm here, Spock!

_The call led him only 5 more feet ahead and then around a pile of destroyed rubble. He found Jim huddling with the rest of the away team, blood moving slowly down his forehead from a shallow cut. He didn't appear to be hurt other than that, and there didn't seem to be any debilitating injuries on any of the other 3 with them. _

_Jim nodded sharply. "They're having trouble locking on, something's jammed our signals. They've got the communicator though." He raised his communicator, flipping it open and momentarily glancing up. "Now _Enterprise_! Use a wide beam aimed at my communicator, you'll get us all!" _

"Aye, Cap'n!"

_As the familiar tingling sensation of the transporters took them, Spock saw it all happen in slow motion. Jim's blue eyes snapped up to something over Spock's shoulder and the Vulcan saw fear in those beloved orbs. He followed Jim's gaze, and through the white haze of the transporter beam, he saw a Klingon raise a stolen phaser. _

_There was no time to react. _

_Spock blinked, and when he opened his eyes, they were on the transporter pad, his eyes focused on the wall behind them. He turned, and then he felt his heart stop. _

_Jim was staring at him, his painfully blue eyes wide and filled with a sort of terror that Spock had never seen in them before. Both hands were clutched to his chest, white-knuckled where they were fisted in his golden dress uniform. Red oozed across the fabric, and Spock looked up to his bondmate's face in time to see blood pour from both corners of Jim's lips before the blond began to fall backwards. _

_**"NO!"**_

_The roar left Spock's mouth without thought, and he dove forward, catching Jim's tense body against him before he hit the ground. "Alert medical, emergency in the transporter room!" he shouted, even though he knew in his mind that it was too late._

_Jim was dying. _

_A gasp echoed from Jim's stained lips, and his blue eyes frantically found Spock's as the Vulcan looked down at him. One shaking hand rose to clasp in Spock's blue tunic, smearing viscous red across the silk. _

_"Jim…" Spock whispered. "Hold on, t'hy'la, hold on!" _

_A gurgle sound in Jim's throat as he tried to breathe in, and then all was silent. _

_An instant later the bond snapped, and Spock couldn't stop the scream that exploded from his lips. _

* * *

Spock sat bolt upright in the dim light of his rooms, his chest heaving and sweat soaking his skin. He curled his body slightly, lifting his hands and placing his face in his palms, closing his eyes in an attempt to center himself, to regain control over his whirling emotions. His body felt tight, so tense that pain was present in his muscles, and he struggled to relax, both mentally and physically.

Cool fingers glided up his back, massaging gently before resting on his shoulders. "Spock?"

Jim's voice was sleepy and slurred slightly, and Spock turned to meet tired blue eyes and mussed blond hair. There was concern, worry, and love all filtering through their bond and their touch, and Jim tilted his head slightly, frowning.

"Are you alright?"

Spock turned without speaking, wrapping his arms tightly around Jim and drawing that cool body against his chest, burying his face against the side of the man's throat. Jim made a soft sound of surprise, but didn't resist, hesitating only a moment before slipping his arms beneath Spock's and wrapping his arms around the Vulcan's back.

"What's wrong, love?" Jim murmured, his voice more awake this time as he turned his head, pressing his cheek against Spock's hair. He was quiet a moment more, and then he spoke again, and Spock heard the frown in his voice. "Talk to me, you're shaking." Still more silence, and then Jim struggled faintly. "Spock, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

The Vulcan shook his head slightly. "I am alright Jim. Just… let me hold you a while." He tightened his grip on Jim's slender form, pressing his nose into the crook of the blond's neck and breathing deep. Jim made a concerned noise, but stop shifting, going still while simply returning Spock's hold.

Several long moments passed, and then Jim spoke, his voice sounding a little strangled. "Ease up, Spock, you're hurting me."

Spock instantly released his bondmate, but before he could back off Jim pressed a hand to his cheek, stopping him from leaving entirely. "Forgive me, t'hy'la." Spock said softly, his dark eyes avoiding Jim's face. "I… experienced a momentary lapse in control."

Jim shook his head. "It's alright. Just a bit sore. Now come on, tell me what's going on."

Again Spock shook his head. "It was merely a nightmare, Jim, nothing more. There is no need for you to be alarmed."

The blond frowned, his brow furrowing. "Spock… You know that I would never believe that. It takes me forever to get you to show affection like that, and I don't think I've ever seen you shake like that."

"I do not wish to speak of it." Spock murmured quietly. "Only allow me to hold you for the night; your presence beside me eases any memory of the dream."

Jim sighed after a moment. "Alright… if that's what you want, I won't push you." He relented easily as Spock lay backwards; pulling Jim onto his chest and holding him close. Jim let out a sigh of contentment, closing his eyes and laying his cheek against Spock's collarbone. "Don't worry…" he breathed quietly. "I'll be right here as long as you need me. And when you're ready to talk, I'll listen."

Spock nodded. "I am aware of that, t'hy'la. And…" he paused, placing his nose in Jim's soft blond hair. "Thank you."

* * *

_No… no, no, no!_

Phasers sounded around him, and Spock felt the irrational, illogic panic inside him rising faster and faster. He knew that this entire situation was completely illogical, that there was no way that this situation would turn out the same as his dream nearly two weeks ago, but the events that were happening around him were almost identical to what had happened in his nightmare.

Diplomacy had given way to fighting, Klingons disrupting what had originally been a successful mission. Jim was off to his right, transmitting tense worry and rapid plans through their choked link.

The explosion sounded, and Spock dived for his mate, his eyes frantically scanning the room for the Klingon he was now sure was there. His mind once again assured him that it was illogical to think that his dream had accurately predicted the happenings of today, but that didn't stop his heart from pushing him to protect his bondmate, no matter how illogical it may be.

Jim nodded sharply as Spock came to his side. "They're having trouble locking on, something's jammed our signals. They've got the communicator though." He raised his communicator, flipping it open and momentarily glancing up. "Now _Enterprise_! Use a wide beam aimed at my communicator, you'll get us all!"

_"Aye, Cap'n!"_

The tingle of the transporters began, and Spock immediately whirled, his eyes searching for the Klingon. There was nothing behind them, and so he returned his gaze forward, meeting Jim's eyes. Those beautiful eyes widened, and Spock acted without thinking; he shoved Jim behind his body and towards the floor.

They landed on the transporter pad, and pain exploded across Spock's back. He barely restrained a grimace, locking his arms in an attempt to not fall. Jim was spread beneath his body, shock on his face. A circle of emerald was on his cheek, liquid that Spock easily recognized as his own blood. Their open bond resounded with fear and worry, and then Jim spoke softly.

"Spock, how…?"

The Vulcan shook his head tightly, not replying as he pressed his lips together in order to counteract the pain. He forcibly repressed it, and before long he found himself able to lean back from Jim, releasing him and pushing himself to his feet.

Jim instantly began tutting frantically, tugging at Spock's arm. "Come on, we need to get you to sickbay, you're bleeding pretty badly."

"It is not severe." Spock assured softly, pressing comfort across their bond. "You are not hurt?"

The blond shook his head, raising a hand to press it against the hole through Spock's shoulder. "No, you pushed me out of the way. I'm more worried about you."

McCoy was waiting as they walked into sickbay, tricorder already flashing in his hands. Jim was pushed backwards as the doctor led Spock to a nearby biobed and sedated him, and Nurse Chapel came to the blond's side. "Don't worry, Captain." The gentle woman murmured quietly. "The Commander will be just fine."

Jim nodded, and then straightened slightly. "I'll be on the bridge. I'll return as soon as I can. Let me know if anything happens?"

The blond woman nodded. "Of course, Captain."

Though he wanted to stay, Jim knew he had to leave. He steeled himself, and then left sickbay.

* * *

Spock came back to awareness some time later to see McCoy standing over him. "Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"I am functional." Spock replied, pushing himself into a sitting position. His shoulder had been healed over with the dermal regenerator, and the blood had been cleaned, his dress uniform replaced with one of his science tunics, no doubt by the nurse, who was quite attached to him.

McCoy nodded. "Good then. Jim's probably worried sick about you, even though it was nowhere near a fatal injury. Just a simple shoulder wound, nothing more. Good thing you pushed Jim out of the way though, Ensign Walters tells me that if you hadn't, Jim would have taken a direct hit to the chest. He would have been killed almost instantly; he certainly wouldn't have lived long enough for me to help him at all."

Spock focused inward, pressing at his bond with Jim. It was squeezed off tightly, barely a trickle of Jim's feelings leaking through. As he pressed at it the doors flew open, and Jim's surface thoughts became readable, and Spock instantly sent calm and comfort to him.

_Spock, you're awake! I was starting to really worry._

Amusement drifted across their bond from Spock. _I am quite well, t'hy'la, there is no cause for concern. _

"Quit your mental talking!" McCoy interrupted, waving a hand in front of Spock's eyes. "I'm a doctor, not a mind reader; I hate it when you guys leave me out like that! Now then, I want to you lay low for the rest of the day, that shoulder will be sore for a while yet. I'll get Jim off the bridge as well if I can; he's probably so stressed he can't think straight."

"Shall I go to the bridge to retrieve him, Doctor?" Spock asked, his voice very mildly amused, something that he knew the Doctor could pick up after the time that they had spent together on the _Enterprise_.

McCoy shook his head. "Nah, I'll get him off. No doubt he's already trying to figure out a way to get off on his own. I'll just head up there and prescribe him the rest of the day off; it'll be good for him to get some rest. You go ahead and head to your quarters; I'll send him along." With that the doctor turned and headed for the exit.

Spock rose to his feet, rotating the injured shoulder and deeming it sufficiently healed for the time being. He went after McCoy, but the opposite direction for the crew quarters.

"Oh, one more thing!" McCoy's voice came from behind him, and the Vulcan turned to meet his gaze. "I want you two to actually rest, and that means no playing around, you got that?"

"Understood, Doctor." Spock replied, the humor in his voice a little stronger this time. McCoy gave him a lopsided smirk, and then vanished into the turbolift.

Spock settled on the floor in a meditative pose as he reached his quarters, breathing out deeply and focusing his mind. He felt as McCoy arrived on the bridge through his bond with Jim, and then the relief as the Doctor ordered a leave of rest for the rest of the day. Jim instantly headed down towards their rooms, his mind already reaching for his mate's.

Jim came right to his side as soon as he entered, settling down behind him and leaning against his back, pressing his cheek to the warm planes of Spock's skin, the heat moving through his science tunic. Spock could sense contentment from his mate as he settled into the warmth of both the bond and Spock's touch, and the Vulcan turned from his meditative pose, allowing Jim to settle against his chest, cheek against the rapid beat of Spock's heart.

"I am pleased that you are not harmed." Spock murmured in the quiet of their dim quarters.

A snort echoed from his mate. "I should be more worried about you; you're the one that got shot." Jim nuzzled in closer, breathing deeply and closing his eyes, going limp against Spock's strong body. "It's amazing that you managed to react that fast. I had only just seen him when you pushed me, and you weren't even looking at him." Jim paused, and then leaned back, confusion evident in his features as he looked into Spock's eyes. "How did you know that he was there?"

Spock thought a moment, confused as to how to begin what he knew was a strange explanation. "Do you recall the dream I experienced 10 days ago?"

Jim nodded. "Of course; you really worried me."

"In that dream, I experienced the events of today; the only discrepancy was that I did not push you out of the way." Spock replied, his fingers idly tracing over Jim's hand, which lay in his own. "I do not understand the reason as to my seeing these things, nor do I know how they were so accurate. However, I find myself extremely…" Spock paused, searching for the right word. "…gratified that they were as accurate as they were."

A frown moved across Jim's face. "You dreamed what happened today? Everything? But that happened 10 days ago, how is that possible?"

Spock shook his head slightly. "As I stated, I do not know."

Jim was quiet for a moment more, and then ventured the question that Spock had hoped he wouldn't ask. "What happened in your dream? At the end?"

The Vulcan looked away. "You died. I was not able to save you."

"Oh Spock…" Jim murmured softly, his fingers gliding across Spock's temple and down his cheek. "That's what happened… Now I understand why you didn't want to talk about it." He smiled slightly. "Well, I don't know how you managed to see what you did, but I do know that I'm glad you did."

Spock nodded slightly. "As am I, t'hy'la."

Their fingers touched in a Vulcan kiss, and then Spock leaned forward to take Jim's full lips with his own, illogically thanking whatever entity had given him the brief power of prediction in order to save his mate's life.


	5. Ego

Alright; this is a special edition of _Essence, (_And I got a little excited, this one is early!) This chapter seemed to fit with something that I've been writing for some time, and so this particular chapter of _Essence_ is actually a section of that story, something I've called _I See You_. This is chapter 7 of that story, partially reconfigured so it's understandable outside of context, and as not to give away too much of the plot. If you guys enjoy this chapter, I will post the first of _I See You_. Let me know your thoughts!

* * *

10

Ego

_self-esteem or self-image; feelings_

Spock awoke to the dim light of the quarters that he and Jim were occupying during the _Enterprise_'s month-long shore leave. He felt more rested than he had in a long time, his mind clear and calm as though he had just gone through his morning ritual of meditation. There was a cool body resting beside him, and Spock opened his eyes to see Jim's peaceful face resting on the pillow next to him. The long night of restful sleep with Jim had been well needed; even though they hadn't had sex, just being together had been satisfying.

The Vulcan raised a hand, the backs of his fingers ghosting over Jim's soft cheek. The blond breathed in deeply, shifting towards Spock before going still again, laying on his stomach with his arms beneath the pillow. Spock couldn't help the smile that twitched at his lips as this happened, and he laid one arm across the small of Jim's back, his fingers coming to rest on the man's clothed hip. The bed was small, as it was only made for one person, but Spock found himself quite comfortable. He looked across the room to where the other bunk was; abandoned last night in favor of their sleeping in the same bed.

Shore leave had been a welcome reprieve, and Spock had found it a proper time to make his move forward. He knew that he wanted to pursue Jim in a relationship, and so these last weeks had started tentative dates and wonderful moments that Spock found he had missed in the time he had spent trying to understand his feelings for his Captain. Tonight had been the first night that they had slept in the same bed; Jim had approached him not long after they'd shut the lights off, asking timidly if he could join him before crawling in and happily snuggling close to the Vulcan.

Spock had discovered something interesting in these last few weeks of shore leave with his Captain. Jim was, around his crew and other people, nothing but the confident, strong captain that everyone knew him to be. But in these moments of quiet between the two of them, when Jim was presented with someone who truly cared for him, someone who wanted to be with him forever, it was as though that persona went away.

Jim was confident in one thing, it seemed; and that was his charm and wit. He knew that he could charm anyone, gain the attention of someone if he wished, and then use the intelligence he was confident in to work his way through the situation. He lived for sex, and the thrill of it, but when someone actually wanted to keep going, he got scared.

It was all rather confusing to Spock; it was as though Jim didn't know he was handsome. He said it all the time, that his looks were exceptional, or that people 'only wanted him for his looks,' but now that Spock really considered, he had never really seemed to believe it. Even if he did know that he was handsome, he didn't really believe it, in some corner of his mind.

Most of Spock's thoughts were mere conjecture, but he had sensed Jim's low self-esteem before during melds, when they had touched minds for missions. Jim knew he had the brains, but the looks… that was something entirely different.

As though Jim could sense what Spock was thinking, his eyes fluttered open and cleared after a moment before settling on Spock's face. He shifted beneath Spock's arm, and then frowned faintly, thought the gesture was shaky. The Vulcan didn't move, merely watching Jim as he fully awoke.

Spock watched the emotions play across Jim's face; confusion, distress, and what looked like pain. Spock wanted to know why he was feeling this, but he refrained from moving his fingers beneath the shirt that Jim was wearing, still avoiding skin to skin contact in an effort to protect Jim's privacy. Even so, he did not want to see those things on Jim's beautiful features.

The blond smiled slightly, and all the emotions vanished behind the mask that Spock recognized quite readily, one that Jim had regained control of when he'd fully come back to consciousness. "Good morning."

Spock didn't respond for a moment, and then decided that it was best to simply ask about what he had seen; he wasn't going to find out if he didn't question. "If I may ask…" he paused slightly, thinking over the wording of his question. "Why is it that you have so little confidence in yourself?"

Jim blinked in confusion. "What? What makes you think that, Spock? When have I ever given any indication…"

He was cut off as Spock's fingers tensed against his hip. "I was not speaking of your command ability, Jim, if that is what you were assuming. I am referring to your estimation of your physical appearance. I have observed your reaction when I tell you what I think of your looks, or how you cause me to feel, and you do not seem to believe me."

A brief flash of confusion and what looked like fear shot across Jim's features and his entire being seemed to shrink backwards away from Spock. The Vulcan reached forward; pausing before touching Jim's skin before placing his hand on Jim's clothed shoulder, keeping the cloth between their skin. He didn't want to intrude before Jim invited him.

"Jim, please, tell me what you are feeling, as well as why you feel that way. I do not understand what would cause you to think these things. You are nothing less than beautiful." Spock said softly, his fingers stroking across Jim's shoulder.

Some sort of barrier appeared to fall apart in front of him, and for the first time, Spock could see what Jim really thought about himself written all over his face. It was painful to see it across those handsome features, a strange sort of quiet denial of what Spock said, an acceptance of that false truth.

"I'm not beautiful." Jim murmured, his voice soft, full of a quiet sort of disbelief that confused Spock.

Something in Spock wrenched, and he allowed his fingers to stroke across Jim's shoulder. "I do not understand. Why do you believe this?"

Jim looked away, shrugging. "I'm just not. I know people tell me that, and I know that I say it sometimes, but I know it's not true. People just… They try to get me to believe it. Sex is easy to come by, but I've never really been in an actual relationship. I guess no one wants me; no one ever has."

"Oh t'hy'la…" Spock murmured, reaching up to hold Jim's face in his hands, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. "Why is it that you see yourself this way? It could not be further from the truth! You are so very, very beautiful; there are no words to describe it. You are like the sun rising, such a light in any darkness." The Vulcan realized suddenly. His fingers drifted towards the psi points on Jim's face, hovering just above, but not touching.

Blinking, Jim's eyes went back to Spock's face, his eyes meeting the Vulcan's directly. "Spock?"

Spock made sure to project calm and love through the fledgling bond they had. "If I may, Jim? I wish to show you the truth, to show you how beautiful you truly are."

Jim hesitated, and then nodded slightly. Even though he gave his permission, Spock could still sense that quiet, calm sort of denial that lingered in Jim's mind, and knew that it would take a lot of time and love to convince Jim that he deserved the feelings that Spock gave him, and that he truly was beautiful.

Warmth cascaded through him as Spock's fingers settled against his skin, and then he felt the gentle brush of Spock's mind. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts… to your thoughts…"

The meld was easy and simple to slip into; their minds meshing together as though they were meant to be that way. Spock briefly paused to bask in the warm, glowing life of Jim's mind, and then moved deeper. Jim shied from him at first, but after a moment he began to open to Spock's mental touch, allowing him in.

_Show me, t'hy'la…_ Spock murmured in their linked minds. _Show me what makes you so sure of this falsity._

Jim didn't respond with words, he simply brought forward the images that he knew Spock wanted to see. Spock saw flashes of the relationships that Jim had been in, the one-night stands, women that Jim briefly allowed to see him. He saw Jim's brother turn away from him, leave one day without looking back; Winona Kirk look at her child with pain in her face before she left the planet for another mission.

He felt every pang of hurt when everyone turned away from Jim, when no one wanted to play with him when he was a child. He felt every pain when Frank hit him, when his mother ignored him, when Sam told him that he was less, that he was the reason Dad was gone and their mother didn't love them anymore.

Spock moved through these memories, these images, searching for the real Jim. He could feel Jim's sorrow around him, the pain that he kept hidden to everyone in the world. This was the Jim that he never allowed anyone to see, and that Spock felt both privileged and saddened to see.

He found Jim huddled in the center of a maelstrom of dark clouds and raw lightning. The Vulcan strode through the clouds, walking to Jim's side and shrouding him in his mental power even as he wrapped his arms around Jim's shaking shoulders.

Startled blue eyes snapped up to meet his, and Jim's sad face looked up into Spock's concerned features, something that he allowed himself to show in the intimacy of the meld.

_Do you understand now, Spock?_ Jim asked quietly, his eyes impossibly sad. _Do you see what I am?_

Shaking his head, the Vulcan pressed his hand to Jim's cheek. _I merely see those things that you have been told that are not true. You have shown me what has made you think this way; now allow me to show you what I see. _

Spock pulled Jim with him through the meld, and through Spock, the blond was surprised to see the way that the Vulcan interpreted him. Everything was bright, as though the sun had risen within their linked minds, a shimmery sort of coolness passing across them.

Jim's bright eyes were wide, and he looked to Spock. _Is that… me?_

Nodding, Spock pressed forward, bringing up images of their service together, of the time that they had spent together during shore leave. There were images of Jim smiling, of the way that he lit up whenever they discovered something new in space, the way that his skin glowed as he strategized during their games of chess. More images rose, feelings that Jim inspired; the way that his skin felt against Spock's, the softness of his lips, the gentleness of his voice. And most importantly for Spock, the different things that Jim made him feel, the lack of control that the blond inspired within him.

Jim's mind shivered against his own, and somewhere, far away, Spock felt Jim curl against him, cool skin pressed against his own hot body. He tightened both the physical and mental embrace, holding Jim to him lovingly.

_Do you see all the wonder that you are, Jim? _Spock murmured, looking down at the man curled in his arms. _All the beauty that you hold?_

_I am… all these things?_ Jim asked softly, his eyes still scanning the images and feelings that Spock had presented him with. _I… Spock, are you sure about this…?_

The Vulcan frowned faintly. _About what, t'hy'la?_

Jim looked down, his fingers moving nervously against Spock's forearm. _I am so… broken. Do you really want to deal with me and all of my insecurities?_

_Oh Jim… _Spock replied softly. _My Jim… I would rather have you in this fragile state than to have any other being without those issues. _

Jim's face broke into a beautiful smile, and Spock allowed the meld to dissipate, bringing them back to their physical forms. The feel of Spock's warm fingers gliding across his cheek made the smile widen, and their lips met gently, Spock pressing their foreheads together as their mouths separated.

"My beautiful, Jim." Spock said firmly, his words ancient and powerful with High Vulcan. "I love thee."

"I…" Jim hesitated. "I love you too."

Though his voice was shaky and tentative, Spock knew that it was another step, another moment that brought them closer together.


	6. Crisis

Man, as I said, my word generator likes hurt!Jim. (not that I'm complaining :D) Once again, hurt!Jim, with some worried!Spock on the side! Some made up medical stuff, as usual, though I did try to do some research on this one. And it's not quite K/S, but it's close enough :D Hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

11

Crisis

_a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, esp. for better or for worse, is determined; turning point; a condition of instability or danger, as in social, economic, political, or international affairs, leading to a decisive change_

Something just felt… wrong.

Spock shifted slightly in the Captain's chair, eyebrows twitching together until a faint line formed between them. He couldn't explain what he was feeling, nor was he entirely sure why he felt so… uneasy.

There was no reason to feel anxiety. They were currently en route to a nearby planet that they had located on sensors 14 hours before, one that was showing signs of interesting flora. After deciding to head towards the planet to do some scanning, Jim had left the bridge to Spock and gone to his quarters. Spock hadn't said anything about it, knowing that Jim had been running himself ragged for the last few days during which they had had a tense encounter with a Klingon Bird of Prey.

As such, there was no reason to be feeling such a wrong aura. No one had been injured in the Klingon attack, though everyone was a bit shaken and tired after the problems. Spock shifted again, a habit that he was not proud of, but he couldn't resist at this point. His ribcage felt pressed, his heart as though someone had wrapped a hand around it and was closing those fingers tightly.

Spock sighed faintly and pushed himself to his feet as the turbolift opened to admit Lieutenant Commander Scott. "Mr. Scott, I'll take my leave."

Scotty nodded. "Aye sir. Have a pleasant sleep."

The Vulcan did not respond to the chief engineer, merely nodded and entered the turbolift. On the way down the decks Spock focused inwardly on the feeling that was coursing through him, analyzing it quietly before pushing it down.

Once in his own quarters, Spock prepared for meditation before bed to calm his strangely worried mind and be able to sleep. He was just settling down, closing his eyes and calming his thoughts, when he got the irrational urge to speak with the Captain. Frowning and opening his eyes once more, Spock pressed down the illogical urge.

As it still refused to go away, Spock finally relented, pushing himself to his feet and leaving his quarters to go directly next to them and buzz Jim's quarters.

There was no response to the initial call, and Spock thought it logical that Jim was probably deeply asleep; he may not have heard the door. He tried again, but there was still no response. The illogical urge rose again, and this time the Vulcan entered the First Officer's override code; unless Jim had specifically locked it, he would be able to get in.

The door slid open without any difficulty and Spock stepped inside to what appeared to be an empty room. Spock took a step inside so the door slid shut behind him, glancing around the room. "Captain?"

No response came to his words, and Spock took a few steps forward. He saw no sign of Jim in his bed as he came towards the partition, and he turned, looking towards the slightly cut off workspace to see if he could see him there.

He found Jim's limp body crumpled on the floor just behind his desk.

"Jim!" Spock said sharply, rushing forward and kneeling beside his friend. "Jim, wake up!" The blond gave no response to Spock's gentle shaking, completely pliant in the Vulcan's hands and his face lax. Jim was lying on his side, facing away from the Vulcan towards the desk, nearly beneath it. Carefully Spock pressed two fingers to Jim's pulse, frowning at the far-too-slow throb beneath his touch. The Captain's skin was cooler than it should be, but not in dangerous levels.

After determining that there were no damages to Jim's spine that could prove threatening should he be moved, Spock rolled him carefully onto his back, trying to find the reason for his unconsciousness. He quickly located a clotted over wound on the side of Jim's head, though the crusted, gooey carpet that was beneath Jim's cheek indicated that it had been bleeding, and rather profusely. There was also a bloody wound on the back of his head, buried in the crusted, golden hair.

Frowning, Spock looked around the room to try and discover how Jim had hit his head. His sharp observing eyes immediately found blood staining two surfaces in the room; the edge of the upper shelf above the desk, and the corner of the desk itself. He didn't know exactly what had happened, but he thought that perhaps Jim had stumbled and hit the shelf, and then, in his automatic reflex of lunging forwards, had fallen and hit the corner. The pile of books on the floor beside the desk had no doubt assisted in the fall.

He looked back down to Jim, and felt a shiver of fear run down his spine. If his conjecture was correct, with the force that Jim had to have hit the desk, had the blow been less than a centimeter lower, Jim would most likely have been killed on impact.

Spock reached up onto the desk, pressing the communication pad. "Spock to sickbay."

A moment passed, and then McCoy's voice came through the speakers. _"McCoy here."_

"Please be ready to receive a patient; I will be there momentarily. It is a rather serious injury." Spock's voice was tight as he spoke, carefully shifting Jim on the floor so he could gather the limp body into his arm.

_"I'll be ready. Who's been hurt?" _

Spock hesitated briefly before deciding to tell McCoy so he would be prepared for all the problems that Jim's immune system would cause. "The Captain is unconscious; he appears to have hit his head. I will explain more when I arrive. Spock out."

McCoy didn't have a chance to respond, and Spock eased Jim into his arms, carefully settling the pliant form against his chest and making sure that his lolling head was supported by his shoulder. The door opened as he came to it, and he carefully traveled through the halls, keeping to the center so he wouldn't bump Jim's dangling feet.

Spock met the doctor just as the door opened, and he could see the restrained worry and fear on the man's features. He swore as Spock entered the room, and ushered the Vulcan towards a private room near the back with a concealed bio-bed that McCoy had had created not long after they had begun their journey. The room was specifically created for Jim; who almost always managed to get injured on any sort of mission.

The Vulcan lay Jim's limp form on the bio-bed and stepped back, letting McCoy shift forward with the tricorder already beeping in his hands. He ran the scanners across Jim's body, frowning and muttering before glancing to Spock. "Any idea what happened?"

"I had some things to discuss with the Captain, but he did not answer the door when I came; I entered after that. I made an educated guess based on the surroundings when I arrived. It appears that Jim lost his balance and collided with the shelf above his desk, and then lurched forward to collide with the corner of the desk. There was blood on both objects, which led me to this conclusion."

McCoy swore again. "I told him that he needed to get some sleep. He probably got dizzy, the big idiot. And that messy room of his didnt' help, I assume." The man leaned back slightly, running a hand through his hair before activating the bio-bed monitors and lifting a hypospray to examine the contents. "I think you're right about what you said; he had to have hit it pretty hard."

Spock nodded. "It certainly appeared that way. What is the prognosis?"

"Well that's the thing…" McCoy murmured softly. "He's sunk into a coma. His brain waves are extremely low. I'll have to do some more tests to see just how bad it is, or to make some sort of an estimate as to when he'll wake up."

"I understand." Spock replied softly, his heart squeezing once more. "If you'll excuse me, Doctor, I require meditation and rest. I shall return before my shift on the bridge to ascertain the condition of the Captain."

McCoy nodded absently, waving a hand over his shoulder as he continued the scans on Jim's unconscious form. Spock left sickbay feeling pressured and tense, heading to his quarters and settling down in his meditation position and closing his eyes.

Meditation would be long in coming.

* * *

The prognosis was nothing like Spock had wanted to hear. Jim wasn't responding to outward stimuli at all, and McCoy had no idea as to when he would wake up. As the Doctor made the report Spock could sense the tension and worry radiating off the man, and he had to restrain his own as his eyes traveled to the limp form laying on the bio-bed behind McCoy.

"I've had to insert an endotracheal tube; he's deep enough that he's lost control over a lot of his muscles, and he was having trouble breathing. No response to pain or audio." McCoy ran a hand through his mussed hair; it was obvious that he had done it multiple times.

Spock looked to Jim once more, his eyes scanning his Captain and his friend. It was strange; Jim looked so small on that bed, attached to several tubes, buried in a gray blanket, tube and tape consuming his mouth.

McCoy shook his head slightly. "This makes you Acting Captain for now, Spock. We'll keep it hidden from Starfleet as long as we can; they'll only want to pull him off the _Enterprise_ and put him in some facility where he'll just waste away. They won't even try to help him, even though he's their golden boy. It's best that he stay here, where I can keep an eye on him."

The Vulcan nodded his agreement. "I concur with your statement. I will not send a report to Starfleet about this, and I suggest that we maintain, for the time being, that the Captain is in command. Until Starfleet requests visual from us, we will be able to continue that charade. It will be simple for me to issue reports in his name."

McCoy raised an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest. "I thought Vulcans didn't lie."

"I do not believe that this is lying." Spock said, raising an eyebrow. "Merely… misdirection."

A moment of silence, and then McCoy laughed slightly, shaking his head. "Damned green-blooded hobgoblin; you always find a way to surprise me. Alright; it sounds like a plan. Let's keep it on the down-low among the crew as well; I think we could get away with only the senior staff knowing for now. As long as Jim comes out of this before too long, things will be just fine in the end."

Spock hesitated a moment before speaking. "Do you believe that Jim will wake up soon?"

McCoy grinned lopsidedly. "Medically speaking, no. However, as well as I know Jim, he's too stubborn to stay like this for long. Before we know it I'm sure he'll be up and bugging us out of our minds again."

"I… believe that you are correct, Doctor." Spock said after a moment, realizing that McCoy had a good point. Although he wasn't sure how this was logically relevant, his human half was screaming at him to believe that Jim would come out of the coma, and he would do so in no time at all.

* * *

"Jim…"

Spock's voice was quiet in the darkened area of the private room in sickbay. The lights were dim, but not quite out, as they had been since they had hit the 'night' cycle of the ship. This was a normal routine for Spock by now; take his first shift on the bridge at the beginning of the morning, eat after taking a short trip to sickbay to learn about Jim's status, one more shift on the bridge, and then return to sickbay to visit Jim until meditation and sleep for the night.

"It has been approximately 15 days since I discovered you unconscious in your quarters. Doctor McCoy has assured me that you are improving, and he also says that my speaking to you is assisting. I have yet to see you react, but I will continue as he encourages." Spock paused, glancing around the room briefly before settling his eyes on Jim's pale face.

Silence fell again for a few moments, and then Spock reached out, his fingers running slowly along Jim's clothed arm before settling over the back of his hand. There were more sensations from the touch this time then the last time that he had touched the blond, but nothing definite.

The Vulcan sighed faintly and then spoke again, his voice almost hesitant. "There is still no sign that Starfleet knows the situation; I believe that I have been able to accurately mimic your style of reports. We have encountered very little trouble, and at this time have no missions from Command. A nearby planet has called our attention, we are en route now in order to send an away team to conduct scans and take samples."

Again silence, and Spock gently stroked a single finger along Jim's knuckles. "I wish that you would wake, Jim. I find myself… longing for your presence. The _Enterprise_ is not the same without you. We have not played chess in quite a while, and I… miss these encounters." Spock frowned slightly as those words left his mouth.

"I miss you, Jim…" Spock realized. "I miss your voice, the blue of your eyes, the way that you smile. I cannot seem to comprehend a world without your brilliance." The Vulcan withdrew his hand, shifting away from Jim's limp form. "I… I must take my leave."

With that he left the room, never even noticing as Jim's eyelids fluttered slightly before going still once more.

* * *

_"McCoy to bridge."_

Spock turned away from the view-screen, pressing his thumb to the communication button on the arm of the Captain's chair. "Spock here."

_"I need to talk to you. Come to sickbay immediately."_

Spock felt a spike of heat in his abdomen, something that he knew to be worry. He instantly quelled it, nodding to Sulu as he rose to his feet. "Understood, I will be there momentarily. Spock out."

The ride in the turbolift was tense and couldn't seem to go fast enough for the Vulcan. His mind was jumping to the conclusion that something had gone wrong, that Jim was getting worse, or that he was dying. He pressed it down hurriedly, shaking his head slightly. There was no indication that something was wrong with Jim.

The doors to sickbay slid open as he walked toward them, and he saw no immediate sign of Doctor McCoy, at which point he went to the private room that housed the Captain, assuming that this was where he would be. The door slid open before him, and whatever inquiry he had been planning to make died in his throat as brilliant blue eyes met his.

Jim smiled as the door closed, his eyes shimmering faintly. "Hey Spock. How's my ship doing?"

Spock was speechless for a moment, and then he took a step forward. "It is remarkably pleasing to see you awake, Captain."

A raised eyebrow was his response. "Really, still calling me Captain after all this happened? It's Jim, Spock; we're not on the bridge." The smile brightened. "I heard that you've been visiting me every day since you found me." He rolled his eyes slightly. "I'm an idiot, right? For not getting some sleep and avoiding all this in the first place."

The Vulcan raised his eyebrow in response. "Those were not my words of choice, but I do agree that you should have rested."

McCoy grinned slightly and moved out from behind the bed. "Well, just like James Kirk to only lie around for a little over two weeks when he's supposed to be in a deep coma. I'll leave the two of you to talk official ship's business; you've got 18 days to catch up on, Jim. Let me know if you need anything, I'll be doing my paperwork."

As the door slid shut behind the Doctor Jim's eyes met Spock's once more. "Everything's going well?"

Spock nodded, settling into the chair that he had kept vigil in for the last 18 days. "That is correct. All ship's systems are functioning normally, and there have been no serious issues since you fell unconscious."

"You sound so serious." Jim murmured softly. "Come now, Spock, is that really the way to act after not seeing me for this long?"

"That is not an accurate statement. I have seen you every one of these past days."

Jim rolled his eyes again, huffing slightly before reaching out to touch Spock's hand where it was resting on his knee. Spock looked up sharply, in shock at the familiar touch that Jim had never initiated before. Jim was a very physical person, but he knew Spock's boundaries, and he respected them. "Don't give me that look." the blond murmured. "I think that after you holding my hand I'm allowed to hold yours."

Spock blinked in surprise, but didn't flinch away from Jim's touch. "You… you were aware?"

A nod was his response. "Not all the time; for the first while it was like just being in this empty black void of sorts. The first thing I remember is your voice, telling me about the ship's status. And the feel of your hand against mine."

Jim's smile was like the sun rising inside the _Enterprise_. "And I missed you too."

Silence greeted him, and then Spock nodded slightly, lacing their fingers. "I am… glad."


	7. Survival

Yay more hurt!Jim goodness! Like I said, I really think that my word generator likes me writing it. However, the next few words are less depressing! (I guess...) Alright, warnings for this chapter, it's an established relationship, some stretched science and medical facts, and a lot of medical assumption. I know that most of this is probably pretty far out there, but it seems plausible to me, so I hope that you guys can suspend your disbelief! I love you all, and I hope that you continue to read (and review -hint hint-)!

* * *

12

Survival

_the act or fact of surviving, esp. under adverse or unusual circumstances._

"Wow…"

Spock smirked slightly, a motion that he found easy in coming after the four years that he had spent with the _Enterprise_ crew. "I believe that is an accurate description, Jim."

The blond next to him flashed a grin towards the Vulcan and then turned his attention back towards the window in front of them, his blue eyes wide with a sort of child-like wonder that Spock had always found rather fascinating.

The two of them were currently in one of the _Enterprise's _shuttle craft, floating through a nebula that was about 10,000 kilometers away from the ship herself. While the crew had no real reason to actually go and examine the nebula, Jim had wanted to, and so Spock had suggested that the two of them take a shuttle and go there themselves. There was no danger in the nebula, and Spock thought it a good way to celebrate their first year anniversary of the consummation of their bond and marriage by Vulcan and Human standards.

He was secretly pleased that he had so far been able to keep that from Jim, especially considering the fact that Jim had gotten remarkably good at slipping past his mental shields.

"I'm so glad that we decided to do this." Jim remarked, his voice full of barely restrained excitement. "It's really beautiful."

Spock's eyes weren't on the nebula, a soft smile on his face as he spoke. "Yes, it is."

Jim glanced towards the Vulcan, and their eyes locked before Jim grinned, shifting over to wrap his arms around Spock's neck and settle himself seated in his lap. "You know, I love it when you get all mushy on me, even though it's not manly and all."

"I think you should have no concern as to your masculinity, Jim." Spock murmured, wrapping his arms around his bondmate's waist and looking up into his grinning face. "You and I have affirmed it quite often."

A triumphant and rather smug grin moved across Jim's face, and then he blinked, tilting his head slightly. "Wait a minute… You suggested this on purpose didn't you?.!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am surprised that it took you this long, t'hy'la. I was under the impression that you had an affinity for dates."

Jim's only response was to lean down to kiss his mate deeply, humming softly in his throat as he ran his fingers through Spock's straight black hair.

Their moment was interrupted as an alarm blared from the console and then the shuttle was rocked, sending Jim to the floor before he shot up, trying to figure out what was going on. Spock's hands instantly flew to the console, eyes speeding across the readouts.

"Some sort of shockwave, heading straight for us!" Jim shouted, taking the controls into his hands. "I'll try to get us out of here!"

_"Shuttle craft, this is the _Enterprise_, we're get--- some read-- should get--- of th--…!"_

The communication was cut off, and then the shuttle jerked sharply. Spock let out a shout as he felt the repercussions through the bond and heard the crunch of Jim's head hitting the bulkhead. The Vulcan shifted himself, trying to latch onto his mate, who was blinking slowly and lying slumped across his console.

"Jim!" Spock shouted. "Secure yourself, Jim!"

Jim blinked up at his mate, but there was no verbal or motor response, only a dull, threaded thought of pain through their bond. Spock struggled to get closer, reaching for the restraints, but the shuttle was tugged forward.

The Vulcan only had time to tug Jim against his body and secure himself to his chair as best he could before the world went black.

* * *

Spock awoke with a barely restrained groan, wincing before bringing a hand to his head. He met wet, and discovered a gash on his forehead that was still sluggishly bleeding. He lay still for a moment, cataloguing his injuries before moving any further; there was nothing serious, just a few bruises and cuts, as well as perhaps a cracked rib or two.

As his mind came back to the present, the Vulcan started to remember what had happened. Mere seconds later his eyes flew open and he gasped out Jim's name, trying to locate his mate. The last thing he remembered was wrapping himself around Jim in an attempt to protect him, but he couldn't see the blond.

He found Jim near the back of the shuttle, crumpled against the rear door. He was unconscious, blood crusted along his hairline and his face pale. Spock probed at their bond before reaching out to carefully examine Jim, discovering a broken arm, but nothing else serious. The Vulcan shook his mate carefully while pushing at their link, trying to wake him.

"Jim. T'hy'la, wake up! It is important for you to be conscious; you most likely have a concussion!"

A groan was his response, and then dazed blue eyes fluttered open to look up at him. "S-Spock? What happened?"

"I am unsure at the current time. I have only just awoken myself." Spock replied, his voice soft as he ran gentle and careful fingers over Jim's forehead, assessing the damage. "You are alright?"

Jim nodded before pushing himself into a sitting position before leaning against Spock's chest with a faint whine of pain. "Other than a massive headache and the world spinning, I'm great." He breathed for a moment, and then pushed himself up again. "Come on, we'd better see what's going on."

Spock carefully helped his mate to his feet, being sure that he was steady before following him to the main console. Now that he had a chance to be focused on the situation, he glanced around the shuttle. There were several holes in the shuttle, letting in harsh sunlight and heat. Spock now realized that he was feeling comfortable for the first time in several years; wherever they were, it was at or above the temperature of Vulcan. The windows were blown out, and he found himself employing his second eyelid against the harsh light.

"Everything's offline." Jim said with a frustrated slap of the console. "Communications, sensors, everything!"

At those words Spock went to a nearby storage compartment, revealing a medkit, about a week's worth of rations and water, as well as a tricorder. He lifted the machine, turning it on and scanning the area around them.

"Remarkable." Spock mumbled. "This planet is nearly identical to Vulcan, but there appears to be no natural resources or life of any kind. I detect no water; this is likely to be the reason."

"No water, great." Jim groaned, rubbing a hand over his head. "And none of our sensors are working, which means we're gonna have to wait until the _Enterprise_ can figure out where we went. What have we got in the way of rations?"

Spock shook his head slightly. "Not enough. The shuttle was not properly prepped as we were not planning to be gone longer than a few hours and the nebula was classified as non-dangerous. We have enough for approximately 13 days, if we are careful."

"Wonderful."

Silence for a moment, and then Jim suddenly sucked in a breath, clutching his arm to his midsection. "Whoa! That didn't hurt before!"

Spock lifted the medkit, opening it and removing the collapsible splint contained in it before going to Jim's side. "You no doubt had high amounts of adrenaline in your system; it masked the pain until now. I am afraid I cannot give you any medication, as the standard dose the medkit contains is…"

"…something I'm allergic to." Jim finished, sighing faintly before extending his arm shakily for Spock to work on. He clenched his eyes shut as pain radiated from the limb, but he kept silent as Spock gently secured the splint. The contraption hardened as soon as it was snapped into place, and Spock nodded slightly as Jim let out a sigh.

"That will hold until it heals." Spock said firmly before reaching up to gently stroke Jim's cheek. "Forgive me for paining you, t'hy'la."

Jim shook his head. "It's alright, Spock, it was necessary. Do you think we can make some sort of a beacon with what's left of the shuttle?"

Spock glanced around them before nodding. "I believe so. It will most likely not be very powerful, as it appears much of the shuttle was irreversibly damaged in the crash, but the _Enterprise_ will be able to locate us if they follow our trail from the nebula, which they are more than capable of doing."

"Yup, cause we have a good crew." Jim grinned, pride seeping through their bond before he leaned back in his chair. "Well, I suppose we should probably try to find some sort of shelter; this thing's not much use."

There was a nod in agreement. "It would not assist should some sort of storm occur; my tricorder indicates that sand storms are most common on this planet." Spock held out a hand to his mate. "Are you well enough to travel? I will gather what supplies I need; it is wise to find shelter before nightfall."

Jim nodded, his fingers meeting Spock's briefly in a Vulcan kiss. "I'm fine, just really tired and a little dizzy. It's… harder to breathe, but nothing I can't handle."

Spock nodded. "That is the thinner atmosphere; you will be alright as long as you do not exert yourself."

"Come on then, let's get what you need and get out of here."

* * *

"Spock, you're not eating, are you?"

The Vulcan looked up from the device he was tinkering with to meet his t'hy'la's eyes before looking away with a rather guilty air. "There's no way that we're going through food this slow. It's been 8 days, and by the looks of it we've still got enough for a while." Jim moved forward, kneeling beside Spock where he was working with the transmitter, settling his hand on the Vulcan's shoulder. "Why are you doing that?"

"I can go for longer periods of time without sustenance than you can, it is only logical that I consume less so that our supplies will last longer." Spock replied, turning his eyes away from Jim and back towards the mechanics in his hands.

Jim sighed slightly, sitting beside his mate and leaning against his shoulder. Spock couldn't help the twitch of a frown as he felt Jim's body settle against him; Jim had already begun losing weight, he felt bony against the Vulcan's shoulder.

"That's a ridiculous reason, you know that." Jim murmured, his voice soft. "I can go for a while without food too, and I don't want you to do this. We both need all that we can get, and I'm not about to let you intentionally starve yourself."

Spock stopped for a moment, unsure of what to say. He could feel Jim's resolute firmness on this subject, and he knew that there was no way he would be able to change his mate's mind, not when he was being this stubborn about it. "Very well, Jim…" Spock replied quietly, turning slightly to pass his nose over Jim's golden hair.

There was a moment of silence again, and then Spock approached the door that Jim had opened with his previous statement. "What did you mean by you 'can go for a while without food too,' Jim? I do not understand."

"That…" There was hesitation in Jim's voice, and he sighed before leaning away from Spock to meet his eyes. "That's something that can wait. I don't want to go through that, not here. I promise, we'll talk about it, just… not here."

Spock accepted that, nodding slightly as he saw the pain reflected in his t'hy'la's eyes. He could also sense the reluctance and at the same time slightly frightened feeling through the bond, and he reached out to gently stroke Jim's sharper-than-normal cheekbone. "It is alright t'hy'la, I understand. You do not have to speak of it if you do not wish to."

A slight smile was his response, as well as a surge of affection. "Thanks, Spock." Jim glanced behind the Vulcan, looking towards the entrance to the cave that they had found only two days after leaving the ruined shuttle behind, squinting at the bright light. "Night will be here soon."

The Vulcan nodded, returning his attention to the transmitter on the floor in front of him. It was nearly complete; they would have it running before too long. Jim had tried to help as he could, although for most of the day he simply lay and rested, too weary to do much else. Spock knew that this was frustrating to his mate, but there was nothing he could do to help him; the air was too thin and the heat too much. If Jim exerted himself he could suffer a heat stroke, and they didn't have the supplies to deal with any illness.

Dehydration was starting to become a trouble as well. They were doing their best to stretch their supplies as well as they could, but with the extreme heat Jim needed as much water as they could spare. Already he was starting to enter the moderate stages of dehydration, as he was losing water almost as fast as he could take it in because of the heat. His heart was running at a faster rate, as it had been since they'd gotten to this planet, and Spock knew that his blood pressure was low as he could almost constantly feel a dizzy sensation through the link.

Spock jerked his shoulder slightly and Jim snapped upright; he had been dozing. "We need to move further into the cave, Jim, night is approaching."

Jim wiped at his eyes and then nodded, pressing himself upright slowly. Spock supported him as he swayed, and together the two of them headed back into the darkness of the cave where they kept what supplies they had managed to save from the shuttle.

Terribly hot days gave way to bitterly cold nights, and the two of them spent it huddled together beneath the blankets they had. While Spock felt the cold just as much as Jim, he was slightly better than Jim simply because his body didn't burn through food and water as fast, and so he was better equipped to handle the temperatures.

It was cold enough that Spock was extremely uncomfortable, according to the tricorder down in the 40s, but he managed to stop his shivering and keep his core temperature up through supreme bodily control. Any colder and he would no doubt succumb quickly, but his Vulcan control and desert breeding had some advantage. Most nights he spent with Jim shivering miserably at his side, trying to sleep curled against Spock for what warmth they could gather together. Spock felt helpless that he couldn't help his mate, but Jim simply smiled and told him that it wasn't his fault.

Spock sighed, hugging Jim close to his side to prepare for another night against the onslaught of the weather.

* * *

Day 13 brought something that Spock had been fearing all along. Jim had been nauseous for several days, but had still managed to keep everything down, knowing that he had to in order to survive. But on the morning of their 13th day stranded on this unknown planet, Jim threw up in the corner, losing what little he had in his stomach.

Spock wanted badly to hold him, to comfort his mate, but with the temperature already pushing 125 outside, he knew it wasn't safe for him to touch Jim unless it was absolutely necessary. The Vulcan watched his mate with pain in his heart; he was so thin, his eyes sunken in, skin pale except for the dark circles around his dulled blue eyes. He had lost weight faster than Spock had expected, but with the heat and all the sweating that he had been doing, he had lost so much just in moisture alone.

Although he wasn't nearing dangerous levels, he had still lost what Spock thought to be around 25 pounds. On Jim's already slender frame, it looked a lot worse that it really was; his ribs were easy to count, and his collarbone and cheekbones were standing out sharply, as were his hips. Spock had spent the nights running his hand up and down his mate's back; he could now easily feel the bumps of his spine as he did so.

Jim came closer, panting faintly before collapsing on the dirt beside Spock. The Vulcan reached out, gently petting his mate's hair in what little comfort he could offer before rolling up the battered golden Captain's tunic and placing it under Jim's head.

"I am so sorry, Jim." Spock murmured softly.

Jim was quiet for a moment, trying to regain his breath, and then he responded just as quietly. "None of this is your fault, Spock. You have nothing to be sorry for."

Spock shook his head. "It was my idea to go to the nebula, and it is through my inefficiency that we were stranded here without enough supplies. I am helpless to assist you in any way, I must…" The words remained unspoken, but they both knew what they were.

_I must watch you suffer._

A gentle, shaking hand brushed over the back of Spock's, and the Vulcan laced their fingers together and squeezed. "It's alright." Jim murmured gently. "The _Enterprise_ will find us, and everything will be alright."

Spock could not find it in himself to believe him.

* * *

Day 15, and Jim had a fever.

Spock had saved what water he could, knowing that Jim needed that more than anything, and now he found himself without anymore, helpless to do anything but watch Jim suffer through the sickness. Normally it would be a rather simple process of him sweating it out, but Jim had no moisture in his body; it was a dry fever, and one that was quickly rising to dangerous levels with the already high temperatures.

As Jim passed into delirium Spock could do little more than cradle his head in his lap, his eyes burning with tears he didn't know he could cry as Jim breathed rapid, shallow breaths, his heart racing beneath the thinness of his ribcage.

"W-Water…" Jim croaked at some point, his voice weak and thready, barely a whisper.

Spock felt his heart break. "There is no water, Jim."

Jim fell silent, his blue eyes falling closed as he trembled. Spock sent what comfort he could through their bond, and felt Jim flounder for a response before sinking into unconsciousness. Spock glanced at the medkit, wanting to give him something, a fever reducer, and pain-killer, anything, but all the drugs they had could cause reactions.

A reaction that, in this state, would kill Jim.

_Please hold on, t'hy'la… our crew will come for us, please hold on!_

The next morning, Jim did not wake up.

* * *

Spock woke from his dark, dry haze to the sound of voices shouting somewhere in the distance. He shifted slightly from his position where he was curled around Jim to protect him from the sand storm that had just blown through, opening crusted eyes to try and see out the mouth of the cave.

Before moving any further the Vulcan turned, pressing gentle fingers to Jim's throat, satisfied at the rapid, thready beat beneath his fingers; his mate was still alive, though he had not regained consciousness for nearly two days. With that certainty, Spock rose shakily to his feet, nearly stumbling and falling to the floor. His limbs rebelled and he went down on his knees, raising his head as he resorted to inching his way forward, leaning on the wall.

The voices came closer, and started to clear.

_"Jim! Spock, where are you!" _

_"I can read the transmitter, we're gettin' close!"_

_"Jim! Spock!"_

"Here…!" Spock tried to shout, but his voice came out a cracked whisper, his throat too dry to produce any real sound. He pushed his way forward again, finally coming to the mouth of the cave, the light momentarily blinding him.

There was a gasp, and then a dark shape came into his view. He recognized the worried, thick Southern drawl of McCoy as the man knelt before him, tricorder beeping. "Good god, man! We finally found you! Come on, Sulu, we've got to get him back to the ship!"

"Jim…" Spock rasped out. "Help… Jim…"

McCoy's eyes flew back to the Vulcan. "Where is he?"

Spock pointed shakily behind him. "There… dying…"

There was no need to say more, McCoy flew past him and into the dark of the cave, where Spock heard swearing a moment later.

Knowing that he and his mate were in good hands, Spock finally allowed himself to succumb to the 17 days of little food and almost no water, his body finally dragging him into darkness.

* * *

Spock awoke slowly, blinking in the light above the bed. He felt rested, though still a little shaky, and the dry, itchy feeling in his throat was finally gone. There was movement at his side and he turned his head to see McCoy coming close, holding a tumbler of water.

"Here, this'll help your throat."

The Vulcan allowed the assistance to sit him up, sipping the water gratefully before meeting the doctor's eyes. "Jim?"

McCoy grinned faintly. "Should have known that would be first word out of your mouth. He'll be alright, but it was close. He still hasn't regained consciousness, and his systems are way out of whack, but he'll get better before too long. We've finally got his fluids back up, at least, though he's still got a mild fever."

"How long have I been unconscious? My internal systems are still…" Spock paused, unsure of the word to use. He knew that he had been out for roughly 4 days, but he wasn't positive.

"3 and a half days." McCoy responded, confirming Spock's thoughts. "We've had you on IVs and your fluids are back to normal, but we're going to have to put you on a special diet to get you back up to normal that way. How are you feeling?"

Spock nodded slightly as the doctor piled pillows behind him to support him in a sitting position. "Rested and functioning at near peak efficiency. I suspect I will need only one more day of rest before I can return to duty."

McCoy shook his head slightly. "No way I'm letting you back on that soon, you've been through quite the ordeal. I'm prescribing you at least 2 or 3 days of medical leave."

The Vulcan gave no response to that, merely glanced around the room. He discovered that he was in the private room in sickbay that was reserved for the Captain, and looked to the other side of his bed to see another bio-bed, Jim laying on it.

Spock turned, wanting to stand, but his limbs didn't seem to want to obey, and McCoy held him back with a firm hand on his shoulder. "I know you want to go see him, but you need to stay in bed and rest. I can move you closer, but I need you to stay put."

"I will remain here." Spock replied, placating the Doctor somewhat.

McCoy nodded and pushed at the bed, shifting it closer to the stationary bio-bed. The room had only housed one bed originally, so Spock thought it safe to think that McCoy had one of the beds from the main sickbay moved so the two could be together.

As he was moved closer Spock managed to get a look at Jim for the first time since the planet. There were several cords winding away from his body, as well as tubes that were inserted into both arms. He could see the bulge of what was most likely a feeding tube beneath the gray blankets that covered Jim's body, and there was also a tube down his throat, taped over his chin.

"The endotracheal tube?" Spock asked softly.

"The change from the atmosphere of the planet to normal was pretty severe I guess; his body couldn't take it. We nearly lost him in the first five minutes from what I can only call an asthma attack. He could seem to get any air; we ended up having to intubate just to get his breathing stabilized." McCoy replied. "I wanted to do a nasogastric feeding tube, but with that, we had to do a gastric one. Jim's not going to like it when he wakes up, but…"

Spock shook his head. "Do not concern yourself with that, Doctor. He is healthy?"

McCoy tilted his head slightly. "His blood pressure is still out of whack, and he's about 23 pounds under what I would normally like him to bed, but he's stable, and on the mend. I'm not sure when he'll wake up, but his vitals are good and strong, and his brain waves are going like crazy; he's in there, alright."

"That is good to hear." Spock murmured softly, reaching out to touch the back of Jim's hand. At the touch it was like their bond, which had been quiet for what felt like forever, flared to life. A barrage of emotions poured over Spock, momentarily knocking the Vulcan out of it with a flood of _worryconcernlovefearlovelove_ from Jim's mind. A faint smile twitched at Spock's lips as he blinked through the haze, and he looked to see the smile on McCoy's face as well.

"Like I said, he's in there. Anything concrete from him?" McCoy asked.

Spock shook his head. "Only scattered emotions, he is not aware enough for specific thoughts to come through. He knows that we are here, but it does not appear that he is aware of much else."

McCoy smiled. "That's good. Let me know if anything happens on the mental level, and I'll keep an eye on the physical. Now you need to get some rest." His voice was firm, but Spock could hear the sort of affectionate tease in his voice, something that the doctor had begun to adopt for him not long after Jim had confided in him about their relationship.

"Yes Doctor." Spock replied, returning the tone just enough so that he knew the Doctor would hear it. He turned his head back toward his mate, slipping his fingers between Jim's to hold his hand gently.

Just before he slipped into rest, he felt Jim's fingers tighten around his own.

* * *

See what I said about assumptions? I think that it's logical that Spock, as a desert-raised person, would have some sort of biological defense agaisnt cold; most deserts tend to go from cold to hot. While 40 isn't really all that cold to some people, in the situation, it was a pretty big shift. Also, Spock does have more control over his bodily functions, so this seemed to work...

There will be a followup on this; one of the words I've gotten will work nicely for it. It will most likely be within the next few chapters. I hope you guys liked this one!


	8. Mistaking, Bathroom, Presence

Alright, these next three aren't as bad as my last couple have been, at least in the torturing of Jim area. Up first we have some overreacting!Jim, which was highly entertaining to write, by the way, and some reasurring!Spock. After that is some funny/hurt/comfort stuff in the second, and the third is pure fluff. YAY!

* * *

13

Mistaking

_an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc; a misunderstanding or misconception._

James T. Kirk had never been angrier in his entire life.

Well, at least not that he could really remember.

His fists were clenched tightly at his sides, enough so that he knew his knuckles had to be white. He could almost feel the anger rolling down his spine, the tremors that he was struggling to hold back as he stalked through the halls of the _Enterprise_, heading for his quarters.

Once the door was shut behind him he pounded a fist against the wall, but the gesture was half-hearted at best. His anger was draining into something that he didn't want to feel, and he struggled to hold onto the burning in the pit of his stomach, but it faded to sadness and betrayal. The burning traveled from his abdomen to root itself behind his eyes and smolder.

Shifting in the room, Jim pressed his back to the wall and sank down to the floor and pulling his knees up to his chest and pressing his face against them. Shivers took his body, and Jim tensed, trying to hold off the frantic, hard trembles that were quickly taking over his frame. Wrapping his arms around himself, Jim released a breath that sounded far too much like a sob for his liking.

_Why?.! Why would he do this?.! After what he told me, why would he do this?.! I trusted him! _

Pressing his face harder against his folded arms, Jim couldn't help but think back to the scene that he had witnessed only moments before…

* * *

_Jim left the bridge with a near bounce in his step, heading towards the Science labs where he knew Spock to be. He and Spock had what Jim liked to call their 'third date' tonight, though it was simply a meeting for chess and a quiet dinner taken in Jim's quarters. The blond had trouble containing the big smile that threatened to consume his face, and he felt the happiness rising in his chest as he got closer to the Science lab. _

_It still amazed him how happy Spock made him; the idea of commitment not that long ago would have scared him off, but now he almost couldn't see a life without the Vulcan. _

_Entering the lab, Jim scanned the area for Spock. He didn't immediately see the Vulcan, and so he took a few steps further before his entire body froze, eyes flying wide and betrayal stabbing into his heart. _

_Spock was standing with a crewmember he didn't recognize, the aforementioned woman pressed against the wall. Spock's head was bent toward her, and although Jim couldn't see their faces, he had little doubt about what was happening. The woman's hands appeared to be fisted in Spock's blue science tunic, and his hands were braced on the wall beside her head. _

_Whirling, Jim ran from the room, not even hearing Spock's voice as the Vulcan called his name. _

* * *

The tears burned at Jim's eyes as he struggled not to cry, beating himself up internally for being so weak. He was James T. Kirk, he didn't cry over something as stupid as this! It wasn't like he was really attached to Spock that much, he would get over him…

Right?

There was a buzz at the door, and Jim raised his head, glancing towards the door before speaking softly. "Go away."

"Jim, please allow me entrance." Spock voice was muffled by the door, but the tone of his voice made it clear that he had seen Jim leave the room.

"I said go AWAY!"

Spock was quiet for a moment more, and then the door suddenly slid open, causing Jim to flinch backwards with a soft gasp, tightening his grip on his knees. Spock stepped inside to allow the door to close behind him before moving closer and settling down on the floor beside Jim.

Jim glared at him with all his might, trying to look as threatening as he possibly could, though he knew in some corner of his mind that he looked about as intimidating as a kitten right now. "I don't want you in here." His voice sounded watery and he cursed himself once more.

The Vulcan sighed faintly. "Jim, tell me what you saw."

Blinking, Jim stared at him for a moment before plowing ahead, anger seeping back into his voice. "You were with that woman, had her against the wall. You were _kissing her._" The venom in his voice surprised even himself.

Spock shook his head. "I did not begin that incident, she initiated the touch. I was attempting to…" he paused for a moment. "I believe the human term is 'let her down gently' rather than reject her harshly."

Jim snorted wetly. "Yea, sucking her face off is gentle, alright."

"Jim…" Spock murmured, reaching out to touch him. "What you saw was false; I had no desire for her, or for what she did. It was merely an unfortunate event that you witnessed at the wrong moment."

The blond jerked back as Spock's hand came towards him, shooting to his feet and backing up. Spock followed him to his feet a moment later, and Jim shook his head slightly while tears began to run down his cheeks. "I trusted you. You knew I had trouble with long term relationships, and how much it took for me to trust you the way that I do, and you still did that! _How could you_?"

Spock finally lost his carefully held patience, taking a step forward and crowding Jim against the wall, pressing their bodies flush together and pinning the smaller form to the wall. "You are being illogical." Spock growled, his lips centimeters from Jim's. "You were mistaken in your assumptions; _I only have desire for you_."

With those words the Vulcan dove in and roughly captured Jim's lips. Jim struggled briefly, but couldn't help the small moan that slipped from his mouth and he folded beneath the pressure, going limp against the wall and Spock's body. The Vulcan easily held him, parting from him slowly and looking into his eyes.

"She did it?" Jim asked softly after a moment. "I… I'm such an idiot."

"You are not 'an idiot' Jim, you are having difficulties getting past abandonment issues as well as commitment fears and you merely overreacted. I understand." Spock placated quietly, gently letting their foreheads rest together.

Jim snorted before shifting his face to nuzzle at Spock's cheek. "I'm glad that one of us understands me, because I sure as hell don't."

Spock smiled only slightly. "We will discover that understanding together."

"Sounds good." Jim lapsed into silence, merely breathing in Spock's scent quietly while calming himself. "Can I get rid of that woman?"

"No Jim, she is a brilliant mind, and an asset in the Science department." Spock replied patiently.

"Can I at least yell at her and stake my claim?"

A sigh answered him. "No Jim, you may not."

* * *

14

Bathroom

_a room equipped for taking a bath or shower._

Looking back, Jim found it absolutely hilarious.

Spock never really understood why his mate found that particular subject so amusing, but he did understand that it was rather unusual, the circumstances that had led to their initial gravitating together and later bonding.

It all started with the bathroom.

Specifically, the bathroom between the Captain's and First Officer's quarters that Jim and Spock shared when they had been assigned to the _Enterprise_. At first Jim hadn't really thought about it a whole lot; he knew that there would possibly be some awkward moments, but he didn't worry about it. They were both men after all; there was no reason to be embarrassed by anything that could happen.

As such, the first time that Jim had walked in to see Spock just climbing into the shower, he had apologized profusely and backed out, placing his back against the door and breathing deeply to clear the burning of blush across his cheeks, but he had been able to put it out of his mind.

The second time something happened it was Spock who came in to find Jim just getting ready to drop his towel to enter the shower. The Vulcan had looked away a moment later and left the room after mumbling 'my apologies.'

Embarrassing situations were something that Jim could put aside, even though he quietly admired Spock's pale physique when he could during these accidental spying sessions. However, the first time that Spock found him half-asleep leaning against the sink cabinets, one hand on the edge of the toilet to help guide him when the alcohol rebelled again, that was a different thing.

Spock hadn't said a word when he entered; merely stood quietly nearby in case Jim needed him. He didn't ask anything; he knew why Jim had drunk himself into oblivion in the first place because he had been there when the bright young Ensign had been killed by a silly accident that Jim could have prevented.

The Vulcan helped Jim to his room after his stomach finally calmed down, and then left with only a light, gentle touch to his forehead to convey peace and sleep.

Jim hadn't said anything to Spock in the morning, merely nodded to him. Spock had nodded in reply, acknowledging the gesture and conveying his own sort of welcome. He felt a sort of warmth in his abdomen at the sort of affection that he saw the Spock's eyes, a rush of heat at the thought that it was only for him.

The next time this happened, Spock came and sat beside him, quietly watching him as Jim tried to figure out the solution in his mind. "I could have saved them." Jim mumbled.

"It is not your fault, Jim." Spock replied just as softly. "You could not have predicted the actions of the planet's population."

Jim let out a shaky sigh, and the tears began to roll silently down his cheeks. Spock said nothing about the wetness on the blond's cheeks, and also didn't move when Jim leaned forward and put his forehead against the Vulcan's shoulder. Spock allowed the touch for a moment before he reached up, a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder blade.

With that touch Jim broke, sobbing against Spock and burrowing against his chest. Spock stiffened at first, but then his body relaxed and he held Jim against him, rocking him gently to try and calm him. As the tears slowed and Jim began to grow quiet, he leaned away from Spock, feeling embarrassed about what he had done.

"I'm sorry." he murmured. "That was stupid of me, and I know that you don't like touch a whole lot."

Spock shook his head slightly. "I am not adverse to touch if it is you, in fact, I find myself quite… enjoying it."

Jim looked up with shock in his blue eyes, even more surprised to see the slightest of smiles on Spock's face. A grin slowly spread across the blond's features, and after a moment's consideration he leaned forward to drop a quick kiss on Spock's cheek. "Thanks Spock. It… means a lot to me."

Spock looked momentarily surprised at the kiss, but the slight smile return a moment later. "No thanks are necessary, Jim."

Those actions had been the catalyst, and before long the two were progressing further and further into a relationship, one that they both found they enjoyed.

It all started with the bathroom.

* * *

15

Presence

_the state or fact of being present, as with others or in a place; immediate vicinity; proximity_

Lying awake in the middle of the night was nothing new to Spock. He didn't need as much sleep as a human, and so he often found himself lying in the bed, eyes focused on the ceiling while he went through his thoughts. Before, he would have gotten up and spent the remainder of the night hours in meditation, or perhaps finishing a report or other odd job. Now, however, he found himself with a good reason to stay in the bed and engage in one of his new favorite activities.

Watching Jim sleep.

Spock rolled over onto his side, facing toward the slender body lying beside him. Jim was facing him, face relaxed and peaceful in deep sleep, full lips curved only slightly into a smile. Spock's eyes lovingly traced every curve of Jim's face, across the slope of his nose, the high line of his cheekbone, the brush of dark lashes against bronzed skin, the soft skin of his pink lips.

Reaching out, the Vulcan skimmed gentle fingers over Jim's brow before stroking through his golden hair, just touching the surface thoughts through their bond and touch. Jim shifted slightly in response, rolling closer to him and breathing in deeply before letting out a content sigh. Spock shifted closer, his arms aching to hold his mate as he carefully slipped his left arm beneath Jim's pliant body, tugging him closer to rest him against his chest. Jim let out a soft sound, shifting with him to lie beside him, one arm wrapped around Spock's ribcage and his cheek resting on the Vulcan's warm collarbone.

Spock let out a faint sigh as Jim's cool body settled against his own, raising a hand to run the backs of his fingers carefully over Jim's cheek. The gentle sound of Jim breathing wafted over Spock as he allowed his eyes to close, focusing his entire being on the presence against his side, the aura of his mate.

It still amazed him how something as simple as feeling Jim against him could inspire such calm and feeling in him. Spock couldn't resist the faint smile on his lips as he focused his mind on the gentle rhythm of Jim's heart beating, the shift of his chest as he breathed. Such a simple thing, and yet it lulled the Vulcan into a state of relaxation that he had only found in the deepest of meditations.

Sighing once more in extreme content, Spock lifted Jim's left hand, gently tangling his fingers with those tanned, calloused digits before settling their joined hands on his chest, his knuckles just brushing where Jim's heart beat strong and steady beneath his ribs.

_I shall never leave your side, my t'hy'la…_

* * *

-drowns in fluff- God I love doing these sorts of fics! I was so happy when my generator threw some nicer words at me that I could use for a fluffy bit! YAY!


	9. Sin

Alright, here's the followup to Survival, not horribly long, but I found it enjoyable. I must say, writing this story has been just what I needed; I'm having FAR too much fun with it. In the next few days you guys are going to get a couple of extra chapters; I've been writing so much, I'm already on the 21st one, so I'm not going to keep putting them off. I was going to try and get ahead a little, but it seems that I'm still going good, so you guys get more!

This chapter has got some sensitive stuff in it, and my own interpretations of Tarsus IV. There are some OCs in here, but they don't play a huge role. Of course there's established relationship, just like in "Survival" but that's pretty much it.

* * *

16

Sin

_any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense:_

Waking with a start was not something that Spock was used to. Usually he woke with complete control over his body, easily sliding out of rest with calm and poise. So when his eyes snapped open and he had to focus to calm his breathing and racing heart, he was slightly confused as well as concerned.

Blinking to clear his blurry vision Spock took stock of his surroundings, taking in the dimly lit room around him.

_Of course. The quarters I share with Jim. _

Where else would he be? Shaking himself slightly the Vulcan then turned his attention to figure out what had awoken him so abruptly and in such a state of panic. There appeared to be no immediate signs of any disturbance in their quarters, and Spock found himself at a bit of a loss.

Unable to determine anything around him, he supposed that it could be some latent reactions from being on the planet that they had recently been rescued from. After both he and Jim had awoken, Doctor McCoy had sent them back to their quarters to rest, knowing that they would both get more sleep there than in sickbay, apart from each other.

In the two weeks since leaving the planet, both of them had been slowly getting used to being back in safety. Jim had gained weight steadily on the diet McCoy had given him, but he was still underweight, thin enough that Spock could still feel his ribs beneath his skin. Spock had been worried for some time (though he would never admit it) but now he was starting to see the old Jim emerging once more. For a bit he had been so lethargic and sickly that Spock had hardly recognized him.

His thoughts were interrupted by a distressed whimper from his side.

Instantly Spock looked down towards the presence that he had faintly acknowledged at first, and was now brought to the front of his attention. Jim was curled into a tight ball at his side, knees tucked against his chest and his head sheltered by his arms, hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at the back of his neck. The sheen of sweat was obvious along his skin, and as Spock laid a gentle hand against the damp skin, he felt a rush of emotions, and mix of words that he barely interpreted as _…!_

Grasping Jim's shoulder, the Vulcan shook his mate gently, pressing feelings of comfort and calm while also trying to give his mind the jumpstart he needed to wake up. "Jim. Wake up, Jim!"

A ragged, heavy gasp answered him and Jim's eyes flew open, his head jerking up as his whole body tensed even further. Watery blue eyes met Spock's gaze, and then the tension seemed to just drain out of Jim's body and he was limp against the mattress for a moment before a hushed sob escaped him and he drew his limbs up to his chest.

Spock quickly shifted to take Jim's form into his arms, holding him gently as tears poured down his face. Jim curled against him, sobbing brokenly into the Vulcan's chest and clutching at him, burying his face against the side of Spock's throat. Murmuring softly in Vulcan Spock rocked him, stroking his hair and back, sending calm and love through their bond and touch.

Jim's tears subsided rather quickly into sniffles, and Spock felt his eyelashes move wetly across his pulse as he opened his eyes. Silence moved over them for several long minutes, and then Jim spoke softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Shaking his head slightly, Spock continued to pet his fingers across Jim's forehead and temple. "It is not an issue, Jim. I am merely concerned for you. What is it that you dreamed about that made you react this way?"

"I…" Jim paused before continuing with a shaky intake of breath. "I suppose I did tell you that we would talk about this eventually."

Steeling himself, Jim moved away from Spock, sitting up fully and wiping at his face. Spock didn't push him, waiting quietly while his mate calmed himself down fully and prepared to tell a story that Spock had been both eager and afraid to hear.

Jim's eyes were impossibly blue and deep as he looked up to meet Spock's gaze, and he took a deep breath before beginning. "When I was 11 years old, my… step-father Frank had me sent away to live with my aunt Selena for about a year. I didn't really care about it; all I knew was that I wanted to get away from Frank for a while. I went with her without a fight, to her home on a planet called Tarsus IV."

At those words Spock's eyes widened. "Jim…"

The blond raised a hand. "Please, Spock, don't interrupt. I don't know if I'll be able to keep going if you stop me." Spock nodded and fell silent, though he reached out to take Jim's hand in his. Jim squeezed it gratefully, and then continued.

"It was nice, for the first 5 months or so. I could run around and do anything I wanted to, for the most part. As long as I stayed safe and within sight of the house, Auntie didn't care where I went. She was great like that, and I had three cousins to play with, Brian, Sky, and Nick; they were all younger than me, but they were awesome." Jim smiled slightly at the memory. "We were crazy, getting into anything and everything all the time, sometimes I wonder how Auntie put up with all of us on her own."

Seriousness slipped onto the blond's features, and then Jim's voice grew quiet as he kept going. "Then the fungus hit. Everything died, and it got harder and harder to get food. Auntie did whatever she could to get us anything to eat, but there was only so much we could do. About 2 months after the fungus hit the… order came out. All of us were on the kill list, so Auntie did what she had to do again; she took us and ran. We managed to keep out of sight for a month, and then they caught us. I did what I had to and took Brian, Sky and Nick and ran. That was the last time that we saw Auntie."

Jim had begun shaking now, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap. Spock started stroking his knuckles gently with a thumb, pressing affection through their bond and pulling Jim against him. The blond sank into the touch, leaning against his mate and going still for several long minutes. Spock said nothing, allowing him to collect himself to finish the story that the Vulcan knew wasn't finished.

"Sky was the first to go. He just… didn't wake up one morning. The other two cried, didn't want to leave him, but I knew that we had to. We always had to keep moving. I lost Nick after that; we almost got caught, and I only managed to get Brian out. That was… one of the hardest things I've ever done, leaving him behind."

Jim pressed his face against Spock's throat. "We were found by Starfleet only two weeks after that, and we were taken back to Earth. Brian was too malnourished, I guess, they only told me that he died in the hospital about 5 hours after we were rescued."

Spock started to stroke Jim's hair softly, his lips gently passing across his brow before resting there for a moment and he began to speak. "It was not your fault, Jim. Their deaths were not your fault."

"I know." Jim breathed quietly. "I did everything I could to save them, but I was only 11, and despite everything, I could only get so much for us. I nearly died myself, they told me; I was in the hospital for 2 weeks, and on a special diet for 5 months to get me back up to weight. Mom even came back to Earth for me; stayed for all 5 months before taking off again. It was the longest stretch of time that she stayed." A smile curved his lips. "I loved every minute of it."

Quiet fell between them, and Spock carefully shifted their bodies so they were laying flat against the mattress once more, Jim's head resting against his shoulder. Jim's former distress had calmed at this point, his mind quiet and sleepy.

"Thank you for telling me, t'hy'la." Spock murmured. "For sharing this with me, trusting me."

Jim's smile was warm against his mind as their bond sparked faintly. "It's part of relationships…" he whispered, sighing contentedly. "I should have trusted you before…" He shifted, rubbing his cheek against Spock's shoulder. "It's been a while since I've had a dream that bad about Tarsus."

"The recent trauma caused you to remember it." Spock replied. "As well as the similar circumstances."

"'It was not your fault.'" Jim repeated softly. "None of that was your fault Spock; I know that you think it was. What happened was just an accident, and we got through it. Just like we'll get through all sorts of things together, I suspect, before the end of our lives." A soft kiss ghosted across Spock's collarbone before Jim settled back down, his mind slipping further into sleep. "Mmm… Love you."

Spock kissed his mate's forehead before closing his own eyes and releasing a sigh of content. "I love you too, t'hy'la…"


	10. Drug

This... chapter is weird. I was so tempted not to post it, cause it is THAT weird, but I decided to post it anyway. Once again, this is just plain funky. I'm still unsure about it, but... here you go. I'll go ahead and post another chapter later today most likely, but... hope you like it?

Yea. Weird. Established relationship.... and weird.

* * *

17

Drug

_a chemical substance used __to stupefy or poison _

Jim stood in the transporter room, arms folded over his chest while he waited for Scotty to get a lock on Spock and the away team. The Vulcan had taken two of the Science team with him to a planet that had given off readings of useful ore that they could have taken aboard, though they hadn't been able to determine what exactly they were from long range scans. While Jim had wanted to go, Spock had told him no firmly and left him on the _Enterprise_, something that the blond was going to pout about later to guilt Spock into giving him some really great apology sex.

The red lights signaled the start of beaming, and then three people materialized on the platform. Jim smiled as his eyes met Spock's and then the expression fell from his face. Spock looked unusually tense, eyebrows twitched together, frown on his lips, and tightness all over his shoulders.

"Spock?" Jim asked softly, pressing slightly at their bond. It was like hitting a brick wall and Jim had to stop himself from physically jerking back, surprised. While sometimes Spock would dull their bond to help them function apart, he had never bluntly blocked Jim since the bond had been formed.

The Vulcan stalked past him, leaving the transporter room and Jim with a shocked look on his face and confusion in his heart. Even Scotty seemed surprised, he looked towards Jim, and their eyes met before the Captain gave a half-hearted shrug. Jim turned to follow Spock, briefly pausing to give Scotty the orders to debrief the away team. The engineer nodded and didn't argue, knowing that something was wrong that Jim and Spock needed to work out.

Jim found Spock standing quietly in their quarters, against the wall with one hand fisted, resting above his head. Moving forward slowly, Jim tried to enter the bond again, only to be forcefully shoved backwards this time. He winced at the bolt of pain that shot through his head at the force, and finally spoke.

"Spock, what's wrong? Did something happen on the planet?"

Spock's back tensed. "I request that you leave me alone at this time, Captain."

Surprise flowed through Jim at that word. Spock hadn't called him 'Captain' in private since they had begun dating. Jim stepped forward, reaching out a hand to brush his fingers over Spock's back. "Something's wrong, talk to—" His voice was cut off by a surprised, nearly frightened sound as Spock whirled around, his hand lashing out and wrapping tightly around Jim's wrist.

"I told you…" Spock growled lowly, his voice a rumbling thunder that Jim had never heard from him before. "To leave me ALONE!"

At the final word the Vulcan clenched his hand, and Jim couldn't stop the surprised cry that exploded from his throat. He tried to yank backwards, but Spock's grip was too strong. "Spock, stop it!" Jim said frantically, blue eyes wide with fear. His wrist was throbbing; if it wasn't broken, it would be shortly. "Something's wrong, we need to get you to sickbay…"

Spock's eyes were alien as they met Jim's, the naked rage and hate on the Vulcan's features making Jim's heart race. "There is nothing wrong with me. Cease your annoying prying this moment!"

"Spock, you're hurting me!" Jim tried pleading, pulling backwards again. "Let go! I have to go get Bones so he can help you!"

A roar escaped Spock, and the next thing Jim knew he was being slammed against the wall, the back of his head bouncing off with enough force to leave him barely conscious, stars dancing in his vision before Spock pulled back a hand.

"There is nothing wrong!" Spock growled. "And you need to learn to be silent when I tell you!"

_**Pain**_. Oh _**god**_ so much pain. Jim opened his mouth to try and speak, a bloody gurgle escaping him as blood spilled down his chin. "Spuh…" Jim forced out before coughing violently, blood splattering across Spock's pale skin.

The droplets across his face seemed to snap Spock out of whatever he'd fallen into, and he came back to awareness to see Jim's rapidly paling face in front of him, blue eyes filled with terror, pain, and a strange sort of acceptance as blood poured from his lips. Spock's eyes widened in surprise, and then he looked down.

His hand was buried to the wrist in Jim's chest.

With a startled gasp Spock pulled backwards on instinct, forcing a choked scream from Jim's lips. The right side of his chest was caved in, denting oddly inward.

Jim was fading fast, blood bubbling at the corner of his mouth as he began to drown in his own blood, watery gurgles coming from his throat. Spock spared no more time, quickly lifting his mate and running from the room, sprinting as fast as he could to sickbay.

As soon as he exploded through the doors he let out a shout, bringing several people running. McCoy's face went white as soon as he saw Jim, draped lifelessly in Spock's arms, already shouting out orders as he pulled Spock to lay Jim on a bio-bed.

"I haven't got a pulse!" McCoy shouted. "He's not breathing either! Damnit, Jim, don't you dare die on me now!"

Spock wasn't aware of his next actions as he sprang forward with an angry roar as Jim was taken away from him. There was a hiss near his ear and then darkness came in.

The last thing that he saw was Jim's eyes, half-lidded and dark, staring endlessly through him.

* * *

"Feel like telling me what the _**hell**_ just happened?" McCoy asked, his voice tense as he stood above Spock's bed, arms crossed over his chest.

The Vulcan wasn't looking at him, his eyes turned towards the door of the room where Jim was on the other side of sickbay. "I find myself… confused." he said softly after a moment. "I do not recall returning from the planet, nor how I ended up in the quarters I share with Jim. The first sight I remember is…"

McCoy ran a palm across his forehead. "Your fist punching through Jim's ribcage, I assume. We found traces of trillium-D in you, Spock. Not much, but enough to cloud your senses and release your emotions for a short time. No doubt anger."

"Will he…"

"Four broken ribs, all four embedded in his lung. One pierced his back; two more came within millimeters of piercing his heart. He was technically dead for 12 minutes, oxygen-deprived for 14. I managed to repair what little brain damage was caused by that, and he still on a ventilator because he can't breathe on his own, but he'll live." McCoy responded, tone clipped and professional.

Spock lifted a hand, placing it over his eyes and struggling with himself. The Vulcan pushed himself into a sitting position before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing. "I will… take my leave."

McCoy blinked in surprise. "You don't want to go see him?"

"I do not deserve to be in his presence."

"Spock…" McCoy felt a wrench in his heart; he knew how much Spock cared for Jim, even if the Vulcan never really showed it in public. "It wasn't your fault. You were drugged; Ensign Jamel told me that you found traces of trillium-D in the atmosphere when you were down there; none of it was your fault."

Spock's eyes were full of guilt and anger that McCoy had long since learned to read. "I injured my mate, my t'hy'la. I nearly killed him; I do not even deserve to continue my own life!"

McCoy had never heard so much anger in Spock's voice, and he knew that the anger was directed at the Vulcan himself. "Spock."

The Vulcan looked sharply at him since he had turned away to look at the door to Jim's private sickbay room. There was naked remorse written on his face, and McCoy knew at that moment that he never wanted to see that much pain on his face ever again. Spock was a dear friend, and after the terror of today, he wanted to be sure that he made it right.

"I know that you're going to continue to think that this was your fault, but I just want to you to go and sit with him. He'll wake up before too long, and then just talk to him. Tell him what happened. He'll understand, and he'll tell you himself; this was not your fault." McCoy said firmly, folding his arms over his chest. "You weren't yourself."

"That does not change the fact that I performed these atrocities." Spock bit out.

McCoy sighed before flapping a hand towards Jim's room. "Go sit with your husband."

Spock was still for a moment, and then he started moving towards the door. He paused for a moment again, and then forced himself to enter the room.

Jim was lying on the bed in the center of the room, a brace around his wrist and blankets pulled up beneath his arms. The movement of his chest was accompanied by a soft _whoosh _and _hiss_ of the ventilator beside the bed, and Spock nearly forced himself to leave again before going forward and sitting in the chair beside the bed.

He waited a few more moment before reaching up to slide his hand over Jim's and threading their fingers together. "Jim…" he murmured quietly. "I am so… very sorry." Lowering his head, Spock pressed his forehead against the back of Jim's hand, noticing faintly that he was shaking. "When we bonded I pledged myself to you, told you that I would always protect you and be by your side, and I have betrayed that trust. The trillium does not excuse what I did. I believe that I should…"

There was a press at his mind, and Spock looked up sharply to meet dazed blue eyes staring at him quietly. Jim's mouth moved slightly, a soft sound coming from his throat before he fell silent, realizing that he couldn't speak. Spock felt Jim squeeze his hand gently, and then there was another push at their link.

Spock paused only another moment before allowing their bond to open, welcoming Jim's presence back into his mind and relishing the warmth of his mate's thoughts against his own once more.

_Spock… _

_I'm so sorry, Jim…_

Jim's hand rose, fingers skimming over Spock's cheek as the Vulcan leaned down to lean into the touch. _It wasn't your fault, Spock. What Bones said was right; none of it was something you did on purpose._ His fingers skimmed across Spock's temple, petting gently. _I don't blame you for any of it._

_I nearly killed you. _Spock replied bitterly, shrinking slightly in the mental touch. Jim's eyebrows twitched together, frowning. _It was irresponsible of me, and I do not deserve to be in your life anymore._

Jim's grip on his hand tightened and he shook it slightly as a faint spike of anger through their bond. _Don't you dare think that! You will never lose that right, and I would never let you go, even if you tried. Now quit feeling sorry for yourself, we both know that it wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you for it, so you shouldn't blame yourself._

Spock had no response to those words; he merely sat quietly, though his fingers slowly started stroking over the back of Jim's knuckles. _I would understand if you wish me to leave._

_**Never**_. Jim said firmly.


	11. Outcry, Transformation

Alright, reeeeeeally long one this time, as the first one is too short to be on it's own, so I put it with the second, even though that one was long enough.

For the first one, just some humorish stuff, established relationship in both, and for the second... well, you'll just have to see. It's cute! :D

Hope you guys liked the double update!

* * *

18

Outcry

_a crying out; loud clamor._

Something that Spock found mildly amusing about Jim was that he was extremely vocal during sex.

Jim was a rather outspoken person anyway, in life and in his career. He stood up for what he believed, and had no worries about speaking out. Although, this wasn't exactly what Spock had in mind when he'd started the relationship with Jim. He knew that Jim had a tendency to be generally loud and sometimes rather obnoxious, but this wasn't what he'd expected at all.

The first time they had sex Spock had been surprised slightly at how much Jim had cried out during the act. He had moaned quite a bit, as well as talking almost all the way throughout and then letting out a shout at climax. Spock had asked him afterwards, simply curious as to why Jim was like that.

A laugh had been his response. "What, did I scare you?"

"You did not 'scare' me." Spock said with a faint frown. "I was merely curious as to why you found it necessary to be so vocal."

Jim snorted. "I didn't do it on purpose. I've always been like that. I'm just… a bit of a talker, I guess. Do you…" A frown moved onto his face, and Spock felt a trickle of worry in his emotions through their touch. "Do you not like it?"

Spock considered for a moment. "I did not find it… displeasing. I found your running commentary quite intriguing."

Another snort was his response. "Well that's certainly never a way that I've heard it put before." The grin returned to Jim's face, snarky and seductive all at the same time. "Do you want to… try it out again?"

"I believe that would be pleasing."

* * *

19

Transformation

_the state of being transformed; change in form, appearance, nature, or character._

Of all the things that Leonard H. McCoy had expected to see during a 5 year trip in space, this was not one of them.

He had expected plagues, burns, cuts, scrapes, sickness, maybe even some limbs cut off or something. But never in his wildest dreams had he expected to see Spock walking into sickbay, a small, blanket-wrapped bundle cradled in his arms.

Mildly curious, the CMO had moved forward to discern what the Vulcan was holding, and then had jumped back in surprise when pulling the blanket back had revealed the small, sleeping face of a human child; maybe four years old.

A human child that he recognized to be one James T. Kirk.

His initial thought had been correct; a preliminary examination of the unconscious toddler revealed him to be approximately four years and two months old. He was in perfect health, if a little small for his age, and McCoy finally turned to Spock, who had stood quietly behind him the entire time, his dark eyes focused on the child who used to be his bondmate.

"Care to explain?" McCoy asked roughly, gesturing vaguely to the little form on the bio-bed before folding his arms over his chest.

Spock straightened slightly as he was addressed, eyes moving to meet McCoy's before he began to speak.

* * *

_Spock pressed the buzzer beside the Captain's door a second time, frowning when there was once again no response. Although Jim sometimes had a habit of ignoring or missing the first buzz, he was always prompt at the second. At this point he was also worried; his bond with Jim felt dulled far beyond normal and it was worrying him. When another minute passed Spock finally entered the override code, entering to see an empty room. _

_"Captain?" he called experimentally, eyes scanning the room to try and locate his bondmate. "Jim?"_

_A soft sound caught his attention, and the Vulcan turned instantly towards it. He walked forward, and then frowned as he caught sight of a pile of clothing on the floor. A close examination of the pile revealed it to be the uniform of the Captain. Another frown moved onto Spock's face, and then there was another small whimper from in front of him. _

_Peering forward, the Vulcan managed to locate the source of the sounds; a tiny, naked child, curled in a ball between the bed and the wall. He was huddled as far into the crevice as he could get, and Spock was surprised to see wide, watery blue eyes staring out at him from the dim light. _

_"Jim?" he asked, a faint hint of surprise in his tones. _

_The boy flinched backwards, fear trembling through his frame. Spock immediately lowered his voice, trying to convey calm and peace towards the boy's mind at the same time through what little was left of their bond. He tried to stay out of it for the most part, not wanting to overwhelm the small mind. _

_"It is alright, I will not harm you." he murmured softly, sitting on the floor in front of the child and waiting patiently. Those blue eyes stared at him for several long moments before the fear slowly began to fade from them. Spock could still see that he was afraid, but the overwhelming curiosity that was blooming in his gaze was starting to take over. _

_It was approximately 5 minutes before the boy slowly unfolded himself and crept forward, eyes still locked on Spock's even as he moved. _

_"Who'er you?"_

_The soft, timid voice wasn't what Spock had expected, but he attempted to respond in a way that wouldn't frighten him again. "My name is Spock. You are safe here."_

_The boy tilted his head, and at this point he was close enough that Spock could touch him. The Vulcan thought a moment, and then reached forward, brushing the pads of his fingers across the boy's temple, briefly impressing the need to sleep. _

_With a soft sigh the boy collapsed into his lap. Spock looked at him quietly for a moment, and then lifted him, wrapping him in a blanket off the bed before heading towards sickbay._

* * *

"Any idea why he's a four year old now?" McCoy asked after contemplating what Spock had told him for a few minutes.

Spock shook his head slightly. "He did not show any signs of distress after returning from the planet, and I do not recall seeing any trouble on the surface. If something happened to him there, it occurred when I was not with him."

McCoy raised an eyebrow. "You left him alone?" His tone was gently mocking. "I've never known you to do that."

"I was… distracted."

The CMO chuckled softly. "In other words, you were too busy being 'fascinated' by the plants. You are such a scientist…" He trailed off, turning his eyes back to the sleeping child. "Well, I can't find any toxins or anything in him, at least not that the equipment here can recognize. However, by what I can tell he'll probably be back to normal before too long; his cells are in a state of flux, he could change back today, it could be a couple weeks. We'll just have to put up with him until then."

Spock raised an eyebrow at that last sentence, and then nodded slightly. "I understand. I assume that you will be caring for him?"

"And what makes you say that?" McCoy asked, folding his arms.

"You are a father yourself; I thought it safe to assume that you care for Jim until he had returned to his normal state." Spock replied mildly, the eyebrow sinking slightly. "Was this an incorrect thought?"

McCoy shrugged after a moment. "I don't suppose so. I can take care of him for the most part, but sickbay isn't really a place for a child, and I'll bet you anything that Jim won't want to be corralled; he's never liked it. Besides, you know as well as I do that there's a flu going around; I'd rather Jim not be here to catch it, his immune system is finicky enough without keeping him in a sickbay." The Doctor looked to the Vulcan with surprise on his features. "Besides, I figured you'd want to watch him."

Spock nodded at those words. "You are correct, Doctor about keeping him in sickbay. I will watch him for now; perhaps a schedule can be made up so that he is not in sickbay often. I am certain that Lieutenant Uhura will have no issues with caring for him."

McCoy frowned, not understanding why Spock would want to distance himself from Jim, especially after what had just happened. He opened his mouth to say something, but then there was a sound from behind them, and both men turned to see big blue eyes staring up at them. Jim had sat up on the bed, hands fisted slightly in the blanket that was still wrapped around his small frame.

McCoy plastered a smile onto his face. "Good morning, Jimmy. How are you feeling?"

Jim tilted his head slightly. "You know my name?"

The man nodded, leaning down slightly so he was more on Jim's level. "That's right, I'm Doctor Bones, I'm one of the people who's going to be taking care of you for a while."

"Did my Mommy ask you to?" Jim asked, his voice intelligent and clear for a four year old, though it was quiet and subdued, nothing like the exuberant Jim Kirk that Spock had grown to love dearly.

"Yes." McCoy responded after a moment. "I'm a friend of your Mom's. We're going to be meeting a lot of new people, are you feeling up to it."

Jim nodded after a moment, seeming to just accept the words of the Doctor. Spock found this mildly strange; while he had never had a profound attachment to his mother as a human child would, at the age that Jim was currently he would have been much more concerned about her whereabouts, especially if he had just woken up in the manner that he had, surrounded by unfamiliar people and in an unfamiliar location.

McCoy stepped out of the room briefly, and a moment later came back with Nurse Christine Chapel following him, holding a small set of clothes, simple soft black pants and a white T-shirt. The blond woman cooed softly as she saw Jim, coming close to him and leaning down.

"Aren't you the cutest thing I've ever seen." she cooed to him, smiling gently when the child shrunk backwards faintly, eyes wide and mouth pressed into a thin line. McCoy gestured to Spock at this moment, calling the Vulcan's attention away from the pair.

"He's far too quiet at this stage…" McCoy murmured. "We need to be easy with him for a little while; he's probably still a little overwhelmed by everything."

Spock paused a moment before asking the question that was circling his mind. "Why is it that he accepted the absence of his mother so easily?"

McCoy sighed. "I was wondering if you were going to ask me that. Jim's mentioned to me before that when he was little he was shuffled around a lot between relatives; his mom was always off planet. She didn't marry Frank until Jim was 5, so it makes sense at this stage that he would just accept a new place this easily. It's a little different than I expect he would be used to, which is why he's so quiet, but he'll open up before long."

"I see…" Spock murmured. Jim never really spoke about his childhood; it made him uncomfortable, and so Spock had never pushed it any farther, though he wished to know. He turned back towards the bio-bed as he heard Chapel call for the Doctor, and turned to see Jim dressed in the small set of clothes, standing quietly on the bio-bed.

The child looked towards him, and he was mildly pleased to see a smile spread across Jim's face, though it was small. He blinked in surprise, however, when the boy extended his arms towards him, hands grasping at air. Spock didn't react, and McCoy laughed softly before leaning towards the Vulcan and murmuring.

"He wants you to pick him up, Spock."

Spock blinked again, raising an eyebrow and looking towards the Doctor. He opened his mouth to say that there was no reason for Jim to be carried now that he was conscious, but as he looked back at Jim he saw the child's face fall, little eyebrows twitching together in sadness and his hands starting to fall back to his sides. The sight of the confusion and sadness on the boy's features made something in Spock's abdomen tighten, and he took a step forward.

Awkwardly the Vulcan placed his hands beneath Jim's arms, lifting him easily and holding him against his chest. Jim wriggled in his grip, and after a moment the boy was settled against his hip.

Spock found the entire thing illogical, but the faint, bright giggle near his ear made it all worth it.

* * *

The next few days were ones of a strange sort of joy for Spock. Jim was all smiles and giggles as soon as he'd gotten used to the new people and the new location. He had been stuck to Spock's side for most of the days, even though the Vulcan sometimes left him with Uhura or Chapel, periodically with McCoy.

Spock opened his eyes in the dimness of the quarters he shared with Jim, looking to the side of the room from where he was settled on the meditation mat in the center of his quarters. There was a small bed made up in the corner where Jim had been sleeping for the past few days; bundled in blankets and pillows in a manner that reminded Spock of a nest. He could hear the child breathing softly in the silence of his room, at peace.

At first Spock had protested Jim sleeping in his room, but after the first night spent in Uhura's room, because McCoy had to be on duty in sickbay, it had become clear that he wouldn't sleep anywhere else. Nyota had come to Spock's room only two hours after she had left the bridge with Jim holding her hand, cradling the crying child in her arms.

"I can't get him to stop." she had murmured helplessly as Jim reached out for Spock, sniffling faintly as the Vulcan took him into his arms. "He keeps asking for you."

Jim had huddled close to Spock, pressing his tear wet face against the Vulcan's shirt while fisting his little hands in the fabric. Spock had been confused at first, but when he'd sensed the trust in the child's mind, he knew that Jim had formed an attachment to him, presumably because of the bond that they already shared. Jim had sensed it, although he most likely didn't know what it was, he knew that it attached him to Spock, and that made him feel safe. Sighing, he nodded to Nyota. "He may sleep here, he will not disturb me."

Uhura nodded. "I'll have his bed brought here."

"That will not be necessary, I do not require the use of the bed for the night, he may sleep there for now. I will go for his bed tomorrow." Spock replied, nodding to Uhura as the woman stepped backwards to allow the door to shut. He didn't miss the confused look on her face, and he knew that she, like McCoy, was confused as to why he kept trying to push Jim away.

Jim had progressed to hiccups in Spock's arms, but when the Vulcan sat on the bed and tried to lay him down, he seemed to grow more panicked until Spock held him again.

Spock sighed slightly and went to sit in the small chair in the corner of his room, settling with Jim in his lap. He still felt out of place with the situation; he had never had a child in close proximity to him before, let alone one depending on him for so much.

And so Jim had stayed with him since that night, sleeping peacefully in his little bed. Spock couldn't resist the faint smile on his lips as he watched the boy roll over in his pile of blankets, scrunching up his nose before burrowing deeper. The warmth spreading in his abdomen made him balk slightly, and he looked away again, closing his eyes and sinking back into meditation.

Hopefully Jim would change back soon, and he could go back to his life with his mate as though this had never happened.

* * *

"What are you, afraid of him?.!"

The angry voice turned Spock's attention towards McCoy as the man stalked out of the back room, his arms folded over his chest and brows together. Spock raised an eyebrow, his hands clasped at the small of his back. "Fear is an emotion, Doctor."

McCoy growled. "Don't give me that bullshit." he spat. "Something is going on, and I want you to tell me what. You're trying your damndest to leave Jim with everyone but yourself, what is it with you? He's your _husband_ for god's sakes; you can't keep avoiding him like this!"

"He was my husband." Spock said firmly, looking away from the Doctor.

"What…" McCoy faded off. "He was? He still is, Spock, he's just a little smaller than before. He knows you, can't you see that?"

Spock returned his gaze to him. "It is quite obvious that he recognizes me. I believe that he can sense the bond, though it is alien to him. I simply cannot…" Spock frowned, his hands clenching slightly. "I cannot see my mate in this child. It is not proper."

McCoy's eyes widened slightly, and then he nodded. "I see. You're worried that you're going to hurt him or something."

"It is remarkably easy for me to overwhelm him, should I forget the circumstances." Spock replied quietly. "Should that happen, I could kill him. It is not logical for him to be around me at this time."

"And you really think that you could forget that?" McCoy asked. "You have so little faith in yourself… Jim trusts you; it's so obvious that he does. Can't you trust yourself?"

Spock didn't say anything for a long moment, and he ended up not having to as the door slid open and Jim came bounding in, a brilliant smile on his face as he ran up to Spock. He tangled one hand in the Vulcan's pant leg, grinning up at him.

"Hi Spock, Miss Chapel said I can have chicken strips for lunch! Did you eat already, we should eat together!"

His bright happy voice brought warmth to Spock's mind, and he felt the faint tinge of the bond and then he pressed it closed forcefully. He looked down into that happy face and knew that McCoy was right; even if there was the danger that something should happen, he couldn't stay away from his mate, not any longer. "I have not yet eaten; we will go to the mess and eat there."

Jim cheered happily, and then reached up, wrapping little fingers around Spock's thumb before pulling on him. "Come on, come on, I'm hungry!"

Spock looked at the small hand wrapped around his, feeling warmth spread through him before he nodded. "Very well. Lead the way, Jim."

McCoy couldn't help but smile as he watched the pair leave the room, hoping that from now on Spock would have more trust in himself, and be able to care for Jim the way that he needed to be.

* * *

Spock had never really had cause to be truly worried before, but now he thought that he had perhaps gotten a legitimate reason to be so. The ship had been rocked by a storm heading through space, and although there hadn't been any deaths, only a few bumps and bruises and one broken wrist according to McCoy, something was terribly wrong.

Jim was missing.

The entire ship was still on red alert, trying to find the small child who had been lost somewhere in the fray of the storm. Spock had left him in their quarters with a firm order to stay put until the Vulcan returned. When he had returned, however, the room had been completely empty. The ship couldn't locate him, as he wasn't registered in the ship's systems, and so they were left looking for him the old fashioned way.

Spock paused by a wall, pressing at the comm. "Report."

_"No sign of him in sickbay, or that entire deck." _

_"Nothing in engineering."_

_"Uhura here, he's not on the bridge."_

"I will continue searching." Spock said curtly, releasing the comm and continuing into the depths of the ship. He didn't know why Jim would leave their room in the first place; let alone where he would go. By what he could tell, the only places that they hadn't searched were the Observation decks, and while he wasn't sure why Jim would go there, it made sense logically; those had been his favorite places to think before the incident.

"Computer, is there anyone on the Observation Decks?" Spock asked, settling his hands clasped in the small of his back.

"Affirmative, one life sign is located on Observation Deck 2."

Spock nodded to himself, turning and walking towards the Observation Deck. He was 87% sure that it was Jim on the Deck, although he didn't want to alert anyone until he was completely positive. The trip to the Deck was tense, and the Vulcan tried to restrain himself from simply using the bond to locate his mate. He didn't want to overwhelm Jim's young mind with something that it wasn't prepared for.

Even so, he couldn't resist opening the bond just a touch, not enough to locate Jim, but to just sense his surface emotions. The wave of terror nearly made him stumble, and he pushed himself faster, breaking into a gentle run as he did.

When the door slid open his sharp ears picked up the sounds of soft, frightened sobbing from the corner. It was like a hand had wrapped around his heart and squeezed; Spock strode forward and located the tiny form pressed into a corner, arms wrapped around slender knees and face buried in his arms.

"Jim…" Spock murmured, going to his knees beside the child and extending his arms before he could stop himself.

Watery blue eyes looked up and Jim let out a gasp before throwing himself at Spock, wrapping his arms around the Vulcan's neck and burying his face against Spock's throat. "It was shaking and I just wanted to see stars and I couldn't find you, where did you go?.! I was scared, and you were gone, you didn't come when I called!"

Spock took a moment to decipher the teary babbling that the child squeezed out amid choked sobs, and then stroked his back gently, unable to stop himself from scattering kisses along Jim's forehead and cheek. "I believe I told you to stay in our rooms." he murmured after settling back against the wall, cradling the crying child against his chest.

"I just wanted to look at the stars…" Jim sniffled out, hands clutching in Spock's blue science tunic.

"Shh…" the Vulcan murmured softly, rocking the boy against him and stroking his hair. He barely even noticed when the bond flared to life and the warm gold that was Jim's mind flowed into his own, soothing them both as Jim's sobs trailed off into hiccups. "I am sorry that I did not come to you, Jim."

Jim shook his head slightly. "I called you."

Spock frowned faintly. "What do you mean by that, Jim?"

There was a tapping sensation in his mind along their barely open bond, a stream of gold in his thoughts. Spock suddenly blinked in surprise; he had felt that sensation not long after the storm had first hit, but he had been so absorbed in the issues at hand he had ignored it. "See?" Jim asked with a bright smile. "I called you!"

"You did indeed." Spock said with awe in his voice.

_It appears that I have once again underestimated the mind of James T. Kirk._

He lifted the boy into his arms, settling him against his chest and standing. "I believe that it is time for bed."

Jim pouted faintly, but didn't say anything in protest; he knew after these days with Spock that when the Vulcan said it was bedtime, he meant it and there was no point in arguing with him. Spock couldn't help but smile as Jim laid his head against the warm shoulder, sighing faintly in content.

Now that he knew that Jim could handle a trickle of the bond, Spock relished in the faint sensation of Jim's child mind. He was still like the sun, bright and warm at the edge of Spock's thoughts, though it was tinged with sleepiness at the moment. Although he was thankful to have that small bit of his mate back, he was looking forward to having Jim back to his original age, when they could bond fully once more. His mind had been remarkably empty without Jim's happy thoughts.

Arriving in their quarters Spock moved to Jim's small bed in the corner, leaning to lay him down. As he started to release the boy, however, he let out a whimper and clenched his fists in the blue tunic, shaking his head. "No!"

"Jim." Spock murmured firmly. "You need to let go."

Jim shook his head again. "No. Can I… can I sleep with you?"

Spock frowned minutely, straightening again. He started to open his mouth, to say that he didn't require rest at the moment, but one look into Jim' s pleading blue eyes and he sighed. "Alright, _pi'veh_…" Spock said softly, stroking his thumb over Jim's forehead. "You may stay with me for the night."

As the Vulcan settled down on the bed he felt Jim press his face against his neck, and then let out a contented sigh and close his eyes. Spock remained still as the little body wriggled around to get comfortable before lying quietly atop Spock's chest. The Vulcan pulled the blanket up over his lower body, only allowing a light sheet on Jim.

He fell asleep listening quietly to the beat of the tiny heart pressed to his.

* * *

Waking in the morning felt familiar and welcome, and Spock opened his eyes to see a mop of blond hair resting on his shoulder. He couldn't resist the warm smile the stretched his lips when he looked into the visage of his mate, the proper age once again.

Jim breathed in deeply, shifting before his brilliant eyes fluttered open, dazedly looking at Spock before they focused. Only a moment passed before a beautiful smile spread across Jim's features and he squeezed his arms around Spock's shoulders.

"I'm back to normal!"

Spock smiled slightly. "It would appear so."

Jim scooted upwards. "Kiss me, damnit, it's been a whole week!"

A faint huff echoed in Spock's chest. "I do not know how you survived." he teased gently before fulfilling his t'hy'la's wish and leaning down to connect their lips softly. Jim sighed in content, melting against him.

"God I missed that…"

"As did I, t'hy'la. I must admit, it was strange without you by my side these past days." Spock replied, his fingers stroking through Jim's hair.

A smile spread across those full lips. "I missed you too."

"So all along it was the bond that would have gotten me back to normal?" Jim's voice was incredulous, a smirk on his face and amusement in his eyes. "See? You shouldn't have been hiding from me the whole time."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not believe that I was 'hiding' from you, Jim." There was a press at the bond, and the Vulcan opened it to allow the bright mind of t'hy'la entrance. "Although I do find it interesting that the bond was the catalyst to your returning to normal."

Jim laughed softly. "I think it's just poetic justice. A hint that we're supposed to be bonded."

Spock shook his head lightly, a soft smile on his features. "If that is what you wish you believe, Jim." There was silence for a moment, and then Spock spoke lightly. "I did find it quite interesting having a child around."

"Thinking about having kids?" Jim asked, raising an eyebrow and glancing sideways at his mate.

Silence for a moment, and then… "Perhaps. I had never… entertained the thought before, but it was… satisfying to have a child to nurture and care for."

Jim didn't say anything in response, thinking.

* * *

Yes, I did leave that open on purpose….! :D

_pi'veh - Little one_


	12. Gentle, Fluid, Machinery, Self

Woo more! After these four I've got a couple of really serious words, so those might be pushed back a bit and I'll shove some others in there. I'm not sure how it's going to go yet. For these four, just established relationships in all except "Machinery," and nothing else really. Hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

20

Gentle

_kindly; amiable; not severe, rough, or violent; mild_

Spock knew early on that he needed to be careful when he went into Starfleet. Although he would never have any true cause to come into contact with humans, he was fully aware of the fact that his superior strength gave him serious cause to be careful. He could easily hurt any one of his collogues by accident, and so he had learned early on to temper his strength to human standards.

When he had first begun his relationship with Jim as friends, there hadn't been much of an issue. Jim had initiated what contact there was, and so there was no cause to worry. When they progressed further into romance, Spock found that his limits were being tested.

The first time he found himself regretting his Vulcan strength was the second time that he and Jim had sex. Where their first had been gentle and tender, their second was a rougher clashing of wills, something that Spock later found himself regretting. In a moment of no control he had lifted Jim and pinned him against the wall, a little too hard it turned out.

Jim had gasped as the wind was knocked out of him, head lolling slightly against the wall. Spock had released him immediately, backing off to give him room to breathe and to apologize profusely. Jim had waved it off with a smile, and they had returned to their love making, though Spock was more meticulous in being gentle.

They had awoken in the morning to find Jim's back covered in bruises and his breathing a little tough because his entire torso was sore.

It had taken Jim 3 weeks to convince Spock just to touch him again, and nearly 5 more to get him to even think about getting intimate again.

The second time had been both bad and good. During an incident on the surface of a planet they had been involved in a powerful quake. The ground had fallen beneath Jim's feet, and in order to save his life, Spock had leapt forward, grabbing his forearm just before he fell through the crack in the soil.

Pulling him up hadn't been hard, but the scream that burst from Jim's lips had hurt more than anything. Spock released him as soon as they were both on solid ground, only to discover that he had broken Jim's arm.

Once again Jim had to go through the painstaking process of renewing Spock's confidence, as well as assuring him that it was nothing more than an accident, and that he knew Spock wasn't at fault. Spock still felt unsure, but Jim coaxed him into touching him again, and then they were back to normal once more.

Spock had always tried to be careful with humans, but with Jim he discovered that he had to be gentler than he had ever been in his entire life. With Jim he wanted to be gentle, he wanted to be tender and loving. He loved Jim more than he had ever thought he could love anyone or anything, and before long, he found that it was easy to be gentle.

All he had to do was trust in his love for Jim.

* * *

21

Fluid

_a substance, as a liquid or gas, that is capable of flowing and that changes its shape at a steady rate when acted upon by a force tending to change its shape._

Spock was never very fond of the color red.

This dislike was reinforced when he bonded with Jim and watched him get hurt for the first time during their relationship. All the red seeping out of him was a ghastly color, and something that Spock swore he would do everything to not see again.

Jim had a remarkably delicate immune system, and it was shown in the fact that he was sick quite often, as well as susceptible to any sort of virus that they might come into contact with. McCoy often gave him hypos to protect him, as well as all sorts of vaccinations that Jim complained about on a regular basis.

The first time that Jim got sick after their bonding Spock took it upon himself to care for him. Jim protested, saying that it was only a simple cold and that he would get better after a day's rest or so, especially with McCoy's meds, but Spock hadn't left his side anyway. He had stayed with him, mildly interested to see human sickness for the first time. That had gotten a laugh out of Jim, though it had been choked with phlegm. Jim thought the fact that Spock found it interesting gross, especially when the Vulcan idly examined the fluids he brought up during the sickness.

"I'm not an experiment!" Jim had protested, all the while Spock had dutifully ignored him.

The final one that Spock had seen during their bond had been one that he had seen from humans before, but never really found much interest in. He had seen his mother produce them, and it had made him slightly uncomfortable, but he hadn't really been more concerned than that. As he grew older, he had put it out of his mind entirely.

But when Jim ran towards him on the transporter pad, throwing his arms around him and just holding him, shaking, he found a new reason to see and understand.

When Jim leaned back there were glistening trails along his cheeks, liquid falling down his skin as he gently cupped Spock's cheek, stroking his skin. "I was so worried when they told me that they'd lost you, and then the attack… I couldn't feel you anymore. You were just gone."

Gently Spock reached up, wiping away the wetness before holding Jim once more to try and ease his soft sobs. "I am here, t'hy'la. Forgive me, for worrying you."

Out of all the forms of fluid that Spock had seen from his human mate, it was his tears that he hated the most.

* * *

22

Machinery

_an assemblage of machines or mechanical apparatuses: the parts of a machine, collectively_

Jim always found ways to surprise his entire crew with the little things they didn't know about him. All of them knew that Jim was extremely intelligent, even though he more often than not made no attempt to show it. Spock found it ridiculously easy to mistaken him for a much dimmer person, and it was fascinating to him to see how often Jim surprised him.

Jim's smarts went beyond just street smarts, which he had learned while being, as Captain Pike had declared it, the "only genius-level repeat offender in the Midwest." The blond was charismatic, charming, and able to easily think his way through situations that most had a feeling other Captains would have trouble with.

He was also book smart, but one thing that most of them found interesting was how much Jim knew about machinery. While it wasn't completely surprising that Jim knew some things about the ship, it was when he was able to follow Scotty and not get lost that much of the crew was amazed.

Scotty could lose anyone on a good day; when he got going on a subject, he got excited and just talked so fast and technical that no one could follow him.

No one except for Jim. It was a great surprise to Spock the day that he watched Scotty start rattling off about the engines and Jim proceed to follow him every step of the way. It was fascinating to see how Jim simply nodded and rattled off a few more facts to him, trading knowledge.

"Yer a lot smarter than ya tell anyone, aren't ye Cap'n?" Scotty said with a grin as he turned to leave the bridge.

Jim only grinned in response.

* * *

23

Self

_a person or thing referred to with respect to complete individuality: a person's nature, character, etc.:_

If someone had told Spock at the beginning of the_ Enterprise's_ five year mission that by the end of it he would be in love with and bonded to James T. Kirk, he quite possibly would have laughed in their face.

Not really, but they would have gotten a raised eyebrow and a "that would be illogical."

It that same someone had told him that he would begin called Jim his 't'hy'la' only two years into that journey, they would have gotten both eyebrows up, and perhaps no comment at all, because that was just so illogical it didn't deserve comment.

T'hy'la was an old Vulcan term, mostly archaic now because it was nearly impossible to find one's true t'hy'la, a word that meant many things in English, but also meant soulmate. To think that he would use this term for his Captain was too astonishing and illogical to think about, and so Spock would have ignored it.

But lo and behold, the word spilled from his lips exactly two years and 12 days into that five year trip, unknowingly coming from his throat when he saw Jim alive for the first time in 4 days. He had been kidnapped and tortured, and upon seeing him safe, it had just slipped from him.

Six months and 3 days later, they had bonded and Spock found happiness for the first time. Jim was the light in his life, and now that he was linked with him, he found that he had been missing out on so much. What life he had before seemed to be dim and worthless, as though he had just started living the day that he bonded to Jim.

Calling Jim t'hy'la became second nature; it was easy and logical to call the blond the other half of his self.

And it turned out, more often than not, that Jim was the better half.


	13. Quiet, Contour, Casual

Woo more sorta hurt!Jim! This one was kinda fun, let's see... established relationship in all three, but nothing else really. Oh, italics are Jim and Spock speaking through the bond. I hope you guys like these ones, and, as always, your reviews make my day a little brighter!

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24

Quiet

_making no noise or sound, esp. no disturbing sound_

It was strange for the room to be so quiet.

Spock looked up from the PADD that he was working on, his dark eyes looking to where his mate was lying quietly on their bed. Jim was naturally a noisy individual; he was even rather loud in sleep, shifting and rolling, though he didn't snore. As such, it was odd for him to be so quiet.

However, with the current situation, it made sense. Spock pushed himself to his feet as he sensed fear through their link. It was suppressed, which made it obvious that Jim was trying to hide it from his mate. Spock walked forward, alerting Jim by pressing at the bond that he was coming near.

Wide blue eyes swept towards him, passing over his face for a moment before finally fixating on his eyes. Jim reached out, extending both hands towards Spock and huddling in his arms when the Vulcan settled beside him on the bed.

_Why are you frightened, Jim?_

Jim's slender body shivered against his own. _I can't… it's too quiet. I feel trapped. I can't do anything like this, I'm completely useless!_

Spock sighed faintly, brushing his fingers across Jim's temple in an attempt to calm him, pushing reassurance through their bond. _You are not useless, t'hy'la. I am here with you, and we will work through this with no difficulty. I can convey your words to the crew, and they will continue to listen to you, as well as respect you._

There was a mental sigh from his mate, as well as the shifting of his body as he tried to get comfortable in the Vulcan's arms. _It's not so bad when you talk to me. I'm glad that we can talk; I think I would go nuts if I couldn't talk to at least one person._

_I have no doubt that you would find a way to communicate. _Spock replied, amusement coloring his words. _But I too am glad that our bond has not been disturbed. Doctor McCoy will discover the cure, you have no need to worry._

_I know. Bones is just that awesome._ Jim said, a smile on his face and pride in his thoughts. _I'm glad that we managed to keep it to only four of us though. I would worry more if there were more of us. And no one else is in the same boat as me. _

Spock nodded slightly, shifting their bodies on the bed until he was lying on his back, Jim snuggled against his chest and their fingers intertwined on Spock's stomach. _Indeed. You are the only one that suffered a loss of hearing and your voice, as well as some vision. _

_Yea…_ Jim murmured softly. _Lucky me I guess. Bones did say that I was lucky I didn't lose all my sight. I can still kinda see, just… not like I used to. I still feel trapped though. _

_I find myself partial to the quiet._ Spock teased.

Jim pushed at his stomach with their joined hands. _Liar. _

_Vulcans do not lie, Jim. _

The blond's body moved with silent laughter, no sound coming from his muted vocal cords. _Sure, you keep saying that, and yet I keep finding lies. _

Spock smiled faintly before pressing a kiss to Jim's forehead. _Rest now, t'hy'la. You have been through a trying ordeal, and you need to sleep. _

Jim yawned in response, and it wasn't long before he drifted off in Spock's arms, leaving the Vulcan to think back to the incident that had happened earlier.

* * *

Spock had felt the crisis before he'd actually been told about it. He wasn't sure what it was; as his bond with Jim was dimmed at the moment as they had agreed to keep it during their duty hours, but he knew that something was wrong. A moment later the red alert flashed, and McCoy's voice came over the comm system.

_"Deck 7 has been quarantined; no crewmembers are allowed on that deck until further notice. Repeat…"_

Spock had tuned it out at that moment, his mind at a halt to think as he felt his heart slam to a halt in his abdomen.

Jim was on that deck.

The Vulcan was instantly on his feet, striding towards the turbolift with purpose. "Mr. Sulu, you have the con."

"A-Aye sir!"

The turbolift didn't seem to go fast enough for Spock and he strode onto Deck 6 towards sickbay, intent on finding Doctor McCoy. He tried to open the link as he did, but it was as though something was blocking it. There was a sort of pulling feeling that was Jim trying to reach him, but no connection.

Spock found McCoy as soon as he entered the room working on something furiously at his desk. The man barely looked up as the Vulcan walked in, only waving a hand slightly in acknowledgement of him.

"What has happened on Deck 7?" Spock asked sharply, his hands clutched behind his back as he looked intently over the work on McCoy's desk.

The man glared up at him. "An accident in the transporter room, they brought something on the ship for the botany labs and it turned out to be not as friendly as they thought. It's not deadly, just not very nice. I've only got four infected though, and I've got samples of everything I need, so it shouldn't take me long to figure it out."

"Jim?"

McCoy glanced up, was quiet for a moment, and then shook his head slightly. "I should have known, of course that's why you're here. Don't worry, he'll be fine."

Spock frowned. "I can feel his fear, Leonard. Tell me what has happened."

At the sound of his given name McCoy's face sobered and he straightened, meeting Spock's gaze squarely. Spock didn't use McCoy's name very often, and when he did he was either expressing what little emotion he felt comfortable with around him, or when he was being extremely serious.

"Like I said, nothing serious." McCoy said calmly, his voice quiet and soothing, as though he needed to calm Spock down. "He's just… well, I've determined it's safe for them to come out, but I think we're going to need that deck closed off until we can get it aired out. Give me five minutes, and he'll be here."

Spock didn't seem content with that answer, but he didn't press the doctor further for the moment, giving him a chance to send the call down to Deck 7 that the four crewmembers could come to sickbay. As soon as he did so he turned back to Spock, folding his arms over his chest.

"As far as I can tell for now, the plant excretes a sort of neurotoxin that blocks signals to the brain as well damages certain types of muscle. Both Ensigns are having trouble walking, and Jim is mute. As for the toxin part, the Lieutenant is blind; one of the Ensigns is deaf. Jim, as usual, got the short end of the stick."

A raised eyebrow was his answer to that, but Spock didn't say anything. The door to sickbay slid open at that moment, and the three science officers came in supporting each other. Spock frowned when he didn't immediately see Jim, but then Nurse Chapel came in, leading Jim by holding both his hands.

A bolt of concern went through Spock's abdomen as he saw his mate. Jim's face was openly displaying his fear and loneliness, his eyes searching around the room though not focusing on anything. Spock instantly went to Jim's side, reaching out to touch him on the shoulder.

It was a sort of punch to the gut when Jim flinched violently, taking a step backwards as his unfocused eyes searched in Spock's direction, the fear on his face growing. Spock spoke quietly. "Jim…"

"He can't hear you, Spock." McCoy said quietly. "Jim's immune system is too finicky for this; he's mute, deaf, and most likely completely blind. I haven't been able to examine him fully, but Christine says that by the way he's reacting he has some sight, but not much."

The Vulcan looked at McCoy for a moment, his eyes a little wide, and then he reached out again to touch his mate, this time skimming his fingers across Jim's cheek before he could flinch away. At the contact of their skin their previously closed bond flared and Spock was nearly knocked over by the wave of terror, loneliness, and helplessness flowing from his mate's mind.

As soon as their minds touched Jim seemed to realize who had been touching him and he awkwardly threw himself forward, searching for Spock while crying for him in his mind. Spock saw his mouth open, his throat move in an attempt to speak, but not a sound escaped him. Carefully catching Jim as he lurched forward, Spock petted his hair gently, holding him close and trying to calm his frantic mind.

_What's going on, Spock?.! I can't hear, can't speak, and I can hardly see! The last thing I remember is getting that plant aboard…_

_Calm yourself, t'hy'la, you are beginning to hyperventilate. _

At those words Jim closed his eyes, calming his breathing until he was no longer shaking in Spock's arms, his heart slowing to normal again. The blond shivered once, and then went still, breathing deep of Spock's scent and pressing his nose to the Vulcan's neck.

"Is he alright now?"

McCoy's voice cut through the silence of the room and Spock turned to look at him silently for a moment before nodding. "Yes. He is frightened, but calm for now. He does not appear to be in any pain."

"I'm going to touch him now, I need to examine him." McCoy murmured, extending his hands but stopping before touching him.

Spock turned, pressing his lips to Jim's forehead. _Doctor McCoy wishes to examine you, t'hy'la. He wished for me to warn you._

_Alright. No problem._

With that Spock nodded at the Doctor, and he reached forward, hands gentle as they rested on Jim's arm. The blond flinched slightly at the initial touch, and then followed McCoy's hands without resistance. Spock released him and was relieved that their bond remained open this time. Perhaps it had only been dulled by the initial reaction of the plant and Jim's system, but whatever it was seemed to be gone.

_Spock?_

_I am with you, t'hy'la. _

* * *

Spock breathed in deeply, stroking his fingers over Jim's temple before closing his eyes and settling down to sleep with his mate at his side.

Although it was quiet now, it wouldn't be long before Jim was back to normal and his life was back to the noisy, although pleasant time that it had become. Even though he appreciated silence every once and a while, he wouldn't rather have Jim be anything but himself.

* * *

25

Contour

_the outline of a figure or body; the edge or line that defines or bounds a shape or object_

Although he didn't often get the chance, Jim loved to watch Spock sleep.

It was absolutely fascinating to him to see the Vulcan in such a state of innocence, when all the lines of his face relaxed and made him look younger. The blond loved to see him like this, and so when he did wake earlier than the Vulcan, on the rare occasions that this happened, he took advantage of it.

Carefully, Jim rolled onto his side slowly so as not to wake his bondmate, his blue eyes focusing on the lines of Spock's profile. The Vulcan was currently lying on his back, his face turned only slightly towards the human in his arms. The dim light of their quarters made him appear almost ethereal; highlighting the curves and contours of his face and neck, shining on his moon-pale skin.

Soft fingers trailed over Spock's shoulder, and Jim couldn't resist the urge to touch his mate's face, the pads of his fingers skimming over Spock's jaw before moving up his cheekbone. Spock remained still throughout the process, breathing slow and easy as Jim's fingertips passed over his eyebrow.

A gentle smile on his face, Jim leaned down to gently press a kiss to Spock's cheek, another just below it near the corner of the Vulcan's relaxed mouth. "I love you…" he whispered, feeling so at peace and relaxed with the moment that he couldn't help the words slipping from his lips.

With a sigh of content, Jim settled back against Spock's side, laying his cheek against the Vulcan's collarbone and going still, closing his eyes.

He didn't see the smile that just barely stretched Spock's lips as the Vulcan' s eyes opened for a moment before closing once more, his arm looping around his mate to hold him closer.

* * *

26

Casual

_appropriate for wear or use on informal occasions; not dressy_

Although Jim likes Spock in his uniform, he quite enjoys when he dresses in casual clothes. The Vulcan doesn't do it very often, only when they're on shore leave and when Jim manages to convince him to wear something other than his normal dark clothing, but when he does, Jim finds that he looks downright sexy.

Even so, dark clothes seem to be the best when finding regular clothes for Spock. The Vulcan just looks best in dark colors, it brings out his pale skin and exotic features. Tight clothes are nice, but Jim also discovers that loose clothing makes him look more mysterious and almost deadly in a way. Layers also help, giving him an edgy look that Jim finds positively stunning. His favorite outfit for the Vulcan so far is a pair of dark blue jeans, tailored to fit Spock's thighs tightly, but then loosen around his knees and calves, topped with a long-sleeved shirt of nearly the same color with the top few buttons undone and the collar loose around his slender throat, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Spock allows all this experimentation with a slight smile on his face and patience in his dark eyes, watching quietly as his mate flutters around him, considering each piece of clothing with diligence.

He can't help but find it endearing, in a strange sort of way, and so he quietly allows Jim to dress him when they are on shore leave, watching him with love in his eyes.


	14. Jealous

Alright, this is... well, this one was a lot of fun. I found my inner... I dunno, creeper I guess, which is a bad thing really. (shrugs) I dunno, but regardless I had a lot of fun with it. There are at least two others to go with this one, one of them halfway written, the other one planned out. I hope that you guys like this one!

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27

Jealous

_feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages_

The day that James T. Kirk was awarded the _Enterprise_ there was celebration and parties to celebrate the fact that they were all alive, and that the Academy had produced another commendable Captain from their ranks. Everyone was happy and joyous, all except for one person.

Anger etched across his features, Simon Garth turned away from the cheering crowds in the conference hall, stalking away from the achievement that should have been his. Before the arrival of Nero, the destruction of Vulcan, the _Enterprise_ had been within his reach, just beyond his fingertips. He was a Commander, one of the top in his class, and the _Enterprise_ should, by all rights, be his.

Until that upstart of a Cadet came charging into the picture. James T. Kirk had been a show-stopper in the Academy; he had even been in several of Simon's classes. He had never liked the kid; he was too flashy and know-it-all for his own good, and in general he was just a smart-ass.

He had even taken away the woman that Simon had been going after for nearly a year, charming her away with no effort and then turning her down. It had driven her away, and Simon had lost what he felt was the love of his life. After that occurrence Simon had been ready to go after the cheeky Cadet, but then the Nero incident had exploded. Kirk had gotten everything Garth had wanted, and then he had been sent out on a mission. Garth hadn't had a chance.

But now the _Enterprise_ was back for shore leave, so things had changed.

Now he did.

Because James T. Kirk had stolen everything from him, and he was going to pay for it.

* * *

The bar was loud and noisy, and Jim thrived in it. He had always had a love for parties and being the center of attention, and tonight he was in the spotlight for something that he had once never imagined would be something he wanted.

But tonight he had friends and good times, and shore leave for the first time in months, and so he felt better than he had in a long while. He felt like his face was going to split open he was smiling so big, and his heart was pounding in his chest to the beat of the music. He was surrounded by friends and people that were on his crew, and he had never been happier.

There was a touch on his shoulder, and Jim turned to see the friendly eyes of one of his professors. "Professor Garth!" he said loudly, a smile on his lips. "I didn't know you were here!"

The man smiled, kindly just like had always been. "I came to say congratulations, James. You've done us all proud with your achievements." He turned slightly, tugging on Jim's arm. "Come with me? I've got some advice for you, young man, and this is not the greatest place. I don't want to keep shouting it."

Jim laughed at that, and nodded, following the man that had once been one of his favorite professors in the Academy, a man that he had often found great advice in. He knew that Garth had been aspiring to be a Captain, and so he knew that he would no doubt have good words of wisdom to share before he went off for his new 5 year mission on the _Enterprise_.

No one saw them leave the bar.

No one noticed when Commander Simon Garth loaded a large, limp bundle into the back of his car and left the scene.

And no one noticed that James T. Kirk was missing for nearly 2 days.

* * *

"What do you mean no one's seen him since the party?.!"

Spock raised an eyebrow as he heard the angry roar of Doctor Leonard McCoy echo through the halls, turning from his door to see McCoy standing at the end of the hallway, a terrified looking Cadet in front of him. The Vulcan moved towards the Doctor, clasping his hands in the small of his back as he went.

"What appears to be the problem, Doctor?" Spock asked as he came to a stop beside the _Enterprise's_ CMO, his dark eyes scanning the Cadet before returning to McCoy.

The brunett man turned to meet Spock's eyes, anger overflowing in them onto his face. "No one has seen Jim since the celebration two days ago." he spat. "Not a soul. When he didn't come home the first night I just figured he'd gone home with some girl, but he didn't show up that morning, and he didn't come home last night either."

Spock raised an eyebrow at those words, hiding the bolt of worry in his abdomen. "I am to infer that by your anger that this behavior is not normal for the Captain?" While he had grown much closer to Jim over their initial year long mission, he hadn't had many chances to observe this sort of behavior.

McCoy shook his head. "Not even close. He sometimes stays out for a night, but never any longer than that. And if he does, he makes sure to check in, cause he knows how much of a worrywart I am. It's not like he has anyone else to make sure he's safe…" The man trailed off, shaking his head.

"Have you attempted to contact him?" Spock asked, already knowing the answer before the words left his mouth.

"Only a thousand times." McCoy waved a hand. "It's to the point now where we need to start looking for him."

Spock sighed faintly. "Are you certain that he is not simply with someone else?"

McCoy paused for a moment before answering. "I thought about it for a little bit, but this is just too unlike Jim. He misses calls sometimes, yes, just like everyone else, but not for two days, and not this many. It's just not Jim. Something's wrong, I can just feel it."

"Very well." Spock replied. "I shall assist you in finding the Captain."

"Thanks. I'll let some other people know, we should find him in no time." McCoy replied to those words, a sort of relief passing over his features before he turned away, lifting his comm unit from his side and flipping it open.

* * *

Jim's left eye fluttered open, his right obscured and swollen and therefore unable to. He swallowed slightly, tasting blood and bile, resisting the urge to vomit again, knowing that it would bring nothing but dry heaving. He could dimly feel the blood trickling down his arms from the cuffs that encircled his wrists, but he put it out of his mind.

Where was Garth…?

Jim looked around the room dimly, trying to locate his captor before he had a chance to spring on him. He had awoken after the initial kidnapping with pain pounding in his head and his body restrained spread-eagled on an unfamiliar bed in a dark room. Garth had come into the room and Jim had instantly started asking questions.

"Commander, what's going on?.! Why are you –"

He had been cut off by a punch across the jaw, followed by a violent beating. The anger on Garth's face was palpable, and Jim had been left feeling even more confused and scared then he had been before.

Even now, on what he suspected was his second day of capture, although he wasn't sure and he hadn't seen Garth since then, his body still ached, and he was still confused as to why Garth would kidnap him. During his time in the Academy he had quite liked Garth; he didn't understand why the man would want to do this to him.

There was a creak in the corner of the room and a door opened, admitting Garth to descend the stairs in the far end of the room. The man's face was angry again, his hands clasped somewhere behind his back as he came to stand at the foot of the rough mattress that Jim was strapped to.

"Let me go." Jim murmured around his swollen mouth, doing his best to glare up at the man in front of him. "This is a huge offense, Garth; you've kidnapped a Starfleet Captain."

"A Captaincy I should have." the man spat, hands falling to his sides clenched into fists. "You stole that from me, though, didn't you? Just waltzed in like you owned the place and everyone just fell at your feet. You didn't even have to work like I did, you little shit. And now they're giving you the mission that was my idea, my project!"

Jim blinked in surprise. "You're doing this because I got the _Enterprise_?"

Suddenly Garth was immediately beside him, hands wrapped around the blond's throat. Jim coughed as his airway was diminished, looking up into raging eyes. "She was mine!" Garth roared in his face. "The _Enterprise_ was mine before they just _handed_ her to you! She was rightfully mine! She should be mine!"

Jim had to bite his lip bloody to keep from screaming as the man began to pound his fists along his torso over still tender bruises and cracked ribs. A knee against his ribcage broke several ribs and the cry leapt from his lips before he could stop it.

"You're just a brat." Garth growled. "Just a little, conniving brat that somehow got everyone to give him what he wanted. Not only that, but you're a slut. Don't think I didn't hear about all those women and men you were with in the Academy! And then you had the balls to take away the woman I loved, the woman I was pursuing for years with careful precision, and you took her without even trying!" Garth's face purpled in his anger. "And then you dropped her like she was nothing."

Confusion passed over Jim's features. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Don't you talk back to me!" Garth screamed, back-handing him. "You always talked back! You were such a smart-ass; I wanted to beat you every time you opened your damn mouth! I kept thinking, I'll get rid of him when I get my ship, but then you STOLE THAT FROM ME TOO!"

Jim tried to curl into a ball as more blows rained on him, crying out as he felt the solid smack of metal along his side; Garth had ripped up the lamp nearby and was raining blows down on him.

"I'll take everything from you too." Garth hissed in his ear. "You took my life, my love, my future. So I'll tell you what I'm going to do, boy. I'm going to beat you until you can hardly breathe, and then I'm going to rape you. I'll _**break**_ you and you'll beg for death. Only then will I kill you."

Pupils dilated in terror, Jim kept struggling, finally opening his mouth and crying out. "_**HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!**_" A solid hit across his face made him fall silent, and Jim had to keep from sobbing; it felt as though his jaw was broken.

"We can't have that…" Garth cooed, reaching in his pocket and lifting out a several strips of cloth. He wadded one and shoved it in Jim's mouth before roughly looping the other around his head, cutting into the corners of his lips and effectively gagging him.

Jim choked on the cloth before returning to his struggling, pulling hard at his legs and trying to get one loose. The ropes holding his legs were loose, he could feel them giving…

His legs were suddenly free and he kicked out, managing to hit Garth in the side solidly. The man cursed, and then lashed out with the lamp once more.

Agony made his vision white out as his knee shattered and Jim let out a strangled scream from behind the gag, arching up and struggling to get away. A weight was thrown across his legs and he screamed again as his knee was pushed on, body going limp from sheer overload of pain.

When Jim came back to his senses his legs were secured tightly and Garth was standing above him again, hands on his belt. "I'm sick of this." the man spat. "Time to move on!" he sing-songed, a crazed smile on his features.

Jim stared up at him with terror consuming him, and tears finally spilled from his swollen eyes, rolling down his bruised cheeks silently.

_Please… please somebody find me…!_

* * *

After a day of searching, Spock shared McCoy's concern, hiding the worry deep inside him as they continued to look for their Captain. Jim had been missing for approximately 2 days and 15 hours now, and it had been brought to the attention of Admiral Pike in an attempt to widen the search party.

Spock was currently standing in front of the bar where the cadets had been the night Jim had disappeared, intent on speaking with the bartender. No one else had seen Jim leave, and so this man was their last hope on finding a lead from the bar itself.

The bald, bearded man behind the counter looked up as Spock entered, raising an eyebrow as the Vulcan came to stand in front of him. "We don't get many Vulcans in here." the man murmured, his voice gravelly. "What can I do for you?"

"I am here to inquire about the celebration that occurred in this bar two nights ago." Spock replied, his hands clasped in the small of his back.

The man nodded. "The one for Kirk, right? Yea, I remember it. Something up?"

Spock inclined his head slightly. "That is correct. Did you see the Captain leave the bar that night?"

"I don't recall seeing him leave, no." A moment passed, and then he tilted his head. "I do, however, remember seeing him with someone the last time that I did see him. A Commander." He rubbed at his chin, and then nodded. "Garth. That was his name. Don't see him in here often, but he was around a lot a year or so ago; something about losing a girl."

"I am familiar with Commander Garth." Spock said with a slight frown. "I appreciate your cooperation."

The man nodded. "Aye, no problem. Is Kirk missing or something?"

Spock didn't reply; he merely left the bar with purpose in his step and his hand already moving to lift the communicator from his belt. He lifted it, contacting McCoy. "Doctor, I believe I know where we should travel to pursue the Captain's disappearance further. Please meet me at Commander Garth's residence as soon as possible."

_"Commander Garth? Got it, I'll be there in 15."_

* * *

"What can I do for you boys?"

Garth answered the door after several minutes, which gave Spock more reason to suspect. He had a strong feeling that Garth was the one who had taken Jim, but this wasn't logical, and so he was doing his best to ignore it. Even so, the feeling was growing the longer they stood in the man's presence.

"Have you seen Jim Kirk?" McCoy asked, his voice rough with barely restrained anger. Spock knew that the doctor was sure of this man's guilt as well, but he was doing a fine job of holding it back. "He's been missing since the celebration."

Garth's eyebrow's moved together, but the action was forced, and there was no real surprise on his features. Spock frowned, watching intently as the man spoke. "No, I congratulated him at the bar, but I left before he did. I haven't seen him since." The man tilted his head. "No one has seen him?"

McCoy shook his head. "No sir, but he was last seen with you."

There.

The tightening of his throat along his collarbone; an emotion that Spock easily recognized as fear.

Garth chuckled slightly. "He's a good kid, I'm sure that he'll be fine. I haven't seen him, but I'll definitely keep an eye out."

Twitch of the right side of his mouth upwards; contempt, shrug of one shoulder.

Spock's frown grew, and the Vulcan had to restrain himself. "You have no true belief in what you have said. You are lying. I demand that you tell us where you are keeping Jim this moment."

McCoy visibly bristled, anger exploding in his features. "You bastard. Where the hell is he?.!"

Garth frowned. "I don't know what you're…"

Patience gone, Spock reached forward and disabled the man with a simple nerve pinch. McCoy whirled, looking at him in surprise. "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?.! We could get prosecuted for this! We don't have any proof!"

"We shall deal with that later, Doctor. At this moment in time, however, you and I both have sufficient reason to believe that the Captain is here. I suggest we move quickly." With those words Spock strode into the house, sparing no time in beginning to search thoroughly.

McCoy stood for a moment, thinking. He then moved straight to the door that led to the storage area in the basement, growling at the locked door. Spock heard the sound and moved to the CMO's side, examining the keypad for a moment before entering a series of numbers one after the other, succeeding after a few moments in opening it.

The storage area was dark and damp, and McCoy found his way to a secluded area in the corner, letting out a shout and a gasp as he did.

Jim was sprawled on the bed, lying on his stomach with his head turned away from them as they ran forward. His wrists were chained to the headboard, blood both dried and wet streaked his forearms, and there were marks all along his naked body. There were mostly bruises and swollen areas on his lean back, but McCoy felt his heart stop at the cascade of sticky blood that covered his thighs and backside as well as pooled thickly on the bed between his legs. His left knee was swollen to nearly twice its size, and his right leg was a mangled mess.

McCoy moved forward, shaking slightly before steadying himself and reaching out to take Jim's pulse. "He's alive…" he breathed. He shifted around the bed, kneeling near Jim's head and looking into empty blue eyes.

"J-Jim?.!" McCoy gasped out. "Jim, it's me, it's Bones!"

Those haunted, blank eyes shifted slowly, turning to meet McCoy's after a moment. There was no other response to support the fact that Jim had even heard the Doctor, neither movement in his body nor change in his expression. McCoy slipped immediately into doctor mode, pulling the tricorder he had been carrying from his waist while Spock began working on the cuffs.

"Pulse is too slow." McCoy commented with anger shivering in his tone. "Temperature raised, blood pressure fluctuating, dehydrated, malnourished." He looked up to Spock just as the Vulcan managed to release the right cuff, allowing Jim's arm to fall limply back to the mattress. "We've got to get him out of here."

Spock nodded, unable to verbally respond because his voice had simply deserted him.

The hopelessness flowing through Jim had transferred to him through their touch, and it had derailed any sort of thought that the Vulcan might have had.

"Don't worry Jim…" McCoy murmured, reaching out to stroke Jim's cheek. "We've gotcha, kid, you're safe."

He didn't bother holding back the tears as Jim didn't so much as flinch at his touch, staring up at him with silent, empty eyes.

* * *

Like I said, lots o' fun! The whole "Spock seeing the lies" thing I actually got from Fox's "Lie to Me" (which I don't own) I figured that Spock is smart enough he would know stuff like that, and with Vulcan vision... well, I'm sure he would see it. I drew a lot of inspriation for Garth (haha, this still makes me laugh) from Sylar from "Heroes" (don't own!) which I was watching most of the time I was writing this. I hope that you guys liked it, and please review! I know that a lot of you are watching this, but I only get about 5 reviews a chapter, it makes me a little sad....


	15. Fighter

I was gonna post another set that weren't the follow up to Jealous... but you all reviewed so wonderfully and asked so nicely, I decided not to make you wait; so here's the first followup to Jealous!

Aelimir picked this one up; Garth is actually the name of a crazy guy in TOS! He's in the episode "Whom Gods Destroy" which I honestly didn't even know when I wrote it, although that does make me laugh! Thanks for picking that up Aelimir, it was quite funny! Royalfizzbin also noticed, hooray!

* * *

30

Fighter

_person with the will, courage, determination, ability, or disposition to fight, struggle, resist_

"Jim, are you sure you're doing alright?"

Dulled blue eyes turned, moving to look up at Bones from where Jim was settled in the Captain's chair. He smiled slightly, but it was so empty that McCoy discarded it immediately. "Yea Bones, I'm good. Just tired."

McCoy folded his arms over his chest, frowning down at his friend. "You know that I don't believe that. You've been even more reckless since…" he paused, not wanting to continue any further. "Jim, please. At least come down to Sickbay and talk to me, if nothing else."

Jim shook his head, pushing himself to his feet after a moment and waving the brunet to the side. "I'm fine, Bones, please just… leave it alone." McCoy opened his mouth, to say something, to push him further, but one look at Jim's faded blue eyes and the pleading in them made McCoy stutter to a halt.

The doctor didn't have the heart to keep going, not when Jim looked at him like that. Even so, he knew that he needed to get Jim to talk, to say something about what had happened to him. Although he knew the general idea from what Jim's body had told him, the blond hadn't talked about it, and he needed to. Keeping it all bottled up inside was destroying him; McCoy could see it seeping out of him.

In the 3 months since the "incident" as McCoy had taken to calling it, they had healed Jim's body, but his mind was secluded, hiding away. He had insisted that he was fine, that they should send out the _Enterprise_, and with the Admiralty wanting to send them out, they did just that, even against medical advisory.

McCoy was still angry about that entire situation. When everything had blown wide open and Garth had been exposed there had been a rush to cover it up. The thought that one of their esteemed Commanders as well as instructors could kidnap and severely beat and rape a Starfleet Captain… none of them wanted to let it get out, so it was covered up and hidden away.

Jim had waved all the concern off, saying that he was fine, that it was all in the past now, that he was over it, but McCoy knew better. Even when Jim could hide it from everyone else, he saw through the exterior cover and into the terrible heartache that Jim was hiding from everyone, even himself.

Although he hadn't faltered in his command, Jim was… different. Everyone noticed it, even if they didn't know what it really was, they knew that Jim wasn't the exuberant, happy individual that he had been before during their first year. He was so very quiet now, never really raising his voice. He smiled, but it had none of the warmth and light that it had before, and it never reached his eyes, and never before had McCoy heard him go this long without laughter. Jim had always been so happy and outgoing, and now to watch him retreat within himself and then proceed to deny it…

McCoy had never felt so much pain in his heart as he did while watching his best friend just hole up inside himself and waste away.

Jim was losing weight, not a lot at a time, but enough that it was worrying to his friends. The golden tunic that had once fit him like a glove was loose and hung on him like it was several sizes too large. Dark circles had taken up residence under his eyes, which were bloodshot and tired all the time now. He just seemed… dim, like all the life had been sucked out of him.

A few more moments of silence on the bridge, and then Jim pushed himself to his feet. "Mr. Spock, you have the conn. Bones… Come on."

Neither Spock nor McCoy questioned his words, taking what little they could get from their diminished friend. The Vulcan moved to take Jim's spot in the Captain's chair, and to McCoy's surprise he reached out, brushing his fingers lightly over Jim's shoulder, just at the collar of his black undershirt, barely touching his skin. Jim flashed an empty smile at him and then led the way towards the turbolift.

Inside the lift Jim was silent, and McCoy made no attempt to break it, deciding it best to let Jim make the first move. As they reached Deck 6 Jim took a step outside and suddenly faltered, falling against the wall. McCoy let out a sound of alarm, lurching forward and catching Jim against him, cradling his friend. Jim let out a gasp, his entire body tensing before he pressed backwards, stumbling away as McCoy instantly released him.

Jim collapsed against the wall, wrapping his arms around himself and breathing steadily before calming himself. "Easy Jim…" McCoy murmured, his hands held palms out towards his friend. "It's alright, you're safe."

"I know…" Jim whispered faintly as he pushed himself to his feet. He was shaking, McCoy could see it, but he didn't say anything as Jim collected himself. "I'm just… so tired, Bones. I just want to sleep."

McCoy felt a pang in his heart, hesitating before reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Jim's shoulder. The blond flinched at the touch, but didn't move away. "I can give you something to help you sleep Jim, but you need to talk about this. Getting it out in the open will help…"

Jim shook his head harshly. "No. I just want to sleep."

Feeling defeated, McCoy simply nodded. "Alright. Why don't you head to your quarters, I'll just stop by sickbay."

Jim nodded, and then the turbolift closed behind him leaving McCoy to run a hand through his hair, shaking his head slightly.

_You've gotta open up sometime, Jim, or this is gonna destroy you from the inside out…_

* * *

Spock opened his eyes in the darkness of his room; frown already on his face as he sat up in bed, his eyes moving to the doorway that led to the joint bathroom that he shared with the Captain. Not long after they had returned to the ship he had rigged Jim's bathroom door so that it wouldn't shut all the way. It was open just enough that sound would leak through, but not that Jim would notice the gap.

It had been in order to make sure that Jim was alright, as their walls were soundproof in case of missions discussed in their quarters. Leaving his own door open was enough for his sharp hearing to pick up any noises from Jim's room, and he found that it took all of his strength to hold himself back.

Every night Jim had nightmares.

He was never very loud, which was the most distressing part to Spock. He would whimper and moan quietly, roll around in his bed and more often than not get up and stop sleeping at all. Spock noticed that Jim slept an average of 3 hours a night; he never seemed to get any more rest than that.

It was starting to worry Spock, although the Vulcan didn't want to admit it. While he could go for days without sleep and food, Jim was only human and he couldn't do the same. His friend was a shadow of his former self, and there was a pain in Spock's heart that he didn't understand.

This night, however, Spock didn't hear anything from Jim's room.

This worried him more than hearing the sounds of his dreams. Spock could always hear Jim as he moved about his room, and that comforted him, in a way, to at least know that Jim was alright and alive. But now there was nothing but silence, even though the Vulcan knew very well that Jim was there.

Concern flared in his abdomen and the Vulcan pushed himself to his feet, striding towards the bathroom door and reaching out to touch it. A sound stopped him before he reached it, however.

A moan, not one of distress, but of disoriented pain.

No longer waiting, Spock quickly entered the override code and strode into the Captain's quarters, searching for Jim as soon as he entered. The lights were on low, just enough for him to see by as he scanned the room. His eyes instantly found a pale hand, lying palm up on the floor behind Jim's desk.

"Jim!"

Jim was lying on his side, an empty bottle resting inches from his outstretched hand and a puddle of vomit in the corner. Spock wrinkled his nose at the acid like scent of both alcohol and bile, putting it aside as he felt for a pulse along Jim's throat. His normally golden skin was bleached white, blue around the crease of his lips, and his breathing was slow and shallow.

Spock pressed at Jim's shoulder, trying to wake him. "Jim, wake up!" When that provoked no response, the Vulcan quickly leapt to his feet, slamming a hand on the comm button on the desk. "Spock to Sickbay, I require an anti-grav stretcher in the Captain's quarters!" his voice was tight and slightly louder than normal, but restrained.

He didn't wait for a response; he turned back to Jim and tried once again, unsuccessfully to wake the blond. Jim made no sound as Spock shook him, and to the Vulcan's dismay he didn't react to the slap that Spock delivered.

The door slid open a second later and McCoy came charging in followed by two other sickbay officers. The doctor swore colorfully as soon as he spotted the two on the floor, kneeling beside Spock and whipping out a tricorder. "Alcohol poisoning." he spat. "Get him on the stretcher, now! We need to get him to sickbay!"

Spock rushed behind the man as they moved through the ship, his heart thundering in his side as he tried to keep the panic from overflowing.

* * *

McCoy sighed, running a hand through his hair and leaning forward to place his face in his hands. His elbows were against the bio-bed in front of him, and he raised his head from his hands to look at his Captain, still unconscious in on the bed as he had been for the last 3 hours. While the poisoning hadn't been severe, it had been enough that McCoy was worried for his friend's mental health, and wondering if he would have to put Jim on suicide watch.

He had never thought that it would come to that.

There was a moan from the bed and McCoy restrained himself from leaping to his feet, a hand moving as though to touch Jim before he restrained himself. "Jim, you're awake!"

Jim frowned, blinking in the light before meeting McCoy's eyes. "Bones?"

"You're damn lucky the hobgoblin found you before you could throw up again and drown in it." McCoy murmured, venom barely hidden in his voice. "Is that the way that you want to go?"

Jim's eyes widened. "I… I didn't think…"

McCoy sighed faintly, pressing two fingers against his eyes and rubbing. "What am I gonna do with you, kid? You've lost a lot of weight, and you're not sleeping or eating right, you can't handle your normal amount."

"I…" Jim's voice faded off. "I just wanted to make it go away for a while. I wanted to sleep without… just for a little bit."

With those words, Leonard McCoy's heart broke.

"Oh Jim…"

McCoy reached forward, slowly resting his hands on Jim's shoulders, feeling his gut wrench at Jim's flinch, and then he carefully pulled his friend into his arms. Jim stiffened at first, his entire body tense, and then McCoy spoke.

"You haven't grieved once, Jim. Please, you've got to let it out."

Jim shook his head slowly. "I can't, Bones. If I start… I don't think I'll ever stop."

McCoy held him tighter. "You can trust me, Jim. I'm here for you, and I'm never going to leave you, no matter what you tell me. You can take as long as you need."

"I… I can't…" There was a crack in Jim's voice, and then a strangled sob. "I can't close my eyes anymore, Bones…" he whispered. "I…"

In the seclusion of sickbay, wrapped in Leonard McCoy's arms, James T. Kirk finally broke.


	16. Accident, Life

Alright, another one! Not the next followup to "Jealous" I'm afraid, you guys might have to wait a bit for that one. Okay, in both there's established relationship, the first with some hurt!Jim and worried!Spock. The second is MPREG, and in the same universe as "Transformation." I told you guys I would keep that one going at some point! Hope you enjoy!

God damn fanfiction! It wont' do the formatting right!

* * *

29

Accident

_an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap_

It had originally been a plan to take Jim to a nice dinner to celebrate their bonding for the first time on Earth. While they had been together for nearly 3 months now, it was the first time since then that they had been on Jim's home planet, and so Spock thought that his bondmate would enjoy their having a nice dinner together in a restaurant that he had been informed by Jim's mother that the blond had never been, but wanted to go. He had planned it thoroughly, making reservations and then telling Jim to dress nicely before leaving him to prepare.

Jim had been stunning in a pair of dark gray slacks and a blue shirt that nearly matched his eyes, a smile on his face as he met the Vulcan kiss that Spock extended to him. "You look good." Jim said with a grin, his eyes skimming over his mate before he leaned up to give him a human kiss.

Spock returned the smile faintly, glad that he had let Nyota choose his clothing for him; black slacks and a dark silver button-up shirt. "I am pleased you think so, t'hy'la, and you are beautiful as always. Shall we?"

The smile never faded, now companied with a faint blush. "Of course, I'm dying to know what you've planned. You really kept it hidden this time."

"I wished for it to be a surprise." Spock replied as they headed together out of their Starfleet room for the short time that they were on-planet, his amusement trickling through their bond.

As they arrived Jim couldn't help but let out a gasp. "I've always wanted to go here! How did you know that, this is awesome!"

Spock couldn't help but feel warmth in his abdomen at the happiness in Jim's expression and mind. "Your mother informed that it would be a wise choice. I thought it an appropriate choice for commemorating our bond on Earth for the first time."

Jim pressed a swift kiss to Spock's lips before brushing their hands together. "You are such a romantic sometimes, and I love you for it."

With that they had headed inside, Spock perfectly content to bask in the joy that was radiating from his mate.

It was some time about halfway through the dinner that Spock noticed that something was wrong. Jim had ordered an exotic dish that he had never had and at first had eaten it with vigor, but he was beginning to slow down, eyebrows twitching together and a frown on his features, which Spock noticed were paler than normal.

"Jim, what is wrong?" Spock asked, releasing his fork and reaching towards his mate. Jim had one hand pressed against his chest, massaging slightly, and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed. Spock observed that he appeared to be struggling, and felt a bolt of panic.

"I'm having trouble… breathing…" Jim forced out after a moment, closing his eyes and bending forward to rest his forehead on the table, his body shaking slightly. The distress that he had obviously been hiding finally wormed its way through their bond, and Spock got to his feet, fetching a server and asking that they call for medical help.

When Spock returned to the table he found that the panic in his stomach solidified and he knelt beside Jim's chair, placing a hand on the back of his neck and focusing to try and help ease the discomfort his mate was in. An unhealthy sounding wheeze had started coming from Jim's throat, and as Spock leaned down to get a better look at Jim's face, he could see the blue creeping into his lips.

"Come, Jim." Spock murmured, guiding his mate out of the chair and onto the floor. "Lean back, it will help to open your airway, you aren't getting enough oxygen." Jim followed his actions shakily, a faint whistling sound now taking over the previous wheezing. "Keep breathing steadily." Spock encouraged, focusing himself once more to try and help.

"Doing… the best… I can…" Jim said between breaths, his eyes clenched shut and his hand now fisted in the cloth of his shirt. Spock slipped his hand in, and Jim squeezed tight, his thoughts now fearful as he continued to try and breathe.

Suddenly all sound ceased, and panic exploded in Jim's mind as his hand tightened on Spock' s until it was nearly painful. Spock realized in that second that Jim's throat had swollen completely shut and he could no longer breathe.

"Can't…" Jim choked out. "Can't… breathe!"

Eyes wide, Jim's mouth fell open, throat working soundlessly as he tried to inhale. Seconds later his eyes rolled up and he went still.

Spock could hold it in no longer, turning to look behind him where he knew people were fluttering nervously. "Where is the medical team?.!"

Not a moment later the door flew open and a medical team rushed in, moving immediately to Jim's side as Spock stood back for them. He wanted to be at Jim's side, but he knew that right now time was of the essence.

One woman had placed an oxygen mask over Jim's face. "No breathing, and I'm not getting any air through."

"Throat closed up, anaphylaxis!" another barked.

There was suddenly a hypo at Jim's throat, and seconds passed before the woman at Jim's head let out a sigh. "There we go; I've got some air flow. Not much, but—"

A tremor passed through Jim's body, then another, and then he began to seize violently, tossing the woman with the oxygen mask loose and causing them all to jump back in an effort not to harm him.

Spock could watch no more, he knew that he had to call McCoy. He turned from the scene, restraining himself with all that he had as he pulled out his communicator.

_

* * *

_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

The steady sound of the monitor following Jim's heart was both comforting and distressing, Spock found. It helped him to hear that Jim was truly alive, but it also reminded him of the fact that they were currently in the hospital, and not one hour ago Spock had nearly lost his bondmate over an accident.

"I cannot believe the irresponsibility of people!" McCoy ranted as he entered the room, looking a little haggard with his brunet hair mussed and worry still on his features. "Not changing gloves, preparing food on the same surface without cleaning it! All of this could have been avoided if that employee had done their job properly!"

Shellfish.

That had been it.

And there hadn't even been any in the dish Jim had chosen; after all, the blond wasn't an idiot, he had made sure that there was nothing he was allergic to in the food he picked.

It had all been because of an employee who hadn't followed the strict protocol when dealing with food. In a restaurant of this size, it was important to always change gloves and clean each surface with sanitizer before preparing a different dish. It was precaution to stop these very incidents from happening.

While the anaphylaxis was explained by that, it wasn't necessarily the fault of the medical team that Jim had lapsed into a seizure. They had been following protocol, after all, and hadn't known that Jim was also allergic to most common anti-allergy medicines, a rare but typical Kirkian quirk. As Jim often said, he was lucky enough to have the immune system of a newborn and was therefore allergic to almost everything.

"I ought to kill some people." McCoy groused from the corner, settling on a cushy chair that was situated there.

"There is no need to kill anyone, Doctor." Spock murmured quietly, reaching out to lay his hand over Jim's and slowly twine their fingers together. Jim's hand twitched in response before those fingers slowly curled around his.

Blue eyes were tired and dim as they fluttered open to meet Spock's chocolate colored orbs, and then a smile came onto the blond's face. "Hey…" he whispered quietly. "Fun night, wasn't it?"

Spock sighed slightly, stroking Jim's skin gently. "I do believe that is a horridly inaccurate statement, t'hy'la. But I am indeed pleased that you are well once more."

"God, I'm sore all over." Jim murmured, shifting in the bed and wincing as he did. "What the hell happened?"

"Damn fool employees!" McCoy's voice from the corner made them both start, and Jim looked past Spock to meet the eyes of his best friend. "They did something stupid and you nearly died because of it! And then the paramedics gave you epinephrine, although I can't really blame them, can I? At least they did what they were supposed to do!" McCoy pushed himself to his feet.

Jim nodded slightly at those words. "Ah, a seizure then. Well, no harm no foul I suppose. Do you think we could get back to our celebration now?" He turned back to his bondmate, a smile spreading across his features.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I find myself tired of today's… excitement. I would not be adverse to continuing our celebration in our quarters, however."

"Good god, man!" McCoy snapped. "I'm in the damn room!"

A bright laugh escaped Jim. "And that, Bones, is exactly why we do it!"

* * *

30

Life

_the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally._

Once he bonded with Jim, Spock had accepted the fact that if he was to ever be a father, it would be to an adopted child. He wished, at some point, to experience that part of life, but he hadn't thought to rush it, to push Jim any faster than he wanted to go. After the experience of caring of his bondmate when he had been transformed into a four year old child, that want had strengthened somewhat, but he hadn't thought much about it since then.

As such, the situation that he was currently in had been entirely unexpected, though not something that he was displeased about.

"Ouch…" Jim grunted faintly, lifting a hand to rub at his stomach, shifting against the headboard where he leaned while sitting on their bed. Spock raised his own hand to touch the spot, glancing up at Jim. The blond smiled, shaking his head slightly in response to the question lingering in his mate's eyes. "No, it's alright. She's just really strong, like her Dad."

A smile twitched at Spock's lips at those words, and he couldn't resist leaning down to press a kiss to Jim's swollen abdomen against the spot that their daughter had kicked. She had been getting progressively stronger throughout the two months that they had been able to feel her, and Spock was starting to wonder how it would be when Jim was full term; he still had two more months to go.

"You worry too much." Jim said suddenly, watching Spock with a fond smile on his face. "And don't you tell me Vulcans don't worry." He tapped a finger against his temple. "I can feel it, and see it on your face. I'm fine, and I'm going to be fine."

Spock stroked his fingers over Jim's bare stomach. "I have no doubt of that fact, t'hy'la, however, you would say that you were 'fine' regardless."

Jim chuckled faintly. "You got me there. But seriously, it's nothing I can't handle. I wanted this, remember?"

Slim Vulcan hands caressed the child-heavy belly before Spock leaned down to press another series of kisses along his mate's skin. "I am aware of that. And I still find myself in awe of the fact that we are soon to be parents."

A snort was his response. "Yea, so am I, even though I've got this for evidence." His voice was playful as he patted his stomach, but there was affection shimmering in his blue eyes. "Just think, though, another two months and we're gonna have another little life to take care of."

"Indeed." Spock said, his voice warm. "I too am looking forward to seeing our daughter for the first time."

"I can't wait either…" Jim grumped. "I know that I wanted this, but damn does it suck sometimes."

As if to confirm that Spock felt a sharp kick from inside his mate and Jim hissed, rubbing his fingers in a circle on the spot. "Little devil." he murmured, but his voice was full of love. "Reminds me of someone else I know."

Spock only smiled slightly before leaning down to lay his ear to Jim's skin, sending feelings of affection and peace to his daughter to calm her. She shifted beneath Jim's skin, rolling into Spock's touch before going still, causing Jim to breathe a sigh of relief before allowing his eyes to close in contentment.

"Two more months and I'm gonna be a Dad…" Jim whispered. "I just hope I can do a better job…"

"You will be a wonderful father, Jim. Although, I do believe that you would qualify as the 'mother' in this case." Spock replied, teasing softly.

Jim glared at him, smacking his shoulder. "I told you not to call me that!"

Spock silenced him with a kiss.


	17. Heart

Aren't you guys loved? You get like... three chapters in the space of five days or so. I just can't stop writing, you guys get me so excited to keep going! (And over a 100 reviews?! I feel so LOVED! VIRTUAL HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!!) Once again, not the next followup to "Jealous" but this starts another sort of "arc" in a way, there's at least one more after this one here. I hope you guys like it!

Warnings for this one: Established relationship, some hurt!Jim as well as, in a way hurt!Spock. Some assumed facts.... um.... I made up a planet and a race for this one, I hope that I explain them well enough.

* * *

31

Heart

_the center of the total personality, esp. with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion_

_"Jim…"_

_"Keptan, please wake up!"_

_"Come on, Kirk, you're stronger than this…!"_

_"Geez kid, I can't have you doing this, not now! We need you, Jim, come on back to us…!"_

Feeling sore and almost out of place, James T. Kirk opened his eyes slowly to the dim light of what appeared to be sickbay. He raised a hand, rubbing it over his eyes before lowering it and attempting to look around the room.

There was a gasp, and then he heard footsteps running towards him. "Jim! God, you're finally awake!"

Jim looked into worried and slightly angry brown eyes, and tilted his head slightly. "Bones? What happened?"

Leonard McCoy's face fell slightly and he seemed to deflate from his excited air, frowning slightly. "What do you remember?" he said after a moment of debating.

Frowning, Jim struggled to remember. "We were observing a planet. Tersiai, right?" At McCoy's nod he continued. "There were some unusual readings, and the Tersians allowed us to beam down a science team in case it was dangerous to them." He shook his head. "That's all."

"You got it. Turns out the readings were just some residual radiation, pretty much harmless to them, although it turns up on our sensors because it can be fatal to humans after prolonged periods of exposure. Something we didn't know, seeing as how they've only been trading with us for about a month or so." McCoy told him, his eyes scanning the machines around the bio-bed. "How are you feeling?"

Jim rubbed a hand over his heart slightly. "A bit sore, and I have a headache, but that's pretty much it. I didn't beam down, what happened?"

"Jim…" McCoy mumbled, unsure of how to continue. "The team came back; they were… attacked while on the surface."

The blond's eyes widened. "Attacked? What…"

McCoy could see the realization on his features as his pupils shrank and the color drained out of his face. The monitors shrieked as Jim's heartbeat accelerated and his breathing grew stuttered and unsteady. "Jim." McCoy barked. "Jim, come on, stay with me!"

"Spock." Jim whispered. "Where is Spock?"

The emptiness of his mind rang around him with an intensity that he had never noticed before he had joined with Spock, and he searched frantically for his bondmate. It was like searching for a foothold on a wall of glass; he kept bouncing and sliding off.

_The transporter buzzed as three figures came into sight, and Jim looked frantically for his mate. All three science officers were breathing heavily, disheveled, and one was clutching a bleeding arm. _

_"Spock!" Jim demanded. "Where is Spock?.!"_

_The senior officer on the pad grimaced. "Commander Spock is… they were after him, sir, we…"_

_The young female Ensign let out a sob. "He told us to go, that he would slow them down for us! He made us come to the beam out point without him!"_

_The other man took a step forward, his voice soft. "We saw him go down behind us."_

_Jim shook his head, taking a step back while denials poured from his lips. "No…" He refused to believe it, reaching inside for his mate._

_"Spock is dead, sir."_

**"NOOOOOO!"**

McCoy held Jim as he relived the events in the transporter room, looking down into those wide, empty blue eyes with pain in his heart. Jim's mouth fell open slightly, and then McCoy felt panic flare through him as the alarms began to sound.

"Jim!" McCoy shouted, tapping Jim on the cheek and shaking him. "Jim, breathe!"

Those eyes just stared up at him; _through him._

"Breathe! Jim! Come on, BREATHE!!"

* * *

The next time Jim woke he felt groggy and out of focus. His throat hurt and his chest felt as though he'd been crushed beneath a starship. Blinking, he tried to focus on the world around him, shifting to look beside the bed and meet tired brown eyes.

"Thank god…" McCoy murmured quietly, reaching out to gently run his hand over Jim's forehead and through his hair. "I was starting to worry, kid."

Jim blinking slowly, still trying to wake up fully, and then he managed to mumble something, though it wasn't intelligible. McCoy waited patiently, watching as Jim raised a hand to slide the oxygen mask off his face so he could speak.

"What happened?" Jim croaked.

McCoy's face grew pained again. "Do you remember…?" he whispered.

A tear slipped down Jim's temple and he nodded. "Y-Yea. What happened to me?"

"You had a heart attack; slipped into cardiac arrest." McCoy murmured. "I almost lost you, kid; I could get you to breathe no matter what I tried. You've been out for almost two days."

Jim breathed deeply as he slid the mask back onto his face, closing his eyes and trying to stop the shakes that threatened to overwhelm his body. Moving the mask again, he swallowed thickly and licked his dry lips before attempting to speak once more. "Are… are we sure that Spock…?" He was unable to finish, pulling the mask back over his mouth and nose as McCoy ran a hand through his hair.

"We've lost all signs of his signal; Uhura's been searching for it around the clock since he disappeared. All three Science officers have been debriefed, but they don't really know a whole lot." McCoy stopped there, but Jim waved a hand, gesturing for him to continue. "Jim, you need to rest; a heart attack at this age isn't a good sign, I need to do some more scans…"

"Bones."

Jim's voice was sharp and firm, even though it was gravelly and most likely painful for Jim to speak. McCoy met his gaze, blinking at the determination and sort of diminished loss in them.

"My mate is gone." Jim said firmly. "And I intend to find him. I don't have time for resting. Now tell me everything."

His tone left no room for argument, and with a sigh, McCoy settled down to tell him what the away team had said, as well as what they knew about the situation.

* * *

_As far as we knew when the Federation entered into a trade agreement with the Tersians, they were a peaceful, if morally primitive race that happened to live on a planet with a lot of natural resources that we could utilize. That was why the agreement was made after all, but while the Tersians agreed to trade with us, they hadn't become a part of the Federation, so there was no investigation into their culture. There was no need to do so. _

_Turns out that they have a sort of… dislike for Vulcans. We don't know all the details, only what Uhura's managed to dig up now that we know there's an animosity there. Apparently at some point the Tersians managed to get past their own borders and into space for the first time, and they were stopped by Vulcans. It was legitimate, as the Tersians locked onto and attempted to board a Vulcan spacecraft, so they had a reason to retaliate, but from that day on, the Tersians have looked at Vulcans as "the reason they are grounded." The Vulcans destroyed their prototype spacecraft and they haven't been able to rebuild one since, as most of the scientists who created it were lost in the attack. _

_Pretty stupid of their government if you ask me, sending all the people who knew about this in it, but what do I know, I'm a doctor, not a politician._

_We didn't tell them that we were sending a Vulcan down as part of the away team, and, according to Ensign Janeston, there were a lot of whispers and bad looks as soon as they arrived. They were allowed to do their research without interruption, but on the way back to the beam out point, several males rushed them and focused on Spock. Lieutenant Rogers says that he saw Spock take a shot to the back through the chest, although he wasn't sure where. _

_He was taken down a moment later, and then the party got beamed out. _

* * *

Jim was silent as McCoy finished the report, staring up at the ceiling and breathing deeply through the oxygen mask still over his face. He sighed a moment later, and then pushed himself into a sitting position while McCoy tried to keep him lying down.

"Jim, you've got to rest…!"

The blond growled faintly. "Enough, Bones! There's no guarantee that Spock is dead! We have to go back down there and look for him, and even if he is, then they're gonna have hell to pay for kidnapping and murdering a Starfleet officer!"

McCoy growled right back at him. "There's no guarantee, eh? Then why the hell are you laying here like this, Jim?.! Your god damned heart gave out; don't you think I know what that means? The bond is gone, isn't it?.!"

Jim stopped, staring at him with wide eyes before his face sobered and he looked away. "Not gone. It's… still there, it's just like… I don't know, like the other side has been chopped off. I can't feel him, but I just know that he's not dead." He looked back up, meeting McCoy's eyes squarely. "I'm not going to give up on him. I can't Bones, he's…" He chuckled slightly, eyes flickering away again. "Spock _**is**_ my heart, damnit. I need him."

The brunet could say nothing to those words for a moment, and then he nodded slightly. "Alright kid, I'll help you. But you've got to let me, okay?"

Jim nodded. "Yea. Now come on, we've got work to do."


	18. Counsel

Okay, now we have the next followup to "Jealous" originally this was going to be the last one, but as it's looking right now, I'm not going to close that door, cause some of my words are looking promising. Once again, I love you guys, and I hope that you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

32

Counsel

_advice; opinion or instruction given in directing the judgment or conduct of another_

Jim had been right; once the tears had begun flowing, they had taken a long time to stop. McCoy was quite content to hold him until they came to a halt nearly 2 hours later, stroking the golden hair and rocking slightly where he sat on the bio-bed. Jim had been tense at first, but after a few moments his body went limp, lying against McCoy's chest.

An hour into Jim's near silent sobbing the door to the private room in sickbay slid open and McCoy didn't even have to look up to know that it was Spock; the Vulcan was the only other one who knew the code to enter the room. There was silence from him when he first entered, and then he moved to stand beside the bio-bed, radiating a warm sort of 'safe' feeling as well as calm.

A moment later a slim, pale hand was extended, and Spock laid a hand gently on Jim's shoulder before rubbing down the blond's back and circling slightly. Jim glanced up at Spock as soon as he was touched, blinking in surprise before turning his face back against McCoy's throat and breathing deep.

He was shuddering slightly now, but the tears had finally stopped and he lay limp against his friend. Spock's hand was still circling gently on his shoulder blade, though the Vulcan hadn't moved other than that since entering the room. Jim breathed in, and then let out a sigh, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry, Bones…"

"There's no need to apologize, Jim." McCoy murmured quietly in return. "You needed this, and I am here to help you in any way that I can." He stroked the man's blond hair, glad that Jim had finally relaxed against him. "How are you feeling?"

Jim paused for a moment, and then nodded slightly. "Better, I guess."

"You still need to talk about it."

Those words brought a line of tension back along Jim's shoulders. "I… I still need time for that, Bones. Give me time."

McCoy sighed faintly, but then nodded. "Alright Jim, time. But you do need to talk about it; I don't want you to keep putting it off like this. I'm here for you when you're ready."

"As am I."

The sound of Spock's warm baritone voice startled them both, causing them to look up at Spock. Jim met the Vulcan's eyes squarely, and a small, tentative smile graced his lips for the first time in months. "Thanks Spock."

The Vulcan nodded. "There is no cause for your thanks, as I was always here to assist you, even if you did not acknowledge it." At those words the smile on Jim's face grew a little warmer, and he reached to touch Spock's arm, squeezing gently.

* * *

The next time that Spock heard the sounds of a nightmare from Jim's room, he didn't restrain himself from going to him. He knocked softly before he entered, but he heard no response, so he moved into the dimly lit room, his eyes moving immediately to the lump on the bed.

Jim shifted as Spock came close, throwing his head to the side and letting out a strangled gasp. The Vulcan hesitated for a moment before sitting on the bed beside his captain, reaching out and laying a hand on the man's shoulder. "Jim, wake up!"

His voice caused an instant reaction and Jim woke with a startled cry, shoving himself backwards into the corner where the bed was situated. Spock let him, watching silently while Jim fully woke himself, and then the blond made eye contact with him, his shaking starting to come to a halt.

"I'm sorry." Jim whispered after a moment. "I woke you didn't I?"

Spock shook his head. "I was already awake, Jim. I heard the sounds of your distress and came to help you." He tilted his head slightly, reaching forward slowly and in plain sight. Jim's eyes followed the Vulcan's hand for a moment, but he didn't push backwards as Spock allowed his hand to settle on Jim's shoulder. "Do you wish to talk, Jim?"

The blond stared at him quietly for a moment, then shook his head slowly. "No. I don't want to."

At those words Spock leaned back from his friend and Captain, feeling content with those words. "Very well, Jim."

"No…" Jim shook his head again, setting his hand on Spock's forearm to stop him from withdrawing. "I don't want to talk about it… But I need to."

Spock felt understanding dawn, and he went still, waiting quietly for Jim to make the first move, to speak, anything. There was silence for a long time, and Spock could almost sense Jim pushing himself, trying to speak, to get it out in the open, but there was no indication that he was ready to talk. The Vulcan waited with infinite patience, content to watch Jim as he thought.

"Will you…" Jim paused, seeming to struggle with what he wanted to say before he tugged at Spock's arm, pulling him forward. "Sit. Get comfortable."

Following the pull on his arm, Spock moved to lean against the wall, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Jim sat beside him, just close enough that their shoulders brushed, but no closer. Spock felt the vague urge to hold Jim, to comfort him in a way that had once been a sure method of calming him, but he knew that now it would only serve to frighten him, so he held still.

"He told me that he wanted to give me some advice." Jim started softly, wringing his hands in his lap, twisting the blanket between his fingers. "I… kinda liked Commander Garth, when he was teaching. I had a couple of classes with him over the years, as he was aiming to be a Captain, so it was logical cause I was on the Command track."

Spock turned his head slightly to watch Jim, but said nothing, knowing that if he interrupted Jim might not want to continue now that he had begun. He shifted his body; carefully opening himself to Jim should he choose to seek comfort, though he didn't touch the blond.

Jim breathed in deeply, and then continued. "I can't really remember what exactly he did when we got outside. I wasn't looking at him, and the next thing I knew, I was tied in his basement. My head hurt, so I suppose he must have hit me or something, but I never did know for sure. He came in about an hour after I woke up, beat me, and then left. I didn't see him again for what felt like another day, but I really don't know. I couldn't keep track of time down there."

Another shuddering breath, a moment of silence, and then Jim moved forward once more. "When he came back he told me why he'd kidnapped me. I took the _Enterprise_, a woman he loved, the mission that was his idea. He wanted me to pay for it all, so he was going to beat me, and then…" he swallowed. "…then r-rape me. He wouldn't kill me until I begged for it. That was when he broke my knee, cause I managed to get free and hit him in the side."

Shifting, Jim wrapped his arms around himself, lowering his head and pulling his knees up to his chest, settling his chin on them. "He beat me again, gagged me, and then…" The shake had re-entered his tone. "He climbed on top of me…" Spock felt a pang in his heart as tears began to roll down Jim's cheeks. "I couldn't move…. Couldn't think, I was so scared… And it hurt, so b-bad…"

Spock could take it no longer; he reached out, wrapping his arms tightly around Jim and drawing the sobbing man against his chest. Jim flinched at first, and then collapsed against the Vulcan's body, clutching at his clothes and burying his face against the warm throat.

"I've never felt so helpless!" Jim sobbed out. "I couldn't do anything! No matter what I did, he wouldn't get off me! I couldn't scream, and even if I did he said no one would hear me!" He rubbed his face against Spock's skin. "He kept calling me all these things… and I called for you! You didn't come…"

Pained, Spock rocked the shaking body gently, his lips pressing over Jim's hair as his fingers glided across his shoulder. "I am here now, Jim. I looked for you every moment, and came as soon as I discovered where you were. You were never out of my thoughts."

"I was so scared…" Jim whispered, his hands white-knuckled where they gripped Spock's shirt. "I thought he would kill me, that no one would ever find me. He told me no one would come; no one would care about me, I'm just a whore, a useless, weak idiot that steals everything…!"

Spock shook his head. "No, Jim, you must not think this way! None of these things are true, Garth was a twisted individual who had no idea who you really are. I promise you that you are so very smart, and strong, as well as beautiful." The Vulcan stroked his fingers up, brushing them across Jim's psi points and projecting the love that he had buried. "Feel this, t'hy'la, and know that you are loved!"

Jim went still as Spock's fingers touched his face, his eyes wide as he stared at the wall. He moved slowly, turning so he could look up into Spock's eyes, the tears slowing slightly as he did. "Spock?"

"You are safe." Spock murmured, his fingers gentle as they petted across Jim's tear-wet cheeks. "I am here with you, and never again shall I let anyone take you from my side. You are loved by so many people, what Garth said could not be farther from the truth."

"Loved…" Jim whispered. "You? Bones?"

Spock nodded. "Of course. Doctor McCoy has often told me that he thinks of you as his family almost more than those who are related to him by blood. And I…" he allowed a slightly smile to turn his lips. "I have never found myself pressed to control myself so much in your presence. You inspire… quite the responses in me."

A watery sounding chuckle was his response, and Spock felt a warmth of triumph in his abdomen. Jim watched him for a moment longer, and then slowly leaned down, laying his head against Spock's shoulder and closing his eyes. "I like it when you hold me…" he whispered after a moment. "It doesn't… remind me. It just feels safe."

The Vulcan squeezed Jim gently. "I will always protect you, t'hy'la…"

Jim did not respond, and as Spock looked down he saw that the blond was sleeping soundly, his face smooth and peaceful.

Spock held his Captain, friend, and t'hy'la throughout that night, and for the first time in nearly four months, Jim slept without nightmares.


	19. Lose

Alright, I've had the crappiest day, so what better way to feel better than to post a chapter and hear from all of you wonderful people! I think it's also a good time to say this: since this story is getting so much love and I've gotten so many reviews, I'm going to start something new. Every 50 reviews I'll let that reviewer choose a subject or word for me, and they'll get a shout-out and a one-shot! I'm still going good with the words I get, but I thought that this would be fun. So, my 150th reviewer will be the first! In the meantime, I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!

This is the followup to "Heart."

* * *

33

Lose

_to suffer the deprivation of_

McCoy wrung his hands slightly, his eyes flickering over his Captain as he hovered just behind his chair. Jim was focused on the main screen, completely oblivious to McCoy's presence, or most likely anyone else on the bridge. Had he been able to see Jim's face, McCoy knew that he would find far away blue eyes and a tense expression that was mostly devoid of emotion, except for perhaps a tight sort of anger.

All attempts to contact the Tersians had been met with static and garbled messages that stated not everything was getting through. Even McCoy could tell that they were lying, and so he knew that it was broadcast loudly to the rest of the bridge staff. Jim was livid, even if he was succeeding in not showing it physically, but McCoy could see the tremor in his shoulders and hands where they rested on the chair.

Jim had left sickbay against McCoy's wishes, even though he had said that he would help his friend, he still didn't think it was healthy for him to be up and about. His readings were still erratic and worrying, and McCoy was worried that Jim was going to stress himself into another heart attack, which would be even worse than the first one. The Southern man didn't like the fact that his closest friend was suffering from something that shouldn't occur at his age, and it made him nervous.

Despite all of this, he hadn't stopped Jim as he had made his way to the bridge, only walking behind him and remaining there in order to be a comforting shadow, even if Jim hardly noticed he was there. His first order had been to have Uhura contact the planet, and, once they had been met with static, he had her send a message to Starfleet. They were currently awaiting a response from them; Jim had pretty much told them that they were going down to the planet whether the Tersians liked it or not. Only McCoy's firm words had held Jim back from doing just that, and now they were waiting in thick silence for the reply.

Uhura's fingers suddenly flew over the console, and then she turned in her chair. "I'm getting a signal from Starfleet, Captain, a connection to Admiral Pike."

"On screen." Jim very nearly snapped, his hands tightening into fists.

McCoy flashed an apologetic look at the gentle Communications officer, but she shook her head with a small smile. She understood the situation, and took no offense from Jim's less-than-cordial response.

Christopher Pike's face filled the screen, an apologetic look on his features. "Jim…"

"What's the word from Starfleet, Admiral?" Jim bit out, his voice cold and sharp.

"They don't like it any more than you do, Jim, but they've made their call; without permission, you're not supposed to beam down, it's against regulations." Pike replied, his voice full of the apology.

Jim's next comment left his throat in the form of a snarl. "They kidnapped my bondmate, Chris. Injured him. Might even be torturing him."

"I know, Jim, and I'm sorry, I truly am. If it were only up to me, I'd be sending help to get him back. But we're still in tentative agreement with these people, if we violate that fragile trust now, we might lose the planet, and gain an enemy. They're on their way to getting back into space, if we let this relationship dissolve now…"

"That's all that they care about." Jim spat. "Their agreements and their resources."

Pike sighed. "I'm sorry, Jim, but it's final. Keep trying to contact them for now, if they keep dodging your calls, I'll see if I can get the Admiralty to change it's mind."

The screen went black, and then Jim shot to his feet, his entire back tense and about ready to snap. "Uhura, have a security team meet me in the transporter room, Bones, you come with me. Call Scotty to the bridge, he's in command for now."

"Jim." McCoy murmured. "This isn't a good idea. You could lose the _Enterprise…_"

"Then I will lose her!" Jim roared, the leash on his temper snapping almost visibly. "I will _**not**_ lose him!"

McCoy raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Alright, I'm with you, I was with you before you even made the decision. I'm just reminding you, as is my duty as your friend."

The anger seemed to seep from Jim's body, leaving him looking diminished in some way. "Right…" He turned, heading for the turbolift as Scotty exited, and McCoy followed quietly behind him. As the doors of the turbolift closed, Jim sighed, running a hand through his blond hair. "I'm sorry, Bones."

The other man shook his head. "Don't be. I know that you're running a little tense right now, and none of us take offense from it. Your crew understands, and we're behind you no matter what."

"If you don't want to come with me, I won't make you. I can't ask you to jeopardize your career just for me." Jim murmured, meeting his friend's gaze squarely.

McCoy snorted. "Didn't I just tell you? I was with you from the beginning, kid."

"Thanks Bones."

* * *

Beaming down to the planet hadn't been too difficult, Scotty had deposited them just outside of the city and they were wearing casual clothes that would help them fit in. McCoy was just thankful that Tersians didn't look all that different from humans, it was mostly mental that they were different.

Jim was tense and silent most of the way, his blue eyes darting around him suspiciously. They had been told what the men who had attacked the away team looked like, as well as where the attack had occurred, but once arriving there they had found nothing that would lead them any further. McCoy had doubted they would anyway; it had been two days since Spock had been kidnapped, the trail was cold.

After nearly an hour of searching the area and scanning with tricorders for Spock's signal, Jim suddenly stopped, eyes wide and his head tilted back slightly as he stared at the sky. McCoy frowned, moving forward and reaching out to touch his friend and Captain. "Jim?"

As soon as the word left his mouth Jim reeled, falling backwards into the surprised doctor's arms. He was breathing as though he'd just run a mile; sweat shimmering on his skin as he looked up at McCoy. "I felt him…" he whispered. "Just for a moment, I felt him! It was just a hint, groggy, like he's been drugged, but it was there!"

"You think he's been drugged?" McCoy asked, mentally sorting through the hypos that he had brought with him.

"I can't tell." Jim shook his head. "It was only a hint, and barely there, muggy and cloudy in a way." He grinned faintly, pushing himself back to his feet and away from McCoy. "But I did get one thing out of it; a direction."

McCoy felt a surge of hope in his heart, but at the same time he could see that Jim was starting to stress himself too much. As he jogged behind the blond he pulled out his tricorder, quietly scanning Jim. He detected a too high heart rate, elevated blood pressure, mild dehydration and a rising fever. Jim was driving himself into the ground, but at this point, McCoy no longer had the heart to stop him.

Jim pushed himself faster, breaking into a run as he headed towards a secluded building near the center of the city. McCoy frowned, recognizing the building. "I know this place!" he panted out as he caught up to Jim. "This is the local spiritual building!"

"They're a religious group?" Jim asked, glancing at the doctor before picking up his pace. "A religious sect, wonderful!"

The doors were open when Jim reached them, and he yanked them open eyes scanning the area for any hint as to where they might be keeping Spock. A second later he shuddered violently as the bond spiked again, but it gave him another lead as to where his mate was. McCoy said nothing as he followed the blond to the back end of the building and to a set of doors that appeared to lead to a back room.

Jim yanked on the doors, growling when they didn't give. McCoy reached inside his jacket, hunting for the phaser that only he carried, but he was interrupted as a voice came from near the front door.

"Excuse me, but what are you doing here?"

Both men whirled, meeting the suspicious eyes of a tall male standing just beside the door they had broken through a moment earlier. McCoy stuttered for some sort of an excuse, but Jim wasted no time. "Where is he?"

The man blinked, but McCoy could tell that he knew exactly what Jim was talking about. "I don't know who you mean, are you two looking for someone?"  
Jim snarled, taking a step forward and prompting McCoy to put an arm across his chest to stop him from moving any further. "You know who I'm talking about! What have you done with Spock! I know that you took him; I saw your face in his mind the last time the bond got through! What have you been doing to him?.!"

A distasteful look spread across the man's face. "You speak of the Vulcan. He is in that room there, if you must know. We intended to dispose of him later today, but I see that you are going to make this difficult."

Those words were the ones that did it for McCoy. "I'm sick of this." the doctor growled, pulling the phaser from his jacket and stunning the man without a second thought. He ignored the surprised eyes that Jim threw at him, turning and melting the doors before putting the phaser back in his jacket and pushing at the doors.

Jim stared at him in surprise. "B-Bones?"

"What can I say?" McCoy said with a shrug. "We don't have the time to debate with him, besides, I'm a doctor, not a diplomat, and I've got a patient in there, just as you have a mate that needs you. Now come on, let's go!"

There were no more words needed, Jim turned and shot through the open doors, his eyes riveting instantly on a tied form in the corner. "Spock!"

McCoy followed Jim to Spock, keeping back to allow Jim to reconnect with his mate with some semblance of privacy. Jim tried unsuccessfully to wake the Vulcan, and then looked helplessly to McCoy, at which point the doctor moved forward, tricorder already buzzing in his hands.

"God, he's got enough sedatives in his system to down an army…" McCoy murmured, drawing a hypo from his bag and keying in the formula that he needed before pressing it to Spock's neck. "I'm surprised he's not gone already, this would explain why your bond is pretty much gone. Those spikes you've been feeling must have been him trying to get through it." He glanced to Jim. "We need to get him back to the _Enterprise_, I need to start pulling him back or he's never going to come back."

Jim felt a bolt of panic in his abdomen and nodded, wrenching his communicator from beneath his jacket and opening it. "Kirk to _Enterprise."_

_"Ah've gotcha, Cap'n, have yah found tha' Commander?"_

"Beam us out, Scotty, and have a medical team standing by in the transporter room ready to take us straight to sickbay."

_"Aye, sir, right away."_

The familiar tingling of the transporter beam took them, and McCoy wasted no time in waving the medical team forward, using their help to lift Spock's limp body onto the anti-grav stretcher in preparation to take him to sickbay. Jim followed behind them quietly, though McCoy could sense the tension radiating off of him in waves.

Once inside sickbay, it was a simple matter of finding the right combination of stimulants and hypos to begin to bring Spock out of his sedative-induced coma. The doctor knew that it was likely Spock would go into a Vulcan healing trance once he'd done so; he was covered in minute cuts and many bruises, and according to McCoy's scans he had some internal injuries as well. The main thing right now was to help him into the trance so he could heal safely.

Jim hovered nervously the entire time, wringing his hands and reaching forward periodically in a nervous motion that McCoy knew was his want to touch his mate. The doctor, for his part, didn't say anything, even though he would prefer to work without Jim there. He knew that right now separating the two would only stress Jim, and he was already at a rather high risk for another heart attack.

As soon as Spock passed safely into a healing trance McCoy leaned back with a sigh, running a hand through his hair before turning to Jim. "Alright, that's done it. He's in a healing trance, he should be fine before too long. Now I need you to get into that bed, and rest for god's sake!"

Hesitation answered him, Jim's eyes flickering from the bed to Spock. McCoy pushed at his shoulder. "Lay down!" he ordered. "Spock's not goin' anywhere, I just need you to calm yourself down, I'm getting some not-so-nice readings from you."

Jim finally relented, settling on the bio-bed and rolling on his side so he could face Spock. He was quiet for a moment, and then he spoke softly. "Why hasn't the bond opened again?"

McCoy searched for an answer, and then sighed. "I don't know, kid. That's something that only the hobgoblin can answer, but I think it has something to do with the healing trance. I'm sure that it'll right itself before long."

"Okay." Jim murmured, heaving a sigh and then going still, closing his eyes as McCoy drew a blanket over his body. The blond made a noise of protest as a hypo was pressed to his neck, but then he went quiet. "Feels empty without him…" Jim whispered, his voice sleepy and slurred as he began to drift off.

A warm hand skimmed over his hair, and McCoy's fatherly voice echoed in his mind. "Just sleep, darlin', you'll feel better when you wake up."

Jim did just that.

* * *

A sharp slap was the first thing that Spock felt, and he gratefully used that pain to navigate all the way out of the healing trance. He opened his eyes to see McCoy standing in front of him, one hand raised in preparation to slap him again, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

"That is enough, Doctor." Spock said sharply as McCoy seemingly moved forward, pushing himself into a sitting position.

McCoy grinned. "I've been waiting to do that. Now then…" he shifted into seriousness. "How are you feeling?"

Spock took stock of himself for a moment. "I am functioning at full capacity once more, and feel no adverse effects of the ordeal." He frowned a second later. "My bond with Jim appears to be significantly compromised, however. I shall have to repair that immediately. Has Jim been affected?"

A nod was his response. "He's been… anxious and jumpy, and for a while I was worried his heart was going to give out again, but he's been doing alright. You've been out for about two days now." McCoy tilted his head. "Do you need me to give you two some time off duty?"

Spock took no time to consider. "That would be appreciated, Doctor. You mentioned Jim's heart? What has happened?"

"Well… after the away team came back, they thought you were dead, and I guess the shock overwhelmed Jim, cause he passed out on the spot. He came to a couple of hours later, and had apparently forgotten it all, which is common." McCoy folded his arms over his chest. "It must have been at that point when the bond faded out completely. He had a heart attack, progressed into cardiac arrest a few moments later. It took me about 3 minutes to get him to breathe again, and then he was out for almost two days."

Panic had gathered in Spock's abdomen, and he was unable and unwilling to keep the concern from his features. "Is he well again?"

McCoy nodded. "He just needed to rest and let himself heal a bit; he insisted on jumping right up and coming to look for you. He's fine now, although he'll need to get some treatments over the next month or so for his heart." He moved to the comm station on his desk, pressing the button. "McCoy to the bridge, Jim, can you come down here?"

_"I'll be there in a sec, Bones."_

Jim's voice was anxious and worried, and Spock tried to send comfort to him, but their damaged bond wouldn't allow it. Only moments passed and Jim came running into sickbay, breathing hard and his eyes searching.

"Damnit, Jim, what did I tell you about stressing yourself?.!"

There was no response as Jim's eyes locked on Spock, and the blond let out a breath. "Spock…" he breathed, and then he threw himself forward into his mate's arms.

Spock caught him without too much difficulty, though his muscles were still weak from the healing trance, pressing Jim to his chest as the man buried his face against Spock's neck, shaking in his arms. "I am here, t'hy'la…" Spock murmured. "Calm yourself, I am here."

"I was so scared, I couldn't feel you anymore." Jim whispered.

"We must go to our quarters, Jim, and I shall repair the bond there. Come, you need rest as well." Spock said quietly, wrapping an arm around Jim's waist as he tried to stand, his legs suddenly weak. The Vulcan nodded to McCoy. "I thank you, Doctor. How long will we have?"

McCoy waved a hand. "As long as you need, Spock. I'll comm you in the morning; we'll see how it is then."

"That would be acceptable."

* * *

The journey to their quarters was quiet, and he could feel Jim trying to press through their bond, as well as the worry and faint fear through their physical contact. Once the door closed behind them Jim wrapped himself around Spock again, pressing his face against the side of his throat and breathing in shakily.

Spock purred softly in his throat, brushing his fingers through Jim's golden hair as he gently pulled his mate with him to settle on the bed. Jim folded against him, his arms around Spock's chest as the Vulcan's arms snaked around his waist. "It is alright, Jim…" he whispered. "Come to me, t'hy'la."

Slim fingers spread across Jim's psi points, and with a breath Spock fell into his mate's brilliant mind. There was a moment of searching, Spock's mind reaching, Jim straining for him.

_Come to me, my Jim…_

_Oh!_

Light flared between them and Jim shivered in delight, curling physically and mentally into his bondmate's embrace and snuggling against him. _Oh Spock, I missed this…! I missed you…!_

_As I have missed you, Jim. But we are together once more, one as we should be. Parted from me and never parted…_

_Never and always touching and touched… _

With those words their bond surged once more, and Jim breathed deeply, feeling at home once more as he laid his head on Spock's shoulder, his fingers brushing across the Vulcan's chest and collarbone. "I love you."

"As I love thee, t'hy'la." Spock murmured in response, brushing a kiss across Jim's forehead. "I trust that everything was sorted out with Starfleet?"

Jim nodded. "Yea. Once we figured out what actually happened and the Tersians attempted to go after us for beaming down without permission, Pike had swayed them over to our side. The agreement has been dissolved, and all charges have been dropped. We're all good."

Spock couldn't help the slight smile. "I do believe that you would not care even if the charges had remained."

"Of course not." Jim replied, nuzzling against Spock's neck. "You're more important to me than anything else in my life."

A smile spread across Spock's face, one that he didn't bother to restrain in the silence and solitude of their quarters. The Vulcan pondered a moment more on how to express what was on his mind, and then settled on the simplest.

"You are also the most important thing in my life, t'hy'la."

There was no response from Jim save the gentle, soft breathing of sleep.


	20. Stimulate, Crave

Yay, more story! I got so excited, once again. I think that's basically the premise behind this story now... I get excited, you guys get chapters.... But hey, nobody's complainin' :D! Okay, let's see... we've got a short one this time, and because of that, I shall not wait two days, but one! That's right, I'll post the next chapter TOMORROW! At this point (as well) there are 12 reviews left until the person who gets a word and/or an idea written for them. So the 12th reviewer from now, I shall let you know and you'll have to be thinking! :D For these two, the first isn't established, but it goes into it, the second is in the same universe as "Life" and therefore is both established relationship, and MPREG. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

34

Stimulate

Jim knew early on that Vulcan hands were particularly sensitive, he'd read about it, and heard in the basic Xeno classes he had taken at the Academy. As such, when he began to notice things that Spock did that didn't make any sense, he realized what was going on.

Spock had, at first, avoided any and all contact that anyone gave him, save for Uhura during those first four months of their mission that they were still together. As soon as they separated, it was obvious; Spock no longer initiated contact with her, though he didn't protest when she did with him.

It took another month after that for him to stop flinching when Jim touched him, though he still didn't initiate any sort of contact.

A month after that, Jim noticed that Spock did initiate contact, just not in the way that he would have thought. It also made him look back on his lessons in xenobiology, and realize that what Spock was doing was much more than just random touches.

When they would exchange PADDs for some reason or another, their fingers would brush. Jim paid it no mind; after all, it happened all the time with any person, that sort of accidental touch. There was a similar occurrence when they would set up their chess pieces, both of them put whatever pieces they had on the board, touching was bound to happen. Spock often directed Jim with a gentle touch on his arm or his shoulder blade, and once or twice Jim had felt the warmth of a slim hand against the small of his back.

As it graduated into those more intense touches, Jim started to look into it a lot more, and this was when he remembered what he had been taught about Vulcan hands. At this point, Jim wanted to figure out a way to make it even more intense, because he was interested in seeing how much further this could go.

The next time that he left the bridge, Jim allowed a knuckle to trail across the back of Spock's hand as he passed the chair to him. He didn't miss the look that Spock shot him, eyebrows raised slightly and lips parted, though he didn't acknowledge it. Jim left with a grin on his features, wondering how Spock was going to respond to that one.

It was something that he didn't expect; when Spock passed behind the Captain's chair the next day, Jim felt fingers trailed across the back of his neck, causing him to flinch in surprise and turn his eyes back up to the Vulcan. Spock ignored his look, but Jim knew that he had seen it. That sort of retaliation begged more, Jim decided.

That night he invited Spock to join him in a game of chess, which the Vulcan accepted with a quirk of the eyebrow and a slightly upturn of his lips. Spock arrived spot on time, dressed in casual black and looking absolutely gorgeous. Jim invited him in with a sweep of the hand, and together they took to setting up the board.

Instead of an 'accidental' touch, Jim carefully stroked his index finger over the long, slim line of Spock's, pulling a shiver from the Vulcan as their eyes met with sparks. Jim smiled slightly, passing the pad of his finger over the bottom of the slim finger beneath his touch, and slowly Spock extended the touch until their palms were gliding over each other.

"You are aware…" Spock murmured. "…of the meaning of your actions, Jim."

That smirk widened. "Yes, I am. Vulcan hands are… stimulating, aren't they?"

Spock slowly returned the smirk. "Indeed. I do believe that you have discovered this for yourself."

Jim lifted the slender hand in his grasp, passing his lips across the pads of Spock's fingers, watching with delight as Spock's pupils dilated in pleasure. "I think we should explore this a little further, don't you, Mr. Spock?"

"That would indeed be… acceptable, Captain."

* * *

35

Crave

"Oh my _god_, Uhura, I love you!"

Nyota Uhura laughed lightly as her Captain and friend took the chocolate bar from her, unwrapping it as though it were the greatest treasure he had ever found and inhaling before taking a bite. Nearly moaning in pleasure as he chewed, Jim met the woman's gaze and smiled widely after swallowing.

"You are freaking awesome!" he said enthusiastically. "You have no idea how bad I've been craving chocolate! And not the replicated kind, actual real chocolate!"  
The woman laughed again. "Trust me; I have some sort of an idea. That's the reason I keep a stash hidden away, and I restock almost every time we dock. Just let me know, I'll be your go-to girl for whatever you need. After all…" she continued with a smile, reaching out to pat Jim's swollen belly. "…you need someone to look after your craving needs."

Jim chuckled as well, stroking his stomach where his daughter was still growing. "Spock does what he can, but half the time he can't get over how illogical half of my cravings are, even though Bones has explained to him that most of the time they have some sort of biological reason."

Uhura nodded. "Yea, like when you wanted nothing but salted peanuts for almost your entire 5th month." Her tone was teasing, a twinkle in her brown eyes. "However, chocolate is the one thing that no one's understood. It just…"

"It's just awesome." Jim replied firmly, a smile on his face. "Really, Uhura, I owe you one."

She waved a slender hand. "No need."

At that moment Spock came around the corner, blinking at finding his pregnant bondmate standing with his former girlfriend in the hallway just outside of the Captain's quarters. The Vulcan passed both of his special people a smile, and then tilted his head. "May I inquire as to what the two of you were discussing? The bond indicated that you were quite… pleased, Jim."

Jim laughed. "I think that was the biggest understatement I've heard in a while. She gave me chocolate, remember I mentioned it earlier?"

Spock nodded. "I do." He turned his gaze to Uhura, the faint smile still on his lips. "I am to understand that you did my mate a great service then, Nyota."

She smiled at those words. "He was really worked up about it then wasn't he?"

"I believe that the way Jim described my words earlier would be an accurate statement." Spock replied with warmth in his tone. Jim huffed faintly, but simply took another bite of his chocolate bar with pleasure.


	21. Disfavor

Alright, next chapter! I didn't get to my 150 reviews, so now the 3rd review on this chapter shall get the cake! (IT'S NOT A LIE!!!!) I'll contact that reviewer and let them know! This chapter was SO MUCH FUN. You have no idea. Warnings for this one is that it's established relationship, and in the same universe as "Life" and "Crave" though it's sort of before both of those in a way. Also, hooray for Spock Prime, who makes an appearance in this chapter, and OH BOY for teeny!tiny!Vulcans!

That is all.

* * *

36

Disfavor

_unfavorable regard; displeasure; disesteem; dislike_

"We've arrived at New Vulcan, Captain, and have entered standard orbit." Sulu's voice snapped Jim out of his thoughts and the blond smiled, sitting upright in the Captain's chair.

"Good to hear, Sulu." He turned slightly to look towards Uhura. "Any word from the surface, Lieutenant?"

The woman nodded. "Aye, sir. I have an Ambassador Selek contacting us."

Jim nodded. "I thought so. I'll take it in my quarters. Everyone else, settle in, we'll be here for a while. Sulu, you have the conn for now."

Sulu smiled at his Captain as Jim pushed himself to his feet, pausing briefly to rub at the small of his back before walking towards the turbolift. "Aye sir. Have fun on the surface!"

The blond flashed a smile over his shoulder, and then the doors closed. The door to his quarters slid open as he came close, and Spock took a step out before meeting his mate's eyes with a slightly smile. "I was just about to come retrieve you, Jim, as my counterpart is prepared to speak with you."

Jim laughed softly, following Spock into their rooms. "Anxious, is he? He's probably wondering why we did all that shuffling to make sure that we got this mission. After all, it's not that exciting, and he knows me too well."

Spock nodded, stepping forward to touch their fingers together in greeting before reaching out to brush his hand along the slight curve of Jim's belly and the reason that they were here in the first place.

Once Jim had discovered that the surgery had been a success and he was pregnant, he had wanted to go tell the Elder Spock the news, feeling somehow that he owed it to him. Spock had wondered briefly at the reasoning, but he hadn't said anything, understanding that his mate had a rather intense fondness for his counterpart. Jim had contacted Starfleet not long after and had arranged for them to take a simple mission that would keep them near New Vulcan for about three weeks, taking much needed supplies for the experiments that were still being conducted to allow the new planet to grow Vulcan plants. While the two years that they had been on this planet had been fruitful, there were still certain things that were being worked on.

Jim settled at his desk, pressing the comm button to accept the call and smiling widely as the face of Spock Prime, now known as Selek, appeared on the screen. "It's good to see you, old man."

"And it is pleasing to see you once again, old friend." Selek responded in kind, warmth in his tone and a gleam of affection in his eyes. "Although I am afraid that I am still confused as to why you wished to come to New Vulcan. This is not the mission that I believed you would have wanted, especially when you went through so much trouble to obtain it."

A laugh sounded softly in Jim's throat. "I'm not going to tell you that yet, you'll just have to wait until we beam down. Is everything set for that?"

Selek nodded. "Indeed. I have already sent the coordinates to you, and I am merely waiting for your arrival."

"Good to hear, we'll be down shortly then." Jim replied with a nod of his own. "I'll see you soon, old man."

With that the call was ended, and Jim turned to look up at his mate. "All ready to go?"

Spock nodded. "As Selek pointed out, we are merely waiting for you, Jim." he teased gently, at which Jim smiled before leaning up to kiss him swiftly.

"Well then, let's go!"

* * *

Selek greeted them when they arrived, a smile in his eyes and warmth in his tone. "It is good to see you, Jim, and you, Spock. I trust that you both are well?"

Spock nodded. "Indeed."

Jim was practically bouncing beside his mate, the smile on his face shining brilliantly. Spock could feel the excitement flooding from his mate's mind, and it was difficult to restrain the emotion in himself.

The man gestured a hand towards them. "Come; let us go inside out of the heat."

Once inside what appeared to be Selek's home, Jim couldn't resist anymore and rushed to the elder Vulcan, gently encompassing him in a hug. Shock passed briefly over the older man's face, and then he raised a hand to lay it against Jim's shoulder blade. "You are quite… enthusiastic, Jim. I suspect that it has something to do with the reason that you are here?"

Jim nodded, stepping back from the elder and giving him a few moments to observe, practically vibrating while he waited for it to kick in. Selek's eyes suddenly widened, and then he looked up into Jim's excited blue eyes. "Jim…"

"Yea!" Jim couldn't contain it anymore. "I wanted to tell you before, but when I found out about the mission, I wanted to wait to ask you something." He paused only a second before plowing on. "Will you be the godfather?"

Selek suddenly surprised them both by smiling widely, reaching out to grab Jim again, hugging him with a slight chuckle of happiness, something that to Jim was louder than any laugh could have been. "This is wonderful, Jim!" Selek said with happiness clearly in his tone. Leaning back, the old Vulcan glanced up at Jim, one hand extended. "May I?"

Jim nodded, his own face glowing with his smile. "Of course."

Selek gently laid a hand on Jim's swollen stomach, wonder on his features and a strange glimmer in his eyes. "Amazing…" he murmured. "I never thought… This is spectacular. My Jim wanted children, but this time is farther along in technology than we were, it was not possible for us to conceive on our own. We adopted a Vulcan child after we settled on Earth, but that is the closest I came to fatherhood." He looked to Spock. "This is a rare thing that you are able to experience, Spock."

The younger Vulcan bowed his head slightly. "I do understand that. Jim and I discussed this at great length, but the surgery is still experimental, we were not sure that it was going to be a success. We had originally also planned to adopt a Vulcan child, as we previously mentioned to you."

At those words Selek frowned faintly, sitting before waving for the other two to do the same. Jim settled next to the elder Vulcan, concern showing on his face as he saw the tension descend on Selek. "Those words bring a matter to my mind that I had been meaning to ask the two of you about."

Jim tilted his head, but said nothing for the moment. Spock shifted in his seat, eyebrows twitching together as he steepled his fingers in front of his face.

"I intended to contact you sooner, but I was delayed by complications. Both of you are aware that since the destruction of Vulcan there are many orphaned children, as well as many others that have experienced… emotional complications." Selek paused here for a moment before assuming a position near identical to Spock's. Jim giggled softly to himself, but said nothing to interrupt was appeared to be a serious moment.

"There is a child in a nearby orphanage that is experiencing difficulties more so than the other children. He has what is known to Vulcans as a sort of disability that does not allow him the same control of his emotions that Vulcans have. It does not occur often, and so it has never been an issue. But as this child has lost his parents, there are none who wish to care for him. He is being abused quite extensively by his peers."

Jim's face sobered at those words. "People are bullying him?"

Selek nodded. "I became interested in this child when I observed that abuse outside of the orphanage. It is not always physical, but he is being secluded and verbally abused quite often. As you can imagine, Jim, this is very serious for a Vulcan who cannot control his emotions."

"This is especially true for a Vulcan." Spock entered. "Vulcans have more intense emotions than humans; this is why we suppress them."

"God he probably feels awful all the time." Jim murmured, concern on his features. "And no one wants to take him in?"

Selek moved his head in an affirmative. "The orphanage is attempting to have someone adopt him, but none of the Vulcans wish to deal with his emotional issues. His family was prepared to care for him, but without them, I fear that he will spend his life ridiculed and outcast. For one with emotions as strong as this and incomplete control…" Selek shook his head, his face slightly sad. "He may destroy himself before long."

Spock looked up to meet the elder's eyes. "I assume that you wished for Jim and I to take him."

"I would care for him myself, but I have many responsibilities with the rebuilding of our planet, and I am old; I do not believe I would be able to teach him the skills that he will need in the time that I have left." Selek replied. "However, in light of Jim's pregnancy, perhaps it is not wise for you to take him…"

Jim interrupted stubbornly. "No way! Just because we've got a kid on the way doesn't mean that I won't help out!"

"Jim…" Spock murmured. "Perhaps Elder Selek is correct…"

Blue eyes turned to his mate, and Jim folded his arms over his chest before speaking. "Spock, come on. Can we at least go meet him then?"

Spock hesitated, and then nodded. "Very well."

Selek smiled faintly. "I am pleased that you would consider this, Jim. We may go now, if you wish it."

Jim nodded. "Can you tell me about him? How old is he? What's his name? What's he like?"

"Slow down, Jim." Selek said, humor coloring his tone. "His name is Sovik, and he is approximately four years and 3 months old."

"He's only four and people are abusing him?" Jim asked, a faint hint of horror in his words. Spock passed a hand over the small of his back in an attempt to calm him as they left Selek's home and walked through the houses toward the orphanage.

Spock couldn't help the amusement that he allowed to pass through their bond. "Vulcans are much farther advanced at that age than humans. I would equate Sovik to a human of approximately 10 years of age."

Jim whistled faintly. "Still, that's really young to be bullied like that."

Selek paused in front of the orphanage, knocking on the door and lifting his hand in the traditional Vulcan salute as a young Vulcan woman opened it. "We have come to see Sovik."

The woman returned to salute. "You informed me earlier that you may be coming, Sovik is prepared for your arrival. Follow me."

Spock and Jim were quiet as they followed the Elder through the halls, Jim glancing after her when the woman had left them in front of a room near the back of the building. Selek opened the door and led them in, closing it behind them as Jim turned to find a small Vulcan seated on the bed, watching them with wide eyes.

"Hello." Jim said softly, getting down on a knee in front of the bed and resting his arms on the bed, his chin on his wrists. The child watched quietly as Jim lowered himself, blinking in surprise when the human purposely placed himself in a lower position. Jim moved carefully and quietly, making sure to be open in his movements. "My name is Jim. What's yours?"

Sovik tilted his head. "I believe that the matron told you my name."

Jim smiled and nodded. "She did. But I would rather hear it from you."

Again a surprised blink, and then the child spoke, his voice noticeably shy. "I am Sovik."

The smile on Jim's face widened. "That's a wonderful name. That grump behind me is Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow at the title, but said nothing, merely raised a hand in the traditional Vulcan salute, which Sovik returned quietly, though he stared up at Spock with slightly wide eyes. Jim observed him quietly; marveling at the fact that Vulcans thought this was exceptionally emotional. While Sovik was certainly more demonstrative than any other Vulcan that Jim had ever met, except perhaps for Selek, who was still rather closed off at the best of times, he still wasn't quite as open as a human would be.

Even so, for Jim it was remarkably easy for him to read the child's emotions; after so long of learning to read Spock's features, Sovik was an easy shift. Jim turned his attention back to the child. "Why don't you tell me about yourself, Sovik? What kind of things do you like to do?"  
At those words Sovik frowned. "Vulcans do not like."

"Nonsense." Jim replied, his voice still soft. "I know that you like to do something." He pointed over to the corner of the small room where a table was set up with a little chair in front of it. "What's that?"

A faint hint of green passed over the child's face. "A game known as _kal-toh_. It was a… gift from my mother."

Jim felt a bolt of sadness at the look of sorrow on the child's own features, and then held out a hand towards him. "Why don't you show me how to play?"

Sovik blinked. "I do not think humans can learn."

"There is no reason why a human could not attempt to learn." Spock suddenly interjected. "And Jim is remarkably intelligent for his species; I believe that he could understand the concept."

Jim glowed faintly at those words of praise, and he smiled at the amusement projected through the bond. Sovik looked up at him with a renewed sort of interest, and then slowly moved off of the bed, walking over to the table and sitting in the little chair. Jim took a moment to stand and stretch his back before folding his legs beside him, leaning back on his hands.

Sovik watched all this with interest, and then tilted his head. "May I ask a personal question?"

"Of course, Sovik." Jim replied, warmth filling his heart as the small Vulcan looked up at him with fascination.

"Are you with child?" the boy asked. "I was not aware that human males could carry offspring."

Jim chuckled, both at the question and at Sovik's expression. "They usually can't, it's a highly experimental procedure that we weren't even sure was going to work. But yes, I'm about 18 weeks along."

"Fascinating." Sovik murmured, and Jim could help the laugh that escaped him at that. Sovik raised a little eyebrow, which just made Jim laugh harder. "Have I done something amusing?"

The blond tilted his head back to look up at his mate, who was standing just behind him. "He's like a little you, Spock!" Jim said with another laugh.

"Indeed." Spock replied, raising an eyebrow and earning another bout of laughter from Jim.

Jim turned his attention back to Sovik. "Alright, let's get going. So what's this _kal-toh_ all about?"

As Sovik started to explain the concepts, Spock turned his gaze to his mate as Jim leaned forward and paid rapt attention. The half-Vulcan could already tell that Jim was getting attached to the child, and he knew that they were most likely going to end up adopting Sovik. While this wasn't a concept that Spock was against, he was concerned about their ability to care for an emotional Vulcan child while Jim was going through pregnancy.

At that moment there was a surge from the bond, and Spock focused on Jim, who was still paying attention to Sovik. There was reassurance as well as faith and a hint of pride, and Spock understood; Jim knew that they could both handle it, and he was telling Spock just that. Returning his gaze to the game, Spock watched Sovik with an interested gaze. The boy was exceedingly intelligent, easily at or above the level that he should be at this age, and for one with a disease that affected his control, he was doing a remarkable job. While he was noticeably more expressive than a Vulcan, he was still less demonstrative than a human.

Despite himself, Spock felt a faint hint of pride and protection towards the child, and, with a mental sigh, he knew that he had become attached to this boy as well. Their similar circumstances had already interested him in Sovik, and upon meeting him, he had cast aside most of his worries. If he could do something to help this child, who was so similar to himself, he would do it.

Jim's voice suddenly distracted him. "Hmmm… So, then this…" With those words he reached out, shifting a silver _t'an_ and succeeding in progressing the _kal-toh_ further. Jim smiled, turning his gaze to Sovik. "That's good, right?"

Sovik was staring at the blond man with a strange sort of awe in his gaze, and he nodded. "Yes. That was a wise move."

"That's it." Jim suddenly proclaimed, looking up at Spock. "We're so keeping him."

The child's mouth fell open and he leaned forward slightly in his seat. "You would… you would want to adopt me?"

Jim nodded with a wide smile. "Of course, that's why we're here. I think it would be a good idea, and you're a good kid, I can tell."

"I am…" Sovik trailed off, searching for words. "I am damaged. I do not understand why you would want me."

A sigh came from Jim. "Sovik… we would want you no matter what. It doesn't matter to me or Spock that you have troubles, we'll help you with them and give you a home, as well as people who accept you for you are. And you're not damaged, you're just you, and there's nothing wrong with the way you are."

Again the boy looked up, eyes wide in awe. "I can be myself? And people will not… push me away?"

Jim nodded with a grin. "They deal with me; I think they can handle you."

There was a moment of quiet, and then a smile spread across Sovik's face before the child could stop it, though he seemed to realize it and quickly tried to hide it a moment later. Jim laughed and reached out, ruffling the boy's dark hair affectionately. Sovik looked at him in surprise, a tinge of green on his cheeks, but Spock could almost see the respect that the boy held for Jim.

_You have such a way of reaching people, Jim. _Spock told his mate, at which Jim merely flashed a brilliant smile at him.

Spock turned to his elder self, unable to resist his amusement as he saw the glimmer in the older Vulcan's eyes. "I believe we have documents to take care of."

"Indeed." Selek said in response. "I shall go speak to the matron, if you wish to remain here with Sovik."

Jim had already returned to the game with Sovik settled beside him, a little closer this time then he had been. Sovik had just completed his move and was watching Jim as the human contemplated when suddenly the boy spoke up. "I also… enjoy puzzles."

A smile passed over Jim's features. "That's awesome, I like puzzles too! I've got this one on the _Enterprise_, it's huge; I've never managed to put it all together. Do you think you'd like to help me with it?"

Sovik once again couldn't stop the smile. "I look forward to it."

Spock nodded to Selek. "I will remain." The elder Vulcan returned the nod with a smile, leaving the room while Spock returned to watching his mate bond with their new family member.

* * *

-dies-

I loved writing this! Don't worry, Sovik will continue to make appearances, I can't give him up that easily. Sovik is actually the Vulcan word for "aerial" which I thought was nice. I looked a while for a name, and I finally settled on Sovik because... well, actually, I really don't know why. I just liked that name, I guess. I got the _kal-toh_ from my knowledge of Voyager, though I did look it up to make sure I was getting it right... Hope you enjoyed this one!


	22. Fierce, Envelop

FallChild92 had the 150 mark by my counts, and the word that I was given was this one. I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and I hope that I lived up to the word! Congrats FallChild92, and thanks for the reviews from all of you! I hope that you enjoy "Fierce," which is a post pon farr ficlet, and the one behind it, "Envelop," which is the next followup to "Jealous!"

:D

Go forth and flail.

* * *

37

Fierce

_menacingly wild, savage, or hostile: violent in force, intensity_

Spock awoke still feeling strangely worn out, though his body was relaxed and warm against the mattress. After the burning of the last 3 days, this respite was wonderful; to feel his body no longer consumed by the fires of _pon farr_. He shifted, soreness rising in his limbs before he put it aside as he heard soft breathing beside him, a rasping that he found worried him in that familiar sound.

The Vulcan turned, rolling on his side to observe the slim form of his mate lying beside him, and felt a stab of guilt and self-anger in his gut. Jim was on his side facing away from Spock, and the broad, bronze expanse of his back was littered with bruises.

Jim was accident-prone by nature, and so it was normal to see some smattering of marks along his form, but Spock knew that these were his fault. Most of the bruises were in the shape of fingers and hands; it was easy to see where they had come from. There was even a bandage wrapped up over the bulge of muscle where his neck met shoulder, something that Spock didn't remember Jim applying.

Spock turned his head, burying his face in the pillow and trying to push down the anger boiling in his stomach. His emotions were still uncomfortably close to the surface after the fires of _pon farr,_ and he was having trouble pressing down his guilt.

There was a soft intake of breath from beside him, and then Jim rolled over, a hand reaching out to drape over the dip between Spock's ribcage and hips, fingers curling briefly against his spine before going still. Spock looked down, his eyes trailing over the peaceful curves of Jim's sleeping face, guilt growing as he saw the bruises and bites scattered over Jim's throat and chest, as well as the bruised state of his full lips.

Raising a hand, Spock gently ran his the pads of his fingers down Jim's forehead and temple, petting gently. "I am sorry, t'hy'la…" he whispered, his eyes closing.

"For what?"

The soft voice startled him, and he opened his eyes to look into sleepy blue eyes that watched him quietly from beneath dark lashes. Jim smiled, shifting closer and cuddling against Spock's chest. The Vulcan made no attempt to return the affection, though he didn't shy away from Jim's touch.

"I have injured you." Spock replied finally, his voice soft.

Jim snorted faintly. "You worry too much, I've had worse before. Besides, I knew what I was getting into; you need to stop feeling guilty." Jim pressed his lips along Spock's collarbone and pulse point, calm and soothing feelings filtering through their bond as Jim pressed himself along it, a warm stream of golden light in Spock's mind.

Spock was resolute, shaking his head slightly. "I have hurt you, and to do so to one's t'hy'la is unforgivable."

A sigh escaped his mate and Jim pressed forward, rolling Spock onto his back as he straddled the Vulcan's hips before leaning down to lay their chests together. He rested his cheekbone against Spock's throat, nuzzling faintly before speaking. "Well regardless of what you think, I don't need to forgive you, because there's nothing for you to apologize about. I'm tougher than you think, Spock; I can take what you give." He raised his head, folding his arms on Spock's chest and resting his chin on his wrists. "Besides, if you didn't notice, I gave it right back."

The Vulcan blinked at that, looking down at himself and realizing that he too was littered with marks, although not as dark as Jim's, still noticeable bruises were scattered along his body. Spock opened his mouth to say something, but he was unsure of his words, and so closed his mouth.

Jim chuckled faintly, and then pushed himself up to kiss his mate. "See? You need to stop being so worried, because there's nothing at all wrong. I enjoyed every minute of it, even if it was kind of tiring."

"I am sorry." Spock murmured against Jim's lips, his hands finally coming up to rest against Jim's slender back, hands hot against his spine.

A laugh was his answer. "There you go apologizing again. Come on, Spock, you know me. A three day sex marathon?" His grin was snarky as he leaned back to look into Spock's eyes. "I was having a blast."

A smile curved the Vulcan's lips. "I do not doubt it, t'hy'la."

Jim kissed him again, long and slow, and then made a face. "I might have had fun, but I need a shower." He eyed Spock. "And so do you."

Spock nodded, and then proceeded to get to his feet, Jim still against his chest. The blond let out a faint shriek of surprise, wrapping his arms around Spock's shoulders and latching his legs around the Vulcan's waist. "Spock!"

"We require a shower, do we not?" Spock asked with amusement.

"Well yea, but I can walk!" Jim protested, wriggling faintly. Spock complied and set him on his feet, but a moment later his knees buckled and he had to grab onto Spock to keep from hitting the floor. "Okay, okay, pick me up!"

Spock sent a wave of amusement through the bond, lifting his mate once more and walking towards the bathroom. "Perhaps I was fiercer than you expected?"

"Oh shut up."

* * *

37

Envelop

_to wrap up in or as in a covering; to surround entirely._

The one thing that Jim found he hated the most was the fact that he couldn't stop himself from flinching whenever someone touched him. Before the… incident with Garth, he had been a 'touchy' sort of person. He hadn't had a whole lot of physical contact when he was younger, and so once he reached that level of comfort with a person, he liked to pull the most from it. Hugs, arms thrown over shoulders, hand on a shoulder, you name it; Jim did them all, and quite often. He thrived on touch, on the feel of another person near him.

To lose that enjoyment of the simple feeling of contact was more than slightly saddening, and Jim found himself missing it as he found that no matter how innocent the touch, his body reacted with a flinch. And that was to even the smallest contact, not to mention a hug or something more. The few times that Bones or Spock had dared to draw him close in those four months had been met with stiffening, quickened heartbeat, and shaky breathing, as well as a violent need to get away.

But that night in his room, when Spock had come to him and he had finally been able to talk about what had happened to him, it was as though everything changed. He still had difficulty with touch, yes, but it was as though he was starting to move on. McCoy touched him the next day and he managed not to flinch. Uhura pressed a comforting hand to his shoulder and there was no answering fear in his mind.

Even with those improvements, it was the change in his relationship with Spock that made him happier than anything else. Being with Spock was more than just moving on from the incident, it was belonging, being wanted and loved, and it was, more than anything, _**safe. **_

Spock was safety. Spock was comfort and warmth and love, and Jim was happy to discover that despite the fear that he still harbored when he was embraced by anyone, being held by Spock just felt right.

Since that night, Spock had stayed with him to keep the nightmares at bay. It didn't always work, and Jim woke covered in sweat and shaking in fear, but Spock soothed those terrors away with gentle touches and soft words, slender hands brushing over Jim's face and hair to calm him.

Two weeks after they first began staying together and the first time that Spock had called him t'hy'la, the Vulcan dared to kiss him.

It had been a disaster; Jim had stiffened in fear and leapt backwards, curling in on himself and automatically shielding his head with both arms, trembling until he managed to forcibly calm himself down. Spock had refrained from touching him, and Jim could see the almost anger that Spock held for himself in that moment.

"Forgive me." Spock had said, his voice hesitant.

Jim swore faintly, uncurling his body and moving closer to the Vulcan to curl in his warmth. Spock had hesitated only a moment before enveloping Jim in his arms, holding him gently and reverently, easing into the touch while at the same time allowing Jim the freedom to control the movement.

"It's not your fault that I can't stop being scared." Jim replied softly after a moment, his voice slightly muffled where it issued from his mouth, pressed against Spock's throat. "I'm such a weakling."

Spock had adamantly refused to accept that response. "You are nothing of the sort, t'hy'la. It was my error; I should have controlled my impulses more efficiently, as you are not prepared for the next step."

To Jim's great frustration, the one thing that had come naturally to him for most of his life was something that brought so much fear into him that he could hardly move. He couldn't even stand to kiss the man who loved him without terror raging through his body. Spock merely held him while he cursed himself, content to just be there while Jim tried to work through the conflicts raging in himself.

A week after that Jim kissed Spock, and was thrilled to discover that this time it didn't scare him senseless. Spock rejoiced silently, but was especially cautious and careful to allow Jim complete control of any progress.

The fear began to leave and the safe feeling returned, and it wasn't long before Jim could move through all the motions of kissing without even an ounce of fear. With that improvement came the loss of the flinching at touch, and finally, 6 months after his rescue, Jim was able to let Bones sling an arm over his shoulders with the same ease that he had once had.

The next step proved to be harder than either of them had thought; the first time that they had dared to move further, Jim had frozen up and the reaction had Spock calling for McCoy to come to their now shared quarters. It took nearly two hours to get Jim to stop looking at them with those empty eyes, his body completely limp, his mind locked in memories of what had happened to him.

The nightmares had returned that night, and Spock had held his t'hy'la quietly as Jim sobbed brokenly in his arms, so beyond frustrated with himself that there was nothing left but tears.

"I'm so tired of being afraid." Jim whispered later that night when the tears were gone and he lay limply against Spock's warm chest. "I want nothing more than to be able to be with you and not worry about the next time I might freeze up, or when you might suddenly turn into him."

"It is alright, t'hy'la." Spock murmured quietly into his hair, stroking his shoulder gently in a soothing motion. "I will wait as long as you need."

Jim chuckled wetly, a frustrated sound. "But I don't want to wait anymore! Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this?.! To be able to say that you are mine, to be the one that gets to hold you, and be held by you? And now that I finally have it, I can't even get myself to let you undress me! I want to be able to make love to you Spock…" Jim's voice trailed off. "I just want to be _**me**_ again."

Spock sighed, knowing that there was nothing he could do for Jim except be patient and be there for him. "I know, Jim, and you will be. You have made much progress, and you will continue to do so. You must have faith in yourself, as I do."

"I know…"

Even with all of Jim's frustrations, he was making progress towards becoming his old self. McCoy praised him every day, and Jim glowed under the attention, eventually able to allow his fried to embrace him just like the old days. That night Jim got further with Spock than he ever had, lying with the Vulcan in only their underwear before panic started to pool in his stomach. Rather than be frustrated with himself that night, Jim was merely happy with what had happened, content to move with Spock until they both came amid shudders and groans.

After all of his difficulties and trouble trying to get back to the way that he had been, Jim was practically thrumming with excitement and contentment the day that he and Spock lay together atop the sheets, naked bodies intertwined and damp with sweat. Spock was stroking his fingers through his t'hy'la's blond hair, a deep rumbling purr echoing in his chest. Jim rubbed his cheek against the Vulcan's collarbone, letting out a sigh of happiness and closing his eyes.

"I am pleased that you are happy, t'hy'la." Spock murmured to his mate, breathing deep of the scent of his hair.

There was a wetness on his chest and Spock looked down to see shimmering tears trailing down Jim's cheeks and he felt a spike of fear. "Jim? Jim, what is wrong? Why are you crying?"

Jim's smile was broad and bright, and he leaned forward to press a kiss to Spock's jaw. "I'm so happy; I guess it had to find some way to get out. Thank you, Spock."

Spock tilted his head slightly. "You are welcome, t'hy'la, although I am not sure what for."

"For being there." Jim replied. "Just being patient with me."

The Vulcan's lips curved faintly. "I would have waited as long as necessary."

Jim's smile was true, reaching his eyes for the first time since the incident 8 months ago. "And that's why I love you, Spock."

Spock blinked in surprise, and the smile that had been on his lips grew slightly before he shifted to kiss his new mate. "I love you as well, t'hy'la."


	23. Provision

Alright, this is the next followup to "Life," "Crave," and "Disfavor." Therefore the warnings are MPREG and, in this case, some stretched medical and scientific facts. And.... the return of Sovik!

* * *

38

Provision

_arrangement or preparation beforehand, as for the doing of something, the meeting of needs, the supplying of means, etc. _

"Oh man…" Jim groaned, rubbing both hands against the small of his back as he pushed himself further upright on the couch, preparing to stand. "Come here, Spock, help me up."

Spock couldn't help but smirk faintly at those words, extending his hands so Jim could grasp them and let the Vulcan pull him upright. Once standing Jim massaged his back once more before letting his right hand settle on the prominent bulge of his stomach. "Are you sure you wish to go, t'hy'la?"

Jim nodded. "Of course I do, Sovik's been waiting very patiently to explore the rest of the ship, and the shuttles are a point of interest for him, I know it. I can handle a trip down to the cargo bays, and besides, that's where lunch is!" The blond laughed at that, patting his large belly with both hands. "Your daughter is pretty demanding when it comes to food."

The Vulcan shook his head slightly, amusement flooding their bond. "I believe that she is more your daughter in that aspect, Jim."

"Father!"

The small, clear voice sounding from the doorway made them both look up, and Jim let a smile spread across his face as his eyes met the gaze of his adopted son. "Getting impatient, are you Sovik?"

At those words the tiny Vulcan looked down, shuffling his feet slightly and settling his hands behind his back, no doubt echoing Spock's familiar position. "I was merely wondering if we were ready to depart, Father."

Jim felt an explosion of warmth in his chest at the title, something that Sovik had started calling him about a month after they had adopted him and brought him aboard the _Enterprise_. Jim had never insisted that Sovik call him that, though he had been beyond thrilled when the word had fallen from the tiny Vulcan's lips. The boy had also started calling Spock _sa-mekh_, the Vulcan word for father, and Jim was amused to feel the affection blooming in his mate when Sovik had first called him that.

"Yea, we're ready to go, kid. Your sister's just giving me a lot of trouble today." Jim smiled. "No doubt anxious to get out by now."

Sovik moved forward, lifting his hands and placing them both on the curve of Jim's stomach, a smile stretching his lips as the baby rolled beneath his touch. At first Sovik had been shy about touching to feel the baby move, but his curiosity had finally won him over and he had asked Jim if he could feel with a green blush across his cheeks.

Spock came up beside his mate, placing a hand on the small of Jim's back and applying light pressure. "Come, we should begin to make our way to the shuttle bay. You are late for lunch, Jim, and Leonard stressed that you should eat on time to keep your blood sugar levels normal."

Jim nodded. "Right, right, let's go then."

As they walked through the halls Jim felt a tug on the hem of the golden maternity tunic he wore, glancing down to see Sovik's little hand tangled in the cloth. This too was now a normal occurrence, and Jim returned his attention to the doors that they came to the shuttle bay. The blond could practically feel his son's excitement as the tiny Vulcan looked around the bay with wide, curious eyes, a smile flitting on his lips.

Jim allowed Spock to guide him to a table and chairs that had been brought down earlier in preparation for their little 'getaway,' no doubt by Scotty, who was quite thrilled with the entire situation. He settled down with a faint groan, a smile on his face as Sovik practically bounded away from him, scanning the shuttles in front of him with wide eyes.

Spock momentarily watched his mate, but Jim waved a hand at him, telling him to go after their son on the educational adventure. Folding his hands on the swell of his stomach, Jim was quite content to watch his family while he nibbled at the lunch set out for him.

He shifted a hand to rub at the side of his abdomen as the baby kicked, smiling fondly even at the pain that it caused. She was definitely ready to come out, and he was just as ready as she was. The appointment was already set for five days from now for the cesarean section that would allow Jim to give birth to their daughter, and he couldn't wait. While he had enjoyed the time that she had been growing inside him and that closeness, he was excited to be able to finally hold her for the first time.

There was shudder around him that snapped him out of his thoughts, and Jim let out a shout of surprise as the ship lurched, the chair throwing him to the floor. Jim instantly curled into a ball around his abdomen, briefly catching a glimpse of Spock scooping up Sovik in his arms and shielding the child as the ship bucked again.

Lights flickered and then went out, and the ship rocked one more time before going still. Spock was on his feet in a flash and moving to the comm unit on the wall as the emergency lights came on, pressing his thumb against the button while shifting Sovik to rest on his hip. "Spock to the bridge, what is the situation?"

Static answered him for several moments, and then Uhura's voice slowly came through. "_Lost power on three decks… Klingons… taken care of…stay where you are…! Destroyed outside of…. Bay… sending help as soon as…" _

The comm crackled once more before dropping the communication completely and going silent. Spock could feel Sovik shaking in his grasp and he absently sent a wave of comfort to the child before turning away from the wall and going to Jim's side, where the blond was struggling to sit up.

"Are you injured, Jim?"

Jim shook his head. "No, I'm fine, just a little shaken. Are the two of you alright?"

Spock nodded in response, carefully setting Sovik on his feet beside Jim. The tiny Vulcan trembled for a moment before crowding closer to Jim, seeking comfort from him as Spock sat beside them. "I believe that there was an attack on the ship by Klingons, and there has been damage outside of the shuttle bay. Lieutenant Uhura stressed that we remain here, and that they are sending help."

"Alright, sounds like a plan." Jim replied, absently putting an arm around Sovik's waist and resting his fingertips against the boy's neck, pressing comfort and love through the touch that he knew the child would feel. "I guess we settle down to wait then."

* * *

It was about an hour later that Spock noticed something was wrong. Jim had been mostly quiet for the entirety of their stay in the shuttle bay, leaning quietly against the cushions that Spock had moved from his chair to lie against the wall. Originally the Vulcan had wanted to put Jim back in the chair, but his mate had insisted that now that he was down he would stay that way; it was more comfortable.

Jim had been quiet, simply watching as Spock played a simple game of logic with Sovik before progressing to quizzing him on the subjects that they had been studying. It was at some point during the questions that Spock had caught a twinge of pain from Jim, but by the time he had turned to ascertain what it was, there was nothing on Jim's face, nor in his mind.

Ten minutes later there was the same feeling, and this time Spock managed to catch the pain on his mate's face. He instantly moved to Jim's side, passing his fingertips over Jim's temple and sending a brief wave of comfort. "What is wrong, Jim?"

The blond grinned shakily, raising a hand to wipe at the sweat that had beaded on his forehead and run a hand through his hair. "You're not going to like it."

A frown passed over Spock's face. "Tell me what is wrong, Jim."

Jim sighed faintly before lowering both hands to rest them on his belly. "I think I'm in labor."

Spock's eyes widened minutely and he lowered a hand to press it between Jim's, feeling the shifting and contracting of the muscles beneath his touch. "Leonard said that it was doubtful you would experience labor, as you do not possess the means to birth the child on your own. You are two weeks premature, Jim; you should not be close to delivery."

"Looks like our daughter is out to prove you wrong." Jim replied, the pain lines returning on his forehead and the muscles in his abdomen clenching. "This is not good…" Jim murmured, pressing his hands on his stomach as though the motion would calm the baby. "Without Bones, this isn't going to be good."

Sovik was wringing his hands worriedly at this point, hovering nervously around them. Spock pushed himself to his feet. "I will attempt to establish contact with the Doctor. Sovik, stay with your father."

"Yes _sa-mekh_."

Jim eased himself down to lie on his side, smiling up at Sovik as the child pushed one of the pillows beneath his head. Sovik looked worried, his little eyebrows twitching together and a frown on his face as he fluttered nervously around Jim. The blond reached up, gently passing a hand over Sovik's little shoulder. "Easy Sovik, there's no need to be so nervous."

The young Vulcan looked away. "I am merely… concerned for you, Father. As _sa-mekh_ pointed out, you are not near your natural due date, so this labor is no doubt forced by trauma. You said that you did not get injured, but it is possible that you missed it…" He wrung his hands nervously for a moment before seeming to realize what he was doing and halting. "The baby might be hurt. That could have triggered labor."

"You're right." Jim agreed. "But at this moment all we can do is wait for help to come. I'm sure that –!"

Jim's words were cut off by a cry of pain, his body curling around his abdomen and pain filling his features. Spock turned at the sound, rushing back to his mate's side and laying a hand against the back of his neck, trying to determine what was happening. "Jim!"

"I'm alright…" Jim forced out. "But I think… something's wrong with the baby… We have to… get out of here!" His sentence was cut off by another shout, his body trembling beneath Spock's hand. He felt when Spock reluctantly rose to his feet and sprinted back to the comm unit, but his entire being was focused on his abdomen, on the child struggling inside him. Jim didn't know how he knew this, but something was wrong with her; she was in pain somehow.

"Spock to the bridge!"

_"Uhura here… We're getting close… everything alright?"_

"Route all power to the transporter room and transport us directly to sickbay!" Spock ordered, his voice tense and noticeably worried.

_"…difficult to… sufficient power…what's wrong?"_

"Do it now, Nyota!" Spock roared as Jim let out a scream from behind him and there was a spike of terror and pain through the bond that wasn't from his mate.

_"… Understood."_

The lights dimmed a second later and the comm unit went out, and then Spock felt the familiar tingle of the transporter. It took much longer than it should have, but when he opened his eyes he saw the walls of sickbay around him. He could hear the angered swearing of McCoy from behind him, and turned to see a crowd gathering around Jim where he had materialized on the floor. Spock moved swiftly forward and swept Sovik up in his arms, pulling the child away from the chaos.

Sovik huddled in his arms, eyes wide and terror flowing through their touch and the faint parental connection he had with the child. He pressed calm and reassurance into the tiny Vulcan, briefly passing his nose across the boy's temple in a faint gesture of affection.

As McCoy gave orders Spock moved backwards from the room. He didn't want to leave Jim, but at the moment he needed to figure out what was going on with the ship. Sovik seemed slightly panicked as Spock moved away from the room, struggling in an attempt to get down. "_Sa-mekh, _why are we leaving?"

"I must ascertain the condition of the ship." Spock replied. "We will not be gone long, we will return as soon as I have visited the bridge. There is nothing that we can do to help at this time."

Sovik calmed at those words, though Spock could still feel the tension in the boy. He put it out of his mind, heading for the bridge with only that thought in mind.

* * *

Spock returned only 5 minutes after he had left, satisfied that the ship was in the hands of Scotty, who had already assigned teams to every part of the ship that needed to be repaired. The attackers had been driven off not long after they had taken the ship by surprise, but quick action had easily sent them on their way. Damage had been contained to mostly around the shuttle bay, although power had been seriously compromised for a time. Scotty had assured Spock that it would be back up shortly, although right now all available power was focused not on restoring the remaining, but in sickbay.

The two Vulcans arrived to find McCoy already beginning surgery, Jim seemingly unconscious with his lower half shielded from their view in his private room. Spock quickly went to his mate's side, setting Sovik on the floor beside the bed before reaching out to brush his fingers across Jim's forehead.

Jim's blue eyes fluttered open, and he smiled slightly at Spock. "The ship is okay?"

Spock nodded. "I have confirmed the ship's status. I am merely concerned with you at this moment, t'hy'la."

"Bones said that the pain was just the labor trying to progress." Jim replied quietly. "Since there was no birth canal she was in serious danger, but everything's alright now."

McCoy's voice came a moment later. "She's going to be fine; we just need to get her out into the world." He was quiet for a moment, and then continued. "I found evidence of trauma, you must have been struck somewhere on your stomach during the attack. Oh, here we go…"

There was a moment of silence, and then a soft smack followed by a quick breath and a baby's cry.

Spock glanced down, and the smile that spread across Jim's face was so bright that it was like the sun had risen within the walls of sickbay. Sovik also smiled, his brown eyes shining slightly as the emotion washed over him.

Nurse Chapel came around the barrier, smiling at them. "Just give us a moment, you two, we'll have her all cleaned up and you can hold her."

Jim was quiet as the surgery team closed him up and cleaned up the surgery area, though Spock could feel the excitement in his mind as he tried to see where McCoy was in the corner, cleaning their baby and making sure that she was healthy. The bio-bed was put in an upright position so Jim could sit up, and after a moment Sovik climbed up to sit beside Jim as the blond reached a hand towards him in offering.

A moment later McCoy came towards them with a blanket-wrapped bundle in his arms, a smile on his face as he presented the baby to Jim. "Congratulations you two, she's perfectly healthy, even with that bit of excitement. All those provisions for her birth and she had to go and defy us all." McCoy's grin grew. "Just like her Mama."

"Don't call me... Oh…" Jim's snap turned into a breathy sound of surprise as the baby settled in his arms. "Oh, she's beautiful…" He looked up at Spock. "She looks just like you, Spock, look at her!"

The baby's eyes were closed at the moment, black lashes brushing her faintly pink cheeks. Her eyebrows were less stern than most Vulcans, but there was still a slight upswing to them, and there was a dusting of black hair across her head. Jim stroked a finger over tiny pointed ears, and across a stubborn chin and high cheekbones to a perfectly sloping nose.

Spock allowed a faint smile to ghost across his features. "She has you in her as well, t'hy'la."

As if to confirm that the baby's eyes fluttered open and both of them looked down into haunting blue eyes, identical to Jim's, that stared back up at them. "She's perfect…" Jim murmured, stroking his finger across her cheekbone.

Spock also reached out to touch her forehead, allowing the bond between parent and child to grow, his eyes widening slightly as he realized that the bond they had was stronger than he expected it to be. He thought back to the shuttle bay and realized that it had been her emotions he had been feeling, and felt proud of his daughter and her abilities, already manifesting so early in her life.

"I know just what to call her." Jim said firmly. "Amanda. Her name will be Amanda."

"Jim…" Spock murmured in surprise. "Are you certain?"

The blond smiled. "Of course, I would be thrilled for her to be named after your mother. She would be happy too, I know it. I just kinda wish we could give her some sort of a Vulcan name…"

"Amanda T'Lema Kirk." Spock replied. "I believe that will be an excellent name."

Jim tilted his head. "T'Lema?"

Sovik looked up at Spock, tilting his head as he explained. "It translates closely to 'one who walks in dreams.'" The boy looked back down at his new sister, reaching out a little hand to skim his finger over the baby's eyebrow.

"One who walks in dreams…" Jim murmured. "It's beautiful."

Amanda cooed in Jim's arms, large blue eyes watching her family as they smiled down at her. After so long of waiting, Jim felt some part of his heart melt as he finally looked at his daughter and felt as though somehow, things would be so much better from now on.


	24. Precision, Stiff

These two were quite fun, and I hope that you guys enjoy them! The first one isn't established relationship, but the second one is, and other than that there's really no warnings for them.

* * *

39

Precision

_the state or quality of being precise; accuracy; exactness_

Spock always strived to be precise whenever the situation allowed for it. In time, reading at his station, going places, language, he was meticulous. At first, Jim had found it slightly annoying, but in time it came to just be another part of who Spock was, and it was an endearing quality. More often than not Jim found ways to try and make Spock lose that precision, because it was amusing to him. Those attempts usually got a raised eyebrow, and sometimes even an assurance that there was 'a 21,294 to 1 chance' that he would succeed.

This just made Jim laugh all the more.

Once Spock had given him those odds, the blond had tried to think of more and more ways to get through Spock's Vulcan exterior. Not only was he attempting to mess up the Vulcan's precision, but also just to get him to show something. It was certainly fun, and Jim took every opportunity to try and crack the shell.

His first try had been just surprising Spock with something he said. It had been completely improvisation, no planning involved. Jim had gone to Spock's quarters to talk about something and had managed to catch the Vulcan without a shirt on. While that hadn't shaken Spock's calm, Jim had taken it a little further. While he was leaving the room he had paused, looking over his shoulder with a grin.

"By the way, Spock, you're damn sexy without a shirt on."

Both eyebrows had shot up, but Jim had left the room before Spock could say anything, laughing to himself even though he hadn't managed to completely mess up Spock's 'Vulcanness.'

Subsequent attempts had led to nothing more than perhaps an eyebrow raise, and Jim cursed the fact that Spock was now prepared for what he was doing, and it was getting harder to shake that Vulcan calm. No matter what he tried, Jim couldn't get Spock to lose that precision that was such an integral part of his self.

Finally Jim found himself with the perfect opportunity, not only with something that he had wanted to do for a while, but also with shaking Spock up a little bit. The two of them were involved in a diplomatic mission and a misunderstanding led to the two of them being confused as a couple. Jim thought the whole thing was hilarious, but Spock endeavored to clear it all up, and soon it was past them. Back on the ship, however, Jim decided to take the chance and see if his gamble worked.

Just as Spock was getting ready to leave his room after a chess match, Jim casually asked about the mission. "So what did you think about that mix up on planet?"

Spock paused, turning and tilting his head only slightly. "It was… interesting. I found it fascinating that they drew that conclusion on their own."

"Says something about us, doesn't it?" Jim asked, taking a few steps towards the Vulcan. "That we look like we would be good together."

A raised eyebrow was his response. "I do not…"

Jim took the initiative and stepped forward, kissing Spock before stepping away swiftly with a grin on his face. "I don't know about you, but I liked the idea."

"I… Captain… Jim…" Spock spluttered for a response, the first time that he had ever done so. "I do not…"

Laughter took Jim as he realized that he had beaten those odds finally. "I finally did it! Remember those odds you gave me, that 'it is unlikely' that I was gonna make you mess up? Well I just did it! I can't believe that it to— !"

Jim found that he had been silenced by a heated pair of lips closing over his own, his eyes wide in surprise as Spock pulled back, though the Vulcan kept an arm around Jim's waist to hold their bodies together. Jim opened his mouth to say something, but nothing escaped him and he merely gaped.

To his more immense surprise a faint smirk appeared on Spock's lips. "I believe I finally succeeded in making you be silent, Jim."

"Wha…" Jim sputtered, and then he grinned, raising a hand and smacking Spock's shoulder. "You rat! I can't believe you actually did that!"

"I am a Vulcan, not a Terran rodent."

"Shut up and kiss me, damnit!"

* * *

40

Stiff

_not supple; moving with difficulty, as from cold, age, exhaustion, or injury_

With a soft groan Jim attempted to stretch out his back and shoulders, arching back in the Captain's chair before settling back in his seat. Passing a hand over his eyes, Jim rubbed his forehead in a futile attempt to ease his headache before sighing. He knew that he only had around 10 minutes left until Alpha shift was over, and so he thought that he would alright taking off now.

Pushing himself to his feet, Jim nodded to Sulu. "I think I'm going to turn in a little early, you have the conn Spock, at least until shift ends. I'll be in my quarters."

Spock nodded, though his voice was slightly hesitant. "Aye sir."

Sulu turned a little in his chair, flashing a smile at the blond. "Get some rest Captain, you need it."

At those words Jim couldn't help but smile in response to his friend. "Thanks."

Jim turned as just before the turbolift doors closed, flashing a smile at Spock as the Vulcan watching him with a slightly tilted head. There was a faint trickle of concern through their bond, and Jim pressed calm back at his mate.

_I am alright, love, just tired and stiff. I'll see you when shift is over?_

_Of course, t'hy'la. I shall be there momentarily. _

Although Spock obviously wished to come with him to make sure that he was really alright, Jim knew that he wouldn't leave until his shift was over since Jim wasn't visibly hurt. As he got to his quarters he lay down on the large double bed, flat on his back for a moment before reaching up to rub at his shoulders.

Tension was common in his muscles during times of stress, Bones had often complained about it during their Academy days because he could plainly see it. Jim was completely used to it by now; he had told Bones at some point that it was normal for him to have back pains. That hadn't made the brunet happy at all, and he had attempted to help, but mostly to no avail.

Jim sighed faintly as his back grumbled at him again, twisting in an attempt to pop his spine. There were soft footsteps as the door slid open and then closed, and then warm hands settled on his shoulders, pressing gently.

"Hey…" Jim murmured, turning back to meet Spock's eyes.

"You are in pain." Spock replied, his hands massaging gently where they rested on Jim's shoulders. He urged his mate to roll over onto his stomach before settling closer to him on the bed, his hands moving down the presented flesh in massaging caresses.

Jim shrugged beneath the touch. "It's normal, nothing I can't handle. If I could just get my back to pop…"

His words were cut off in a groan of pleasure/pain as Spock applied pressure to his spine, earning a series of snaps and pops. The Vulcan returned to massaging the tense muscles, a faint smile flickering across his lips as Jim practically melted beneath his hands. "Is that sufficient, t'hy'la?"

"God you have no idea how much better that feels…" Jim groaned, turning his head to look up at his mate. "You are amazing, have I told you that?"

Spock's smile returned. "Indeed, quite often."


	25. Separate

I had some fun with this one, and it's hella long. I hope that you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. On another note, I'm heading home for the summer tomorrow, and so it may actually be a few more days than normal until I update; my next words are giving me some trouble as well. I'll be back though, and I won't break my week promise, at the least.

Warnings: Violence, some stretched medical and scientific facts, hurt!Jim, hurt!Spock, and an OC alien species taken from one of my in progress books.

* * *

41

Separate

_to keep apart or divide, as by an intervening barrier or space_

"Jim!"

Groggily Jim Kirk tried to open his eyes, but it was as though there were weights attached to his lids, and his head was pounding. His body was nothing but a giant ball of pain, agony radiating from his head and torso.

_Please t'hy'la…!_

The voice of his mate in his mind sent a shot of agony through his head and he let out a soft groan, clenching his eyes tighter before trying to force them open once more. He finally managed to open them, right eyelashes catching in tacky, half-dried blood crusted around his right eye.

"Jim, are you alright?"

"S-Spock…?" Jim managed to whisper, his voice cracked and barely loud enough to be heard.

Spock nodded, reaching forward, halted from touching his mate with a jerk as the chain came to its end. "Are you alright, Jim? How are you feeling?"

Jim blinked slowly, raising a hand to rub at his forehead, momentarily startled as cold metal brushed over his forehead. "I'm… a little groggy. And my head is killing me. What about you? Are you okay?"

A faint smile passed over the Vulcan's lips. "I am in good health, considering the situation at this time."

Looking around the small room they were in, Jim quietly observed the situation. They were in what appeared to be a concrete room, possibly no bigger than 10x10 feet, both chained to the walls. Jim could feel cold metal around both ankles and wrists, short chains giving him just enough room to stretch out his body along the floor, if he was angled right. Reaching out he could see that he and Spock were just short of touching each other, maybe a foot of space between them. Spock was in a similar arrangement on the opposite wall.

"What happened?" Jim asked slowly, his memory fogged by the pounding of his head.

"We had just beamed down to the surface when we were attacked. You were struck above the eye rather hard; it is not a surprise that your memory is damaged. It is also important that you refrain from sleeping for a time, you most likely have a concussion." Spock replied, his gaze concerned as he watching his mate shift on the cold floor.

There was quiet for a few minutes, and then Jim sighed faintly. "They took everything, so there's no way we're going to contact the ship… Any chance you think they'll find us?"

Spock thought a moment. "As we have been liberated of all of our gear, it will be difficult for them to track our locations. Also, we do not know if we are even still on the same planet. However, I trust that our crew will perform admirably in their search. It may take them some time to find us."

Jim nodded absently. "Yea… but we'll be alright; we've got each other, right? I wonder what they want with us. Have you seen anyone since you woke up?"

"I have only been awake for 14.5 minutes, and most of that time was engaged in trying to wake you."

"Hm…" Jim hummed faintly, closing his eyes for a moment as he thought. What he thought was just a moment turned out to be more when he heard Spock call his name in a panicked voice and he had to force his eyes open.

Spock's face was visibly worried now, his dark eyes flickering over Jim's body. "Are you alright t'hy'la? I had to call you several times."

Jim nodded, forcibly keeping his eyes trained on his mate. "Sorry, I drifted off I guess."

"Your concussion may be more serious than we originally thought. I shall endeavor keep a closer eye on you." Spock said firmly, and did just that, never taking his eyes from Jim's face.

There was a sound from the far wall, and both of them turned to see a door slide open and a tall, unfamiliar alien come into the room. It was vaguely humanoid in appearance, but slender and whip thin like a human could never be. Thin shoulders sloped down into a round ribcage, and two rather weak looking arms protruded directly from the creature's chest, stick thin arms ending in three fingered, delicate hands. Sharp wide hips moved down into muscular legs and feet balanced up on the toes, walking not unlike the prehistoric dinosaur known as a Velociraptor, wicked looking talons extending from both the toes and the raised heel of the foot.

Spock marveled at this creature; even though they had been kidnapped by them, they were certainly a sight to behold. The most amazing thing to him was the appearance of what seemed to be a tail, extending from the base of the skull to the floor, a good two feet longer than the height of the creature itself. That appendage was highly flexible and ended in what appeared to be a powerful three fingered hand, with a wide palm and thick fingers. The being examined them with large, almond shaped eyes, appearing to have no mouth of any sort and a flat, slitted nose. Grey tinted natural armor covered the round head, back, shoulders, and waist, spiraling down into lighter skin on the legs, leaving only the face, front of the throat, and lower legs uncovered.

The being did not speak as it entered the room, but it was holding what seemed to be some sort of hypo in its delicate hands. It paused as the door closed behind it, large, X-pupiled eyes traveling between the two of them before it took a single, graceful step towards Spock.

Jim protested at that, jerking at his chains before going still a moment later as the creature's eyes turned back to him. Spock had not moved when the creature turned to him, but as soon as it's attention left him he reacted as Jim had, jerking at his chains until his muscles strained.

Idly the creature observed his reaction, and then took a step towards Jim. Jim instinctively flinched backwards, wide blue eyes on the hypo in those weak hands, not wanting to know what was in that vial. Another step brought a deep growl from Spock's throat, and that seemed to cement the creature's decision.

It moved towards Jim.

Jim went as far backwards as the chains would allow, but it wasn't far and the alien followed him. Spock surged at his chains again, eyes locked on his mate, but they didn't give an inch. The growl turned into a snarl, but the creature paid him no mind, extending the hypo towards Jim's neck.

As soon as the creature was in range Jim lashed out, aiming for the weak hand that his powerful human limbs could no doubt break with ease. What neither of them expected was the tail-like appendage being as fast as it was.

Jim's wrist was seized before he could even touch the creature, the powerful three fingered hand wrapping all the way around his forearm and squeezing. Jim let out a shout of pain as the bone in his arm protested, nearly cracking with the force. That moment of surprise allowed the alien to stretch forward it's delicate hands and press the hypo swiftly to Jim's neck before moving backwards just as fast.

Shock written on his features, Jim could only stare as the being watched him silently for a moment before turning and leaving the room.

Quiet reigned for a moment, and then Spock pulled at his chains, trying to reach Jim briefly before going still and anxiously watching his mate. There appeared to be nothing happening, and Jim's eyes moved to Spock's. "I… I don't feel anything."

"It does not appear that you are allergic to it, at the least." Spock murmured. "You would have begun reacting by now, with how violent your allergies are."

Jim shifted uncomfortably against the cold floor, his eyes flickering briefly down to his arm before looking back up at Spock. "Damn that thing was fast. I've never seen anything move like that, not to mention something that _looks_ like that."

"It is indeed a species completely unknown to us." Spock agreed. "It also appeared that they have never encountered humans or Vulcans; I suspect that they have captured us for scientific study."

"You mean we're going to be test subjects?.!" Jim demanded. "What the hell are they going to do to us? What did they give me?"

Spock sent a wave of calm to his mate. "It will not be… pleasant, Jim. Studying an animal or other unknown creature is usually done with kindness and simple observation, but by what I have seen, I do not believe that these beings believe in that practice. They will no doubt experiment with us to see what we are capable of."

Jim had not said anything during this little speech, and Spock looked up to see him lying on his side, eyebrows twitched together and a frown on his face. "I don't…" he began, and then he clenched his teeth, hissing between them before curling into a ball around his abdomen.

A shot of pain thundered across the bond before Jim managed to slam his end shut with the training Spock had taught him, and Spock briefly felt what his mate was. "Jim!" Spock let the word slip from his lips, pulling at the chains unthinkingly before going still in frustration.

"It's… just… a little pain…" Jim forced out between clenched teeth, his eyes squeezed shut and his arms wrapped around his middle. "Nothing… I can't…. handle…"

"Jim…"

An hour and a half later, Jim's voice was gone and Spock was resisting with every fiber of his being not to clamp his hands over his ears to block out the sounds of his mate's screams.

* * *

Jim finally went limp two hours after the hypo had been administered, covered in sweat and a harsh whistling echoing from his damaged throat as he panted. His blue eyes were dazed and barely aware; he was clearly exhausted, but somehow still awake.

Spock had torn his wrists apart pulling at the chains for the first while, pain in his own body from the simple fact that he could do nothing but watch helplessly as Jim writhed against the opposite wall. He could dimly feel the blood trickling down his hands and arms, but he didn't pay it much attention, all of his focus on Jim.

"T'hy'la." he murmured. "Is it gone?"

Jim nodded weakly, attempting to speak. It came out a whisper, just barely loud enough for Spock's Vulcan hearing to pick it up. "S' gone… Like it was never there…"

Any further words they might have exchanged were cut off as the door slid open once more, admitting a larger being than the one they had seen last time. This one was taller and extended the powerful tail first, revealing that there were four fingers this time, rather than three. Spock suspected this marked a different gender, this one was perhaps male and the other had been a female. A hypo was also held in the delicate hands, and this time the creature moved towards Spock with a purpose.

Jim shifted tiredly against the floor, pulling towards Spock, though all his strength was gone and he could barely put up a struggle. He tried to call out, but only a hushed sort of squeak escaped his lips, nothing more.

Spock coiled his muscles, crouching against the floor and trying to position himself so he had the greatest length of chain to use in an attack of some sort. The male being reached out with his delicate hand, and Spock moved.

The creatures obviously hadn't counted on Spock being faster and stronger than Jim, and the Vulcan managed to land a powerful hit on the being's arm. There was a series of sickening crunches as the creature's arm was shattered, and the lower half of it's face suddenly split open, revealing a mouth full of vicious looking teeth as it let out a cry of agony. Spock didn't pause to observe, he merely reacted, lashing out with the other hand to aim for the head.

He never landed the hit; the strong tail whipped around and the four-fingered hand closed around his throat, slamming him against the wall and squeezing until all his air was gone. Raising both arms he tried to slip his fingers beneath the hand, but it was clenched too tight and strong, and he resorted to grasping at the thick tail, trying to pull it off.

The creature opened it's mouth again, hissing lowly with vicious teeth grinding in anger. A series of whistles, croaks, and clicks escaped it, obviously the language of these people, and then the other hand moved forward to administer the hypo before it slammed him against the wall once more, turning and leaving the cell.

Spock's head was spinning from the blow, but he recovered fairly quickly and began to prepare himself for what was no doubt the same drug that they had given Jim. He could feel something boiling in his gut, and within moments pain had begun to build in his body. Focusing his mind, he centered himself and began his control, not wanting to give these creatures the satisfaction of his pain.

Jim watched quietly from his side of the cell for a few moments, but as Spock's face grew more pained, he closed his eyes to get away, and unconsciousness rushed in to claim him.

* * *

Though the pain was more than he had ever felt in his life, Spock never once cried out. He came out of the sea of agony covered in sweat and his entire body shaking violently, but he had ridden through the storm. He opened his eyes, instantly turning his attention to his mate, who appeared to be unconscious against the wall.

Spock pressed through their bond, relieved to find that Jim was alright, just beyond exhaustion at this moment. He left him alone, wanting him to get some rest while he could. The Vulcan closed his eyes once more, allowing himself to go into light meditation to try and regain some of his energy, but still maintain an awareness of the world around him. He passed nearly an hour like this, and then the door slid open once more to admit what seemed to be the same female as before, this time clutching a tray in her weak hands and walking towards Jim.

A growl built in Spock's throat, and the female swiveled her head to turn large almond shaped eyes on him before turning back to Jim, lowering herself with surprising dexterity using the tail as a balance. Spock tugged at his chains again as she lifted a hypo from the tray with her delicate hands, but it died slightly as the stronger hand at the end of her three-fingered tail was used to lift a glass of clear liquid, most likely water from the tray and extend it toward Jim. In a series of motions that surprised Spock with her abilities to use all three limbs in tandem, she raised Jim's head slightly and helped him to drink.

Jim choked at first, but his eyes fluttered open as the liquid poured between his lips. He looked up and saw the creature helping him and flinched away, raising both hands to push hers away, though the action wasn't strong enough to hurt her. She moved away with a flinch, obviously as scared by him as he was by her, though she moved forward in an attempt to help him again after he'd stopped moving.

He resisted her again, though he was content to accept the cup from her and drink greedily. Spock shifted uncomfortably, but didn't speak, watching them both with dark, serious eyes. However, when she raised the hypo again Spock let out a violent snarl, causing her to flinch and look at him again and Jim to slink backwards, away from the vial.

"I won't let you." Jim's voice was stronger now, the water had helped somewhat.

She looked back at him, tilting her head before using her powerful tail to push at him, crowding him against the wall before she raised the hypo again. Jim lashed out, but again her tail stopped him by wrapping around his arm, in the same place as last time. This time there was a crack, and Jim let out a faint shout of pain as his right arm snapped.

The female seemed surprised at this, but she wasted no time and pressed the hypo to Jim's neck before withdrawing. She left the tray at his side, but lifted another hypo and moved to Spock, though her movements were halted and hesitant. She knew that Spock could easily hurt her; it was obvious in her gait and body language.

Lowering himself, Spock prepared himself to strike, his eyes locked on the female and his teeth bared slightly, a growl rumbling in his chest. The female paused just out of his reach, and then reached her tail out, moving to Jim, who was lying still on the floor, curled slightly around his broken arm. Turning her head, the female wrapped her powerful hand around Jim's throat, calmly raising him and pressing him to the wall.

Jim was still able to breathe, but he struggled, trying to slip his hands beneath the one around his neck, but to no avail. Spock's upper lip curled and he jolted in his chains, wanting to strike, but knowing that she was out of his reach. She took a step forward, tail easily long enough to keep its grip on Jim's throat even as she moved.

She was now within Spock's reach, but as the Vulcan coiled himself to attack, Jim let out a squeak, mouth opening soundlessly as he tried to get air through his now cut-off windpipe.

The threat was clear; should Spock attack, the female would apply more pressure and suffocate Jim. Angrily the Vulcan went still; practically vibrating with rage as the female swiftly injected him and then moved out of range, releasing Jim. The blond gasped for air, both hands at his throat as he got his wind back.

Without any further movements the being left the room, leaving the two of them alone in their cell. They both waited several tense minutes for something to happen, but the serum that she had given them didn't appear to do anything at all. Jim rubbed at his throat, and then spoke softly.

"Are you alright?"

Spock nodded sharply. "I am well, t'hy'la. I am more concerned for you."

Jim took stock of himself, and then tilted his head slightly. "Actually, I feel better. My throat doesn't hurt anymore, and my headache is gone." He shifted uncomfortably, easing around his broken arm. "My arm doesn't even really hurt as much." Curiously he moved forward, blue eyes scanning the tray that was sitting just between them, within both of their reach. "Hey, I think that thing left us food."

There appeared to be something similar to bread on the tray, and some sort of meat, though they both avoided that. Quietly they split the grainy, dense substance and ate, Spock also taking a few sips from the remaining cup on the tray. There wasn't much there, but neither really said a word, grateful to get something.

When the food was gone they both lay quietly, staring at each other across the cell. Jim reached out through the bond, and Spock gently caressed his mate's mind, trying to ease his fears. "I am with you, t'hy'la…" Spock whispered, stretching out his hand as far as the chain would allow.

Jim did the same, his face sad when they fell short of each other by nearly a foot of empty space. "I wish I could touch you…" he murmured in return. "Even that would make me feel better…" He sighed faintly. "We'll be alright. I'm sure that the crew is looking for us right now."

Spock nodded in agreement. "Of course they are, Jim. I know that they will not stop until they find us."

The blond nodded, a smile gracing his face as he laid his head on the concrete floor, watching Spock until he could no longer keep his eyes open.

A faint smile on his lips, Spock was content to keep watch over his bondmate as he slept, quietly feeling the ebb and flow of Jim's mind as he dreamed.

* * *

Almost every day brought some new form of torture, some new test. Sometimes they were left alone for days on end, only the female entering every day at the same time with a tray of food and water. She bound Jim's broken arm, but it wasn't done properly, and Spock knew that it was beginning to fuse wrongly. It would have to be re-broken when they were rescued and be properly set.

Three days after they were first captured Jim was given a serum that left him deaf for several hours, which had at first frightened him, though Spock's gentle voice through the bond kept him calm and quiet. The same was given to Spock, and the Vulcan found it relatively easy to manage through the same technique. It was clear that the creatures were testing both now that they knew how different they were, and each new test was given to them separately.

Two days after that the room went dark and they were left in complete black for what Spock knew to be nearly 6 hours. Jim had been quiet for the first 2, but after that time he had grown anxious and jumpy, shifting against the chains constantly even as Spock tried to calm him.

They were then left alone for nearly 2 weeks, though Spock noticed that there was less water on the trays that they received. He made Jim drink all of it, assuring him that Vulcans could go for much longer without water, a gift of their desert breeding. He took only a few sips every few days, allowing Jim the rest. Even with that provision, Jim was still growing dehydrated, though not severely.

Three weeks after their initial capture, three large males entered the room, going to Jim's side of the cell followed by the female that they had grown to recognize. Spock instantly was alert, lips pulling back over his teeth as a feral hiss escaped him, a sound that caused Jim to look at him in surprise; it was something he'd never heard from his mate.

The aliens ignored him completely, though the female looked at him for a moment before returning her attention to Jim. The three males proceeded to pin Jim down spread-eagled on the floor, holding him easily with their tails, the one holding his right leg pinning his broken arm with a taloned foot pressed against his wrist.

Jim struggled hard, though he was weak from malnutrition and dehydration and couldn't get enough strength to move the creatures. The female moved forward, drawing blood before lifting a delicate knife from a pouch at her side.

Spock let out a snarl, but he could do nothing as the female leaned over, neatly slicing a strip of skin and muscle from Jim's bicep. Jim let out a howl, wrenching at the hands holding him, but to no avail. "Get off me!" he finally screamed, rage coloring his tone.

All of the creatures looked at him with mild interest, and then exchanged words in their strange clicks, whistles, and croaks. They released Jim a moment later, having gotten what they wanted, and the three males moved to the other side of the room, this time extending their limbs to restrain Spock.

The Vulcan fought them savagely, no longer able to control the anger that he felt against them. Three weeks of being in this cell had stretched the lock he had on his emotions, and with no time to meditate properly, the Vulcan was beginning to revert back to the old ways. He held onto his sanity only because of his mate, soothing him through the bond whenever they had a moment alone.

Even with his extra strength, the three males managed to pin him after only a brief struggle, though they were obviously straining to hold him. The female did her work quickly, only briefly pausing to puzzle over Spock's different colored blood. All four moved away swiftly as soon as they were done, not giving Spock enough time to gather himself to strike.

Jim was breathing hard on his side of the room, one hand pressed over the small wound where the female had taken her samples. He carefully tore a strip from the tattered remains of his golden tunic, wrapping his bicep before raising blue eyes to Spock. "What else can they do to us?" he asked softly. "Why won't they just let us go?"

Spock shook his head. "They are dedicated to studying us, Jim. I do not believe they intend to release us."

The next day, Jim was given another serum that brought so much pain that he couldn't even scream, just laid on the floor shivering, blue eyes blank and body covered with sweat. Oddly enough that same serum did nothing to Spock, and this obviously interested the creatures greatly. They performed the same test the following day, though with what appeared to be a slightly alerted version of the drug.

Jim had gone rigid moments after they gave him the shot, and then lapsed into stillness, a sort of silence that Spock couldn't get him to come out of. No matter how he called his mate, Jim's eyes just stared through him, his lips parted slightly. 15 minutes after the drug was administered, those blank eyes rolled up until Spock could only see white and Jim's body started jerking erratically in a seizure.

"Jim!" Spock shouted, leaping forward without thought only to be pulled backwards by his chains where he could only watch as Jim's body twisted and strained, flailing against the restraints.

Thankfully the female entered a moment later and gave Jim a hypo that stopped the seizure and knocked him out, though she, with the help of the three males, gave Spock what he assumed was the same drug they had given Jim. This one had an effect, causing him pain, though not as much as the first one had. Spock came out of it with a sort of hopelessness in his thoughts.

_Perhaps our crew cannot find us…_

* * *

"Jim… Jim please, you must eat."

Blue eyes stared at him silently, a pleading look in them before Jim shook his head slightly, weakly.

Spock reached out to him, both mentally and physically, pushing the tray towards him. "Please, t'hy'la, you cannot go without sustenance, you have lost too much weight as it is. You must eat."

"No…" Jim whispered. "It won't stay down…"

The Vulcan felt a pang at that; Jim had been throwing up for the past day and a half, unable to keep anything in his stomach for any period of time. While Spock knew that it had to hurt his damaged throat and sore body, it wasn't good that Jim was refusing food.

"Just…" Spock searched for words, unsure of what to say. He felt so lost now, unable to do anything to help Jim. "Try, t'hy'la. Please try."

Jim stared at him quietly, and then shook his head again, going silent. He didn't listen to any more of Spock's soft pleas, though he didn't block the Vulcan when he went through their bond to try and convince him. Spock finally fell silent, unsure of what else he could do at this point to help his mate.

_"Sp…!"_

It was an hour later when Jim suddenly gave a shiver, curling his body tighter into a ball before opening his eyes to look at Spock. "Is it getting colder in here?" he whispered.

"I do not feel a difference in temperature." Spock replied, though he noticed with a faint hint of alarm that he could see Jim's breath.

Jim was now shivering in earnest, his body curled tightly and his breath misting in the air. "They m-must have s-some sort of f-force-field between u-us…" Jim stuttered out through chattering teeth, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them.

Spock felt fear go through him; Jim wouldn't last long if the temperature continued to drop at the rate it appeared to be. He was too thin and dehydrated; his body didn't have the stamina it normally would. And the thing that pained him the most was that he was bound here, helpless to do anything as he watched Jim freeze.

He instead turned his attention to pulling on the chains, working them away from their foundation as he had been doing for the past several days. His legs were nearly free, and his arms would follow soon; though he would take the chains with him, he would no longer be bound to the wall. He knew that Jim's legs were also mostly free, though Spock would have to pull his arms loose once he got out.

When Spock raised his eyes to his mate again he was scared to see that the shivers had begun to slow, and the red tinge that had covered Jim's ears, nose, and cheeks had left, leaving him paper white with the only color on his face the purple-blue tinge of his lips. Those beloved blue eyes were dazed and hardly aware, staring at Spock quietly as Jim grew still against the floor, his body limp.

"Jim…" Spock tried to speak loudly, but his voice came out a broken whisper, barely loud enough. "Jim, stay with me."

A slow blink was his response, but Jim didn't speak. The blond raised a hand, stretching it towards his mate, but he lowered the limb back to the floor, letting out a sigh of defeat. His fingertips were blue as well, and Spock let out a cry as he felt Jim begin to fade.

Straining forward, Spock felt the chains begin to give as he pulled with all the strength he had left. His right arm jerked, and then was suddenly free, and the Vulcan was able to apply all of his strength to the remaining chains. Both legs were wrenched free when he heard a soft sound that made him look up, eyes wide.

"…_.ock….!"_

Jim's eyes were locked on him, and their gazes met and held an instant later. Jim's blue lips parted slightly, and Spock almost didn't hear the whisper that left his lips.

"Love you…"

With that those beautiful eyes fluttered closed, and Jim's body went limp. Spock was left snatching frantically at the light that flitted through his mental fingers, trying to grasp his mate before the darkness took him.

_Stay with me! _he roared, holding Jim with all of his strength. _Don't go!_

But even as he shouted those words, he watched as Jim's body grew still, chest halting it's rhythmic rising and falling. Spock kept his eyes locked on the pulse beating in Jim's throat, willing his mate to start breathing again, for that heart to keep going.

Stillness.

Spock felt pain lance through him as the bond began to deteriorate, unraveling faster than the Vulcan could even comprehend, let alone attempt to stop. Spock gave one last pull on the chains and he was suddenly free, the moment accompanying the rush of cool air on his face as the field between them was no doubt lowered.

Not wasting a moment, he darted forward to scoop his mate's fragile body into his arms, placing his hand on his psi points to try and find him. The bond cried at the emptiness even as Spock continued to search in vain.

Jim was gone.

* * *

Hours later Spock huddled in the corner of the room, having spent that time releasing Jim's body from the wall before retreating to the corner to rest. Jim's thin body was resting in his lap, suddenly so tiny and breakable, unlike the confident and surprisingly powerful individual that Spock had known and loved.

He had tried everything; CPR, searching mentally, but nothing he had done had brought Jim back. Jim's flesh was still unnaturally cold, even in death, and rigor hadn't yet set in, his body still limp and pliable beneath Spock's hands. The Vulcan wished that he had moved quicker, been stronger; perhaps he could have saved his mate.

Reflexively he raised his hand, placing his fingers lightly against Jim's psi points once again in a futile attempt to find that beautiful mind. Emptiness danced beneath his fingertips; there was not even a katra that he could perhaps save. Jim had just disappeared, slipping through his grasp faster than he could follow.

All his hopes gone, Spock could only wait to join Jim in death.

He had no intention of going anywhere else.

_"Spock…"_

Dark eyes blinked open from where Spock had tilted his head down against Jim's cold throat, surprise in those orbs.

_"…Spock..!"_

Spock raised his head, looking down at the beloved form in his arms. "…Jim?

That was Jim's voice, there was no mistaking it. Was death coming for him this soon already? Was it Jim calling to him?

_"Come back to me, Spock!"_

Closing his eyes, Spock tried to focus on the voice he heard echoing in and around him, frowning when he felt something out of place. The bond that had been crying out in pain, it was no longer doing so. There was something… a thread…

_"There he is…. Come on Spock, you can do it!"_

Reaching out with mental fingers, Spock grasped the thread, and at his touch it thickened into a cord that stretched into the darkness. The voice grew louder and more solid in his thoughts, and Spock began to drag himself out of the darkness that seemed to be consuming him.

_"Spock, come on…! You're so close…!"_

Spock's eyes fluttered open and he looked up into worried blue eyes, and then a brilliant smile suddenly exploded across the face of his beloved mate, who was looking down at him. Spock frowned, blinking. "Jim…?"

"You did it, Spock!" Jim said excitedly. "God, I was so worried about you!" The Vulcan only stared at him, and Jim's smile faded. "Spock? Are you alri—!"

His words were lost as Spock reached up powerful arms and dragged him down, connecting their lips with a furious sort of intent, relief and love all poured into that touch. Jim was briefly surprised, and then he melted into the kiss, allowing his eyes to close and his hands to travel up and press against Spock's cheeks.

"So I hear—GOOD GOD MAN!"

The two of them were cut off at McCoy's shout, and Jim leaned away from Spock to turn his gaze to his best friend. He grinned as McCoy shook himself violently, scrubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "Spock's awake!" Jim chirped, humor shining in his eyes.

"I can see that." McCoy replied dryly, turning and walking towards the bio-bed and pulling out a tricorder. "How are you feeling, Spock? Any grogginess, dizziness?"

Spock blinked, confused. "No, I am well. But I am confused. How did we get back aboard the _Enterprise? _What happened?"

McCoy lifted a nearby hypo, examining the contents briefly. "You've been in a coma for 9 days, not self-induced, but Jim told me you stopped responding after you were given some kind of drug by those bastard Yarket that had you."

"Yarket?" Spock repeated, the confused tone in his voice. "I…"

Jim had taken up a seat beside the bed, one that had obviously been there for a time. "The crew found us the day after I had my seizure, do you remember that, at least?" At Spock's nod he continued. "They had to have given you something while I was unconscious, because when I woke up you wouldn't respond to anything. No matter what I did you just kind of stared right through me. You finally closed your eyes about 2 hours after I woke up."

"We had been tracking you all that time and had finally zeroed in on your position; they took you to a nearby moon and were actually in a facility underground. Scotty rigged up a pretty good amount of force with some of the torpedoes and we managed to bust in and get you out before warping out at top speed." McCoy filled in, leaning over to press the hypo in his hand against Spock's neck.

The Vulcan found himself without words for once. His mind struggled to catch up to the realization that many things he remembered had not been true; a week of torture and watching Jim starve himself, as well as Jim's death had been a product of his drugged mind. Spock turned his gaze to his mate, who was sitting the chair quietly while McCoy ran his scans. He was thinner than he usually was, right arm splinted and wrapped, dark circles under his eyes and a shake to his hands that was abnormal, but he was otherwise alright.

He was alive.

Spock relaxed against the bio-bed, feeling completely drained from the ordeal that he had just experienced. He reached out, finding Jim's hand and entwining their fingers, holding tight to that familiar touch. McCoy smiled slightly, leaning back from the Vulcan.

"You're doing pretty well, Spock, everything pretty much back to normal as far as I can tell. I'll keep you here for at least another day, but then I think I can release you to your quarters." He grinned. "However, I want you on leave for a least a week, and then light duty after that. We'll discuss it in length at that time." With those words he turned to Jim, folding his arms over his chest. "And you, you need to get some sleep! I'd force you back to your quarters, but I know you won't sleep there."

Jim grinned at him, lifting the hand that Spock was clinging to. "I don't think Spock would let me go even if you wanted me to."

Spock couldn't help the faint smile that curved his lips, and he nodded. "Indeed. I do not have any desire to be separated from you for any length of time."

"Me neither." Jim replied, his voice warm.


	26. Situating, Signature, Rising

Wow, I believe that this is like.. the first time since I posted this story that you guys actually had to wait a week. Haha, I suppose that's what I get for being at home with the fam though, I'm spending time with them instead of writing. I'm still going though, don't worry, and I've got a couple of good long ones coming up, with some awesomeness that is hurt!Jim and Worried!Spock. Those won't be for a bit though....

Let's see, these three are pretty straightforward, all three are established relationship, sorta. The first ones a little iffy on that. Nothing else than that, really. I hope you guys enjoy!

Oh, I just noticed, I've got 6 reviews until I hit 200! Number one, wow guys, I feel so LOVED! -flails- I honestly never thought this story would get that much love when I started it, so I feel incredibly blessed, and I love you all. As of right now this story has a grand total of 30, 286 hits, 62 favorites, 92 alerts, and over 70,000 words.

Once again, I cannot even BEGIN to thank you all enough.

As for my 200th reviewer, I shall contact you and you'll get to either chose a word or give me a situation! I look forward to seeing all of your reviews, and I love you all!

(I'm done now, I promise :D)

* * *

42

Situating

_to put in or on a particular site or place; locate_

James T. Kirk had never had any difficulties sleeping with someone.

And he didn't mean the sex part.

He meant after the sex, the actual sleeping part. He always avoided being in that situation if he could, although sometimes he did like to spend some time beside a soft female form. The waking up part was always awkward though, so he always made sure to leave before morning. Even so, while he would periodically indulge in the company of a woman for a night, he had never really slept in the same bed as a man.

As such, when he started the relationship with Spock, this was a point of interest for him. While he wanted to have sex with the Vulcan, Spock had insisted that they take it slow, and so they had avoided any serious contact with each other.

Two months after their initial commitment to each other, the two of them were spending another evening in Jim's quarters playing a game of chess. Spock stood after completing the checkmate, nodding to Jim before extending a hand in the Vulcan kiss that he had taught the blond not long after they had begun their relationship. "Goodnight, Jim."

Jim readily met the gesture, loving the faint shiver that passed through his arm at the warm touch of Spock's fingers. "Would…" he started, feeling abnormally shy. "Would you stay?" Spock paused, tilting his head. Jim waved a hand, shaking his head. "Not for sex, I don't want to do that… well; I do want to do that, but… I…" He huffed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm going to shut up now."

Spock couldn't help the faint smile on his lips. "You wish me to join you for a period of sleep." Jim nodded, a faint blush on his cheeks from his earlier ramble. "I would be pleased to do so."

Blue eyes were shimmering happily as Jim looked up to meet Spock's eyes, a smile on his face. "That's great!"

The Vulcan turned slightly towards the bathroom door that joined their quarters. "I shall change into appropriate clothes and then return."

Jim nodded. "Yea, I'll change while you're gone."

As soon as Spock left the room Jim let himself grin senselessly, excited that he had gotten Spock to agree to sleep in the same bed with him. While it wasn't something he was used to, nor something he hadn't been looking for before the relationship with Spock, but his heart was pounding and he was thrilled that he had gotten up the courage to actually ask.

There was a knock at the bathroom door, and Jim straightened after pulling up his sleep pants, calling out softly. "Come in."

Spock stood in the doorway, wearing a black pair of soft pants and a long-sleeved shirt that nearly covered his hands. His eyes passed over Jim's body before a faint shimmer of what Jim recognized as affection and appreciation in his eyes. Jim smiled at the Vulcan. "You didn't have to knock."

"I found it necessary." Spock replied, stepping to his side before sitting on the bed, reaching up to Jim with a slim hand. "Come, Jim, we should retire for the night."

Jim suddenly felt irrationally skittish, hesitating before going forward and settling on the bed beside Spock, sliding his fingers across Spock's in a loving gesture. The Vulcan tilted his head as their skin came into contact, eyebrows twitching together.

"You are… unsure?" Spock asked with a hint of confusion in his deep voice.

"No." Jim replied, a little too fast. He calmed himself, shaking his head. "I've just never slept in the same bed with a guy before. I don't really even sleep with anyone; it's just… not my thing. I've shared a bed with a couple of women before, but never a man."

Spock's expression softened faintly, and then he allowed a slightly smile on his features. "I see. Lay with me, Jim."

They settled down on the bed, Spock lying on his back against the pillows and waiting quietly while Jim tried to find his place. He shifted awkwardly for several minutes, and then seemed to find his place lying on his right side, arm flung across Spock's chest and his head resting against the Vulcan's shoulder. Spock curled an arm around Jim's slender waist, pressing his cheek briefly to the golden hair before going still.

Quiet descended, and then Jim let out a content sigh, allowing his eyes to close before shifting a leg to drape over Spock's. The Vulcan raised a hand, lacing their fingers together and gently rubbing his fingertips across Jim's knuckles. "Are you comfortable, Jim?"

Jim nodded. "Yea, actually, it just took some situating. Don't know why I've never done this before…"

"I find myself illogically pleased that you have not."

Sleepy words were his response. "guess… was waiting for you…"

Spock couldn't help the smile, turning his head to press a gentle human kiss to Jim's forehead before closing his eyes and allowing his own mind to slip into rest.

* * *

43

Signature

_a person's name, or a mark representing it, as signed personally or by deputy, as in subscribing a letter or other document, the act of signing a document._

For all of the mess that made up James T. Kirk, his handwriting was surprisingly tidy.

Spock discovered this fact nearly two months after they had bonded, though it wasn't on purpose. Jim was, of course, a very affectionate creature and as such liked to be close to Spock as often as he could. The day that he found out about Jim's handwriting was when they were both sitting on their shared bed, Spock's back settled in the corner and Jim's back against his chest, both of them working on paperwork.

Jim had one knee drawn towards his chest, PADD resting against it as he read through the reports and scribbled his signature on each one. Spock was simply reading at this time, a novel that Nyota had given him knowing that he would find it interesting.

While the Vulcan wasn't paying much attention to what his mate was doing, he eventually looked over to see how far Jim had gotten on the reports, and tilted his head in interest as he saw Jim's signature.

Oddly enough it wasn't a mess; it was in fact quite readable, a straight-forward and strangely elegant thing. It was done quickly, but still neatly, and Spock found this fascinating. As he looked over his mate's shoulder Jim turned slightly, distracted from his reading by the feel of Spock's chin resting on his shoulder.

"Spock?"

The Vulcan glanced at him, and allowed a faint smile to show. "Forgive me for interrupting you, t'hy'la. I was merely observing your signature."

Jim grinned. "Strange isn't it?" At Spock's slightly questioning look he chuckled lightly. "I've had people mention to me before how they expect my handwriting to be barely readable. A lot of them found it weird that I actually have nice handwriting."

"I believe that I agree with them." Spock murmured. "It was an unexpected discovery."

The blond smiled and dropped a kiss on Spock's cheek before returning to his paperwork, scribbling his name on another before moving on. "We're learning new things about each other all the time." he mumbled after a moment, not really paying attention.

"Indeed."

* * *

44

Rising

_advancing, ascending, or mounting_

Spock had discovered a new favorite activity not long after bonding with Jim Kirk, one that had been unexpected and yet fulfilling all at the same time. He didn't have many favorite things to do, reading, chess with Jim, and periodic affectionate talks with Nyota being some of the few. However, this new one was more satisfying than many that he had discovered.

Watching Jim sleep, as well as watching him wake up each morning.

The thought of waking up beside the beautiful man who had become his mate sent chills down his spine and warmth through his stomach, and he was illogically thrilled that he would be able to do so for the rest of their lives. Just to be able to see Jim rising from the depths of sleep was a brilliant thing, and he loved it.

Spock almost always woke before Jim, although a few times his mate had been able to catch him unawares. He usually found himself wrapped around Jim's muscular frame, their legs intertwined just as their fingers were, Jim's cheek resting against his collarbone. This seemed to be their favorite position, although the two of them were comfortable many ways.

The Vulcan had perfected the ability to shift backwards without waking his mate so he could see the lovely face while Jim still slept. He looked younger in sleep, the stress smoothing from his features and leaving him so bright and beautiful that Spock sometimes felt that he should look away from the sight, that he was unworthy of it.

Jim would wake slowly, blue eyes fluttering open slowly before shutting again while Jim snuggled closer, as though trying to bury himself against Spock. At first Spock had thought that Jim went back to sleep in these moments, but Jim later told him that he was merely waking up all the way, and that was better done in darkness.

Then Jim would lean back, resting his head against Spock's outstretched arm and yawning widely, moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes that he raised a tired hand to wipe away. Dazed, still sleepy blue eyes would travel briefly around the room before setting on Spock, and then a smile came to Jim's features, as it did every day.

"Good morning, love." Jim said, without fail, every morning.

And Spock responded with the same words. "Good morning, my t'hy'la."

Jim's smile would light up the room, and Spock knew that with that gesture, that rising of the sun within the _Enterprise's _hull, the morning could truly begin.


	27. Family, Adoption, Unpredictable

Yay more Sovik! These first two are also in what I've decided to call the Sovik universe, so that means they're with Life, Provision, Disfavor, and the others (I can't remember them all...) I think you guys know the warnings for these by now!

* * *

45

Family

_a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether_ _dwelling together or not_

James T. Kirk had never really had an idea of what a family was.

He had one, he supposed. At least, he had a mother, a brother, and step-father, no matter how much he hated the man.

Except for his mom was never around. She left planet as often as she could; Jim never really saw her.

He _**had**_ a brother, but that stopped when Sam left him to Frank's mercies when Jim was only 9.

And Frank… Jim didn't even want to dignify the man with a title; he had done nothing but drink and beat the hell out of Jim whenever he got the chance. His childhood had been filled with the noxious smell of cheap beer and the pain of bruises and cracked bones.

So he was quite surprised during his Academy years to find out that one Leonard H. McCoy had become what he learned was his family.

He had discovered this fact when he'd been in an accident on campus, something that had been caused by an idiot cadet mixing the wrong chemicals and causing an explosion in his classroom. Jim had awoken in the hospital to see McCoy standing at his bedside, arms crossed over his chest stubbornly even as a nurse argued with him that he really wasn't supposed to be there. The brunet man had rolled his eyes and turned to Jim, who was looking dazedly at him with an expression of confusion.

"Well Jim wants me here, doesn't he? It's visiting hours and I'm the only family he's really got anyway."

Jim had only been able to nod, surprise and awe in his gaze as he watched McCoy plunk himself down in the white hospital chair next to the bed.

Awed by the realization that he had someone who cared enough about him to be considered family, Jim had felt warm and accepted for the nearly the first time in his life. McCoy was the only family he had for some time, but that began to change once the _Enterprise_ became his and they started their 5 year mission among the stars.

Not only did the crew become like his family, he was surprised as once again someone began to worm their way into his shielded heart and then into what he was starting to call his family. The day that he bonded with Spock was by far the best day of his life, and that was the day that he got another member of his family.

Spock truly loved him, and while this surprised Jim, he learned to accept it as the Vulcan coaxed him into believing that it was true. Jim wasn't used to that sort of love, and that unconditional acceptance of who he was, faults and all. McCoy was his brother in many senses of the word, and now Spock was his other half.

The thought that he truly had a family it was hard to imagine how he went through childhood without that, and he resolved to himself that he would never allow his own children to go through that pain.

Looking down into the shining eyes of his 6 year old Vulcan son and his 2 year old daughter, he knew that this would be the easiest promise to keep that he had ever made.

* * *

46

Adoption

_the act of adopting_

"What's wrong, Sovik?"

The tiny Vulcan looked up sharply from where he was focused on the PADD in his lap, blinking in surprise as Jim looked down at him. "Nothing is wrong, Jim. I was merely… thinking."

Jim smiled, lowering himself onto the couch in their rooms beside his adopted son, moving carefully around his pregnant stomach. Although he still had quite some time, being only 22 weeks along, the baby had been gleefully making up for lost time growing, and had quickly offset Jim's balance in the process. He was still getting used to having his center of gravity shifted.

"Come on, kid, I know better than that after all those years of reading Spock. When you're used to him, it's easy as hell to read everyone else." Jim said with a smile, reaching out to gently brush a hand over Sovik's little shoulder, a touch that the tiny Vulcan had grown to accept in the month since his adoption.

Sovik hesitated, still silent, though a moment later Spock joined the conversation from where the half-Vulcan had been going through his paperwork at the desk. He looked up, dark eyes traveling from his mate to his young son.

"Speak your mind, Sovik, neither Jim nor I have any problems with hearing your thoughts." Spock's voice was calm and yet warm.

The tiny Vulcan paused another moment, and then spoke quietly, his voice hesitant. "I… I am still trying to discover the reason behind my adoption. I can find no logical reason for the two of you to take me."

Jim sighed. "You're still wondering about that? Why? I told you when we adopted you, Sovik, we would want you no matter what."

"I am disabled." Sovik replied, raising his eyes to look at Jim. "It was difficult for my parents to handle my problems, and neither you nor Spock were prepared for a child with my disability." He frowned minutely. "I do not understand, there is no logic."

"There wasn't really any logic behind it." Jim said patiently. "I didn't think about that when I was talking to you. All I knew was that I liked you, and I knew that you were meant to be in our family."

Sovik's frown deepened. "You knew?"

Jim nodded firmly. "I just knew. It was just a feeling, but I knew that I couldn't leave you there, cause you were meant to be with us." Sovik stared at him, confusion and a sort of wonder in his eyes, tilting his head slightly.

The action caused Jim to laugh and he leaned over, gently running his hand over Sovik's shiny black hair before dropping a kiss on the child's head. He brushed his fingers across the boy's psi points in an action Spock had taught him, conveying pride and love that he knew the child would feel. Warmth rushed through the faint parental bond he was developing with Sovik, and Jim smiled as he saw the boy's eyes flutter shut as he savored the feeling.

"You are loved, Sovik." Jim said firmly, as he settled back against the couch. "As I said before, it doesn't matter that you have more trouble than most with emotions, we both love you just the way that you are."

Spock nodded, rising to his feet and moving to sit at Sovik's other side. "We chose you regardless of those setbacks, Sovik. Your control will improve with time and patience; there is nothing wrong with you."

Sovik turned to look at him, and then nodded, a smile passing across his lips. "Thank you… _sa-mekh_."

Surprise burst in the bond that Jim had with the half-Vulcan, and Jim recognized the Vulcan word for 'father' with warmth in his heart. This was a first step towards something so much better in their rag-tag family.

Their daughter shifted inside him, kicking against his side hard enough to make him grunt, raising a hand to rub at the spot in an attempt to calm her. Sovik turned, concern flashing across his features before he could hide it, but Jim waved a hand slightly. "It's alright, Sovik, I'm fine. She's just really strong, like you and Spock."

Sovik paused for a moment, and then he raised a little hand, green across his cheeks. "May I feel, Father?"

The title made Jim feel irrationally warm and he nodded, gently taking Sovik's arm by the wrist and guiding him to where the baby was tapping against him. Sovik stared with wonder in his gaze, and then a smile worked its way onto his features, his cheeks still tinged green.

Spock allowed a faint smile to flicker across his lips, and he pressed affection through both bonds before rising to his feet. "I believe that you and I should pay a visit to the bridge, t'hy'la. Do you wish to come, _t'nash-veh sa-fu_?"

The smile on Sovik's face only grew as Spock referred to him as his son, and he nodded, jumping up off the couch as Spock pulled Jim to his feet. The three of them left their quarters, and a tug on his maternity tunic made Jim look down in confusion.

Sovik was walking quietly beside him, little hand tangled in the hem of the golden fabric as he looked down the hall in front of them.

Jim only smiled, raising his blue eyes to briefly meet Spock's with warmth in their shared gaze before looking towards the turbolift.

* * *

This was the word that was picked by Inumaru12, who was my 200th reviewer! I hope that you like it!

* * *

47

Unpredictable

_difficult to foretell or foresee_

From the moment that Spock met James T. Kirk, he thought that the blond human was rather easy to predict.

Jim did the most illogical things, and sometimes completely out of the blue, but more often than not Spock found that he could predict what actions his Captain might take depending on the situation that they were presented with.

For example; if one of his crewmen were in danger and he could help, Jim would do so, regardless of any danger to himself. It didn't matter to him that it was only an Ensign or even some person that he didn't know, he would risk his life for that person if he could save them.

Sometimes he would do it even if he couldn't save them.

Spock found this practice exceedingly illogical and what he could only call idiotic. Because of these actions, the Vulcan found that he had to put himself in more dangerous situations as a result in order to protect his Captain. It was his duty as First Officer to make sure that Jim was safe, and this was difficult at best. Even so, he still found it easy enough to decide and predict what he needed to do.

This ease of predictability made it easy for Spock to follow Jim even when everyone else found him erratic and crazy in his actions. Spock didn't understand sometimes why others found him hard to read; Jim was easy to read, as long as you knew what he had done before in situations similar to these ones.

So when the two of them were trapped on a dying world, waiting anxiously for a beam out that Spock was 87.3% positive wasn't coming, he knew what Jim would do.

Jim would laugh, hiding his sorrow in his eyes as he turned to Spock, a smile on his face and acceptance in his features.

"Well, it was fun." he would say, a sad sort of peace in his tone as he watched Spock nod in response.

This was what Spock was sure he would do.

And so when Jim wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's neck and pressed their lips together, Spock was completely and totally shocked.

Jim leaned back with a sad smile on his face, tilting his head slightly as he looked into Spock's wide, surprised eyes. "Sorry I never told you." he murmured. "But better late than never, right?"

"Jim…"

At that moment there was a buzzing feeling, and then the two of them materialized on the transporter pad, Jim's arms still wrapped around Spock's shoulders.

Jim leapt away from Spock with a shout of happiness, throwing an arm around Scotty as the Scotsman came whooping towards them. "I knew you could do it, Scotty!"

Spock merely stood behind his Captain, wonder brushing across his senses as he observed the brilliant man in front of him, the smile across his face, and the happiness etched in the lines of his body.

Perhaps Jim was not as predictable as Spock had thought, and that night when they met for their next chess match, Spock showed Jim that he could be just as unpredictable by pulling their bodies close and capturing those smiling lips.


	28. Without

This is a very... sad chapter. I was pretty much crying while I was writing it... I must say that some of the lines in this chapter are from "Dead Like Me", so I don't own that.

Angst, angst, and more angst. Character death. The first half is sorta from Spock's POV, while the second is from Jim's.

Prepare the tissues people.

* * *

48

Without

_with the absence, omission, or avoidance of; not with; with no or none of; lacking_

Spock had never imagined how hard it would be.

He knew, of course. He had known, ever since he and Jim had first bonded. No matter how much he wished, he was Vulcan, and he aged slower than humans did. One day Jim would leave him, and he would be alone in the world.

It was not long after this realization that he came to the conclusion that when Jim died, he had no intention of living after he did. When Jim left his world, he would soon follow any way that he could.

Every year with Jim was a blessing, and Spock sometimes had trouble acknowledging the fact that Jim had chosen him, that they were bonded. It had seemed so improbable, even impossible, when they had first met, but opposites do indeed attract, and it wasn't long before neither one of them could resist the magnetism between them. Each day brought so much happiness that Spock had to struggle to hide, though Jim would look at him and smile with that knowing look, warmth flowing in their bond.

They settled on Earth not long after Jim's 65th birthday, against the blond's wishes, but it was something that Spock knew he needed. Jim loved the stars, and he wanted to remain among them, but they both needed a rest. After finding a quiet home in the mountains of Montana, where Jim had spent some of his childhood, they settled down with some land and a few horses. Jim loved it, though sometimes he stood outside, staring up longingly at the stars.

Years passed slowly and wonderfully for both Jim and Spock. They both felt age creeping up on them, though Spock found that Jim was still as beautiful now as he had been when they had first met. His hair had turned silver, laugh lines were gathered at the corners of his eyes, and his hands were stiff and wrinkled, but Spock found him gorgeous. Spock never wanted it to end, but somewhere in his heart he knew it was coming.

Not long after Jim turned 85 he grew ill.

Jim had waved it off at first; it was just a bout of the flu, nothing he couldn't handle so Spock didn't need to worry. The Vulcan didn't like that, but he went with Jim's wishes for a time, watching as he took some standard medication and rested more.

Three days after the symptoms first arrived, Spock found Jim unconscious in their bedroom, skin clammy and his forehead burning with fever. Spock immediately called McCoy, and the old doctor appeared within 12 hours, moving quickly even in his older age to help his friends.

McCoy gave Jim a few medications, but he moved shakily away from the bed running a hand over his white hair. Spock watched with concern shining in his eyes, following the elderly human as he left the bedroom where Jim was resting fitfully.

"There's… not much I can do." McCoy murmured as they left the room.

Spock felt terror bloom in his heart. "Leonard…"

"I'm sorry, Spock, I truly am." the doctor said softly, putting a shaky hand on the Vulcan's forearm. "He must have been feeling down for a while, this is very advanced pneumonia. He's been healthy all his life, but at this age his lungs are really straining. He's having a lot of trouble breathing, and I can only compensate so much with drugs."

For a long moment Spock couldn't speak. He started after several long moments of quiet, his voice choked. "How…?"

"Not long." McCoy replied sadly. "I can make him comfortable. I'm so sorry, Spock."

Spock shook his head. "No, Leonard. I knew that this day would come, I just did not wish it to be this way." He sighed faintly. "I shall go sit with him and see if I can make it easier."

McCoy nodded jerkily. "Alright. I've… already said my goodbyes."

Jim's breathing sounded much easier when Spock entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him. The Vulcan crossed to the bed and settled on the mattress, Jim's eyelids fluttering open as his weight shifted the bed.

"Hey…" Jim whispered, his voice croaking. He reached up a shaking, sweaty hand which Spock readily grasped, drawing them closer. Jim shifted to lie across the Vulcan's chest, resting his head against his collarbone. "What a way to go, huh?"

Spock brushed his hand over the silver hair. "Do not speak of it, Jim. Forgive me; I was unable to protect you from this." Jim chuckled softly, but it turned into a wracking cough that left Jim gasping for breath and trembling fiercely.

"You'll keep going, right?" Jim asked after several moments of affectionate quiet. "You'll keep living?"

"Jim…" Spock murmured. "I do not know if I can…"

Jim shifted to look up. "Promise me you'll try, love."

Spock nodded. "Very well, Jim. I shall try, but I cannot make any promises."

Seemingly satisfied with that, Jim settled back against Spock's chest, closing his eyes quietly and focusing on their bond, reveling in the feeling that would soon be gone. "I love you…" he whispered after several more minutes. "I love you so much."

"I love you as well, t'hy'la. You have made life so much more than I thought it would be." Spock replied. "Every day with you was a gift."

More coughs wracked Jim's frail body, and Spock braced himself quietly, brushing his fingertips over Jim's temple. "Go to sleep, my love…" he whispered.

Jim hummed softly, closing his eyes and leaning heavier against Spock's body. His breathing became easier, his heartbeat slowed, and then he was gone.

Spock braced himself as the bond began to fray, and the painful unraveling was nearly enough to send him after his mate, though he held on because of the request that Jim had given him. He felt so empty without his mate's brilliant mind, the world was dimmer somehow.

He finally worked up the strength to leave the room 20 minutes later; leaving Jim's cooling body beneath the sheets.

Time without Jim passed so slowly, and each day Spock had to fight to get up in the morning. The day they laid Jim to rest was the hardest day of his life, more so than the death of his mother and his planet. Every day was a struggle, and it wasn't long before Spock knew that no matter what Jim had said, he still had no desire to live in a world without him.

McCoy found him two months later standing in the living room of the house he had shared with Jim, staring quietly out into the dark night. The doctor had stayed with him to make sure that he was alright, and as he walked into the room, he knew that something was wrong.

"Spock…"

The Vulcan turned, smiling slightly over his shoulder at his old friend. "Leonard."

Quiet fell, and then the man spoke quietly. "Are you sure you don't want to think about this a little more, Spock?"

"Why would I need to think this over, Leonard?" Spock asked softly, staring at the old doctor in front of him. "55 years with Jim, my beautiful Jim, and 2 months without…" he shook his head slightly, a sort of bitter smile on his features that only McCoy could pick up. "I am not getting into that bed tonight without him."

"Spock…" McCoy whispered.

"I have done it for too long." Spock replied. "I am not waking up tomorrow morning without him." Wetness gathered in the Vulcan's eyes, and McCoy had to pretend not to see it even as Spock held it back. "I won't." he whispered. "I can't. Not anymore."

McCoy was quiet, and then he spoke. "Is there… anything I can do for you?"

Spock shook his head with a fond smile. "No, thank you Leonard. You have done so much for me already." He reached forward to settle a gentle hand on the smaller man's shoulder in thanks.

"Yea." McCoy huffed. "Stubborn hobgoblin."

With that he returned to his bedroom in the house, leaving Spock to his thoughts.

The elderly doctor found him the next morning, lying peacefully on the couch.

He had gone.

* * *

This was the one thing that James T. Kirk had never thought he would have to go through. Spock was a Vulcan; he had a much longer life-span and would therefore outlive his human mate with ease.

And so sitting here now, staring at the pale, exquisite body laying before him, he almost couldn't believe it.

It was something that none of them had expected to happen, but a simple accident in Engineering that left Spock with a fatal wound that he couldn't heal. He had smiled softly at his mate as Jim stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. "We have spent many years together, my Jim. Do not despair."

Jim could only smile through the tears staining his cheeks. "Spock… 37 years is not long enough…"

"Every day was a gift." Spock said firmly, brushing his fingers over Jim's temple and cheek. "Please, t'hy'la. Do not worry."

Now the blond sat quietly, his stiff, 65 year old hands folded together in front of him. The tears had faded not long after Spock had passed away in his arms, and the sadness had seemed to seep out of him along with him. He felt a strange sort of calm and peace in his mind, as well as a sort of acceptance.

He knew, somewhere inside that he would be following Spock before long.

There had been more pain than he had ever felt when the bond had broken, but there was a pull from it, something that he couldn't ignore and he didn't want to.

Pushing himself to his feet, he walked through the halls of his ship one last time. They were on her final mission, her last run before she would be retired along with her captain and her first officer. They had encountered a Klingon vessel and Spock had gone to Engineering to help, getting caught in an explosion that had killed him. Even so, Jim felt no more remorse.

The _Enterprise_ hummed contentedly around him, soothing and loving in her ministrations as she tried to sooth her long-time captain. He passed a hand over her smooth, cool walls, a smile on his lips as he walked her decks. Peace suffused his soul as he walked, and it took him to Sickbay for the last time.

Leonard McCoy was sitting at his desk for the last time, reading quietly where he sat. He looked up as Jim entered the room, and he allowed a smile to come onto his lips, a gentle, sad thing. "Hello Jim. How are you doing?"

The blond smiled. "I'm alright, Bones. I was just taking a little walk to clear my head, and I ended up here."

McCoy's smile softened slightly as he pushed himself to his feet, walking forward to place a friendly and brotherly hand on Jim's shoulder. "Now don't you lie to me Jim. Losing a partner is hard, but from what I've heard losing a bondmate is even worse. I'm here for you if you need to talk; I don't want you to hold it all inside like you usually do."

Jim couldn't help the smile at the words. "Thank you Bones, it means a lot. But really, I'm doing alright. I think I've… known for a long time that one of us might die early on, and so it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The bond…" he frowned. "That hurts. But it's nothing I can't handle."

"Well if you're not willing to talk, then how about sharing a drink with me?" McCoy asked with a smile, waving towards his office.

A smile was returned. "That I could do, Doctor."

They sat in companionable silence, sipping at their brandy before McCoy raised his glass. "To Spock. He might have been a green-blooded hobgoblin, but he was a good man."

Jim smiled fondly. "And you would have never let him hear you say that."

"Course not." McCoy snorted as they tapped their glasses together, sipping in remembrance of their friend and so much more.

The night passed, and Jim finally pushed himself to his feet after nearly two hours of quiet memories and soft discussion. "Well Bones, I think I'm going to go get some sleep. Thanks. For everything."

McCoy blinked in surprise as he was pulled into a strong hug by his old friend, and then Jim turned and left the room. He nodded slightly as Jim left, lifting a hand absently in a wave. "Goodnight Jim."

He couldn't help feeling, however, that Jim was saying goodbye.

* * *

The next morning Jim didn't show up to meet McCoy and the rest of the senior staff for breakfast. Slightly worried about his friend, he excused himself from the mess hall and went to Jim's room to get him, thinking that he had simply slept in, still grieving silently for the loss of his mate.

There was no response to the buzz at the door, and, worry exploding in his mind, McCoy used his medical override to open the door. He instantly spotted Jim on the large double bed, curled on his side facing away from the door. Moving forward, McCoy sat on the side of the bed and quietly observed the scene before him, already sure of what had happened.

Jim was lying on his left side, settled on Spock's side of the bed wrapped around the Vulcan's pillow. There was a soft smile on his face, and he was completely relaxed and peaceful where he lay.

Reaching out, McCoy laid a gentle hand against Jim's neck to confirm what he already knew. There was no pulse beneath his fingertips, and McCoy felt a wave of sadness, and at the same time relief for his friend and brother. Jim was at peace with the man he loved, and he was no longer in pain.

He heard the sound of the door sliding open behind him, and he turned to see Scotty, Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu standing just inside.

Uhura spoke first, her face sad. "He's gone, isn't he?"

McCoy nodded. "Yea. It seems he just… slipped away in the middle of the night."

"He was a good man." Scotty murmured, putting an arm around Uhura as she wilted slightly with sadness.

"Everything iz alright now." Chekov said firmly, nodding despite the tears that were gathered in his eyes.

Sulu nodded in turn. "He's with Mr. Spock now."

"Yea…" McCoy whispered. "They're at peace."


	29. Anger

It seems that I hit 250 reviews when I wasn't looking! That honor went to DapperDestruction, who now gets to pick a word or situation for me and that should be posted in the next chapter. -throws confetti-

In the meantime, this chapter is... quite entertaining. I at first wasn't sure what to do with this word, but I came up with this almost by accident, and I think that I quite like it. I hope that you do as well! It's a bit short, but I'll post the next chapter a little sooner because of it.

Violence, established relationship, and some OC action.

* * *

49

Anger

_a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath_

Breathing deep of the cool air, Jim Kirk allowed the smile on his face to grow as he looked around at the planet they had just finished studying. He wanted to stay a little longer, as it was a beautiful place, but they had a diplomatic mission to attend to near the Neutral Zone briefly established with a planet known as Semarl, and the _Enterprise_ was needed tomorrow. It would take them all night at nearly Warp 7 to get there in time.

"Captain, it is time to return to the ship."

Jim turned to look over his shoulder, grinning lopsidedly at the slender figure that walked up behind him. "Spock, really now, you know better than to call me captain." He grinned. "Especially now."

Spock's eyes shimmered faintly with their long-familiar smile, and the Vulcan came to a stop at the blond's side. "Of course, Jim. However, you did say that you only wished for me to call you by your name when we were off duty."

A scoff was his answer, though Jim raised his hand, two fingers extended in a Vulcan kiss that Spock swiftly reciprocated. "Yea, I suppose, but I still like it better when you use my name."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I believe that you expressed your preference for me to call you t'hy'la."

Jim shivered faintly, a dusting of a blush skimming his cheekbones before a shy smile passed over his lips. "Well, there is that…" Smiling, the blond leaned forward to give Spock a human kiss, a gentle pass over his lips before he leaned away and looking back towards the twin suns in the distance. "I guess we should return now, huh?"

A shiver of a different passed through his body as Spock stepped up behind him, pressing his chest against Jim's back and winding his arms around the slender waist. The Vulcan's chin settled on Jim's shoulder, and Spock spoke quietly into his ear. "We will be free to return to our quarters for… rest."

"Right." Jim chuckled. "Rest." With that he took a step away from Spock, lifting his communicator from his belt and flipping it open. "Kirk to _Enterprise_, two to beam up."

Scotty's voice came through a moment later. _"Aye, Cap'n, you'll be the last two tah come up. Energizing."_

The familiar tingle of the transporter deposited them on the pad, and Jim opened his eyes to see Scotty lifting the headset from his ear and putting it onto the ledge before coming forward. "Orders Cap'n?"

Jim grinned. "Nothing too hard; take us up to Warp 7 towards the Semarlian planet. I trust Chekov already has the course plotted?" At Scotty's nod he continued. "Alright then, take us out Scotty. Mr. Spock and I are retiring to our quarters for rest before this… lovely mission." He made a face, and Scotty couldn't suppress a grin in response.

"Aye, sir."

With that the two of them left the transporter room, walking quietly together to their quarters. The door closed behind them and Jim turned to grin at his mate, lifting his arms to wrap them around the Vulcan's neck. Spock placed an arm around Jim's waist in return, leaning down to kiss him as Jim offered his lips expectantly.

A yawn cut the blond off as he tried to speak again, and Spock couldn't help a fond smile crossing his lips. "I believe that we should retire, Jim. We have a trying mission tomorrow."

Jim nodded reluctantly. "I've never liked dealing with the Semarl, they're not the greatest species." He sighed, laying his head against Spock's shoulder for a moment before turning. "Come on, let's get a shower first."

The tease in Jim's tone was easy to pick up, as well as the peppering of lust along their link. Spock followed his mate with a faint smile on his face, shedding his clothing as Jim did, turning the water shower on at Jim's request. The water felt wonderful on their tired muscles, and Spock purred lightly as Jim's hands smoothed over his skin, massaging and washing at the same time.

Gentle kisses rained on the Vulcan's shoulders, and he turned to return the favor, lovingly washing Jim's tired body as the blond leaned against him, placing his cheek against the taller shoulder and closing his eyes. "Come, t'hy'la…" Spock murmured. "You require sleep. There are always other times."

Jim didn't protest, allowing Spock to maneuver him out of the shower and towel him off before finding them both black briefs to sleep in. Quietly the blond pulled them on and then fell into their bed, sighing happily and curling into the blankets. By the time Spock had returned from finishing his nighttime routine, he was fast asleep.

Fond smile on his lips, Spock settled in the bed beside his mate, laying an arm over his waist and drawing him close. Jim cooed softly in his sleep and rolled closer, pressing their bodies together and sighing in content. Spock gently kissed his forehead and then allowed himself to drift off.

* * *

The red alert sirens were piercing in Spock's ears, but he couldn't think past the panic that flowed through his mind. He and Jim had been woken by Scotty calling down from the bridge about an unidentified ship behind them, trailing quietly just within their sensor range. Both Captain and First Officer had immediately gone to the bridge, and not long after that an attack had begun.

The unknown ship had turned out to be an Orion Interceptor, one that was obviously pursuing them for a reason. It had refused to break off the chase, darting around the _Enterprise's _attempts to deter them with phaser blasts. Only 5 minutes after the Interceptor began to attack a Marauder appeared, making the stress on the _Enterprise_ get worse.

The _Enterprise_ had tried to escape from the Marauder's attack. The ship wasn't as big as the _Enterprise_, but it was painfully obvious that the Orions had been told about her blind spots and weaknesses; they had accurately shot and disabled the Warp drive, and had severely damaged communications, weapons, and other prime systems.

To everyone's dismay, they didn't have to escape; the Orions left on their own, which showed that they had either come for something and gotten it, or they had been called off by someone who had employed them. Only five minutes later they realized what was wrong.

Captain Kirk was gone.

Spock had instantly thrown open the link, but he had found nothing but silence and darkness, through he could sense that Jim was still alive, it was likely that he had been knocked unconscious or drugged. They had kept the link closed during the crisis, as they always did, and Spock had never noticed any distress.

Deeper searching had revealed security footage of Orion slave-traders boarding the ship in the middle of the crisis when their shields had fluctuated. Jim had been down in Engineering trying to help Scotty restore Warp and weapons when he had been dragged away from behind, knocked unconscious, and transported back to what they now knew was the Orion Interceptor, a ship that was commonly used to kidnap slaves.

Jim had been taken right out from under them.

Later that evening Spock could only sit in the quarters that he shared with Jim, sleep far from his mind as he tried to find some sort of peace so he could meditate. No matter how he tried, there was no way that he was going to be able to ease his mind tonight, and perhaps not for some time.

His rock had been torn right from under him, and he was so angry with himself for losing his mate that he couldn't even begin to meditate.


	30. Revolt, Recovery

You guys are so spoiled... Even when I can't seem to get any writing time, I still manage to crank out some stuff for you awesome people. These two (yes two, they are pretty good sized!) are both the next parts to "Anger" and while I'm wondering if you guys will be satisfied with them, I'm hoping to please you!

As for DapperDestruction's word, she's picked something quite... thought-provoking. It might take me a while to write hers, although I am working on it! It might turn out to be something that I hadn't even expected, but I'll continued to let you know on that one!

As always, reviews are what keep me going, especially in this tired muse time.

Oh, and random plug. -happyflail-

I've just watched an amazingly ADORABLE MOVIE. If you like Chris Pine (and if you don't, what the HELL is wrong with you?) and you haven't seen "Blind Dating," then go see it.

NAO.

It's absolutely adorable and funny, and it makes me want to hug Chris Pine all over again for entirely different reasons. It also shows that he's a brilliant actor, as if Star Trek didn't prove that enough.

(Ok, I'm done)

* * *

50

Revolt

_to break away from or rise against constituted authority, as by open rebellion; cast off_ _allegiance or subjection to those in authority; rebel; mutiny_

"James. James, wake up!"

James T. Kirk opened his eyes, automatically flinching as he saw a figure leaning over him, raising his hands and putting them over his head in defense.

"It's alright, James, it's only me." The voice was familiar, and Jim slowly lowered his hands, blinking dulled blue eyes as he looked up into strange, shimmering green eyes. He smiled shakily in acknowledgement of the person leaning over him, and pushed himself into a sitting position as his companion backed off.

Jim looked around, and then met his only friend's eyes, tilting his head questioningly. The man in front of him smiled, shaking his head. "No, they are not here. However, they will be arriving soon."

A nod was his response; Jim knew as well as this man did that if they were asleep when the slavers got there, waking up wouldn't be pleasant. The slavers would kick him awake, and with their extra strength, they would most likely re-break his ribs, which had only just healed, although improperly.

They still caused him pain.

He turned his gaze to the creature in front of him, watching as he shifted back to his side of the enclosure, preparing himself for their slavers to come. The man, who was named Yastelo, had been kind to him since he had been thrown in this cell what he deemed to be more than three months ago, helping him by giving him advice and trying to bandage his wounds.

He had identified himself as a creature known as a Tempari, from a planet near the edge of the Borderlands. They were similar to humans, although they had some mental prowess that humans didn't. Yastelo had told him that he had some healing abilities, but he wasn't able to use them because of the neurolytic restraint that was employed by the Orion slavers.

Jim lifted a hand absently at that thought, brushing his fingers across the small device just behind his left ear. He had originally tried to remove it, or to fight back, but as soon as the command had been given he had no longer touched it. The seizures it had caused had nearly killed him, and he had learned quickly to leave it alone.

There was a soft sound from the other side of the cell, and Jim looked up to meet Yastelo's swirling green eyes. "James, my friend, are you well?"

Jim nodded in response, smiling slightly. Yastelo stared at him quietly for a moment, and then sighed faintly. "I do wish they had not stolen your words, my friend. I do miss hearing you speak, you had a lovely voice."

A faint rush of color filled Jim's cheeks at those words, and he simply nodded in response. Yastelo had told him that many times when they had first been jailed; Tempari were people of the arts, and Yastelo had insisted that Jim had a voice that many would have loved on his world.

As for his losing his voice, the Orions had quickly taught him that talking back wasn't allowed. He had at first been his normal self, using biting comments and sarcasm at every moment. Soon any time he opened his mouth the restraint was activated and before long he had simply stopped talking.

Orion slavers had been attempting to tame the indomitable spirit that was James T. Kirk ever since they had captured him, trying to make him sellable. It had taken a long time, but it was now at the point where each day Jim was worried they were going to come for him and take him to the auctions to be sold.

By what Yastelo had told him, they would both go for pleasure slaves. Jim was a rare find, with his blond hair and blue eyes he would be wanted by many for his pretty looks. Yastelo himself was even rarer; he was the only Tempari ever taken by the Orion Interceptors.

More than anything, Jim missed Spock. He had attempted to contact his bondmate only once; the resulting pain and spasms in his body from the restraint had left him unconscious for days and barely alive. He hadn't tried again, even though he had felt Spock tapping on the bond, each time had caused him pain and he had withdrawn. He could only hope that his mate would find a way to get to him past all the security that he knew surrounded him.

Sighing, Jim laid his head back on the tattered blankets that were his bed while they waited for the slavers to come for them. It would either be another day of processing and lessons, or the day that they were finally taken to the auctions.

Jim didn't want to know which one it was.

* * *

Spock shifted uncomfortably in his seat inside the Orion vessel; a small frown on his features as he looked at the front view screen that displayed the planet that they suspected had Jim. Verex II was a typical Orion processing planet; while the slavers had pretty much died out, there were still rings that hunted the stars.

Currently Spock and McCoy were aboard a friendly Orion ship that had been sent by Starfleet to assist them, being the only two allowed inside the Borderlands where the slave planet was located. The Enterprise was safely beyond the lawless region of space, past the Neutral Zone that lay on the other side of the Orion Syndicate. The Borderlands, which ran between the Orion Syndicate and the Klingon Empire, was patrolled by ships from both peoples, but in their current Orion Marauder, they were all but invisible.

Although there were Orions in Starfleet, not the entire race was siding with the Federation. Only certain planets saw their side, and it was one of those ships that they were currently in. The six men and women that ran it were very helpful, and they had done all in their power to get Spock and McCoy into the Borderlands.

Only three of them were allowed to beam down to the planet, and both McCoy and Spock had been roughed up quite a bit to disguise them. While humans and Vulcans sometimes came to the Orion planets, it would be suspicious if they were neat and orderly like Starfleet asked of them.

Spock's attention was called away, and he turned his eyes up to meet the blue eyes of one of the Orion females. The woman smiled slightly at him. "It's time to go. We think we've located your mate; there has been word of an exotic slave at this location."

A nod was her response, and the Vulcan pushed himself to his feet and followed her towards the transporter room. A large Orion male stood next to the pad, dressed in trader's clothes and a serious look on his face. "Do not speak while you are here." he murmured quietly. "You will identify him, but let me do the purchasing; it will call less attention to us."

Spock nodded in understanding, following the man on to the pad and waiting for the transporter to take them. The planet was warm as they materialized, but nothing that Spock couldn't handle. He followed closely behind the Orion man, scanning the crowds around them to prepare himself for anything.

The noise around them grew as they approached the auction grounds, and Spock started scanning for his mate. There were cages and enclosures around the outer ring of the arena, but he didn't see Jim anywhere.

Silence descended, and the auction began. There were a wide variety of creatures and peoples, and each one seemed dejected and broken down.

Spock could only hope that Jim had not been dampened.

He suddenly felt a bolt in his stomach as a hooded figure was guided out into the arena, hands bound and ankles lashed together. The figure was skinny, ribs visible and limbs thin and gangly. Pale skin stretched over sharp bones, and while Spock knew that this had to be his mate, he could hardly understand how his beautiful Captain had become what was before him.

The tall, muscular Orion standing beside the hunched figure looked up with a grin, and the auctioneer spoke up. "This is a fine specimen, a human that is quite a pretty thing!"

With those words the Orion pulled the hood off roughly, exposing James Tiberius Kirk to the auction. There were many gasps and sounds of pleasure scattered in the crowd, and it took all of Spock's Vulcan control to restrain himself.

"He's a little skinny right now because he's feisty, but we've managed to subdue him enough to be ready for sale! He's going to be a handful, folks, so watch out for him!"

Spock's hearing faded out, he focused all his attention on his mate, standing hunched beside the Orion man. Suddenly Jim lifted his head, his blue eyes flaring with defiance and revolt. He scanned the crowd with fire in his eyes, jaw firmly set and his shoulders squared. Even with that strength in his stance, Spock could see the lingering fear and worry in the lines of his body, and he pressed at the bond in an attempt to contact him, to let his mate know that he was there.

To his surprise, he saw an answering flicker of pain move across Jim's features, and he narrowed his eyes slightly. Spock stopped instantly as he saw this, and frowned as he saw the lights flicker behind Jim's ear.

_Of course, the neurolytic restraint must be causing him pain when I attempt to reach him through our bond._

He suddenly was brought out of his stupor as the Orion man at his side spoke up, calling out a bid. Spock felt hope rise in his chest; he was that much closer to regaining his mate once more.

The bid went far, but Starfleet had extended every resource to regain their star Captain, and they won the bid without too much trouble. Striding forward, Spock followed his Orion companion into the purchasing building where Jim had been dragged after the bidding was complete.

Spock spotted his mate immediately as they entered the building, the hood once more over his head and forced down onto his knees in a secluded room that was set aside for clients. The two men headed into the room, and as the door closed the Orion man reached into his pack as though to reach for payment.

"Where did you find such a specimen?"

The Orion grinned darkly, his eyes shimmering. Spock almost broke in that instant, restraining himself with every fiber of his control. "Oh, my crew and I picked him up out in space. A rare find, indeed, don't you agree?"

A phaser barrel was leveled between his eyes. "You are charged with the kidnapping and torture of a Starfleet Captain. Release him from the neurolytic restraint."

The Orion frowned, but moved to do as he was told without much protest.

A phaser was good motivation.

The hood was drawn back from Jim's head, and the restraint was removed without too much danger, but Jim was now blind-folded and gagged. Spock could see him trembling faintly, though Spock knew that now it was a sort of relief because Jim had heard everything in the room. As soon as the restraint was removed Spock pressed forward at the bond carefully, and this time felt Jim's answer across the link.

His hands were gentle against Jim's skin, his anger gone in light of the relief he felt at finding his mate. As the blindfold was removed Jim's eyes were full of relief and love. The gag was next, and Jim smiled widely as he was freed, leaning forward into Spock's embrace.

_I knew you'd come for me…_

_Always, t'hy'la._

* * *

51

Recovery

_the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or taken away; restoration or return to health from sickness_

In the time since they had rescued Jim from the Orion slavers, things had been both better and worse. Jim was slowly getting better, recovering from the damage that had been done to him, at least physically. The whip marks along his back had long since been healed; the other marks on his body were gone. He was physically good as new, thanks to Doctor McCoy's expertise and knowledge, although he still wasn't quite up to weight.

The mental scars, however, were completely different.

Jim hadn't been through much mentally, but the one thing that had stuck with him throughout the time that had passed was his voice.

Even now, one month after he had been rescued, Jim still wouldn't, _**couldn't**_, speak.

Spock was the only one who he 'spoke' to in the sense that they communicate through their bond. Jim would respond to him easily in that sense; he had no issues with communicating with Spock. He found other ways to speak to others, but it never involved actual words. Jim was, in a way, on active duty, but the _Enterprise_ had been getting easy missions ever since his kidnapping; nothing really required his being able to speak.

But Starfleet was starting to get tired of it, and it wouldn't be long before they had Spock take command, and have Jim be transferred back to Earth in order to be evaluated and treated. McCoy had fiercely disapproved of this, and he was doing everything he could to help Jim get through his recovery. Even with the help, Jim said often, through Spock, that it wasn't that he wasn't physically able to speak, it was simply that the punishment he had endured had beaten the voice out of him.

Spock felt slightly helpless that he couldn't seem to help his mate, but Jim told him often that he would learn how to use his voice once more. One thing that seemed to help, however, was Yastelo.

The Tempari had been rescued along with Jim from the Orion's clutches; the blond had refused to leave without him and in the end they had been forced to buy him as well. Once the _Enterprise_ had been out of orbit, Yastelo had thanked them all with a smile on his face and gratitude in his brilliant green eyes. Spock had returned the thanks for the help that the gentle Tempari had given to Jim.

Jim spent a lot of time with Yastelo, listening to the brunet talk and tell tales of his planet and his people. The man was very expressive and happy, and Spock was content to sit and listen, simply glad to see some of the light returning to Jim's brilliant eyes.

Nights brought the two of them together, lying quietly in their shared quarters with Jim resting against Spock's chest, his fingers petting across the back of Spock's hand and his wrist. Spock made sure to send love and reassurance through their bond and the touch, wanting to be sure that Jim knew that he was still loved no matter what happened.

_I'm sorry, Spock…_ Jim murmured through their shared consciousness. _I'm being so useless about all this, aren't I?_

"There is no need to feel insufficient, t'hy'la. You have been through a trauma, and it is only logical that it would take you time to heal." Spock replied, turning his hand over to allow Jim's fingers to glide across his palm. "I am more than content to assist you in your healing."

_I still wish I could stop thinking I'm going to spontaneously go into seizures every time I open my mouth._ A shiver moved through Jim's slender frame. _Still freaks me out…._

Spock sighed faintly. "Perhaps if you tried, ashayam?"

Jim hesitated, and then opened his mouth, his throat working for a moment before a faint squeak escaped his lips. He closed his mouth and then tried once more, but no sound escaped his lips. He shook his head and then laid his cheek back against Spock's collarbone. _I'm sorry…_

"Do not be. I am proud of you simply for trying." Spock turned, pressing a gentle kiss against Jim's cool skin. "It will come in time. You must allow it that time."

_I know… _Jim breathed quietly, closing his eyes and heaving a sigh.

* * *

Spock had heard many things in his life, things that he would call "beautiful" in the sense of the word. He found, on some level, that the sound of the _Enterprise's _engines was beautiful. Since he was from a desert planet, the sound of flowing water, or a waterfall, was something he found awe-inspiring and pretty in its own way.

But by far, the most beautiful thing that he had ever heard was Jim whispering his name for the first time since his capture.

"Spock…"

Jim's smile was wide and beautiful, and he was swept up into Spock's arms as the half-Vulcan felt an explosion of relief, love, pride, and a myriad of other emotions that he couldn't name or process. His embrace was tight, and Jim returned it with just as much vigor, a breathy, hoarse laugh echoing in his ear.

"I did it!" Jim said, his voice a whisper from the long months of disuse. He pressed a sloppy kiss to Spock's cheek, releasing that breathy laugh again.

Spock turned to press their lips together, love and pride flowing through their bond as he set Jim back on his feet. "I am so very proud of you, ashayam. You have made an amazing amount of progress in only 2 months."

"I love you." Jim croaked out.

To his surprise and delight, Spock smiled, his chocolate eyes shimmering. "I love you as well, t'hy'la."

Correction.

Jim saying his name wasn't the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

It was Jim saying "I love you" that was so beautiful it stole his very breath away.


	31. Deficiency, Guidance

I forgot to update yesterday...

:(

I'm sorry guys! I've been a bit scatter-brained these last few days, I haven't even been writing! I've been getting dental work done the last week or so, and so I've been really out of touch with the world, so I totally forgot about this stuff! I feel so bad!

Warnings: Established relationship in both, and the second one is another in the Sovik universe, though it's post-MPREG. Yes, something with Amanda in it! -throws confetti- Hope you guys like them!

* * *

52

Deficiency

_the state of being deficient; lack; incompleteness; insufficiency_

James T. Kirk was exhausted.

He had spent the last several days in constant battle readiness as they passed through the hostile zones towards their next observation mission on a far planet. The Klingons and Romulans had been more violent than usual these past days, waking Jim from sleep, leading to battles that lasted all through the nights aboard the ship. While the _Enterprise _had taken little damage in the encounters, her crew was faring worse.

Most of the main bridge crew was tired, but while most of the crew was allowed periods of respite whenever possible and could be replaced by other officers that were just as capable, Jim could not be substituted; Spock could command when needed, but in the middle of a confrontation, the _Enterprise_ needed both her Captain and Science Officer.

Sitting in the Captain's chair, Jim focused on the main screen with intensity, trying to keep awake. It felt as though there were weights attached to his eyelids, dragging them down no matter how much he tried to keep them open. The activities of the bridge around him had faded slightly, a dull buzz in his ears that he barely acknowledged.

Yawning widely, Jim rested his chin against his hand, leaning onto his right arm as he slid a little further down in the Captain's chair. It was insanely comfortable now, something that Jim had never really noticed before.

Strange…

* * *

Spock felt the lull of Jim's thoughts sooth and quiet through their bond, and he shook his head slightly with a faint, barely audible sigh. He had been quietly observing Jim's battle to remain conscious for the last 13.4 minutes, and he had known that it wouldn't be long before his bondmate slipped off to sleep. Jim was exhausted after the many days of fighting and strategizing, and he deserved the sleep.

Turning, Spock moved to stand beside the Captain's chair, looking down at his mate with fondness blooming in his heart. Jim was leaning heavily on his right hand; eyes closed and breathing soft, body slumped in the chair.

Sulu looked over his shoulder, turning his chair slightly. "If you would like, Commander, I believe that we can handle the bridge for now. There doesn't appear to be any threat nearby."

Chekov joined in, a smile on his boyish features. "'Zere are no wessels on ze long range sensors, and ve shall inform you immediately if any appear."

"Thank you." Spock said with a nod in their direction. "The Captain will no doubt appreciate the opportunity to achieve true rest." With that the Vulcan reached down and placed his hand on Jim's shoulder, shaking him gently even as he called him softly through the bond.

_Jim. Jim, my t'hy'la, wake up._

Jim started upright, blue eyes bloodshot as he stared at the main screen. He blinked in surprise, and then turned his gaze up to Spock. "Oh." he said softly. "I fell asleep." He winced faintly.

Spock sent him a wave of amused affection, and then squeezed his shoulder gently. "Come, Captain. It would be wise if we took this time to rest in our quarters."

A smile spread across Jim's face and he nodded, glancing to the helm before smiling and nodding at his two friends sitting there. "Thanks guys." They nodded in return, and Jim rose to his feet, following Spock from the bridge and into the turbolift.

"You are well, are you not, Jim?" Spock asked softly.

Jim nodded. "Of course. Just really, really tired. I guess that it was starting to affect my command, wasn't it?"

Spock lifted a hand, running his fingers soothingly through Jim's blond hair. "You were not performing with any sort of deficiency, my t'hy'la, but your crew was beginning to be concerned for your wellbeing."

A soft mumble was his response as Jim leaned into his touch, allowing his eyes to drift closed. "I'm glad I've got such a good crew then…"

Amusement flooded through their bond, and Spock shook Jim gently to awaken him fully as the turbolift came to a stop on their deck. The two of them walked quietly through the hallway, Jim stumbling slightly as they came to their door. Spock wrapped an arm around his mate's waist as the door shut behind them, leading him to their bed and laying him down.

"Mmm…" Jim mumbled as he settled against the mattress, his eyes already closed as Spock removed his boots and golden command tunic followed by his black undershirt. The blond shifted, wriggling out of his pants as well to leave him in only his black underwear.

Curling up in the warmth of the bed, Jim let out a sigh and went almost straight to sleep. Spock smiled fondly, stroking over the soft blond hair before readying himself for sleep and lying down beside his beloved mate. Jim shifted to lie against him, humming softly in his throat as he settled against Spock's chest.

Petting the blond hair gently, Spock passed his fingers over Jim's temple to communicate love through their touch. "Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, t'hy'la…"

Jim's soft breathing was his only response.

* * *

53

Guidance

_the act or function of guiding; leadership; direction; advice or counseling, esp. that provided for students choosing a course of study or preparing for a vocation_

Spock gave a mental sigh as he felt another shift near his person that disturbed the light concentration he had managed to sink into. There was a whisper of sound, a hissed word, and then stillness again, and Spock settled his inner self again, focusing towards meditation.

More fidgeting movements finally made him open his eyes, turning his gaze to the two small bodies sitting beside him. Sovik, his 7 year old Vulcan son, was sitting in the same position as he was, eyes closed in concentration and hands resting lightly on his knees. Even though he seemed to be focusing on his meditation, Spock knew that he wasn't as invested as he appeared.

The true distraction for them both was Amanda, who was bouncing slightly in her place beside her Vulcan brother. Spock felt a surge of affection along with the faint exasperation as he watched his three year old daughter. She was trying, but she had far too much of Jim's energy in her to focus on meditation for long.

Amanda was so unique that Spock briefly considered her not needing to have meditation time like he and Sovik required. She was an odd mix of human and Vulcan; she had a faint point on her ears and a slight upswing to her eyebrows from Spock, but red blood and the blue eyes that she had inherited from Jim. Her telepathy was unusually strong, however, and Spock knew that this meant that she needed to learn how to control that ability.

There was a buzz at the door and Spock knew immediately that whatever progress he had been making with Amanda at this time was gone. This was shown to be true as a wide smile spread across the girl's face and she pushed herself to her feet. "Daddy!"

The door slid open to reveal Jim, who looked tired at first, but as he saw Amanda running towards him a smile spread across his face and he went down on one knee, catching his daughter in his arms. "Hey, princess!"

Amanda giggled happily as Jim swung her up into his arms, pulling a shriek from her as he flipped her upside down. Spock couldn't help the faint smile as he observed his family together, glancing periodically to Sovik, who was watching with a smile on his face. While Sovik had been gaining control of his emotions through Spock's guidance, he was still very emotive around his family.

Jim came to sit beside Spock, thumping down beside his husband and leaning against him with a tired sigh, settling Amanda in his lap. Spock raised a hand with two fingers extended, which Jim returned with a smile. "You are tired, t'hy'la."

A nod was his response. "Just a long and boring shift. And I haven't slept so well the last few nights." He leaned his head against Spock's shoulder, absently stroking his hand through Amanda's dark hair as the young girl leaned against his chest.

Spock shifted slightly so Jim's perch was a little more comfortable. "I have noticed your troubles, Jim. Perhaps you should retire early?"

Jim yawned widely. "I'll sit with you guys for a little while."

Amanda bounced in his lap, a smile on her face. "_Sa-mekh_ is teaching us how to medi…" she faded off with a frown. "Mediti…"

"Meditate, sweetheart." Jim said softly.

Her smile returned. "Yea!" She grew serious. "It's hard, Daddy." Bright blue eyes shifted to Spock, and then Amanda leaned up to whisper in Jim's ear. "I get bored."

Jim chuckled softly, brushing a hand back over her hair. "It's alright; you'll get better at it."

Spock nodded. "As long as you practice, you will improve, Amanda. We still have 14.3 minutes until the end of your lesson; do not let your father distract you, _t'nash-veh ko-fu_."

Amanda nodded, her demeanor becoming serious again as she clambered off Jim's lap and settled back in her spot beside Sovik, who was watching her with a smile in his eyes. Sovik reached out and touched his sister's shoulder gently. "When I was learning, I found that it helped me to think of my favorite place to be. What is your favorite place, _ko-kai_?"

She folded her arms, a thoughtful look on her face before a smile spread across her features. "My favorite place is being with you and Daddy and _sa-mekh_!"

Sovik smiled. "When you attempt to meditate, think of how you feel when you are with us, and use that to calm your mind and body."

"Okay, _sa-kai!_" Amanda chirped, going back into position and closing her eyes.

Spock watched this exchange with pride and affection, and then observed quietly as his children returned to their focus. It was easy enough for him to sink into a light meditation, even with Jim's cool weight resting against his side, though he kept his eyes open to watch Amanda as she focused.

Sovik's advice seemed to help; the concentration began to seep out of Amanda's face and she grew calm and still. Spock mentally praised her before focusing on his own meditation, the room going silent.

Time passed quickly, and Spock opened his eyes to see that both Amanda and Sovik were still quietly meditating, and he gave a slight smile. "Well done, both of you. I believe that it is now time for bed."

Amanda opened her bright eyes and then giggled. "I think Daddy already went to bed!"

Spock looked down, feeling a wave of affection go through him as he saw that Jim had fallen asleep against him, his face relaxed and peaceful. The half-Vulcan turned back to his children. "Sovik, will you assist your sister while I put your father to bed?"

A smile was shared around the small family; this was a regular occurrence.

Amanda moved forward, pressing a light feathery kiss to Spock's cheek before doing the same for Jim. The touch caused Jim's eyes to flutter open and he shifted tiredly against Spock before sitting up. "Sorry…" he yawned, rubbing at his eyes before accepting a hug from his daughter and giving her a noisy kiss on the cheek. "Goodnight princess."

"Night, Daddy!"

Sovik led his sister into the adjoining room, smiling briefly at his parents before the door closed behind him. Spock pulled Jim to his feet and walked him to their bed, affectionately watching as Jim tiredly shucked off his tunic and undershirt, pants, and shoes. He followed and then lay down behind his mate, holding him close as Jim tiredly settled into the mattress.

"Sounds like the kids are doing well…" Jim murmured quietly, letting out a content sigh.

Spock nodded. "They are improving under my guidance. Amanda appears to have achieved a true meditative state today with Sovik's help."

"Good…" Jim mumbled, his voice quieter as he started to drift off. "Proud of them…"

A soft kiss was pressed to Jim's temple. "Sleep, ashayam."

Jim chuckled sleepily. "Got it…"

Silence descended.

* * *

Taluhk nash-veh k'dular - I cherish thee

t'nash-veh ko-fu - my daughter

sa-kai - brother

ko-kai - sister

ashayam - beloved


	32. Junction, Closure, Calm

Woohoo! More! Still not the word that I got from DapperDestruction... I promise that one will be next! It really gave me trouble for a while, but I got it now! Anywho...

The first one is established relationship, at least, a budding relationship, but that's really the only warning for it. The second is also established, and is a bit of my interpretation of Frank and how he would be. As such, warning for OC from him, as well as some general nastiness. The third is also established, but that really it for that one.

Enjoy!

* * *

54

Junction

_an act of joining; combining; the state of being joined; union_

This was a thing that Jim had been trying to get him to do for a long time, although Spock met those attempts with rejections and worry. He wanted to; it wasn't that he didn't want to share in the joy that he had sampled of Jim's mind. The brightness of Jim's thoughts was calling him, wanting him to come into that brilliance and bask there.

While the two of them had been together for nearly 11 months now, they had not yet melded in the romantic sense. There had been melds in the line of duty to convey information, but those were certainly not the same things. Jim had been asking for it, with pleading blue eyes and tempting smiles, but Spock continued to hesitate. It was almost as though he was afraid, worried that the first meld would lead to a bond deeper than he could control.

He loved Jim, this he was certain of, but he didn't want to rush into things too quickly because of Jim's past. His blond Captain was the 'love 'em and leave 'em' type, and, quite frankly, Spock didn't want to be one of Jim's conquests. While Jim had told him multiple times that this was the longest he had ever been in a relationship with anyone, Spock still, somewhere deep inside, wondered if Jim was truly invested in their relationship.

"Spock, please…"

The Vulcan snapped out of his thoughts, momentarily disoriented from being so deep in his mind. He turned his gaze to meet Jim's curious blue eyes and felt the shift of Jim's cool body against his chest. They were currently sitting on the small couch in Jim's quarters, Spock's back in the corner against the arm and Jim resting against his chest.

"Were you listening to me at all, Spock?" Jim asked, a faint smile on his lips and a teasing gleam in his eyes. "I don't think I've ever seen you lost in thought before."

Spock gave a slight smile in response. "What is it that you were asking me, Jim?"

Jim turned against Spock's chest, his shoulder moving beneath the Vulcan's arm and his cheek going to rest on Spock's collarbone. "I was asking you to meld us."

"Jim…"

"Spock…" Jim echoed, turning to meet Spock's gaze. "We've talked about this, I know. But come on! It's been ten months now, I think it's about time for us to actually talk about going further with this!"

Spock sighed softly. "Jim, if we meld then there may be a bond that neither one of us can escape from. Once a bond is formed, it is forever. You and I already have a light link, and I do not wish to create a bond if that is not your desire."

A smile passed over Jim's face. "What makes you think I don't want it? I've told you, this is the longest I've ever been in a relationship with anyone, and at this point, I know what I want." The smile widened, growing fond. "I've never been surer of anything in my life. I want _you_."

Still hesitation lingered in Spock's mind, but as Jim reached down and wrapped his hand around the Vulcan's wrist, he felt a surge of affection, trust, and truth in the faint brush of Jim's thoughts. Jim placed those slender fingers against his face, not in the correct spots, but the intent was clear.

"Please Spock. Just do it and you'll see that I'm telling the truth. I want to be with you, I really do." Jim said, patience in his tone.

Spock shifted his fingers, and then settled them in the proper meld position, resting them there and feeling the ebb and flow of Jim's thoughts. He paused for one more moment, and then allowed himself to sink into the waves of Jim's brilliant mind, to bring them together at last.

It was _home. _

* * *

55

Closure

_the act of closing; the state of being closed; a bringing to an end; conclusion_

Breathing deep, Jim allows his eyes to close as he steps out into the bright sun on Riverside, Iowa. It has been nearly three years since he was last here, and it feels oddly comforting to once again set foot in his hometown, even though he has no real reason or desire to be there. It's a feeling settled deep in his chest, something that he can't quite identify.

He and Spock will be here for the next two days, taking a short vacation while the Enterprise was briefly on-planet for a few upgrades and repairs. At first Jim had been content to stay in San Francisco, but Spock had expressed a desire to see where he had grown up, and so the two of them had rented a hotel room in Riverside.

Spock's warm presence at his side made Jim look round towards him, a smile coming onto his features as Spock raised two fingers for a light Vulcan kiss. He returned it fondly before moving his gaze back towards the farmhouse sitting in front of them, a place that Jim had honestly never thought he would go back to.

He didn't even know if his mom would be around, or if anyone else would be. The farmhouse looked lived in, at least, but there didn't appear to be any signs of anyone home. Jim was silently hoping that there wouldn't be; he and Spock could take a quick look around outside, and then return to the city in the rented car they had taken here. There would be no fuss and no worries.

Unfortunately, it didn't look like he was going to get his wish.

As they stepped towards the porch and Spock looked around with interest in his gaze, there was a thud from behind the door and it flew open, revealing the last person in the galaxy that Jim wanted to see.

Frank.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here, boy?.!" the man roared, his eyes angry and a bottle of whisky clenched in his meaty fist.

Jim's brilliant eyes narrowed, and he folded his arms across his chest, meeting Frank's glare easily. "I have every right to come back here, Frank, it's my family's farm."

Frank's eyes narrowed, his face turning red with anger. "It's my farm, you little shit, and I don't think that I want you here." His gaze moved from Jim to Spock, and more anger flowed through his eyes. "And what's this? You brought yourself an alien along?"

"That's none of your business." Jim snapped, stepping between Frank and Spock in a gesture that clearly oozed possessiveness. "We were just going to have a look around and then leave, there's no reason for you to get involved. Just go back inside and we'll be on our way."

The man's eyebrow had gone up as Jim stepped sideways, his eyes flicking back and forth between the blond and the Vulcan. "What's this?" he growled, his voice suddenly self-righteous and full of something that made Spock bristle slightly. "I always knew you were a little faggot." A smile spread across his face. "You always did like it."

Jim flinched.

Spock instantly was on alert, his eyes flashing to the beefy man standing in front of his bondmate, realizing what the human was talking about. Jim had never mentioned this particular event in his past, but they were still working on some of the bits of Jim's life that were difficult for him to talk about.

"Gone and become some alien's bitch, have you?" Frank continued, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe of the house. "He must be quite an idiot to want you, you're such a worthless piece of trash."

To Spock's faint surprise Jim didn't even react to the insult to himself, but when Frank insulted Spock, Jim's fists clenched and he took a step forward into Frank's space, his air threatening and angry. "Don't you talk about him like that!" Jim demanded, blue eyes blazing as he looked up into Frank's red face.

Frank glared, and then reacted, throwing a meaty fist forward towards Jim's jaw, intending to hit him.

He never reached his target.

The human's eyes flew wide as he found his hand caught inches in front of Jim's face, long pale Vulcan fingers easily halting his attack. His gaze turned and he met burning chocolate eyes, his own sparking with fear as Spock tightened his grip and a faint growl rumbled in the Vulcan's chest.

"You will not touch my mate." Spock said evenly, his voice eerily calm even as his eyes blazed. "Nor will you insult him any further, or I shall have to intervene once more." With those he released Frank's fist with a faint toss backwards, sending the man to his backside just inside the door. "Come, Jim. I believe there were other things you wished to show me."

Jim could only nod dumbly, his eyes wide as he followed Spock down the steps from the porch and towards the car. Once inside he let out a faint bark of laughter. "God, I've never seen Frank look that scared! That was the greatest thing ever!"

Spock paused before speaking. "Forgive me, ashayam, I should not have stepped in, as I know that you prefer to deal with your own problems. I simply... could not watch him degrade you in such a manner, nor watch him harm you."

A soft touch on his hand made him look towards his bondmate, meeting Jim's warm blue eyes. "It's alright Spock. I think that in this situation, I needed a little help. I've never really been all that great at standing up to Frank, even when I did manage to try." He smiled. "And that was probably the best way to get some closure that I could ever get."

Warm Vulcan fingers passed across Jim's in a kiss. "Then I am pleased I could be of some assistance, Jim."

Jim laughed softly before starting the car and taking them way from some of the memories of pain that had happened at this house. He felt lighter, free for the first time in years of Frank's presence, glad that for once in his life, he could simply feel loved and wanted by the Vulcan sitting at his side without fear.

* * *

56

Calm

_free from excitement or passion; tranquil_

Vulcan meditation is meant to achieve an ultimate sense of calm.

Spock had no issues achieving that state, but often it did not quite get him to the state that he had been taught it induced. He was calm, yes, but not completely at peace.

Throughout the years of his life, Spock always strived to achieve that ultimate peace that he had been told of, something that his soul cried for after the destruction of Vulcan. After that it was especially difficult for him to find any sort of peace, and it wasn't long before meditation became something that he did simply to erase the cares of his day, rather than to center himself and achieve a new calm with the world.

He simply couldn't find that peace.

However, one person changed all that.

James Tiberius Kirk.

In meeting Jim, Spock hadn't initially thought that the human would give him much peace at all. Jim was brash, reckless, and at times horridly stupid even though he was remarkably intelligent, and it was a far thought to think that Jim could provide him with any sort of calm, let alone a moment of peace.

Even so, the first time that Jim asked him to play chess and he had arrived at the Captain's quarters precisely on time, he had achieved something that he hadn't been able to find since his last time on Vulcan.

Simply being in Jim's presence distilled the troubled waters in his mind, and he found himself relaxing far more than usual. Jim provided quiet and engaging conversation, he listened quietly with warm blue eyes, and lit up the room with his laughter. Never before had Spock found the sound of Human laughter to be so welcoming.

He found himself wanting to spend more time in Jim's presence, and the more time that they spent together, the closer they got. Looking back on it, Spock wondered absently how he had never seen the signs during their growing relationship.

Spock raised his head, closing his eyes and breathing deeply of the cool, water-scented air. The rain fell steadily outside the open balcony doors, just outside his reach, but enough to give him a cool wash of peace. Spock loved the rain, something that Jim had been happy to pry out of him after their first shore leave to Earth. It wasn't something that had happened on Vulcan, and so Spock treasured each time the water fell from the cloudy skies.

The night rain was comforting and pleasing, but not quite the peace that Spock had been looking for. Even the soft sound of meditation music, a soothing blend of Earth pianos, stringed instruments from both Vulcan and Earth, and a lilting voice humming in the background, wasn't bringing him to full calm, although his body was relaxed and comfortable.

Turning, Spock made his way across the dark hotel room, moving towards the large bed that was centered in the space. The comforter was gone, spread across the floor at some point before bed. The sheet was all that remained, and it twined around the slender form sprawled across the mattress, a body that Spock observed with fondness in his gaze.

Jim was sleeping on his stomach, one arm beneath the pillow and the other stretched out onto Spock's side of the bed, as though he was searching for his missing bondmate. One leg was wrapped in the sheet away from Spock's view, but the other was exposed to the cool strips of moonlight. The white sheet contrasted beautifully with the dark tone of Jim's skin, winding around his leg and hips, exposing the entire slender curve of his spine to the night air. He was breathing peacefully, his face young and calm, lips parted for breath and eyelashes gently brushing his cheeks.

Spock moved forward, fond smile on his lips as he climbed back into the bed. Jim's eyebrows shifted as the mattress moved and sleepy blue eyes fluttered open to meet Spock's as the Vulcan settled down for sleep. Jim didn't speak, merely smiled and draped himself over Spock's chest, letting out a sigh of contentment and going back to sleep, his cool body feeling like home against Spock's skin.

Amid the sounds of the music, the rain, and the even breathing of his bondmate, Spock began to sink into complete and total calm.

In the feel of Jim's skin against his own, Spock found that peace he had always been looking for.

* * *

The music I used as a reference for this chapter was Enya, actually. I love the sound of rain, and so I listen to (PLUG! RANDOM PLUG!) rainymood. com and put some meditation music in front of it, and oh god, it's instant relaxation. I thought I would play with that theme, and it was quite fun. And... I seem to be quite attached to Sleepy!Jim... I'm not sure why...

Oh wait.

He's adorable.

XD


	33. Destruction, Self Loathing, Beast

Alright, I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to call a temporary hiatus. This next week or so will be very busy for me, as I am returning to my college town and moving into a new apartment, and so I will have no time to write. These three are all that I have written right now; usually I have a couple backed up, but I've been pretty busy for this last while and haven't been writing as much as I should have. These few chapters have been squeezed out as it is! I hate to do this, but I'd rather not rush write something and not do it very well. As it is I'm not entirely satisfied with what I've written for this...

Anyway, the second one here is finally DapperDestruction's word, the first being a run in to it. The warning for all three is some violence and established relationship, but that's about it. I hope that you guys will enjoy this, and I will be returning within two weeks, no later than three. Once more, I'm sorry, and I hope that you can all forgive me!

We're almost to the 300th review, which, OMG WOW I LOVE YOU GUYS! -grovels- I AM NOT WORTHY! I'll contact my 300th reviewer, although it will be some time until you see anything from me on that word...

-bows- I'm really sorry guys.

* * *

57

Destruction

_the condition of being destroyed; demolition; annihilation_

"No..."

Spock took a step forward to stand beside his mate, reaching up to touch Jim's elbow in an attempt to calm him, but it did not appear to have the effect that he wanted. Jim continued to stare forward, his eyes wide and glistening faintly with tears. Spock could feel the stark terror in Jim's mind, as well as the abhorrence of the scene before him.

The attack had been brutal.

"I don't understand..." Jim whispered, finally seeming to find his voice. "These were gentle people." His voice cracked, but he continued. "Good people. They were kind to us..."

Spock moved closer, hand traveling up to rest against the back of Jim's neck, broadcasting love and what comfort he could find to give. "Some things cannot be explained by logic, Jim. The madness of beings is something that we may never be able to thoroughly explain."

It appeared that the people had been taken by surprise in the night. The _Enterprise_ had visited this colony in order to bring supplies, medical as well as mechanical, and they had been delighted by the happiness with which they had been received. The people had welcomed them with open arms, inviting them to stay for a rest, a mini shore leave of sorts.

Jim had happily agreed, planning a two day stay at the colony and allowing free reign of the colony for his crew. The rest had been needed and well deserved, and everyone had taken advantage of it.

Unfortunately that hadn't been meant to last.

"There was no reason for this." Jim mumbled, wide blue eyes going towards his mate's face. "Damn them. Are they still after humans simply for what happened?"

"What is left of Nero's crew has a violent grudge against the human race." Spock replied. "Perhaps they will continue to attack innocent colonies, or go after starships. We have no way of knowing, we must only attempt to stop them before they strike."

Jim scoffed bitterly, turning back to the burning buildings, the bodies scattered across the ground. "Then why didn't we see them? Are we so lax that we couldn't even see a rouge Romulan vessel heading for this colony?"

Spock sighed mentally before stroking his fingers across Jim's skin, threading his fingers through the short blond strands at the nape of his neck. "They were well hidden in the planet's magnetic field. Our sensors have a difficult time penetrating it simply to contact the colony, and that is with specialized equipment. We cannot blame ourselves."

"I still feel like we could have done something." Jim whispered, taking a few steps forward. He knelt next to a downed building, reaching out a shaking hand to touch the blackened wood. There was a creak and the wood gave, sliding away to the side as Jim jumped in reaction. Spock both felt and saw Jim freeze.

A tiny hand was exposed by the shifting wood.

Jim's horror grew and exploded, and he stumbled backwards, landing on his rear in the black dirt and skidding backwards. Spock went to his side instantly, but his touch only made Jim let out a sharp cry, whirling to look at him with wide tear-filled eyes. Spock grabbed at him as he struggled to move backwards, clutching him to his chest even as he fought.

"No!" Jim cried, fighting him. "Don't you even think to comfort me! Look what we allowed to happen! Children! CHILDREN!"

His voice trailed off into most unintelligible babble amid angry sobs and tensed muscles. Spock held him, keeping him together even as he was falling apart at the seams, the hits to Spock's chest trailing off into weak slaps before Jim's fingers simply curled in Spock's tunic and held tight enough to make his knuckles turn white.

* * *

58

Self-Loathing

_strong dislike or disgust; intense aversion for yourself_

Spock sighed faintly, moving through the dim light of the quarters he shared with Jim, his footsteps light as he stepped through the room. He could see the faint shape of his mate's body beneath the covers of their bed, lying on his side facing the wall. He could barely sense the normally active mind that was linked to his own, which was both disconcerting and frightening in a way that Spock didn't want to feel.

Shifting forward, the Vulcan sat gently on the edge of the bed near Jim's knees, reaching out and gently resting a hand on his mate's hip. "Jim, I would ask that you get up. You have been in bed for quite some time."

Jim didn't answer for a long moment, and he didn't react to the touch as well. There was a slight shift from their bond, but not enough for Spock to sense Jim's mind. Spock stroked his hand gently across Jim's waist, trying to communicate love and concern without being forceful.

"Jim…"

"I'm fine."

Jim's voice was quiet and subdued; he didn't move to look at his mate, nor did he attempt to communicate in any other way. He simply said those words and then fell silent once more.

Spock knew that this wasn't true, and while he didn't want to push Jim for what he knew he didn't want to speak of, he knew that it was important for the words to come out. If Jim continued to lie in pity any longer, hating himself for what had happened, something that he hadn't even been able to control, he would only keep spiraling down into more self-loathing.

The events of the day before had left a deep scar on Jim, one that Spock wished now that he could erase. While the destruction of the colony had been devastating to Jim, it had been the sight of the children that had broken him. For this day Jim had been either on duty or in bed, staring quietly at the wall in front of him. Spock had attempted to get him out of bed several times, but each time had been met with Jim's refusal.

"Will you at least join me for dinner, t'hy'la?" Spock asked quietly, his fingers gliding across Jim's ribs.

Jim was quiet for several more moments, and then he sighed faintly, rolling onto his back to meet Spock's eyes. The sadness and anger in Jim's eyes made a bolt of worry shoot through Spock's abdomen and he raised his hand to glide his fingers over Jim's temple, eyebrows briefly twitching together.

"Am I just being stupid, Spock?" Jim asked quietly, his own hand rising slightly to touch Spock's arm. "I just can't... bring myself to get out of bed."

Spock shook his head slightly. "You have had much to think about, Jim. It was... a remarkably similar scene."

He was referring to something that the two of them had seen many times together since their bonding, a scene that sometimes flashed in Jim's nightmares, a leftover from his days on Tarsus. The burning bodies, the tiny children huddled around, and the small hand extending, burned, from beneath a pile of death. When they had seen the similar moment on the planet, Spock had felt the stark terror shoot through Jim, and he had known what Jim had really seen in those few seconds.

Jim sighed, turning his head away from Spock and letting out a sigh. "I just feel like we could have done something. That we _should_ have done something." He closed his eyes. "I can't stand to see that... I don't ever want to see that again..."

With a sigh Spock crawled into the bed with his mate and wrapped himself around the slender body, pressing his cheek to Jim's. The blond was still for a moment, and then curled into his embrace, returning the pressure to his cheek. A moment later the closed bond flooded open and Spock shivered faintly at the rush of emotion from his mate.

There was self-anger and hate, as well as sadness and a sort of helplessness buried beneath it all. Jim opened his eyes as he turned slightly to meet Spock's gaze, watching him with quiet blue eyes. "I'm sorry." he murmured. "I didn't really mean to close you out, I just needed some time."

"I understand, ashayam." Spock returned. "I only wish that you would not blame yourself; it was not your fault that the Romulans found the way to avoid our sensors." He pressed a kiss to Jim's temple. "It was not your fault." he reinforced firmly.

Jim sighed, slipping his fingers into Spock's hand and settling against his mate and going still. "I know..." Quiet descended for a moment, and then Jim spoke softly. "Thanks for putting up with me."

Spock sent him a faint flood of affection. "I believe that it is my job to 'put up with you,' Jim. But you are welcome."

Silence fell again, and Spock continued to ease Jim out of his darkness and back into the warmth of their love.

* * *

59

Beast

_a cruel, coarse, filthy, or otherwise beastlike person_

"Oh come on!"

Spock darted after Jim as the blond shot across the dark sands, moving away from the attacking creature that was running after them. The mission had been simple enough, but a botched attempt at beam-out had left the two out in the middle of the desert of the planet, now running from one of the native animals.

"This always... has to happen... to us!" Jim panted, glancing behind him towards the large furry animal, pushing himself faster.

Spock ran beside him, his long limbs easily keeping up with his mate even as he pulled out the communicator on his belt and flipped it open. "_Enterprise!_"

_"A moment, Commander! We've got it, just..."_

A roar drowned out the rest of the words, and Jim let out a shout as the creature leapt forward and nearly hooked it's claws in his flesh. The animal resembled a Terran bear, though was much larger and apparently much more hostile. Spock felt a surge of panic that was partly his own and half Jim's as he realized that he creature was much closer, and that they were running out of time.

Another roar sounded, and this time Jim wasn't so lucky; claws dug into his leg, taking him down with a cut off yelp. Spock let out an answering shout and slid to a stop in time to turn and see the creature wrap it's jaws around Jim's midsection and lift its head to shake him.

Jim was screaming, beating his fists against the creature's muzzle as he struggled. He managed to hit the beast in the eye and with an angered roar it flung him to the side, where he hit the cliff face nearby with a splatter of blood before sliding to the ground.

He didn't move after that.

Spock's mind shut down; he leapt forward, landing on the creature's head and attacking with all the strength that he possessed. The beast roared in agony as Vulcan strength cracked bone, and it took nearly three hits for Spock's fists to break the creature's skull. His mind nearly lost in blind anger, Spock continued to attack even as the transporter carried him away.

The feeling of rematerializing shocked Spock back to himself, and he instantly whirled to locate his mate, his mind going blank again as his eyes fell on Jim, lying silently on the platform as his blood began to turn the pad red. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe; he merely sat and stared at his mate until a soft choke from Jim's lips shocked him into motion.

In an instant he was at his mate's side, hands fluttering over numerous puncture wounds over Jim's abdomen before finding the largest and pressing. Jim groaned deeply at the pressure, neck arching as blood trickled from the corner of his lips to join the pool forming on the pad. There was a commotion behind Spock and McCoy was suddenly at his side, concern on his features and a hypo in his hands.

"We need to get him to sickbay." McCoy murmured. "We don't have time to wait for the gurney; his lungs are filling with blood and he's gonna start drowning."

Spock nodded. "I will carry him." He stepped forward and slipped his hands beneath Jim's tense body and cradled him against his chest, murmuring apologies to his mate as Jim yelped softly at the pressure on his wounds. They moved swiftly through the halls, McCoy moving ahead of him to make sure that everyone cleared the way.

By the time they had reached sickbay Spock could feel Jim's consciousness fluttering disturbingly, his body limp, breathing soft and gurgling. McCoy worked quickly as soon as Spock laid Jim on the bio-bed, reluctantly stepping backwards to allow the doctor room.

Spock shifted uncomfortably for several moments before finally turning slightly. "I must go to the bridge, Doctor. I trust you will inform me of Jim's status?"

McCoy turned and nodded. "Don't worry, I've got it all under control. I'll let you know."

With that the Vulcan turned and left sickbay, mentally distancing himself from his mate even as he wanted to turn around and run back to his side. The ship needed to be guided away from the planet and reports needed to be made, no matter how much he wanted to be with Jim.

* * *

Spock was brought out of his light meditation by a groan from the bio-bed at his side and he opened his eyes in time to see Jim's bright blue eyes flutter open. He placed a hand on Jim's, a faint smile crossing his lips as Jim's fingers slowly tightened around his.

"It is good to see you awake." Spock murmured, brushing his fingers across Jim's in a gentle kiss. "Are you in any pain?"

Jim blinked several times as though to focus, and then shook his head. "No. I feel like I've got a starship on my chest, but I don't really hurt. I take it we got out alright?"

Spock couldn't help the faint huff in his chest of amusement, and Jim gave a soft chuckle in response. "I am merely glad that you are no longer in pain, t'hy'la."

"Let's make a deal." Jim said drily. "Can we not run into anymore big crazy bear things? I don't think that they like me."

Another soft huff. "Agreed."


	34. Internal, Sudden, Overwhelm

I must say, my readers are made of win.

Like... epic win.

I'm so grateful that all of you understood so well when I had to take a week off on this story, and I do still feel badly about that, but I know that it was the right decision for all of use. These three have been written well and as a bonus, are extra long! I hope that you all enjoy them, as well as the day early update in an attempt to beg forgiveness.

-bows-

I am not worthy!

On the other side, my move was sucessful, and I'm highly enjoying my new apartment and roommates! I also think that perhaps my muse has come out of hiding finally, although he might just be kidding... he does that...

There's pretty much established relationship in all three, hurt!Jim in the second two, and some random aliens in those two as well. Enjoy!

* * *

60

Internal

_existing solely within the individual mind, coming from, produced, or motivated by the psyche or inner recesses of the mind_

Jim Kirk was an interesting individual.

Spock knew this, even before he became friends with the man, and even into the years of their relationship and subsequent bonding. Jim was so many layers of contradiction and differences, Spock was certain that it would take him all of their lives to understand his mate and the reasons why he did the things that he did.

When it came to his crew, Jim was fiercely loyal and protective. He would do anything in his power to keep his people safe, even sacrifice himself without a second thought. Jumping in front of a blow meant for even the lowest of his crew was no question, only an automatic reaction.

He was friendly and happy; a ray of sunshine inside the _Enterprise's _hull, and every person in his crew was his good acquaintance, if not his friend. Spock found it mildly fascinating that Jim made it a point to introduce himself to every member of his crew and mingle with them whenever he had a moment. The result of this was the crew's own loyalty to their captain; they were just as dedicated to him as he was to them.

Jim was confident and brave, a fact that he illustrated time and again on various missions and even during shore leave. He was a risk-taker in whatever he did, a daredevil who loved to live on the edge of death and breathe in the excitement that came with that. Spock disliked that greatly, but it seemed like Jim had some sort of deal with death; he always came within inches, but never seemed to fall over that edge.

But even with all of these flashy and confident moments, the brilliance that was Jim Kirk, there was a different side to him, an internal self that he kept hidden from everyone except for his closest people. Very few were privileged enough to see the softness that Jim hid inside, the man who was terrified of being alone.

The first time that Spock had melded with Jim, he had sensed the gentle waves of loneliness, fear, and a strange emotion that he couldn't quite identify at the time. He had been mildly concerned and interested, but he hadn't brought it up to his friend. Jim had his secrets, and until he was comfortable with sharing them, Spock was content to wait.

Their relationship had been unexpected and yet not unwelcomed. A mission had left Jim emotionally compromised and distraught when a toxin from a plant destroyed his barriers, and he had confessed at some point during that night that he thought he was in love with Spock. The Vulcan, for his part, had been surprised and yet strangely elated, and the next morning he had approached Jim about the statement. He had been met with a faint blush and a hesitant nod of affirmation, and the next day they had begun a romantic relationship.

Two years later, Spock was illogically pleased to call Jim his bondmate and t'hy'la, and it was strange for him to think of a life without his mate. While their bonding had brought many new things to light about Jim and the man that he was beneath all the bravado, the blond never ceased to surprise Spock.

Jim might act big and tough, but he was surprisingly insecure.

He had no faith in his self worth at all; he didn't seem to think that his life was worth anything at all. Spock had learned this only two months into their dating when he had taken a shot meant for Jim, one that had nearly cost him his life. He had lost consciousness to Jim clutching him frantically, screaming at him.

"Why?.! Why would you do that for me?.! You are so much more!"

After his recovery Spock had asked Jim what he had meant, and the blond had responded with a sad smile and a shake of the head. "I don't know why you would want to sacrifice yourself for me, this ship needs you so much more than me."

Spock had instantly frowned slightly, raising a hand to ghost his fingers over Jim's temple. "Do not ever say that." he ordered firmly. "This ship needs you just as much as it does me. You should not ever think anything to the contrary."

It had taken time, but eventually Spock got Jim to see that.

Jim was tough, yes, but internally he had a soft, gentle, afraid child that was still terrified of being abandoned. He hid that child behind all the cocky smirks and flashy moves, but when Spock dug deep he found that internal suffering. It amazed him how scared Jim became when they spoke of their relationship, as though he was afraid that Spock was going to leave him at any moment.

And so Spock took the next step forward, and promised himself to Jim Kirk for the rest of his days.

Jim's smile could have lit up space itself.

* * *

61

Sudden

_happening, coming, made, or done quickly, without warning, or unexpectedly_

It had all happened so fast.

One moment, Jim had been standing beside him, a smile on his face and his hand reaching out towards Spock. The Vulcan had raised his hand to return the kiss that Jim was extending to him; although it was a strange place for Jim to be offering it, he saw no reason to not return it.

They were standing on a new planet, with a primitive people, a place that they had been exploring simply for the joy of examining the alien flora and fauna. They took care to stay away from the local people, as interfering with them would have been a violation of the Prime Directive, and so the point where they beamed down had been away from any villages.

Even so, it had happened faster than Spock could have expected, more suddenly than anyone could have predicted.

Jim was standing beside him, smiling, hand extended, and then suddenly an arrow blossomed from his chest, the tip buried deep beneath the left side of his collarbone.

For what seemed like forever Spock couldn't move, he was shocked into stillness. Jim's eyes were wide with shock and pain, and one shaking hand rose and fluttered across the wooden shaft. He blinked in a sort of surprised motion, and then his legs gave out.

Spock's paralysis broke in that moment and he dove forward, catching Jim against his chest even as he frantically began to scan for the archer who had fired the arrow. He instantly spotted the cat-like being standing on the far ledge, already placing another bolt against the powerful bow it held.

Scooping his wheezing mate into his arms, Spock turned and fled, eyes searching for a place that they could hide long enough to call the _Enterprise_ and get beamed out. They had to be sure not to display their technology, unless they had no other choice. Jim submitted easily enough, understanding through the pain that he needed to cooperate with Spock .

Even though Spock tried to be careful, he could hear Jim's whimpers as he was jostled, the arrow shifting inside his chest.

_Jim?_

_I'm alright, Spock, keep going. It's a little hard to breathe, but I've got time. We just need to find a good spot to stop. _

Spock gave a jerky sort of nod in response; he knew that he did have limited time, regardless of what Jim said to him. Judging by the length of the arrow and how far it was embedded in his mate's chest, it had punctured a lung. Jim was already have difficulty, and although he was trying to hide it, Spock could see the blood that was staining his teeth and the inner seam of his lips.

The grassy plain gave way to a stand of trees, and Spock ducked quickly to the side, finding a large tree similar to a Terran pine tree and settling down behind it, shifting Jim in his lap so he could withdraw his communicator.

"Spock to _Enterprise_."

_"Scott here, Mr. Spock."_

"Emergency beam out, Mr. Scott, we are being persued by a native."

_"Aye sir, righ' away. Stay still while I get a lock on ya." _

Spock held Jim tighter as he heard the rustle of the forest behind them. He wanted to let Scotty know to have Doctor McCoy standing by, but speaking right now might alert the native to their presence. Jim suddenly jerked in his arms, clutching both hands over his mouth and struggling not to cough. Spock shifted him, placing his face against the blue cloth of his shoulder to help muffle the sound should Jim lose that fight.

The transporter energy curled around them, and Spock allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief as the brilliant light took them from the planet's surface. The transporter room materialized in front of his eyes and he rose quickly to his feet, striding past a surprised looking Scotty and heading straight for Sickbay.

Jim's coughing was watery now, blood tricking from both corners of his lips as one hand clutched in the blue fabric of Spock's science tunic.

_Easy, my t'hy'la, we are almost at Sickbay. _

The doors of Sickbay slid open 15 feet before Spock got there, and Doctor McCoy came barging out with an odd mixture of anger and worry on his features. He swore as soon as he saw Spock coming towards him, turning and preceding the journey inside and towards the private room that was reserved for the Captain.

McCoy was still swearing even as Spock lay Jim down on the biobed, stepping backwards and allowing McCoy to move forward and begin his work. Jim lay calmly, though his breathing was harsh now, and burdened by bubbles of blood at the corner of his lips.

Spock passed his fingers briefly across Jim's forehead in a caress, and then nodded as Jim pressed him mentally.

"I shall return once we have moved away from the planet and I have examined Starfleet's next orders." Spock murmured quietly, glancing at McCoy. The doctor waved a hand towards him absently, still absorbed in his work even as Jim's breathing began to ease as the drugs that he had received assisted.

The _Enterprise _was moved away from the planet and the next course was laid in without incident, and Spock traveled back down to Sickbay to find Jim sleeping peacefully, his chest bandaged and blood dripping into his system. McCoy greeted him with a faint smile. "He'll be fine, Spock, you got him here in plenty of time. Let him take it easy for a couple of days and he'll be bugging the hell out of us again before we know it."

Spock nodded his thanks. "When might I be able to take him back to our quarters?"

McCoy rubbed at his chin. "Give him a few hours, and then you can take him, just because I know that you'll make him rest, and he's never been good at sleeping in Sickbay anyway."

"Thank you, Doctor."

With those words Spock settled into a chair sitting beside Jim's bed, setting his hand atop Jim's and squeezing gently. Jim breathed in a sigh at the touch of his hand, and his eyelids fluttered before opening so that his brilliant blue eyes met his mate's. "Hey." he murmured.

Spock briefly pressed their fingers together in a kiss. "I believe that you have a singular ability for getting into trouble when none is expected, t'hy'la."

Jim chuckled faintly, but nodded. "Yea, I've noticed that about myself. That's why I have you, to keep an eye on me."

"I shall have my hands full." Spock declared, though there was a faint smile on his face and amusement in his eyes.

* * *

62

Overwhelm

_to overcome completely in mind or feeling: to overpower or overcome, esp. with superior forces; destroy; crush_

It wasn't every day that they met a creature that had telepathic abilities, and so when they did, it was usually Spock's job to make contact and attempt to reason with that particular creature. Jim trusted him in these situations to make the best call for the ship and her crew, and Spock generally honored that trust.

Spock had never had any trouble containing whatever being he had to deal with; sometimes it was a little more difficult to make contact and to keep control, but he had never been hurt or overwhelmed in the process of communication.

After he bonded with Jim, there had been no contact with telepathic species, and so the half-Vulcan had had no reason to be concerned about Jim's new involvement in this process. There had never been any cause for worry before, and so no one thought that there would be now.

"You've got this one, right Spock?"

Turning, Spock met his mate's brilliant blue eyes, nodding slightly and sending a wave of soothing comfort through their bond. He could sense Jim's discomfort with this particular species; it was no surprise, as they were broadcasting quite loudly. It took most of Spock's concentration just to keep his own thoughts clear, so it wasn't surprising that Jim, who had some psi-abilities, could sense them as well. It was clearly making him uncomfortable, but Spock couldn't spare much to shield him, as it would take away from his own protections, and he needed a clear mind right now to be able to negotiate.

The creature in front of him was one of the oddest that they'd ever met; it vaguely resembled a mythical Terran creature known as a centaur, but it had three pairs of legs and it's upper torso was more feline than human. They were powerful telepaths, as Spock had sensed, and as they had no other way to communicate because of the absence of mouths, the Vulcan had been tasked with much of the contact.

Spock turned back towards the tall creature in front of him, taking a breath to steady his heart rate before allowing his shields to fall slightly and allow the being in. The feeling was strange and uncomfortable, and he had to stop himself from balking as the alien began to greet him.

Things had been going well when suddenly Spock noticed something that was almost poking at the rear of his mind, a sharp tingling sensation that confused him at first. He absently tried to sooth it, most of his mental abilities consumed by the strong mind of the alien he was conversing with.

_The talks are almost complete..._ he thought. _I shall see to my own discomfort when it is finished. _

A moment later it grew worse, and suddenly every instinct that the Vulcan possessed was screaming at him. He instantly whirled, his chocolate eyes locking on his mate, who was still standing beside him.

Jim's blue eyes were wide, semi unfocused and mostly blank. His lips were parted faintly, and Spock could tell that he wasn't even aware of the outside world, everything had retreated inward, leaving Jim numb to all around him.

There was blood leaking from his ears.

"Jim!" Spock's voice was hardly restrained from panic as he darted forward and slung an arm around his mate's waist, trying to draw his attention out towards him. Jim's body shook slightly as Spock touched him, and blood slowly dripped from his nose, coating his upper lip as his form went slack in his mate's hold.

_**Fascinating.**_

Spock whipped his head around, eyes wide as they met those of the feline creature standing behind him. _**You were responsible for this?.!**_

A tilt of the head was his response. _**I was probing your mind, and discovered something that I could not identify. It obviously led back to this creature. **_

Anger flared strong and hot in Spock's abdomen. _**His mind is not strong enough to host yours! That is why I was chosen for contact! You have overwhelmed his defenses!**_

_**I was not aware that it would cause this much harm. **_

Spock lifted his trembling mate into his arms, ignoring the seeping blood that stained his blue tunic. _**I believe that we have reached an agreement on the minerals. I shall return to my ship and care for my mate. **_

A slight bow of the head and the being turned, seeming to realize that speaking any more would only lead to more dysfunction. Spock pulled his communicator from his belt, flipping it open. "Spock to _Enterprise_."

_"Scott here."_

"Two to beam up, and have Doctor McCoy standing by in Sickbay, I shall be heading there directly afterwards."

There was a momentary pause, and then Scotty responded. _"Understood Mr. Spock. Stand by for beam up." _

A moment later the familiar feeling of the transporter came over him and Spock subconsciously clutched Jim tighter against his chest as they were taken up to the ship. Scotty had concern on his face as soon as he saw his Captain's blood-covered face, but he said nothing as Spock strode past him.

McCoy was waiting for him in Jim's private room in Sickbay, a frown on his face as he stepped back to allow the Vulcan to lay Jim down on the bio-bed. "What's happened now?"

"It appears that the being was able to probe my mind more secretly than I was aware of; our negotiations were nearly complete when I became aware of something wrong with Jim. I discovered the bleeding from both ears, and only 34.3 seconds afterwards his nose began bleeding as well." Spock replied, standing back as McCoy moved forward. "I believe that he is merely overwhelmed; the human mind is not powerful enough for these beings."

"Stupid alien species..." McCoy muttered as his tricorder whirred over Jim's head. "Always poking things where they don't belong." He put the machine back into his pocket and then began mopping up the blood that was no longer flowing, glancing sideways towards the Vulcan standing behind him. "I can't find anything wrong with him, like you said, it just overwhelmed his mind. Had he stayed any longer, there may have been permanent damage, but at this moment it's nothing but a little aggravation."

Spock nodded. "I can help to sooth the telepathic aches."

McCoy nodded. "I'll pull him off active duty for the next day, but he should be fine and back on his feet by then. You're free to take him back to your quarters; I'd rather not have him waking up here and start complaining."

A slight flash of amusement moved through Spock's eyes. "Of course, Doctor." With that he lifted his mate back into his arms, turning and leaving Sickbay with Jim cradled against his chest. Jim's face was no longer pained, but peaceful in rest, and Spock could sense his mind returning to normality after being withdrawn from the stressful situation.

Once in their quarters Spock lay Jim down on their bed, passing his fingers across Jim's forehead gently. His mind was indeed back to normal, and it was easy to sense that he was starting to wake up. Sure enough, moments later those beautiful blue eyes fluttered open and Jim put a hand to his forehead. "Oh... What the hell happened?"

Spock pressed two fingers to his mate's temple, and Jim's face relaxed slightly as the pain eased. "Forgive me."

Jim cracked open an eye. "For what?"

"I did not react quickly enough to shield you. I should have been watching you more closely."

A snort answered him. "I could sense that you were stretched pretty thin, Spock, it wasn't your fault that you didn't notice everything. Besides, neither one of us thought that that cat-horse guy was gonna dig like he did." He pushed himself up onto both elbows. "Unfortunately by the time I realized what was going on, I couldn't seem to alert you."

"Your mind was attempting to shield you, and that diverted all your focus into that task. It is fortunate that the bond managed to inform me." Spock murmured, his fingers stroking down Jim's cheekbone to his jaw. "Any longer and you might have been permanently damaged."

Jim grinned. "I knew you would sense it."

"I am pleased that you have such faith in me, t'hy'la." Spock replied, settling on the bed beside his mate. "In the meantime, I would request that the next time we encounter a species like this, we take more precautions to protect our link."

Jim nodded with a smile and a light kiss to Spock's jaw. "No argument there."


	35. Improvement, Lick, Tracing

Yay an update! Once again, you guys are freaking awesome!

Warnings for this are established relationship in all three, and in the second it gets a bit naughty, but nothing too bad. I hope you guys enjoy this week's, and I'll try to get back into the swing of updating more often, although I am attempting another fic, so we'll see what happens...

* * *

63

Improvement

_an act of improving or the state of being improved; a change or addition by which a thing is improved_

"You know what?"

Spock turned his head slightly, raising an eyebrow as his bedmate didn't elaborate on the statement. He waited a moment more, and then spoke lightly. "I do not, Jim. Perhaps you would elaborate on what exactly you believe I should know?"

Jim chuckled faintly, more a huff of air than an actual laugh. He shifted where he was draped across Spock's chest, folding his arms and resting his chin on his wrists so the two of them could face each other. Spock's hand drifted from where it had been on Jim's thigh to settle against the small of his back.

"I think that this is an improvement." Jim stated with a grin on his face, a glint in his blue eyes as he watched the eyebrow climb once more.

"And what would 'this' be?" Spock asked, his fingers stroking slightly along the ridges of Jim's spine.

Jim shifted against the Vulcan in response. "Just this. It's a hell of an improvement over how you used to be, all stuffy and Vulcan all the time."

Spock couldn't help the amusement that fluttered through him. "It is difficult for me to not be what I am, Jim. I do believe that I am still Vulcan at the current time."

A puff of air escaped Jim's lips, a lopsided grin on his full lips. "You don't act like it as much now. You would never have been this touchy a month ago. And you're a lot more emotional now than you were when you first came onto the _Enterprise_."

"I would not have been this 'touchy,' as you put it, a month ago because I was not in a relationship with you at that time." Spock replied with a slight lift of both eyebrows, a gesture that Jim had learned to associate with Spock's 'how could you not have seen that logical conclusion' look. "As for my being more emotional, I do not believe that this is true."

Now it was Jim's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Really? You actually make jokes now, have you noticed that?"

"If you would recall, I attempted a humorous statement when I presented my candidacy as First Officer."

Jim waved a hand. "That one didn't count. I mean like now. I can tell that you're a lot more relaxed around me now, and not just me, the whole crew. You let little things slip now, things that you were a lot more uptight about before."

Spock blinked. "What things am I revealing? Perhaps I have been lax in my meditation practices and should rectify this issue."

Even though Spock said these words, Jim could see the faint sparkle of mirth in his Vulcan's eyes, and so a smile crossed his lips as he responded nevertheless. "I've just started noticing things. Like how when you think something is funny your shoulders relax and your eyebrows go up just a little bit. Or when you're upset or tense your whole body gets really tight and you have this sort of frowny face."

Jim attempted to demonstrate, but he only succeeded in make the corners of Spock's lips lift slightly in amusement. As that happened Jim grinned in delight. "And that! You would never have done that!"

Spock raised an eyebrow, at which Jim snorted faintly in amusement before shifting his arms so he could lay his cheek against Spock's lightly haired chest. He heaved a sigh of content, an emotion that Spock felt swirling beneath his skin. "I believe that I was depriving myself needlessly of one thing." Spock murmured after a moment.

A shift against his chest and Jim's brilliant blue eyes met his. "Oh?"

Slim Vulcan hands slid across bronze Human skin, eliciting a faint rumble of pleasure from Jim's throat. "I was 'missing out' on you, ashayam."

Jim chuckled deep in his throat. "Oh yea. You being with me is a definite improvement on the former situation."

"I find that I concur with that statement." Spock murmured before he brought their lips together.

* * *

This was the word given to me by Kobato00, who was my 300th reviewer! I hope you guys like it as much as I do! :D

64

Lick

_to pass the tongue over the surface of, as to moisten, taste, or eat; to pass or play lightly over_

Spock found that Jim loved to drive him to the edge of his control.

It was something that started basically as soon as they met each other, and continued from there on into the days of their bonding. Spock had a feeling that Jim would never stop finding new ways to push him, and a part of him looked forward to that.

One of Jim's favorite things to explore was the sensitivity of Spock's skin. While it was mostly his fingers that were exceedingly sensitive, Vulcan skin had more receptors than Human skin. Jim found it endlessly entertaining to find all of Spock's sensitive spots, spending some of his nights running his hands across the pale skin, a faint smile on his face.

Even with all of the other places that he had found, Jim's favorite remained the Vulcan's slender fingers. Ever since Jim had discovered the fact that Vulcans kissed with their fingertips, he had taken great care in paying extra attention to those particular parts of his lover.

Spock would watch Jim with wide eyes, pupils dilated and lips parted as he breathed shakily, watching Jim's mouth move across his skin. Jim had quite a talented tongue when he put it to use, and he did so quite often when Spock's fingers were involved.

At the current moment, Spock was sitting at the desk in Jim's quarters, reading over the reports that he had requested from one of his science teams. Jim had been sprawled across his bed, reading through one of his antique books with careful hands, but it wasn't long before Spock heard him shift on the covers, rising to his feet.

Spock did his best to ignore his lover even as Jim wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's shoulders and pressed a few kisses along the side of his throat beneath his pointed ear. "Jim, perhaps this is not the time." Spock murmured, eyes still focused on the PADDs clustered in front of him.

"Can't those wait...?" Jim purred in his ear, his fingers traveling down Spock's arm before brushing over his knuckles. Spock allowed the blond to take his left hand away from the desk, still able to concentrate through the stimulation , but what Jim did next was more than slightly unexpected.

The Vulcan's first two fingers were the most sensitive, and so Jim paid special attention to those two, using long swipes of his tongue across the knuckles and pads. Spock flinched at the first touch of Jim's tongue, though he stayed focused through the warm wetness. Jim licked his way across the back of Spock's hand, and then down his fingers once again, pausing only a moment before sucking those first two fingers into his mouth.

That shocked Spock out of his reading, and with a shaky sigh placed down the PADD he was reading and turned his attention to his lover. "You will never let me complete my work in peace, will you t'hy'la?"

Jim only responded with a grin and pulled Spock out of the chair and towards the bed.

* * *

65

Tracing

_the act of a person or thing that traces_

Awakening to the touch of his mate was nothing new for Spock, though it was slightly unusual for it to be actively moving. As he was Vulcan, Spock didn't require as much sleep as Jim did, and so he often awoke before him. Jim was almost always touching Spock when he was sleeping; he would pass out draped across his mate, and spend most of his night cuddled up to Spock's side.

The Vulcan quietly enjoyed it immensely; not only did the touch of Jim's body feel wonderful and calm him greatly, but the heat that gathered between their bodies helped him to relax fully. He quite loved the feel of Jim's smooth skin against his own, though he would most likely never admit it.

This particular morning, however, Spock awoke as he felt the gentle touch of fingers across the arch of his brow. He awoke at the first touch, though he kept his eyes closed as those beloved fingers ran down his temple to trace the curves of his cheekbone before shifting to glide the back of cool fingers across his cheek.

Moist breath joined the feel of fingers across his pale skin, and then lips glided across his forehead. He felt the shift of weight on the mattress, and the loom of Jim's body across his before an elbow settled on the pillow on the other side of his head. Another kiss was pressed against the upswing on his eyebrow, and then to the side of his nose.

The fingers that had been gliding across his collarbone and throat moved up across his jaw and then the line of his ear before Jim slowly laid himself back down, laying his chest partially on Spock's and curling his left arm over Spock's shoulder and slipping his fingers beneath the Vulcan's neck.

Spock was still for a few more moments, and then he shifted his left arm where it was wrapped around Jim's waist, tightening his fingers where they rested on Jim's hip. Jim let out a content sigh at that touch, and then went still against him, his breathing starting to even out in sleep as his weight settled more heavily on his mate's chest.

With a faint smile, Spock was content to join Jim in sleep.


	36. Close, Flood, Inclination

Alright, another update! -throws confetti- I passed up my 350th reviewer because I've noticed how close together the two 50 marks are getting! Number one, wow guys, thank you so much for reviewing that often! Number two, OH MY GOD I'M ALMOST AT 400 REVIEWS! This story is already my most reviewed one, and it's just getting higher! I feel so humbled... -bows- Thank you all! But since I've gone away from the 50 mark, we're moving to the 100 one. So my 400th reviewer will get a word.

-grovels- You guys are so awesome! You make the time I spend writing all worth it!

Okay, warnings for these are some OC!Spock in the first one, along with some slightly OC!Jim, but it's cute, so I don't care. The last two are pre!Spirk and there's some violence in the second one.

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66

Close

_near, or near together, in kind or relationship: intimate_

"Can you believe it?"

Spock turned slightly to meet Jim's eyes, a brief flash of tender affection and amusement coloring their bond. He slipped a hand into Jim's beneath the table, and happiness spread across his mate's features at the touch. "I have no troubles believing this development. I believe that we have always been moving towards this outcome."

Jim smiled again, the pads of his fingers sliding across Spock's skin. There was the soft sound of people around them talking, music playing somewhere in the room, but it didn't matter; Jim only had eyes for his new husband. "I knew that part." Jim teased gently. "We've been bonded for 6 months now, but to actually be married?"

"We were married already, ashayam." Spock replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Terran marriage, Spock." Jim answered, his tone slightly exasperated even though there was a smile on his lips and a shimmer of mirth in his electric blue eyes. "It's a different thing for me, at least, to be married by Earth standards. I never thought that it would happen to me."

Spock's lips twitched in a faint smile. "Then I shall count myself lucky that it was I that proved that assumption wrong."

Their fingers glided together in a hidden Vulcan kiss, and Jim felt his body warm at the touch. He loved being able to touch Spock whenever he wanted; he was a tactile creature by nature, and that closeness with someone who loved him in return was like heaven.

"Jim, Spock."

The sound of their names made them look up, and they spotted Uhura standing in the corner of the room, a smile on her face and her wine red dress shimmering in the lowered lights. Jim tilted his head in confusion, but Uhura's smile widened as Spock raised an eyebrow.

"There's a tradition that I think we're neglecting, you two." she said, warmth and amusement in her tone.

Spock frowned. "I was not aware of any other traditions."

Bones interjected at this moment, a grin on his face and a glass of questionable liquid in his hand. "The first dance! Come on you two, get up!"

Jim shook his head slightly, a resigned smile on his features. "No, you guys know that Spock isn't into public affection, it's no big deal. You guys can keep dancing, it's -" His voice trailed off as Spock stood up beside him, extending a hand to his mate.

Spock allowed a slight smile to cross his features. "I believe that you should be able to experience a wedding in its entirety, Jim, as you will never have another chance to do so."

"You don't have to, Spock..."

The Vulcan reached down and took Jim's hand, pulling him up to his feet. "I wish to, t'hy'la."

With those words Spock led Jim out into the center of the cleared floor, and soft music started as Uhura gave the computer the command. Jim hesitated again as they stood, ringed by their crew and friends on the observation deck of the _Enterprise. _Again a flash of amusement tinged their bond, and Spock solved Jim's indecision for him.

A warm Vulcan arm wrapped around his waist, drawing their bodies together, and a slim hand lifted his to rest against Spock's chest. Jim paused only a moment more, and then tentatively stepped forward, lifting his right hand to hold onto Spock's shoulder, his left cradled in Spock's against the Vulcan's chest.

Uhura's voice echoed in the room a moment later, and Jim felt warmth explode through his body.

_"Love me tender, love me sweet..._

_Never let me go..._

_You have made my life complete..._

_And I love you so..."_

Jim couldn't help the smile spreading across his lips, and he slowly laid his head against Spock's shoulder, their bodies swaying together and their fingers slowly intertwining. His blue eyes slipping closed, Jim let out a sigh of content, close to the man that he loved and completely at ease.

_"Love me tender, love me true..._

_All my dreams fulfill_

_For, my darling I love you..._

_And I always will..."_

"Thank you..." Jim whispered.

Spock squeezed his mate's waist gently, passing his thumb across Jim's skin where their hands were cradled together against his shoulder. "I would do anything to make you happy, Jim. This is a small allowance in order to see you smile."

Love bloomed warm and comforting between them as they swayed together under the passing stars, Uhura's lovely voice filling the dimly lit room.

_"Always will..."_

* * *

The song is "Love Me Tender" and in this case is the version sung by Norah Jones. I do not own!

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67

Flood

_a great flowing or overflowing of water, esp. over land not usually submerged._

"_Enterprise, _now!" Jim Kirk shouted into his communicator, herding the shivering, terrified group of colonists closer together. There was a shimmer in the air, and then the brilliant white light began to consume the people standing beside him. Jim only just caught the gaze of a tiny child before they were gone, taken up to his ship high above the planet.

Whirling around, Jim tried to make sure that they had gotten everyone. It appeared to be true, but with the pounding rain and gusting wind it was difficult to see properly. He slopped forward in the muddy ground, shaking his head sharply to get the blond fringe out of his vision. "Spock!" he yelled, knowing that his First Officer was nearby.

A moment passed and then Spock was suddenly at his side, moving like a shadow through the torrents of rain. The half-Vulcan glanced over his Captain, assessing his well-being before speaking, voice raised above the hurricane-like weather. "I believe that we have secured all of the colonists, Captain!"

Jim glanced around apprehensively, some instinct screamed at him that they were missing something, though he wasn't sure what. His blue eyes darted towards the nearby hills, and his gut wrenched. "I just want to have one last look! You can beam back up!"

"I will not leave you on your own, Jim!" Spock replied in a firm manner, and Jim shrugged in response, turning and loping towards the hills, blinking water from his eyes.

The rain was heavy around them, and the closer they got to the valleys and hills that made up the nearby land the mud they were slopping through changed to water, gradually going from ankle deep to nearly their knees. It didn't help that the water was freezing cold, and the wind that continued to buffet them only made it worse. Jim ignored his discomfort, some part of him pushing him forward.

Sure enough, his instincts proved to be right once more. As they crested a smaller hill Jim spotted a tiny figure on an opposite hill, what appeared to be a terrified child. The little girl didn't appear to be hurt, but she was on the other side of a near river of freezing floodwaters. Jim pressed forward, ignoring the exclamation of protest from his First Officer and running towards the small form.

The shock that coursed through his body as he hit the water made his breath halt for a split second, but Jim continued forward, all of his muscles straining as he fought the current. Just as Jim reached the other side, still fighting the water, he heard the distant splash as Spock followed him in.

Scooping up the little girl, Jim whirled back around and threw himself forward, trying to meet Spock before he could get any further into the water. The half-Vulcan paused, seeing that Jim was coming back, though he didn't back up, instead holding out a hand in order to assist Jim. Gritting his teeth Jim pressed through the raging current, his being focused on the little girl clinging to his tunic and pressing her face against his neck.

There was a roar, and Jim's wide eyes turned to see a fresh wave of water heading over the hill and towards him. With an extra burst of strength he thrust the little girl from his arms and towards Spock, screaming "GO!" as he did. Spock caught the child just as the water slammed into both of their bodies.

With his Vulcan strength and because of the fact that he was closer to the shore, Spock managed to keep his footing, clutching the tiny child to his chest. Jim, however, was in the center of the river of water, and was already tired from fighting his way across the first time. The water swept his feet from under him, sending him tumbling through space, air cut off and sense of direction completely wiped out.

"Jim!" Spock shouted into the distance, quickly whirling to set down the girl and whipping out his communicator. "_Enterprise,_ beam up the life sign next to my signal! I must retrieve the Captain!"

He didn't wait for a response, he merely ran forward along the bank, glancing behind him to see the silvery lights taking the girl from the planet. The water rushed alongside him, and Spock frantically searched the waters for his friend and Captain. There was a flash of gold, and then a resounding bang in the air.

The water rushed for a moment, and then the ground seemingly opened up in front of Spock before he could check himself, and the mud and water carried him over the edge and into a large underground cavern. Water was rapidly filling the area, and Spock quickly looked for a way out before spotting a golden shimmer lying prone in the water, facedown.

Moving quickly, the half-Vulcan lifted Jim from the water, feeling a bolt of panic in his chest at the sight of the blue-tinged face. Spock shifted Jim in his grip, pressing on his chest and stomach with both hands, praying that Jim hadn't inhaled too much water.

The action worked like a charm; Jim choked up water and very nearly leapt to his feet, eyes meeting Spock's before he relaxed marginally. "Spock!" He glanced around. "The girl?"

"She has been beamed to the ship." Spock replied, raising his voice over the waterfall of water.

Jim nodded. "Good!" Reaching to his belt, he lifted his communicator before giving it a disgusted look; one side had been crushed inwards and it was now useless. "I don't suppose that yours is working?"

Spock lifted his own communicator, it feebly flickered for a moment before going out. Jim swore valiantly as the half-Vulcan began to pry off the cover, trying to get it working long enough to call for a beam out. The water was rapidly filling up the cavern, already it was up to Jim's thighs and steadily rising.

As Spock worked he felt the shift beside him as Jim moved closer, one hand absently raising to touch the Vulcan's shoulder. "I really hate water, you know?" Jim murmured, only just loud enough for Spock to hear.

Even through his work Spock raised an eyebrow. "You have not displayed any fear until this point in time, Jim."

"Cause I knew that I didn't have time for fear. I might hate it, but I'm not going to let that stop me from doing my job." Jim replied, although he shifted closer as the water began lapping at his waistline.

"Perhaps I might inquire as to the source of your discomfort?" Spock asked, knowing that the conversation was helping keep Jim focused. Even though the blond wasn't displaying much of his fear on the outside, he could sense the roiling terror that boiled just beneath the surface of Jim's relatively calm exterior.

Jim paused for a moment, long enough for Spock to connect another set of wires and begin to replace a few of the components he had removed. "My stepfather." Jim said finally.

There was no need to continue further; the communicator flickered to life and Spock hailed the ship, feeling a wave of relief from Jim as the shimmering lights of the transporter took them out of the drowned colony.

While Jim didn't continue his words, Spock knew that there was more, and he knew that this wasn't the time. Jim moved away from him as soon as they materialized, quickly and efficiently taking control of the situation and making sure that all of the colonists had rooms to stay in and that the entire crew and colony had been evacuated from the planet.

Later that night however, Spock found an opportunity to inquire further into what Jim had started. He was admittedly curious, although if Jim resisted he wouldn't press. The two of them were settled in Jim's quarters, playing a calming game of chess before bed as well as talking over the events of the day.

"Jim, if I might ask..." Spock paused, and Jim's smile let him know that Jim understood what he wanted to ask.

The blond sighed faintly, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands on his stomach. "I suppose this is something that you can know... I've only ever told Bones, you know." Jim stopped again, and Spock shifted forward slightly.

"If you do not wish to tell me, Jim..."

Jim raised a hand, blocking off his words. "No, Spock, it's alright. I've never had a huge like for water regardless, but when I was 11, it got worse. My stepfather Frank, he was..." Jim paused, searching for the right word and then sighing. "He was an asshole, that's really the only way to describe it. He drank, gambled, and smoked; he was disgusting inside and out. Mom was never really around, so he had his way with Sam and I. Sam kept his attention for the most part, but he left when I was 9, and I had no one else to look out for me."

Spock frowned, understanding almost immediately where this was heading. He had known that Jim hadn't had the greatest of childhoods, that it was likely his Captain had been abused in his younger years. Jim did a remarkable job of hiding that nature, but it was visible, if you knew what to look for.

"One night he came home drunk, and, for some reason decided that it was my fault that he had been kicked out of the bar he was in. I was sleeping, and then all of the sudden I was pulled out of bed and dragged into the bathroom across the hall." Jim's expression darkened and he tensed slightly before pushing himself out of his chair and standing. "He held me underwater until I thought I was gonna pass out, and then he pulled me out before putting me back under. He did this several times, and then I finally passed out. I woke up in the hospital; Frank had told them that I'd fallen into the pond that wasn't far from our house."

"Jim..." Spock murmured, standing as well and taking a step towards the blond.

Jim waved a hand, smiling bitterly. "It's alright, Spock, it's in the past now after all. Frank's in jail and I'm out here in space, so there's no reason to think about it. I've settled those evils already."

Spock took another step forward, unsure of what he was doing, but knowing that something needed to be done, something needed to be said. "I grieve with thee, Jim."

A blink was his answer. "What?"

"I grieve with thee, for the horrors that you suffered as a child." Spock answered, his voice softening ever-so-slightly.

The hard edge that had overtaken Jim's blue eyes crumbled and his entire face softened before a smile spread across his features. "Thanks Spock. And you did plenty today, just by being there with me and keeping me calm down there. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Spock nodded, a faint smile tilting his lips. "I was performing my duty as both your First Officer and your friend."

Jim's smile widened. "All the same, I'm glad that you were there. Let's do it again in the future, yea?"

A quirk of the eyebrow. "If you wish it, Jim."

* * *

68

Inclination

_something to which one is inclined; a tendency toward a certain condition, action, etc_

Jim was upset.

Spock was absolutely certain that Jim was hiding something, and he was fairly sure that he knew what it was as well. Their recent mission hadn't gone smoothly at all, and they had lost an ensign during an attack from one of the native animals. The boy had been young and aspiring to rise in the ranks, and Spock knew that Jim felt personally responsible for his death.

Then again, Jim felt that way about everyone who died under his guidance.

As was his inclination, Jim grew louder and more expressive when he was upset and trying to hide it. He laughed more, although the sound was noticeably forced, and there was nearly always a smile on his features. Spock could see, however, that the smile didn't reach Jim's eyes like it usually did. Not only was he hiding guilt and sadness about the death of the young ensign, but Spock could also tell that he hadn't slept in some time. There was a sort of pinched look around Jim's eyes, as well as a lingering stiffness in his body that was normally not there.

Spock wanted to help his friend, but he wasn't entirely sure how to go about that. He had never been particularly good at providing comfort to anyone, as he didn't quite understand the entire prospect of doing so. Even though he wasn't sure as to the best way, he did know one thing that he could do to help.

He remembered Nyota mentioning at some point during their relationship that sometimes just being with the person was the best way to comfort them, and so that was what he was going to do.

As their shift came to an end, Spock moved forward to stand beside the Captain's chair, his hands settled in their customary position at the small of his back. "Captain."

Jim started slightly in his chair before turning to look up at his First Officer, a smile spreading across his face, though it did nothing for the sadness and guilt that was buried in those blue eyes. "Hey Spock. Need something?"

"Our shift is nearing its completion, I wish to inquire if you would like to engage in a game of chess." Spock replied, his eyes wandering briefly over Jim's tired features.

The smile softened a bit, and Jim nodded. "I'd like that, Mr. Spock. Shall we go to my quarters? I don' think that Sulu would mind if we took off a few minutes early." At those words he shifted his chair to look towards the helmsman.

Sulu nodded with a smile. "It'll only be a few minutes until my replacement gets here anyway. You two go get some rest, it's been a tough couple of days."

Jim pushed himself to his feet, and Spock followed him to the turbolift, quietly observing the heavy, exhausted sort of way that Jim walked. The doors closed behind them and Jim let out a sigh, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes wearily. After a moment of silence he raised his head, smiling at Spock. "You'll have to forgive me, I probably won't be the best opponent tonight."

"Do not concern yourself, Jim. I merely wish to...spend some time with you." Spock replied, pausing briefly before using that phrase.

Jim looked up at him with a shocked look on his face, eyes a little wide and lips parted faintly on a soft gasp. A moment later a smile spread shakily across his features, and this time it seemed to be a true smile. "R-Really? Well cool!"

The brief wave of joy that came from Jim was enough that Spock could feel it from their close proximity, and it made a sort of happiness bubble in his own mind. The half-Vulcan followed Jim as he led the way down the shimmery hall of the _Enterprise_, his eyes still watching Jim and the way that he moved. While there was still a tiredness in his gait, some of the heaviness appeared to have lifted.

Their game went quietly and easily, and Jim was correct in saying that he wasn't much of an opponent. He played marginally well, but it was not the challenge that it usually was whenever they played. Jim was leaning on one hand, fingers curled loosely on his cheek. Spock watched idly as he yawned, and then sat back in his chair.

"Perhaps it would be wise for you to retire for the night, Jim." Spock interrupted Jim's turn at the board, and the blond looked up at him, blinking the sleep away from his eyes.

Rubbing at his eyes in a rather adorable way, Jim shook his head. "Nah, I'm okay Spock. Besides, I'm not sure if I could sleep even if I tried."

Spock tilted his head slightly, and then rose to his feet. "Come Jim, you need sleep. Humans cannot function with the amount of sleep that you have been getting these past few days."

Jim blinked in a vague sort of surprise. "You've been watching my sleep patterns?"

"I have been noticing them is a more correct statement. You have been tired, Jim, and it is beginning to worry your crew." Spock said firmly, remaining on his feet.

"My crew?" Jim raised an eyebrow, though this time he pushed himself to his feet, standing in front of Spock. He folded his arms across his chest, watching Spock as the Vulcan rested his hands in the small of his back. "Does that include you, Spock?"

Spock did not answer for a moment, and a faint smile came across Jim's features, a sort of knowing smile. The Vulcan paused a moment more, and then spoke. "I find myself... unsettled at your discomfort."

Jim's eyes softened slightly as he watched Spock say this, and then he ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes briefly as he moved to sit on his bed. "It means a lot to me to hear you say that. But I've tried to sleep, and I just can't seem to calm my mind down enough to actually drift off. I kind of doze, but it's not the same thing."

The Vulcan frowned minutely, watching Jim as he sat. "Perhaps I may be of assistance, Jim?"

"Oh really?" Jim asked, looking back up at his friend as Spock stepped forward, hesitating before sitting beside the blond. "I'm open to anything you think might help; I'm exhausted, I'd give anything to s-!"

Jim's words were cut off as warm fingertips pressed against his temple, Spock's touch gentle and yet firm. "Calm your mind, Jim." Spock murmured.

A sort of peace radiated from the Vulcan, and almost against his will Jim felt his eyelids growing heavier, his body drooping to the side towards Spock. Spock carefully moved him the other direction, laying him on the bed with an infinite sort of tenderness that Jim had never felt before.

"Sleep..." Spock murmured, his fingers moving briefly in what felt like a caress, but Jim was gone, finally sleeping, deep and dreamless.

Spock sat for a moment more, watching the easy movement of Jim's chest as it rose and fell, and then he carefully removed Jim's boots and lifted him all the way onto the bed, draping a sheet over him before leaving the room.

_Rest your mind, Jim, and sleep without dreams..._


	37. Written, Dye, Harm

Woohoo next chapters! Warnings for these three included established in the first, sorta established in the second, and pre!relationship in the third. There's really nothing else bad in these three, at least, nothing I need to warn you about. I hope you guys enjoy these three as well!

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69

Written

_expressed in writing_

Throughout his years of traveling and moving through space and over planets, James T. Kirk found that it was easier to travel light. He didn't keep much with him in the way of personal possessions, it was just simpler to not own that much. It certainly made moving easier.

His quarters were rather sparse when he was onboard the Enterprise. There were a few holos scattered around, several antique books that Jim periodically paged through, his fingers gentle and tender against the worn paper, and one thing that only Spock had seen; a worn, faded stuffed toy resting behind those books. But even with those few things and memories around his room, there was one that he made sure to keep with him no matter where he went.

It wasn't something that he got early on in life. Most of the things that were on the Enterprise were things that he had had with him since before his Academy days. This particular item didn't come into his possession until his fourth year of duty on the five year mission of deep space exploration.

To any other person, it wouldn't be particularly important, though it would be interesting. It's not something that was seen often these days, as it had mostly gone out of style once PADDs had been introduced.

It was simply an envelope.

A worn, feathered sort of envelope, the paper thick enough to be called parchment, yellowed with age. There was no writing on the outside of the paper, which was soft and gently creased from being handled with tender hands. The flap had been sliced open, though the sharp edges of the paper had long since softened beyond newness. The edges were torn slightly from being opened so often, though it was taken care of.

Inside that envelope was a single sheet of paper, made of the same parchment sort of paper, and also in much the same state as the envelope. The folds in the paper were worn from bending, and the edges were dog-eared and lightly torn. Light fingerprints brushed the paper, and there were a few drops, darker parts of the paper that showed where tears had been dropped on the yellowed paper. And the ink flowed across the page, sweeping through the words that spilled across the parchment.

Even though it seemed to be such an insignificant thing in Jim's small collection of possessions, compared to the ancient books he owned, but it was the most important thing by far.

Jim treasured this item more than anything he had ever owned, and he would never part from it.

It was a letter from Spock.

Early on in their tour in space, as well as their relationship, Spock and Jim had decided that they would leave some sort of a message for the other one in the event that they were killed in action. Jim had put his off, as he usually did, but it wasn't long before Spock sat him down and made him do it.

He had ended up recording a simple message, telling his bondmate that he needed to be strong and keep the ship going no matter what, the typical Captain to First Officer speech. The message had ended, however, with a soft, gentle declaration of how much Jim loved the Vulcan, and that he wished that he would continue on, and just remember the good time that they had together.

Although he had never known what Spock had done in return, he hadn't asked. He had wanted to know what it was, and never wanted to experience it. Unfortunately, he was forced to not long before the beginning of their fifth year in space.

Spock was presumed killed in action during a fight on a warring planet. The party had been separated during an explosion, and they had been unable to find Spock afterwards. Searching had yielded nothing, and Jim had been forced to find Spock's last farewell, sitting quietly in their shared quarters.

He had been surprised to find the yellowed envelope in the safe, completely unmarked and resting beneath the tape the Jim's was recorded on. His hands had been shaking as he lifted the paper, blue eyes wet as he went to their bed, sitting down and staring at the paper for a long moment.

Jim had read the paper, and tears had flowed freely down his cheeks, dripping onto the paper before he could move it out of the way. Sniffling, he wiped at the tears, a faint smile on his lips even as he shakily folded the parchment away and put it back into the envelope.

Remarkably Spock had been found, heavily burned and suffering from blood-loss, but after three days of searching he had been discovered in a camp nearly 23 miles from the explosion site. Jim's heart had nearly exploded from relief, and he had sequestered away the envelope, relishing in the relief that his bondmate was alive and well.

And even though he had never had serious occasion to read the paper again, he couldn't help looking at it often, remembering the grief that it had been opened to, and the relief that it had brought him subsequently. Jim knew that he would never get rid of the worn envelope, and he never had any cause to.

The simple written words had brought such relief to his aching heart, and he would keep it with him for the rest of his days.

_"Never forget Jim, you were the best thing in my life. I once thought that entering Starfleet was my truest destiny, but I was sorely mistaken._

_My one, true fate was to stand at your side, my t'hy'la, and I regret that I can no longer be with you. However, I know that you will continue, because you are stronger than anyone I have met, even myself. _

_Have faith, and we shall be together once more."_

* * *

70

Dye

_to color or stain; treat with a dye; color (cloth, hair, etc.) with a substance containing coloring matter_

At first Spock had no idea how to react to what he found that morning on the bridge.

He had not expected anything different to occur there; after all, it had been the same bridge every day that he had been on the _Enterprise _so when he walked off the turbolift for his shift, he was momentarily still as his mind struggled to catch up with what he saw.

Jim turned in his chair, flashing a blinding smile at his soon-to-be bondmate. "Hey Spock."

"... Hello Captain."

Mirth sparkled in Jim's blue eyes, and he put a hand up to run it through his messy hair, that rogue smile still on his lips. Spock's eyes followed the movement, roving over that head of short hair.

Short _black_ hair.

"What do you think?" Jim asks, tilting his head with the laughter still shining in his eyes.

Spock moved towards his station across the bridge, quietly observing the fact that the entire bridge was silent, and though they looked like they were attending to their duties, the crew was, in fact, listening intently to every word that passed between Captain and First Officer. Sighing mentally, the half-Vulcan responded to his mate, knowing that Jim would keep pestering him if he ignored the statement.

"It is an unexpected change."

Jim raised an eyebrow, swiveling his chair to follow Spock's path across the bridge. "That didn't answer my question, you know."

Spock raised his own eyebrow in return, briefly glancing towards the Captain's chair. "I am aware of that, Captain."

A lower lip was pushed out in a pout, but Spock merely raised the eyebrow a fraction higher, as though daring Jim to push it further. With a sigh the former blond let it go, although Spock could sense through their fledgling bond that Jim was not satisfied with that response, and he would ask again later.

Spock was content with that; he would prefer to discuss it in one of their rooms rather than in front of the bridge crew.

After all, it would not be proper for a Vulcan to express extreme displeasure in front of an audience.

* * *

71

Harm

_physical injury or mental damage; hurt_

It was easy to tell that Jim was angry with him.

Of course, Spock supposed that he had an unfair advantage; with his telepathy it was remarkably easy for him to sense strong emotions in enclosed spaces, even when he wasn't touching the one who was radiating them. Even so, the look on Jim's face spoke wonders to the fact that he was furious.

Although, Spock didn't much care that Jim was angry. He knew why, and because of that he felt no cause for concern. Jim was mad, but he wouldn't do much more than yell a bit and perhaps be a bit curt with him for a day or so.

Jim was angry because Spock had taken a shot meant for him.

Spock shifted where he was settled in sickbay, wincing mentally at the pull on the still tender area of his chest that had taken the hit. Doctor McCoy's expertise had healed it with no difficulty, and while the half-Vulcan had lost a lot of blood, he was in no more danger, only tired from the ordeal.

Across the room Jim was discussing something with McCoy, his eyes blazing and his body language giving off harsh anger through sharp movements and gestures. Spock watched idly, his brown eyes following the quick movements of Jim's hands and the jerky words of his body.

A moment later McCoy turned and left, walking into his office and closing the door. Jim stood and breathed steadily for a moment, as though trying to calm himself, and then turned towards Spock and stepped to the side of the bio-bed, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at the half-Vulcan. Spock stared back, calm and at ease with the situation.

"How are you feeling?" Jim finally asked, his voice restrained carefully and some of the anger in his eyes starting to smolder rather than burn.

"As always, the Doctor's methods are superb; I am fully healed and should be fit to return to duty in the morning." Spock responded, watching as Jim's eyes flickered down to the bandaged area of his chest and then back up to meet his gaze. Silence fell for a moment, and then Spock continued. "You should not be angry, Jim, there is no cause for it."

Jim scoffed. "Of course there's a cause. I didn't see that the natives were getting ready to panic and you shoved me out of the way of something that was meant for me. There's plenty of cause for anger."

Spock tilted his head slightly. "I do not see how my intercepting the blow causes you to be angry."

"I'm mad because you did that!" Jim retorted, his voice once again hard and angry. "There's no reason for you to be doing that! I would have been fine!"

"You could have been killed." Spock said sharply, cutting off any other statement that Jim might had begun. "It was logical for me to take the shot, as you would have been hit directly in the chest and most likely killed. A First Officer's job is to keep his Captain from harm..."

"Well you did a shitty job." Jim's voice was like a knife, slashing through what composure Spock held and making the half-Vulcan look up at his Captain, mildly startled. "Try harder next time."

Spock was at a loss for words for a moment, and then he managed to move forward. "You were injured, Jim?"

Jim sighed, raking a hand through his hair as the anger in him dulled and finally vanished behind a sort of weariness that Spock hadn't seen in some time from him. "No, Spock, I'm not hurt. You did good in that respect."

A tilt of the head was his answer. "I do not understand. What did you mean by I have done a 'shitty job?'"

Jim snorted at that, a smile on his face as he chuckled slightly. "Never thought I'd hear you use that sort of phrase."

"Jim, you are avoiding the question."

"Yea, I know..." Jim sighed, folding his arms over his chest again and meeting Spock's gaze with quiet, pensive eyes. The look in those blue orbs was something that Spock had never seen from him before, and it was a strange sort of emotion that the half-Vulcan had to strain to identify. Jim's gaze was soft and somehow more than friendly, though that tiredness still lingered beneath the blue.

Spock frowned faintly. "Jim..."

A waved hand stalled any further words. "Just... I know that you saved me from getting hurt physically, Spock. You're very good at that. However, seeing you hurt... that does almost as much harm as actual pain does."

Several moments passed as Spock struggled to absorb what Jim had just told him. He spoke hesitantly, watching for Jim's reaction. "Seeing me injured also does you harm?"

"Of course." Jim responded. "I care about you, Spock, and I hate seeing anyone injured on my account, especially you."

Spock paused again, and then he nodded. "Very well. I shall endeavor to avoid such a situation in the future."

Jim's weary smile returned, though there was a sparkle in his eyes once more. "Good. See that you do, Mr. Spock."

"Yes Captain."


	38. Positive, Instruction,Trailing, Straight

Sooo...

I missed a week.

I'm sorry! -bows- It was my birthday last week, and so I went home for the week and things just kinda snowballed and I didn't get any time to write. I feel really bad about it, considering the fact that I didn't tell you guys, but I know that you'll forgive me. Cause you guys are just that awesome!

I will let you know now; I'm starting up college again in two days, and so I may or may not have trouble posting every week. I shall still try my damndest to update every week, but I might miss the exact week deadline every now and then. I'll try to let you know, but things my spring up on me. Damn that real life and it's annoyingness.

Let's see, warnings for these four are that there's some naughty!Jim in the second one and the third is in the Sovik!Universe, but that's about it. Hope you guys like them!

* * *

72

Positive

_confident in opinion or assertion; fully assured_

There are many things about Jim and Spock admires, but one thing that he finds hard to believe is how endlessly positive the blond can be. No matter what the situation, Jim always tried to look for the positive part of it, the light in the darkness.

Sometimes, it was difficult. At certain times, it seemed like all their hope was lost, and that they would end up dead or imprisoned, but Jim never lost hope. He would smile that cocky grin of his and continue forward. And each time this happened, he somehow managed to wrangle them out of danger.

Spock couldn't help but marvel at this particular quality. Often whenever they were in a dangerous situation, logic stated that they had exceedingly low or no chances whatsoever. Even so, Jim didn't acknowledge the statistics, only accepted them with a smile and continued forward. And despite those odds, he always managed to reveal the silver lining.

Jim's optimistic nature was strangely catching as well. For the first few months they were a crew, no one quite knew what to do with Jim's forever positive attitude. Most of them just shook their heads and followed what their Captain said, surprised and pleased when he managed to get them through the darkness.

It wasn't long before the crew grew so meshed and loyal to their Captain and his positive attitude, they would follow him into anything, sure that they were going to get out of it no matter what.

Spock admires many things, but he one of the things that he admires the optimism that Jim radiates, no matter what.

* * *

73

Instruction

_the act or practice of instructing or teaching; education; knowledge or information imparted_

"So... Since Vulcans are so proper about stuff, what am I allowed to do in public?"

Spock blinked, looking up from the PADD resting in his hands to meet Jim's blue eyes. The blond was staring at him quietly from where he was sitting on his bed, a faint smile on his face and his fingers playing in his lap.

Jim tilted his head slightly. "Well, since we're dating now, I want to be able to let people know that you're mine. Is there anything I'm not allowed to do?"

A faint smile flickered across Spock's face. "I appreciate that you have asked, Jim."

The blond raised a hand, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Yea..."

Spock pushed himself to his feet, moving to sit beside Jim on the bed. He raised a hand, first two fingers extended in a Vulcan kiss. "This is an acceptable gesture to perform in public. You may extend it at any time and I will return it."

Jim met his fingers, a curious look on his face. "What does it mean?"

"It is how Vulcans kiss." Spock responded, his fingers moving slightly against Jim's in a gentle kiss. "There are more nerve endings in Vulcan hands than in Human; hand contact is considered intimate, and this particular gesture is reserved only for bondmates."

An eyebrow rose slowly, and Jim glanced down towards their hands. "Vulcans kiss with their hands? That's... different." His eyelids lowered and the blue of his eyes darkened slightly with desire. "So your hands are really sensitive then, aren't they?"

Spock nodded, his own eyebrow rising as he felt the burst of mischievousness in Jim's mind. "Yes."

Jim grinned widely, slipping his fingers down Spock's hand and intertwining their fingers, pulling a shiver from the half-Vulcan. He then lowered his head, pressing his full lips along the pale, tapered fingers. Spock's eyes widened slightly and his pupils dilated, lips parting in a faint gasp as he followed the motions of Jim's lips.

The smile still on his lips and his lust-darkened eyes focused on Spock's face, Jim trailed kisses along the back of Spock's hand and then up each of his thin fingers. Once he reached Spock's pointer finger he unlaced their hands and then sucked Spock's first two fingers into his mouth.

The wet heat brought a full gasp from Spock's lips and his hand contracted slightly, his other hand clenching into a fist against his leg. Soft wetness passed across his knuckles and Spock had to repress a shiver, his eyelids fluttered slightly. He waited only a moment later and then wrenched his hand from Jim's mouth only to occupy the full lips by covering them with his own.

Jim moaned faintly at the pressure, falling forward against Spock's body, fighting for only a moment before surrendering to the Vulcan's powerful kiss. They parted slowly, and Jim grinned as he passed a hand across Spock's cheek. "I'm a good student, aren't I?"

"I have always found your learning abilities to be exceptional." Spock responded, raising an eyebrow as a spark of mirth passed through his eyes.

"You'll have to instruct me some more..."

"Indeed..."

* * *

74

Trailing

_following the track, trail, or scent of; track; following along behind (another)_

The _Enterprise_ has always been an interesting place. Not only does the ship often run into strange creatures and sicknesses, making life crazy, but there are interesting people on board. Aliens of all types are just one of the interesting things about the people.

For example, it is not at all unusual to see the Captain wandering the ship's halls, two small children trailing quietly after him. Sometimes the smaller, a young girl, is beside him, one hand wrapped around the Captain's first finger and a smile on her tiny face. The older, the boy, walks quietly behind the blond, hands clasped in the small of his back in a position near identical to that of the First Officer.

It is not odd to see this with the Captain, nor is it with the First Officer. However, it is usually the boy that walks beside the half-Vulcan, talking with him as they move through the halls. They speak of lessons the boy takes, and of different anomalies that the ship has encountered, fulfilling the boy's scientific mind. The girl trails at these times, content to listen to her family talk as she looks around them.

Most of the officers pay it no mind anymore, giving the passing family smiles as well as nods of respect to their superior officers. Sometimes the children will interact with the passing officers, the young girl laughing and waving, the boy giving a nod in return to their greetings. The Chief Medical Officer often receives a hug from the girl and a smile from the boy, something that is rare indeed.

From where she stands, young Ensign Kida Selaer watches the family as they walk back from the mess hall. She hasn't been on the ship long; she arrived not long after the girl's third birthday. She knows the story of the small family, and they intrigue her greatly.

The half-Vulcan First Officer, stoic and the perfect picture of Vulcan control, is known as _sa-mekh_ to the children, a word that Selaer knows means 'father' in the Vulcan tongue. While the man is perfectly in control around his officers, she can see the subtle way that he softens around his children and his bondmate.

The Captain, all energy, happiness, and laughter, a blond bullet more often than not, is called Father by the boy and Daddy by the girl. It makes Selaer's heart warm to watch the way that her Captain seems to melt a little whenever the children turn their attention to him, as well as the love and affection that burns in those brilliant blue eyes when he speaks to the First Officer.

Then there are the children. Selaer knows that the boy is full Vulcan, adopted from the Vulcan colony because no one there wanted him. She knows that he has difficulty controlling his emotions, as sometimes they run away with him and he struggles to regain that Vulcan calm. Even so, it is obvious that he cares for his family, and he looks at the First Officer with a sort of awe and worship.

The little girl is a brilliant star in the ship. She is like her father, a giggling, shining ball of life that bounces through the halls of the _Enterprise_. She waves to everyone, letting out a brilliant hello no matter who it is that she sees. Often she gives hugs, and she always gives a smile. Her quarter-Vulcan physiology has given her slightly pointed ears and oddly shaped eyebrows, but it seems that she doesn't have as much restraint as a Vulcan would have; she has no issues with physical affection.

Selaer watches as the family walks past her, the tiny girl cradled in the Captain's arms, sleeping soundly with her arms draped around his neck. The boy walks beside the blond, his eyes turned forward and a slight smile on his lips, one that radiates love as well as a humored affection for his family. The First Officer walks at his bondmate's side, shoulders relaxed as they only did around his children and mate.

Quietly the Ensign melts into the shadows, leaving the family in peace.

Yes, the _Enterprise_ certainly had interesting people on board...

* * *

75

Straight

_in this instance, heterosexual_

"Bones..."

"Jesus Christ, Jim!"

Leonard McCoy had to keep his heart from jumping out of his throat as the voice echoed from behind him, turning sharply to look into mischievous sparkling blue eyes. Jim laughed at the look on his friend's face, and then promptly slumped into the chair beside him.

"How's it going, Bones?"Jim asked, a grin on his face.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, his eyes scanning over Jim's relaxed form as though he knew that the blond was up to something. "Just going through my daily reports. What the hell do you want, Jim?"

Jim's smile shifted lopsidedly. "What, can't I come and visit my good friend?"

"No."

The blond pressed a hand to his chest, slumping more in his chair. "Why Bones, I'm hurt! How could you think so lowly of me?"

McCoy snorted faintly before looking back to his PADD. "Because years of experience has taught me that you never just 'come and visit.' You always have an ulterior motive, no matter what might come out of your face."

Jim chuckled faintly, but didn't deny what his friend had said. He sat quietly for a few moments, and then leaned forward to look at what McCoy was doing. "So what are you doing?'

Another raised eyebrow greeted the action. "Why are you so interested? Besides, you'll get them eventually, these ones are gonna need your signature before going through."

The warm press of Jim's chest against his shoulder made him look up, and the doctor had to restrain the flinch as he found himself only inches from Jim's brilliant blue eyes. "Well what are they?"

"Jim." McCoy said firmly. "Personal space. We've talked about this."

Jim responded with a grin before leaning away, settling back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other. "Right, we have, but that doesn't mean that I have to listen to it. I like to touch, so you should put up with me."

"Why?" McCoy grumped, shifting through his PADDs.

"Cause you're the best friend." Jim responded simply, the lopsided grin still on his face as his eyes ran up and down McCoy's form.

A sigh echoed in the CMO's throat, and he rolled his eyes. "Yea, I suppose that I got myself into that one on my own, didn't I? Now come on, Jim, what do you really want?"

Jim shoved his shoulder against McCoy's. "Seriously, I did just come to see what you were doing. I was..."

At those words McCoy put down his PADD, turning to look at his friend and giving him his full attention. "Okay Jim, spill, what's going on?"

Blinking, Jim met McCoy's stare, and then rushed forward. "Spock spent the night with me last night."

"Oh come on, Jim!" McCoy forced out, rolling his eyes and flopping back into his chair. "That's what's got your panties in a twist? And you came to talk to me about it? What makes you think that I wanna hear about that?"

"I'm just a little freaked is all!" Jim replied. "I had to tell somebody, and I figured that you would listen to me cause your my best friend!" He shifted awkwardly in his seat. "I dunno, it just... It kinda scared me. I didn't think that this would go anywhere and then all the sudden he stays over for the night!"

McCoy sighed faintly. "Look Jim, if the hobgoblin didn't want to, he wouldn't have stayed there, right? You need to stop being so insecure and just go for it. Besides, when have you ever hesitated at anything?"

Jim blinked, paused for a moment, and then nodded. "Yea, you're right." He grinned, jumping to his feet before leaning over and pressing a swift kiss to McCoy's cheek. "Thanks Bones!"

"Damnit Jim, how many times do I have to tell you I'm straight! None of that stuff around me!"

Jim's laughter was the only response that he got.


	39. Shifting, End

Alright guys... I hate to do this, but I'm starting to run out of ideas, and I am starting up college again, and so I'm going to have to close this story. I might open it again some day, but for now I think it's best that I close it so you guys aren't left waiting for a long time. My mind is mostly focused on schooling and work right now, and I'm trying to learn another language at this time, so even more of my attention is called away.

A few things before we get done here; I am so grateful to you guys for all your kind words, encouragement, and critiques. It made my summer so much brighter to write this and to hear from all of you while it went on. I am sorry to end it, but it's in the interests of both myself and you guys.

I hope you enjoy these final two, and thank you, once again, for all the wonderful words you've given me in return for these chapters.

These final two are both in the Sovik!Universe, and that's really all I have for these.

* * *

76

Shifting

_to move from one place, position, direction, etc., to another_

Spock sighed slightly, opening his eyes in the dim light of the bedroom he shared with Jim. He didn't need the sleep anyway, he supposed, he could go for much longer without rest.

Turning onto his side, he looked with fondness upon the reason for his difficulty sleeping, curled up beside him in the bed.

Jim was on his side with his head resting on one bent arm. His lips were parted slightly, breath passing through in soft, breathy snores, dark lashes brushing his cheeks. He was curled towards the tiny form that rested between he and Spock, one arm protectively looped over the child's slumbering form.

Spock lifted a hand, reaching out and passing a hand over the cloud of soft burnished, dark bronze colored hair, his touch gentle and loving. A soft sound answered him, and Spock couldn't help the smile that passed across his lips. Amanda was still for the moment, but it wouldn't be long before she started moving once more.

Amanda was much like Jim, so much sometimes that it was startling. While she had the Vulcan telepathy, rather powerful telepathy, she had the emotional range of a human. Vulcans had much more powerful emotions, and as such had the necessity to control them, but Amanda didn't need that, although she did need meditation in order to control her telepathy.

She was bright and cheerful, so much of a light in their lives that Spock found it hard sometimes to remember what life was like before she had been born. He had never imagined that he would have a family, but Jim, Amanda, and Sovik... they had become the center of his universe.

The tiny girl shifted again where she lay between her parents, rolling over to face Jim before snuggling close to his chest and settling back down with a sigh. Jim snuffled faintly and tightened his arm around his daughter, heaving a huge, contented sigh and then going still. Spock shook his head slightly, mentally chuckling at his family.

Yes, Amanda was so like her father. She sometimes crawled in with the two of them if she had a nightmare, and it was nights like those where Spock would find himself getting less sleep than normal. It didn't bother him more often than not, he looked upon those moments with fondness in his thoughts. Jim was enough of a mover in his sleep, and that Spock had learned to deal with, but when Amanda was in the bed she tended to kick him, though she didn't do it on purpose. Her constant shifting was a reminder of her parentage, as well as an adorable sort of quirk that Spock found endearing.

Amanda made a noise and shifted again, rolling out of Jim's grasp and over towards Spock, her hand just touching his arm before she stopped, content for the moment. Spock reached out once more to touch her hair, and then lay back down, settling himself in for a long night of watching two of his family sleep.

There was nowhere else he would rather be.

* * *

77

End

_termination; conclusion: the concluding part_

This was their last journey together.

Jim sighed, stroking his fingers across the arm of the Captain's chair, his touch gentle and loving against the metal that was slightly warm from his body heat. The _Enterprise_ hummed around him, her engines running smoothly and bringing them towards her resting point.

A part of him felt sad about what was going to happen, but he knew in some corner of his mind that this wasn't really the end for her. She would be refitted, perhaps re-commissioned, it was certainly possible that she would go on after this moment. Her crew however, her Captain and First Officer, this was their final trip with her.

Sadness bloomed in Jim's chest, and he pushed it down. It was time for his journey to be over, he knew that. He had different responsibilities now, different things that he needed to do other than being in space. He would miss the _Enterprise_ and the things that he did aboard her terribly, but there were more important things.

There was a shift behind him, and then a slim form moved forward, and he allowed a smile to bloom across his features, one of his reasons for returning to Earth standing at his side. Spock looked down at him, corner of his lips twitching slightly in a smile before affection poured across their bond.

_You are feeling well, Jim?_

Jim smiled, nodding very slightly. _Just thinking about the fact that we have to leave her. It's... hard to imagine my life not in space, I didn't have much of one before that. _

Spock sent another brief wave of love and reassurance. _We will have a good life. I believe that we have spent more than enough time in space._

_That's for sure. 10 years of exploration, that was certainly a long and wonderful stretch. _Jim agreed, a smile on his face once more. _I'll miss it, but there are other things that have taken priority now._

The turbolift doors whooshed open a moment later and Jim turned his chair to meet the brilliant blue eyes of his 6 year old daughter, bouncing onto the bridge with a bright smile on her face and her bronzed hair flowing behind her, loose for once. She practically floated to her father's side, putting her hands on Jim's arm and smiling up at him. "Are we almost back to Earth, Daddy?"

Jim smiled down at her, brushing a hand over her burnished hair. "Yup, we're not too far now. I'll bet Uncle Sulu knows just how long..."

She took the bait instantly. "How long Uncle Sulu, how long?.!" she chirped, flashing a smile at the soon-to-be Captain.

Sulu couldn't resist the bright voice and he answered with a laugh in his words. "We're 3 minutes from dropping out of warp and you'll be able to see Earth when we do that."

"Really?.!" Amanda gasped. "I've only seen Earth twice and I don't really remember those times that well!"

Jim snorted. "Don't be silly, princess, you've got a better memory than I do." She flashed a grin at him and he laughed softly. "Where's your brother?"

She rolled her eyes, though there was still a smile on her face as she spoke and a sort of fondness in her voice. "You know him, Daddy, he's meditating. I'm sure he'll be here before too long, he wants to see too, no matter how much he doesn't admit it."

Sometimes it surprised Jim the way that Amanda spoke. For the most part she spoke and behaved completely like the 6 year old girl that she was, but at certain times the Vulcan in her would peek through, in large words and glances with eyes too old for her. She was scarily good at reading her parents and her brother as well, but that came from watching them all the time.

"Yea, I know that he wouldn't say it, but we all know how much he loves that kind of stuff. He's gonna be a scientist, just like your _sa-mekh_, I know it." Jim responded, one corner of his lips turned up slightly in a fond smile.

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yup, he sure is!" She turned slightly and tilted her head. "Here he comes!"

Once again, that scarily Vulcan part of her was revealed. Her powerful telepathy had only accelerated as she grew older; she wasn't just touch-telepathic, she could also read people from certain distances, and that ability was stronger when it came to her family, who she was bonded with anyway. She could tell if they were coming closer to her, and sometimes pick up limited emotions from a distance.

Sure enough, the turbolift doors came open a moment later and Sovik walked onto the bridge, his hands resting in the small of his back in a position that he had picked up from Spock not long after they adopted him. The 10 year old Vulcan nodded to his _sa-mekh_ as their eyes met, did the same for his father, and then he smiled for his sister, and emotion that he only showed for her in public.

The boy moved to stand beside his sister, his eyes turning towards the star-filled viewscreen just in time to see the Earth come into view as the _Enterprise_ slowed to impulse power. Although he didn't move, his eyebrows raised and awe filled his eyes, an expression that only his family could really see as the happiness that it was.

"Spacedock is communicating, they're ready to receive us, Captain." Uhura's lovely voice filled the bridge, breaking them all out of their moment of quiet.

Jim turned slightly, smiling at the beautiful Communications Officer. "Let them know we're ready to come back home." He turned back around, meeting Sulu's eyes. "Take us in, Mister Sulu."

Sulu swiveled back around, fitting his hands around the controls for what could possibly be the last time. "With pleasure, Captain."

As they moved towards Spacedock and the end of their journey, Jim glanced around to look at the people standing around him. They were the reasons for his wanting to remain on Earth from this moment on, to give his daughter a real home and his son a chance to pursue the career that he wanted.

Leaning back in his chair, Jim turned his attention to the image in front of him, warmed by the presence of his family near him.

This wasn't really an end.

It was a beginning of something _**wonderful**_.


End file.
